Dreams Collide

by Kristina Beck

  “Again, Tina, this is your time. You need to do what’s best for you and nobody else. Experience it and figure out who you really are.” Lisa squeezes my hand, then puts the tissue box in front of me next to the flashing baby monitor making noises.

  “Thank you, Dr. Lisa Kramer.”

  “Give yourself and Gerry a couple of days to cool off. I think the silence will do you some good.”

  “Aunt Bina,” Felicia squeals as she runs into the kitchen.

  I sweep her up in my arms and kiss her chipmunk cheeks.

  “Did you just get up from a nap, you little stinker?”

  She nods.

  “When do you need to give your boss an answer?” Dad asks.

  “Tuesday,” I say as I put Felicia down. She runs off to the dogs sitting by the sliding glass door.

  We stand there in silence except for Felicia, who’s talking gibberish to the dogs like they’re her best friends.

  “If you had to give an answer right now, what would it be?” Lisa asks with her big blue eyes watering already.

  I hand a tissue to her because I know she’ll need it just as much as I will.

  Chapter 43

  Gerry

  It’s Monday afternoon, and I don’t have the energy to do anything else right now, but I have to go back into the kitchen in fifteen minutes. Lack of sleep since Tina left my apartment on Saturday has left me numb and on autopilot. Joel and some of the other staff keep asking me what’s wrong. I never tell them. I haven’t heard from Tina, and I don’t have the will to call her. The space has given me the time to think.

  No matter how much I hate to admit it, she needs to go. She has finally broken away from her family obligations. It’s time for her to think about herself. She has the chance to fulfill her dreams. An opportunity like this doesn’t come around often. I can’t take that from her. She has to say yes, even though it will break us apart. If she stayed because of me, I’d feel guilty for the rest of my life. And she’d be filled with regret. Again.

  My eyes are heavy. I set the timer on my phone to go off in ten minutes. I relax in my chair and close my eyes, but I’m interrupted by the ring of my phone. I ignore it, but what if it’s Tina? I give in after the third ring. It’s Matt. I haven’t spoken to him since the wedding.

  “Hey, Matt. When did you get back? How was your honeymoon?”

  The next minutes fly by as he tells me everything. He has no idea Tina went to Germany with me. At least I don’t think so.

  “Isn’t the bakery open today?”

  “We decided to close the bakery on Mondays. We need a break during the week. It’s the slowest day anyway.”

  “I need to talk to you as soon as possible. It’s really important.” I tell him about the cook and how I’m running the kitchen now. “I don’t have much time, but if you come around eight tonight, I’ll make sure I’m covered. Bring Kayla if you can. I need a woman’s opinion.”

  He agrees, and we say goodbye. It’s going to be another long day.

  “Enough about us. Are you going to tell us why you haven’t shaved and why you look like you haven’t slept in days?”

  I touch my head and feel around. My hair is too long, but I hadn’t noticed.

  “I thought you’d be in a good mood—Mom told me Tina went with you to Germany.” Kayla taps the tabletop. “Too much sex making you tired?” She chuckles.

  I huff. “Yeah, she did go to Germany with me,” I respond with a sullen voice.

  “Why do you sound so sad? What’s the matter?”

  I tell them about Germany and the meeting with VOX.

  Kayla clasps her hands together with enthusiasm. “That’s great. I’m so excited for you two. Watching you in front of the restaurant and at our reception proved how much you love her.”

  I finish the rest of my water. “It’s not that easy. Things changed almost immediately after we came back home,” I say as a lone chestnut falls from the tree and lands on the table.

  Kayla reaches over to pick it up.

  “What could’ve possibly happened in such a short amount of time?” Matt questions.

  “She surprised me with the news she’s been asked to relocate to Long Beach, California. She’s known since we got back from Germany but just told me a couple of days ago. And get this—she’d have to go in less than two weeks.”

  Kayla’s face drops.

  “Did she say yes?” Matt asks.

  I shrug. “I don’t know. We’ve haven’t spoken since she told me.” I pause and take a deep breath. “She knows what she wants to do, and it isn’t to stay here with me.”

  “What about the cooking show?” Kayla questions. “Doesn’t that complicate things too? You’d have to leave too.”

  I laugh nervously. “Want to know how much I love her? If I was offered the show, I’d give it up in a second if she wanted me to stay. I’d give up everything for her.”

  Kayla gives me sympathetic face.

  “Oh, and don’t worry about my show. I never heard back, and it’s been nearly two weeks. They said I’d hear something right away. My agent has tried to contact them, but there’s been no response.”

  I explain how Tina always wanted to live in California and what she’s dealt with in her past. “I’ve come to the conclusion she needs to do this for herself and by herself. She always takes care of everyone around her. This is her time to be selfish and to think only about herself.”

  “What about a long-distance relationship? A lot of people do it,” Matt suggests.

  I shake my head. “I thought about it. I love her more than anything, but I have to let her go without her worrying about me over here. No matter what she says to me, I can’t let her stay. I don’t know why I feel so strongly about this. I’m following my gut.”

  Kayla rests her chin on Matt’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Gerry. This totally sucks. I wish there was something we could do for you.”

  “Wait a second.” Matt sits up straight. “If Barbara calls you today and says you got the show, what would you do?”

  “Of course I would take it if…”

  Kayla’s eyes spring open. “Gerry…” she says while shaking her head, motioning for me to shut up. Matt’s head shoots to the left and he does a double take.

  I turn my head in the direction they’re looking and jump up instantly. “Tina. What’re you doing here?” My stomach churns, and I turn red.

  “Is this why you want me to move to California? Just in case you get your stupid show?”

  Chapter 44

  Tina

  He looks around him to see if anyone is watching us. “Tina, can we go to my office and talk? I don’t want to make a scene.”

  This reminds me of the night I found out who he was.

  I agree out of respect for myself, not for him. He tries to touch my lower back, but I shimmy out of reach.

  He closes the office door behind us. He walks behind his desk, separating us.

  I don’t give him time to speak. “You want me to leave so you can go to Germany for that show. Then you won’t feel guilty when you leave me behind.”

  He throws his hands up. “Tina, please calm down. You didn’t hear the full story. If you would listen and not jump to conclusions, I’d tell you I still haven’t gotten a call about the show, just like I told you a couple of days ago. Matt asked me what I’d do if you left and I was told I got the show. If you leave, I have nothing to keep me here. I have my restaurant, yes, but my life won’t be the same here if you aren’t in it anymore.”

  He looks like a lost puppy dog. My hard shell softens, and I walk over to him.

  “I love you.” I wrap my arms around his neck.

  He squeezes me tight and buries his head in my neck.

  Something comes over me, and I blurt out, “Come with me. We can make a life there together.”

  He stiffens and takes a step back. His jaw clenches.

  “Nein.”

  He takes my hand in his and crushes it against his heart. “This is so
mething I believe in my heart you have to do alone. You always worry about everyone else but yourself. Just like your dad and Lisa said weeks ago, it’s your time now. I’d only be in the way.”

  I squeeze his hands. “Then I’ll say no and stay here with you.”

  “Nein. Absolutely not.”

  I flinch in response to his directness.

  “Why?” I say with tears in my eyes. “You said you love me. How could you let me go so easily?”

  He lays his hands on my shoulders. “Because you know you want to go alone, but you won’t admit it. I do love you. I love you more than anything. But I’ve been lucky to do the things I’ve dreamed about. This is your chance. It came later than you thought, but it’s a sign. You need to go. You have to leave me.”

  I take a step back. “So this is it then? I leave, and we’re through?”

  He looks at the floor and doesn’t respond. Silence means everything.

  I shake my head. “Who are you? The person standing in front of me now is not the man I fell in love with. You made me believe in us and that we were the real thing. I trusted you with my life. I don’t care we’ve only been together for a little while.”

  He moves forward but stops. “No matter what I say, you don’t want to hear me. I’m pushing you away because I love you.”

  “You are so full of shit. This isn’t how love works. People who are in love try to work it out. And you’re obviously not one of them.”

  I know he loves me, but I want him to push me away so I don’t feel bad for leaving. Why am I doing this?

  I spin around to leave.

  “Tina. Don’t leave like this.”

  I look back at him and notice tears in his eyes.

  “You know what’s real now, Gerry? I’m leaving, and you’ll never see or hear from me again.” You don’t mean it.

  I walk out and don’t look back. Matt and Kayla stand several feet away from Gerry’s door.

  I keep my head down and walk right past them.

  “Tina,” Kayla calls out behind me.

  I ignore her.

  A loud crash comes from his office. My instinct is to stop, but I force myself out the door, knowing I’ve seen him for the last time. Once I cross the street, my heart shatters into a million pieces, and the dams in my eyes break free once again.

  So this is what a broken heart feels like.

  Chapter 45

  Gerry

  My phone lies in several pieces on the floor in front of the door. I spill the pens out of the glass beer mug on my desk. I’m about to whip it at a wall, when Matt and Kayla burst in. The broken pieces of the phone scrape across the floor.

  “Gerry! Stop! Are you crazy?” He grabs hold of my arm right before I let go of the mug.

  “Oh, Gerry.” Kayla closes the door. “You’re crying.”

  I touch my eyes, and I feel tears on my fingers.

  I point to the door with aggression while breathing heavier than a horse in a race. “I just let the love of my life walk out that fucking door, and I didn’t try to stop her. Instead I pushed her away. My heart aches in a way I never thought possible. She left thinking I don’t love her.” I punch the palm of my hand with my fist. “I tried to explain I had to do it for her. Now I need to convince myself I did the right thing.” I fall onto my desk chair and wipe the tears from my cheeks.

  Kayla approaches me with caution.

  I lift my hand up to stop her. “You don’t want to come near me.”

  She puts her arms around me anyway.

  “I don’t agree with what you just did, but you have the biggest heart. It proves you love her because you put her needs before yours. You’re willing to hurt so she can follow her dreams. I know this isn’t easy for you to see her walk away, because you’ve got a heart of gold and never hurt anyone.”

  “The only way she’ll leave is if she’s angry and thinks we’re through.”

  Someone knocks on the door.

  “Yeah?” I snap.

  A server pops in. He looks down at my shattered phone on the ground and raises his eyebrows. “Um. Sorry to interrupt. Gerry, they need help in the kitchen. A large group of fifteen just came in.”

  “I’ll be out in a minute.”

  He closes the office door behind him.

  I turn in my chair toward Kayla and Matt. “Sorry you both saw all this go down, but I’m glad you’re here.”

  “We need to leave so you can get back to work.” She kisses me on the cheek. “But please rethink what you just did. Ask yourself if you can live without her.”

  “I know I can’t live without her. But I have to.”

  Her shoulders slump. Matt takes her hand to pull her to the door.

  I breathe deeply to force myself to calm down. My eyes focus on the computer screen saver. It’s a picture of me and Tina in the hot-air balloon. The best moment of my life.

  Chapter 46

  Tina

  My suitcase is the size of an emergency raft. At least I’ll have something to cling to if my plane goes down. Good attitude.

  “If you’ve forgotten something, call me, and I’ll send it. Granted, you can just buy what you need in Long Beach.” Lisa babbles out of nervousness.

  Lisa, James, Felicia, Alexa, Dad, and Beth came to wish me off. Gerry and I haven’t spoken since I left his office. James tried to talk to Matt about it, but he refuses to talk. Gerry probably told him not to.

  I thought as each day passed without Gerry, things would get easier. I’ve been trying to convince myself I made the right decision, but sadly, I think I was wrong. I miss him even more. I still can’t believe we’re over before we really began. No matter how angry I am at both of us, I can’t stop thinking about all we went through in the weeks leading up to Thomas’s offering me the job. I thought Gerry was the one. But if he is, then why am I leaving? Or why isn’t he coming with me? Was I that ignorant to think we were the real thing?

  I hand over my check-in luggage to the attendant behind the counter. She hands me my boarding pass and wishes me a good flight.

  Tears threaten again because it’s now time to walk away from my family. My eyes meet Lisa’s, and hers are full too. I pull her in my arms as we blubber together.

  “Promise me you’ll come visit as soon as you can,” I beg.

  She pulls away and nods while wiping her tears with a crumpled tissue. “We have Skype and Facetime too.”

  I step over to James. I kiss him on the cheek and look directly into his eyes. “Take care of your family. My family. I’m counting on you.”

  “Love you, sis. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

  I nod and snatch Felicia from Lisa’s arms.

  “Be good for your mommy and daddy, my little pooper.”

  “Lub you, Aunt Bina.”

  I laugh and cry at the way she talks. I’ll miss her so much.

  I put her down, and Alexa pulls me into a bear hug. “I hate that you’re leaving, but I’m so damn proud of how courageous you are. Think of this as the best thing you could ever do for yourself.” She kisses my cheek and immediately wipes it off with a tissue. “Sorry. Red lipstick.”

  Dad and Beth are next. I hug them at the same time. We cry together. I’m tired of crying.

  “I love you both. Again, please come visit. It’s about time you traveled a little more.”

  I move away, but Dad captures me with his arms again. He whispers, “It’s your time, Tina. I’m so proud of you. Start over and do what makes you happy. You’ve endured so much. I’m confident everything will work out for the best.”

  I cry into his shoulder. “I hope so. I love you, Dad.” I tug Beth toward me. “I love you too, Beth.”

  I take a step back and roll my shoulders.

  “Okay, everyone. I need to leave, or I’ll make a fool of us by sobbing too loudly.”

  All I hear are sniffs and blowing of noses, including mine. I take hold of my hand luggage and blow everyone a kiss.

  “Go.” Lisa shoves me. I nod with a pensi
ve smile and turn away.

  I walk toward security with my head held high and tears streaming down my face. My mind wanders while I trudge along the security line.

  “Miss. Step forward please,” says one of the stocky security personnel. No sirens go off, so I guess I’m free to go to my gate. I glance one more time to where my family was standing. They’re gone. I turn my head to move along, but I do a double take. My heart’s in my throat. I could’ve sworn I saw Gerry’s golden eyes staring at me from behind the glass. But there’s no one there now. I step to the side and brace myself against a wall. Breathing deeply, I massage my pendant to the point I almost cut the skin on my finger.

  How am I going to do this without Gerry? I hate him so much, but I’d drop everything if he showed up here right now and begged me to stay. I search for him again, but there’s no sign of his peach fuzz. My heart shatters into a million pieces for the thousandth time. I’m surprised there’s anything left to break.

  Chapter 47

  Gerry

  It kills me to watch her walk through security. It’s real now. She’s leaving. But I see the sadness and unease in her eyes. My heart ached when I watched her say goodbye to her family. She constantly played with her necklace. I miss her quirks already.

  Not just her quirks—I will forever miss everything about her.

  Matt found out what her flight information was and which airport she was leaving from. I had to see her one more time before she left. Every minute of every day has been spent forcing myself to stop thinking about her, but my heart wins every time.

  She’s through security now and packs her items in her bag. As she moves away, she glances in my direction. Our eyes connect for a millisecond, but I duck out of sight. I don’t want her to see me.

  I had to have a last glimpse of her before she creates a new life for herself. The one without me in it. Do I have the strength to do the same?

  No.

  I’m covered in food and grease and smell like it too, but I plunge backward onto my bed anyway. I’ll wash my sheets tomorrow…when I find time. I’ve been working fifteen-hour days for the last three weeks with a day off here and there. All I do is work. Matt asks me to go out sometimes, but I usually tell him I have to work. I thought it would help me forget her.