Earthbound

by Adam Lewinson

  I of course just looked like me. No disguise could fix this.

  We tied off our horses a few steps away from the bank. I peered in the window. “This is new. An armed guard.” Pace looked as well. A sure enough sign that the Great Plains Holding Company was starting to get a might annoyed by our actions.

  “All the better we’ve got a plan,” Pace said confidently. Then he went into the bank. Alone. Not with guns blazing. No. He went in that bank, right past that armed guard, carrying about a hundred gold coins. I know I know. When you’re robbing a bank you’re supposed to take money out, and Pace was putting money in. Yeah, well that was all part of the plan.

  I walked around the building to get a sense of the place. Looked similar to the setup we were familiar with by that point, except they had a guard with a shotgun perched on their back porch. Extra protection we were gonna have to deal with. I nodded to the armed guard as I passed by. He ignored me. Fair enough. He’d be taken care of in due course anyway. Then I waited for Pace until he emerged from the bank.

  “Go all right?” I asked.

  “Perfectly,” he replied.

  “What’s the layout?”

  “One teller. One armed guard.”

  “There’s also a guard out back we’re gonna need to be mindful of.”

  Next we calmly walked up their Main Street until we found their general store. I tipped the brim of my hat low so as to keep a low profile. We bought as much food and water as we thought our horses could carry. Some good whiskey. But you know what I forgot to buy? Salt. I forgot to buy my own effing salt.

  After we packed our purchases away in our saddlebags, we had some time. I glanced over at their local saloon, right next to the bank. I shot Pace a look. “One drink?” It was risky. That saloon was fairly well lit. But what the hell. We were armed.

  We walked inside and the saloon wasn’t too busy. I guessed it was early yet. Most of the locals were probably still on the ranch or whatever it was they did up there. And it was a big room that probably made it feel even emptier, with a whole upstairs area.

  I spied something on the wall. I gave Pace’s arm a tug. “Take a look at this.”

  We crossed over and saw something that was downright impressive. Or scary. Or both. It was a Wanted poster. On the left was a rather flattering hand-drawn portrait of Pace. Looked kinda like him, they got his face just right. On the left was me. Or somebody’s idea of me. I looked like a feral beast. At first I felt insulted, and then I decided that I kinda liked it.

  Pace read me the poster. “WANTED – for Bank Robbery across the Great Plains. Armed and Considered Dangerous. Five Thousand Gold Coin Reward. Shoot First, Ask Questions Later.”

  “I like it,” I remarked. “Except the shoot first part.”

  “Guess we’re getting famous. Or is it infamous.”

  We took a seat at the bar. While we waited for the barkeep to come over, we both looked around the saloon in search of the same thing – cute girls. Didn’t find any. Not a single one. There were a few woman there though. Now I’m using the word woman instead of girl on purpose. These weren’t no girls. They were older, some my mother’s age when she passed on. But they were all dressed up nice and all. Their boobs would kinda hang out when they leaned over, which I noticed they did pretty much all the time. Not that I’m complaining. It looked good on some of ‘em. Not all.

  Maybe the cute girls in town were still hard at work. Or maybe this settlement wasn’t as blessed as some of the others. But either way it made me feel a little better that we weren’t gonna be spending much time in Conrad.

  We bought two shots of whiskey from the barkeep who didn’t seem interested in looking at our faces. But he was a talker.

  “Where you from?” he asked.

  “We’re just in town from Augusta,” Pace replied.

  “Augusta, huh,” the barkeep replied. “Hear it’s nice up there.”

  “It’s homey,” Pace said.

  “Heard you had a might of trouble up there. Those bank robbers. Never hear of such a thing in all my years.”

  Pace feigned surprise. “I know! Bank robbers! One could only imagine!”

  “Course those bank robbers will have a different experience if they try to rob our bank,” the barkeep said. “We’re prepared round here.” The barkeep picked up his shotgun which was leaning against the bar, checked to make sure it was loaded, and placed it right back where he found it. I wondered if he knew who we were – if he was trying to scare us off – or if it was just bar talk. But that barkeep still hadn’t looked us directly in the eye. I decided he was just talking.

  “We weren’t so lucky in Augusta,” Pace said.

  “Heard all the able-bodied men had gone off looking for ‘em, were misled to come here, and they were right back home under their noses.”

  “That’s right. We were with the posse actually.” Well, Pace wasn’t lying exactly.

  “They’ll get theirs.”

  The barkeep finally gave us eye contact. He didn’t recognize us, that’s for sure. Pace sure as hell didn’t look like a bank robber in that getup. In fact, I think in that moment the barkeep just decided he liked us. He grabbed a bottle of good liquor and gave us each a shot. “On the house,” he said. Then he leaned in and spoke to us in low tones. “I hear these bank robbers’ days are numbered. The Great Plains Holding Company is seeing to that. Word has it there’s a man tracking them down. Goes by the name of Shādo Shay. He’s not from around here.”

  I have to admit, just hearing that name gave me a bit of a chill. Or maybe it was just the idea that the Great Plains Holding Company had brought in a professional, maybe since we’d done such a good job destroying their robots.

  Pace didn’t seem concerned though. Or maybe he just wanted to get more info out of the barkeep. “Any idea what this Shādo Shay looks like?”

  “I hear he’s tall,” the barkeep replied. But that’s all he had to offer.

  After he walked away to tend to other customers, I whispered to Pace. “What do you think about this Shādo Shay?”

  “I don’t know,” Pace replied, thinking on it. “If all he’s got for him is being tall, then I’m not too concerned.”

  The barkeep came back and refilled our shot glasses. “Don’t suppose you know any of the lawmen from Great Falls?”

  “Haven’t had the pleasure,” Pace responded.

  “Hmm. Okay, we’ll they got one of them here on the lookout for those bank robbers.” I kinda froze up for a second. “Figured you might know them from your posse. I don’t suspect he’ll be collecting the reward any time soon. Doesn’t seem like he’s got his mind set on it.”

  As soon as the barkeep moved on, Pace kicked me under the table. “Keep your head lowered,” he muttered.

  “How am I supposed to keep my head lowered and look around for one of the Nuggets?” I asked.

  Then I saw him. He was slouched in a chair at one of the tables with his feet up, drinking whiskey and talking to one of the uglier girls in the saloon. He seemed happy about that. Guy’s got no taste in women.

  It was Birkin. It had to be Birkin. I’d clocked him a few times in the past. He’s the type who’d think blasting me through the chest with a shotgun would be payback.

  “Think he’s scouting for us?” I asked.

  “Definitely,” Pace replied. “I’m sure Boze sent him up here to keep an eye out, since this is one of the few places we haven’t been to yet.” Fortunately Birkin’s an idiot. But he’s an idiot with a shotgun. Not a friendly combination.

  “Let’s get out of here,” I said. But before we could get up to leave, someone spoke to us.

  “You boys looking for a good time?”

  That voice came from one of the older women walking around the saloon. For me the answer to that one was an easy no. Pace seemed interested though. Whatever. He must have mommy issues.

  “You are kind to ask,” Pace responded quietly, “but we must be on our way.”

  “So soon?” the o
lder woman purred. “Sure you wouldn’t like to come upstairs first? We have some girls up there that are probably more your speed. Why don’t you boys go upstairs and see if there’s anything you like?”

  We glanced up at the second level. Not sure why I didn’t notice before, the girls up there were way prettier I have to say, and more appropriate for our age. A few of ‘em looked like they were chatting up customers, but most of ‘em weren’t doin’ nothin’. Just sittin’ there.

  “Let’s go upstairs,” Pace whispered to me. “Then we can sneak out the back.”

  It was a terrible idea. But the way Birkin was sitting I thought he might see us heading out the front door. Maybe there’d be a better way upstairs and out the back. We got up and snuck right past Birkin. Man, that woman he was talking to was ugly. When we got upstairs I started looking around for the exit, but Pace had different ideas. It took about two seconds for the girls upstairs to swarm around us.

  “We need to go,” I said.

  “Why? Birkin’s downstairs, not paying no mind to us. Doesn’t even know we’re here. What’s the hurry? Don’t you think we should have some fun before Shādo Shay tracks us down?”

  Pace chatted cordially with the girls and I followed along, not talking, drinking steadily. I really just wanted to go rob that bank.

  But yeah. Those girls were awful cute.

  One of the cutest girls we saw asked our names. A blonde, she had this just luminous smile. Pace got that look in his eye. He’d struck paydirt. “My name’s Clark Lewis. And this is my friend James. James Garfield.”

  I tipped my hat politely.

  “What’s your name, beautiful?” Pace asked.

  “Gwen.”

  “Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Gwen.” Pace took her hand to his lips and kissed it. Lame move. He’d seen it in some movie somewhere. Very old fashioned. But Gwen seemed to like it.

  Gwen spoke with a kinda lilting tone. Like some kind of a musical instrument. “You’re new in town. Rapid City?”

  “Augusta.”

  “Is that so? I figured you as more of a big city boy.” Gwen draped her arm around Pace’s. “Please do tell me all about Augusta.”

  “Buy you a drink?” Pleased, Gwen nodded. Then Pace looked at me for approval.

  “Downstairs…” I reminded Pace.

  Pace glanced over the banister. “Doesn’t look like that’s a problem.”

  “What’s wrong?” Gwen asked. “Do you have a wife downstairs or something?”

  “A wife?” Pace laughed heartily. “No ma’am. We’re not married.”

  “Just someone we’re hoping to avoid,” I explained.

  “No problem,” Gwen said. “We have a back room. We can go back and talk. Have some privacy.” Of course Gwen was talking to Pace, not me. He glanced at me, pleading for approval. I thought for a second. Figured a few things out. I motioned for Pace to step away from Gwen.

  “You know what this place is?” I asked. Pace nodded. We’d heard about these kinda places. None of ‘em existed back in Great Falls. Guess they didn’t have some kinda puritanical issue with that in Augusta. “You go in that back room with that girl, she’s gonna charge you.”

  Pace kinda smiled. “Come on Ash. You think she’s going to charge me?” He headed back to Gwen but realized something first. He circled back and muttered in my ear, “don’t pick the first one who pays attention to you – pick one you like.”

  Gwen led Pace arm in arm through a dimly lit rear door. I wasn’t sure what to do next, picking someone and paying them didn’t sit right with me at all, so I excused myself from the other girls and stood at the railing and kept my eye on Birkin. If things got bad I could handle him if I had to.

  I felt a delicate hand on my shoulder. Definitely female. I turned and saw this girl. Long dark brown hair. Big green eyes. Some kind of elevated cheekbones that made her face look refined. She was no Becca, that’s for sure, but I guess some guys would find her pretty.

  “My name is Sage. Buy me a drink, cowboy?”

  “I’ve already got one,” I replied. That cracked her up. It took me a few seconds to get it. “Oh! Buy you a drink!”

  She laughed and placed her hand on my shoulder again. “It is okay. You’re new at this aren’t you?”

  “Yeah. This is new for me. I mean I’ve had girlfriends… I mean, nothing serious. I mean, just one or two…” The more I spoke, the more Sage laughed.

  “What is your name?” she asked.

  “Garfield. James Garfield.”

  “Oh, named after the U.S. President I see!” Effing Pace, always naming me after Presidents. I needed to get a list and memorize all those guys’ names so at least I’d know.

  But there was a bright side to the whole President thing. I could tell Sage was smart. She’d done her book learnin’. And her eyes kinda lit up talking about some dead President. Just the way Becca would.

  I squinted at Sage for a second. She did look a little like Becca. But not nearly enough.

  “Have you been enjoying yourself tonight, James?”

  “I was. I mean, my best friend is so girl crazy and he’s been without for a couple a weeks so, you know.”

  “I’m surprised to hear that you have not yet been enjoying yourself. Perhaps I can alter that.”

  Sage spoke kinda funny. Her voice was kinda mannered or something. She didn’t speak like anyone I’d ever heard before.

  “Um, sure. I, uh…” Maybe it was all the liquor I was downing quickly but I was getting lost in Sage’s face. “You remind me of someone.”

  “I hear that often,” she replied with a knowing smile. “Does that please you?”

  “I dunno.”

  “You do not seem the type to like crowds. Would you like to go somewhere where we can be in private?”

  “No, sorry, if that’s how people like to do things that’s fine for them I suppose, but…”

  Before I could finish that sentence I saw movement up the stairs. Sure enough it was Birkin, walking upstairs with that uglier girl. Guess he was ready to go in the back room himself. Didn’t really have any options, so I grabbed Sage by the arm and led her quickly through the dimly lit door.

  Sage laughed playfully. Couldn’t tell whether it was genuine or not. Since everything was for hire, I’m thinking not. “James, you certainly changed your mind in a hurry!”

  The noise from the canteen died down quickly. We passed a series of private rooms, many of them seemingly occupied by grunts and groans. One of those grunts, no doubt, came from Pace. Whatever.

  “Is there another way outta here?” I asked Sage. “My friend and I need to make a hasty exit.” I turned and saw Birkin walking through the dimly lit door.

  “I’m sorry James, we do not. Just the way we came in.”

  Birkin was seconds away from seeing me. I tilted the brim of my hat as low as I could. Damn it. Didn’t have much choice. “All right, where do we go for a little privacy?”

  Sage’s delicate hand grabbed mine and I followed her through an opened curtain and shut it behind me. We were in a small booth, containing only a cot and some puzzling equipment that I had never seen before. At least Birkin wouldn’t see me, at least for the moment.

  Sage draped herself over the cot.

  “Sit down and join me, James.”

  “That isn’t my real name,” I blurted out. I wasn’t sure what else to say.

  “I am not surprised. I will call you whatever you want.”

  “Call me… Asher.” I couldn’t think of any other name.

  Sage reached out her delicate hand for me. “Okay Asher. Come sit. This is your time. Do as you like.”

  I was there, I kept telling myself. We could just talk. Why not? I took her hand and sat gingerly on the edge of the cot. None too close. She smiled and leaned back, waiting for me.

  “So…” she purred.

  I must’ve looked mighty uncomfortable, shifting my weight around on the edge of the cot. I really just wanted to get the eff outta there. T
he whole paying for it thing is just not for me.

  “Would you like to see my breasts?” she continued, slowly unbuttoning her blouse.

  “Yes!” I blurted out. “No! I mean… how much is this costing me?”

  “What is the matter, Asher? You do not seem at ease with our relationship.”

  “That sums it up,” I reply.

  “Am I not pleasing to you?”

  “No, you’re pleasing…”

  Sage relaxed and stopped unbuttoning her blouse. She leaned forward. Seemed genuinely interested for a second. “Let me guess. There’s a girl…”

  I was kinda relieved. “Yes!” I said, a little too loud. But I guess anyone hearing that outburst could easily misinterpret it in a place like that.

  Sage raised her eyebrows, waiting for more. “Describe her. Long brown hair. Penetrating eyes. Alluring lips.”

  “Uh, yeah. How did you know?”

  She just smiled. “Go on.”

  “Her name is Rebecca. I’ll never see her again so I’m okay telling you this. I think I’m in love with her.”

  Sage laughed. Not in a mocking way mind you, it was a sympathetic laugh. “Women are forever a puzzle, are they not?”

  “Oh they are.”

  “What do you love about this Rebecca?”

  “Her… her inner fire.” I don’t know where that came from. I’m never the type to talk about anyone’s “inner fire.”

  “Mmm. That is quite alluring. And how does she feel about you?”

  “Oh that’s easy. She’s so disappointed in me.”

  “I would not be so certain.” She gave me another knowing smile. “I show no offense if you imagine I am her. In fact, it will only make it more pleasurable.”

  I liked the sound of that. And my brain was telling me Sage was the closest to Becca that I’d ever get. The next best thing. I made up my mind and leaned in to kiss her. Just a kiss. What’s the harm in that?

  She stopped me abruptly. “Kissing is extra.”

  I stared at her for a long pondering moment. Right. She was a prostitute. So effing stupid.

  “Maybe you should call me James Garfield.”