Moon Shadows

by Neena Jaydon

  "You really need to learn how to cook," Max said. "You're too easily impressed by normal food."

  "Where did you learn?" Theo mumbled around a mouthful.

  "Watching Mom, checking out recipes." Max shrugged. "It's not rocket science." He frowned sidelong at Theo. "You not shave today?"

  "Eh?" Theo self-consciously rubbed his jaw. Anastasia gave Max a look.

  "He's got black hair. His whiskers are bound to show."

  "Actually, I did forget," Theo mumbled, blushing.

  "He's not actually a hairy guy," Max said. "Not like you'd expect him to be."

  "I'm not the W-Wolfman. My two bodies are different." Theo's face went hot.

  "Two bodies?" Anastasia frowned up at the ceiling. "Is that how it works? So do you feel that other body around right now? Like a spirit, hovering nearby?"

  "No." Theo was taken aback by the idea. "It's... I don't know where it is. It's where I am. I can just—switch. Why?"

  "I don't know. I'm just trying to put my finger on something. Why they're scared of you... Why you can track them down when they don't really exist physically."

  "Ana, it's dinnertime," Max said. "Theorize some other time. Maybe not right in front of the person you're theorizing about."

  Theo stuffed his mouth with olives and feta, seeking comfort from the familiar flavors.

  "So you hear from Lawrence lately?" Max distracted Anastasia by bringing up her boyfriend. Theo didn't know much about him, especially considering he seemed to be traveling around the world at the moment. He was curious about what kind of a boyfriend Anastasia might have. She launched into a detailed description of the work he was doing with NGOs in Cambodia, which wasn't a particularly personal way to talk about him. Theo was grateful to be left to listen, eat, and wonder.

  Once dinner was over, Anastasia went outside to feed and water animals. Theo rose to help Max clear the table and was cut off by a sharp gesture.

  "No, I can take care of it."

  "I c-can help."

  "I think I can manage to load the dishwasher by myself, Theo. Believe it or not, I can usually take care of my family and my own place."

  Theo sank back down into his seat. "Max..."

  "I know. I know how shitty that was to say." Max leaned one hand on the counter and threw the dishcloth over his shoulder. "My only excuse is that I'm not used to it—this. Somebody else running to the rescue when my little sisters need it. You can do things I can't."

  "Well—" Theo scratched at his neck. "Everybody can do things other people can't, y'know?" Max is seriously jealous of me? That made Theo feel rather guiltily pleased, and he was emboldened to continue. "You can do stuff I can't."

  "Like what?"

  "Like cook, deal with dogs... Talk to people." He got up and went to stand next to Max, who still had a wary expression on his face. Theo smiled and kissed his temple. "I'll protect you from the shadow spirits, and you protect me from everything else. Okay?"

  "Maybe not everything." Max's lips twitched.

  "Maybe not." Theo didn't feel sure Max's irritability had really faded. "I'd better go get some work done. Thanks for dinner."

  "Hey." Max caught him before he could move away. He put a hand on Theo's cheek and ran his fingertips along the budding stubble there; then he dipped in to kiss Theo, putting the taste of chicken and mushrooms into his mouth. "You don't have to thank me for everything. I asked you to come here. The least I can do is feed you."

  "Uh-huh. You taste good." Theo, a little lightheaded, spoke freely. Max laughed out loud.

  "I can't feed you that way, unfortunately."

  "Yeah." Theo grinned hesitantly. Humour made Max seem more himself.

  "Now get back to work." Max swatted him on the backside, and Theo dragged himself away.

  *~*~*

  Theo managed to squeeze out enough work to fill in the evening hours. He went to the kitchen for a glass of juice, drank it feeling a little odd in the now-quiet main floor, and then went back upstairs. Max, smelling of steam and soap and dressed in pajamas, came out of the bathroom just as he got to the top of the stairs. Theo gave him a tight smile, awkwardly not sure what to say. He wanted to get closer, but Max gave him no sign of interest.

  "Off to bed?" Max asked, opening the door to his bedroom.

  "Yeah."

  "Want me to wake you up in the morning?"

  "Uh, maybe not. I'll probably want to sleep in."

  "Okay. Let me know if you need anything. Good night." Max gave him a half-hearted salute and went through the door.

  "Night." Theo turned to go into the master bedroom. He paused, startled, when Max abruptly reappeared, housecoat slung over his shoulder.

  "Screw this. Come on."

  Theo grinned a little uncertainly as Max followed him in. They climbed into the bed together, Max with a firm bounce, and met in a chaste kiss. Max sighed and sagged, patting Theo's shoulder. "I'm not kinky enough to do anything in Mom and Dad's bed."

  "It's okay," Theo said. He eased himself down onto his back, shifting to accommodate Max, who slid in close to press against his side. Max rested his head on Theo's chest, slipping an arm around his waist.

  "You've gotten me into snuggling, Theo."

  "Nothing wrong with that, is there?" Theo gazed up at the ceiling. Max's blow-dried hair felt dry, almost crisp against his skin.

  "Mm. I used to like to keep things casual." Max's heat and weight seemed to soften against him. Theo put his hand over Max's. "I wonder when I decided that wasn't what I wanted?"

  "What?"

  "Never mind." Max kissed his shoulder and slipped away. "Lots of stuff to do in the morning. Get some sleep."

  *~*~*

  Max put away a training client and decided that was it for the morning. He did a quick check through both kennels to make sure the water dishes were all full before returning to the house. Once inside, he frowned at the sounds of music and Anastasia's raised voice.

  "No, no, no! Ah, let me at least—Theo!"

  Theo's voice joined in, laughing freely. Max moved toward the living room, bemused by that rare sound. He smiled dubiously at the sight before him: Anastasia kneeling on the couch, leaning over the arm as she flailed with a video game controller; Theo sitting on the stool, moving with considerably more finesse. Cartoon creatures fought with swords on the TV screen.

  "Ah, man," Anastasia complained as music announced the demise of her character. She slumped back and shook her head. "I thought you were going to go easy on me."

  Theo turned his head and gave Anastasia a sly smile. It, like the easy laugh, was rare enough to take Max aback.

  "I was," Theo said. Then he turned further to smile a welcome at Max.

  "What are you guys doing?" Max asked. He raised an eyebrow at Anastasia. "I thought you were going to work the show dogs while Mom's gone."

  "I will. We're breaking for lunch." Anastasia pointed to a pair of plates, hers holding a half-eaten sandwich.

  "Oh, sure. Don't make me one." Max leaned on the doorframe, his irritation eased by the pink rim of Theo's ear visible amongst his thick hair.

  "Sorry." Despite the blush, Theo looked Max in the eye. "I didn't want to poison you."

  "Anybody can make a sandwich, Theo." Max rolled his eyes. Anastasia resumed eating her sandwich, obviously watching them both.

  "Fine. Don't, y'know, complain." Theo quickly rose and disappeared into the kitchen.

  "Is he seriously going to make me a sandwich?" Max blinked a few times, then grinned. Anastasia munched with overdone innocence as he sat down beside her. She swallowed and wiped a crumb off her chin.

  "Nice having him around, isn't it?" She gave an exaggerated wink.

  "Never mind that, you." He pushed at her knee.

  Theo came back in with a sandwich for Max. It was clumsily cut on a rough diagonal. Max took half and lifted the top slice of bread. He tried not to laugh at the messy tangle of lettuce and ham.

  "I said don't complain." Theo resumed his place on the couch.
"Another round?"

  "Yeah," Anastasia said. "I haven't taken enough abuse yet." She wiped her fingers on her skirt and picked up the controller. Max sat eating a sandwich that, despite its slabs of cheese and chunk of lettuce, went down easily. He'd slept well last night with Theo next to him. He watched his sister and his boyfriend laugh over a silly game and felt strangely content. The noon sunlight warmed the room both in temperature and in light quality. It made it feel like there were no shadows anywhere.

  *~*~*

  The house was quiet, so Anastasia took advantage of the solitude. She went down into the basement. The creaking stairs, the rich herbal scents, and slightly damp air should have given her the creeps, but she'd rarely been frightened here. As she lit the candles that formed a circle on the floor, the light became friendly and familiar.

  The cement walls, cracked and stained, were old friends. Bare old friends, faintly etched here and there with the symbols Mom had added years ago. Those symbols allowed access to the house in a limited way for spirits, which meant that someone within the circle could also search outside. Even with the protections, the spirit world wasn't entirely kept out of the house; individual spirits couldn't come in, but the other worlds remained where they were, on the other side of the air.

  The house really was quiet. Normally, when she didn't have work, she would at least hear Mom rattling around upstairs, and once the twins got home quiet was banished. That might have been what sent her down here.

  It wasn't just quiet in the house. There hadn't been any signs of shadow spirit activity, either here or on the news. Anastasia sat down in the middle of the circle on the worn cushion meant for that purpose. She sat cross-legged and closed her eyes to let her senses relax.

  At times, the spirit world was just a dark film and silence beyond it. Now it was like a waiting audience, murmuring with voices she couldn't quite make out. She didn't try to call out to anyone. That didn't always work well. Spirits liked to talk, but on their own terms. Even the ones who had once been people didn't always remember what it had been like to be human. It was better to eavesdrop.

  She forced herself to be patient, hoping something would come clear. It came only in snatches, some of it hardly verbal. Spirits were nervous, staying away, but not so far they lost their connection to the world. Something had them shaken. Yet none came close enough to become distinct or open to her. It wasn't urgent panic she was sensing.

  Anastasia opened her eyes and rubbed at the back of her neck. Four days had passed since the shadow spirits had attacked her sisters right down the road from the house. She wished she could find that reassuring. She blew out the candles and made her way back upstairs.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  It was more convenient when he was staying with us.

  Max snorted in amusement. He was in good spirits as he made his way to Theo's. Understandably, when Dad had come home unexpectedly for an overnight stay, Theo had taken the opportunity to spend some time in his own house. Now that Dad had left to see Mom and the girls. Maybe I can talk him into a quickie before I drag him back to the farm.

  Theo was washing dishes when Max hurried into the kitchen. He turned his head, so the peck Theo aimed for his cheek hit his grinning mouth instead.

  "Hey, you."

  "You're in a good mood." Theo smiled quizzically.

  "Take your shirt off."

  "What?" Theo laughed.

  "Come on, come on." Max started pushing at the hem of his T-shirt until Theo dried his hands and stripped it off. From one of the plastic bags Max pulled out a white dress shirt with thin, blue stripes; this he threw around Theo's shoulders. Still looking puzzled, Theo slipped his arms into the sleeves, chuckling as Max buttoned it up.

  "This seems backwards."

  "Mm," Max agreed.

  "What's going on?"

  "You'll see." From the other bag, Max pulled a dark grey cashmere sweater. "I saw this on sale and figured you just had to have it."

  "It's, uh, really nice," Theo said. "But why?"

  "I don't know, because you're my boyfriend and I saw something I thought would really suit you. Is that weird? And that blue one you had on the other day is looking its age. Try it on." Max didn't let his enthusiasm be dimmed by Theo's unwavering uncertainty.

  Theo put the sweater on, and Max helpfully pulled the shirt's collar out from under the V-neck. Then he ran both hands through Theo's hair, arranging it so it sat properly in its new cut, sides shortened and top waving gently down over his forehead. Leaning back to take a look, Max nodded in satisfaction. As expected, Theo's eyes turned the same colour as the sweater, and the olive tones in his skin sprang to life.

  "Yup, I got that right. You look really good in that."

  "Really?" Theo frowned.

  "The sweater's comfortable, isn't it?"

  "Yeah." Theo bit his lip.

  "I want you to come with me to a party next week, wearing that."

  "Party?"

  "Yeah, just a thing with some guys I know. Lunch with Paul and the guys wasn't so bad, was it?" Shamelessly Max threw a plaintive note into his voice. I'm going to get you over this hermit thing you've got going on, Theo. The world's got a lot to offer a guy like you, and you're missing out.

  "Uh... Sure."

  "Great. We'll have you BS-ing with the local business community in no time." Max smoothed down the sweater with both hands. Its softness contrasted delightfully with the hard torso beneath it.

  "Why would I…want to do that?"

  "Huh?" Max was genuinely taken aback. "Theo, you're basically an independent businessman. It only makes sense to network."

  "Those kinds of, uh, business guys can't really help me."

  "You don't know that," Max said in exasperation. "You never know where the next client or person who'll pull your ass out of the fire is going to come from."

  "I do. Game companies that aren't here, and my friends," Theo said.

  Max took a moment to phrase his response to that. "This is just a different kind of making friends—a practical type of friend. You don't have to marry them, just get them to like you enough to remember you when you could help them out."

  "Why does it, y'know, matter to you?" Theo's expression was growing stony.

  "Theo, I'm just giving you advice. What's gotten into you?" Max fought down irritation.

  "Like the hairdresser, and how my clothes fit, and..."

  "Well, yeah."

  "Max, stop trying to change me," Theo said, without hesitation or any hint of a stammer. Max's hands grew cold as his face went hot.

  "What's that supposed to mean? Since when is just wanting to see your boyfriend dress in more flattering clothes changing him?" He heard his voice jump in volume and quickly shut his mouth.

  "That's just the symbol of it." Theo rubbed at his forehead, sending his hair pinwheeling away from his fingers. "I know that you're dating down, but..."

  "How am I dating down?" Max couldn't help the edge in his voice, sharpened by guilt.

  "The stuff you think is stupid—the games, the costumes, the figures, the, uh, black t-shirts." Theo looked up, his expression troubled but unafraid. "That stuff is me. It's who I am."

  "What you do for fun and who you are, they're different things."

  "Not to me. They're really important to me."

  "Come on, Theo, you've got more going on than that."

  "No, I don't." He shook his head. "And I don't want to. That's the stuff I choose, and it makes me happy."

  "Seriously, what are you talking about?" Max tried to rein in his voice.

  "It—" Theo clutched at his own shirt with both hands. "It's awesome that you... That my body turns you on. That makes me really happy, because I could, could never have dreamed I'd get a guy like you. But my body isn't me."

  "Theo, I'm not only into you for your body." More anger slipped loose. "I'm not spending all this time with you just to get into your pants. I like being with you."

  Theo closed his eyes for a moment, swallowin
g hard in a way that looked painful, and went on as if Max hadn't spoken.

  "And the fact that you accept my heritage, all of it, that's… But every time we're together, it's the little things. I can feel you trying to change what I do. My heritage, you know, either one, or my sexuality, I didn't choose them. You can't change them, and you wouldn't. But the rest of me..." He shook his head, and when he spoke again his words were throaty. "I'm weak, I know I am. It'd be so easy to let you do it. You could swallow me whole."

  "Whoa. Hang on here." Max felt his fingertips trembling. He lost interest in holding back. "I know you like to play the victim, but you've got to stop deluding yourself." He didn't realize he'd made a fist until he thumped the table with it. "Everything in this relationship is on your terms. Anything you don't like, you start playing weak whether you could handle it or not, and me and everybody else around you feels bad. Adjusts. Takes care of you." The disorientation of true anger was always sweet, irresistibly so. Max dragged in one deep, rough breath. Theo's face had stiffened, and he watched Max with narrowed eyes. "The one with all the choices and all the options is you. You've got no family in your back pocket to worry about, barely any responsibility, nothing but supportive friends." The hairs on the nape of his neck rose; he clamped them down with a forceful hand as tingles shot across his shoulders and arms. "You're selfish, Theo. You don't try to understand anybody but yourself, but you won't even take responsibility for that—won't even tell people what you want or don't want, because it's easier to get mad at them when they don't deliver than be honest! You are the one who could say no at any time, and you choose not to say it!"

  Finally, the words stopped shooting from his mouth like silk from a cannon. The prickling of his skin grew louder. His strong emotions were attracting the wrong kind of attention.

  And being who I am, I'm not even allowed to get mad.

  Theo was staring at him, arms crossed protectively over his stomach. His saddened eyes were steady as he cleared his throat. "Then I'm saying no now."

  Max's head jerked up, and he glared into Theo's face. His back teeth ground together.

  "I think we both need some time to figure things out." Theo spoke gently, as if he was trying to be kind.