Shards Book One

by Peter W Prellwitz

  "I very much doubt I'll ever marry, Doctor. It just wouldn't be right."

  He shrugged.? I can certainly understand your point of view, if not fully appreciate it. Still, time might change your mind. It would also make things easier for all concerned. Marriage is very highly regarded in our society, and your marriage to a young man of actual citizenship would also cement your own status.

  But I'm most definitely not going to council marriage for status.

  "In any event, during this entire process, we'll be carefully introducing facts about you into the main data pools. Not actual proof, mind you. That can be too easily detected. We'll put in threads; indicators that you are an actual citizen. Then, in a year or so, there will be an accident at one of the data pools and the lost information will need to be rebuilt by the government. It will find these indicators and 'rebuild' your birth, school and medical records, and suddenly, you'll have a firm identity."

  I whistled.? It's my turn to be impressed. Very slick. You've made me feel a lot better, Doctor. Thank you. Looks like I'll have to sacrifice my name, though."

  "Sorry, but yes, that's so. Abigail you keep. I'm afraid the Wyeth name will fade back into the oblivion we pulled it from."

  I laughed.? You're waxing philosophic, Doctor. Oh well. It was a good name, and I shall miss it. But I've done without it for some wee bit already. I can't carry on the family name any longer anyway. So in the meantime, I stay here and do what? Laundry for four months?"

  "Well, yes, at first. We'll get you out of that if we can find another, more skilled position, that you're qualified for. I rather expect we will, despite the significant gap. But we will find work for you to do."

  "Suits me fine! I'm not going to keep my girlish figure if I just sit around and eat three meals a day. So it's the salt mines for me."

  "That and training and orientation into your new world. When you are woven into our society's fabric, you'd be better off blending in smoothly. That's Susan's job for the next twelve to sixteen weeks."

  "Somebody talking about me?? Susie walked up to our table, breakfast in hand. I turned and smiled at her. Dr. Barrett rose. I found it pleasantly surprising that the custom had returned. I nearly stood as well, then caught myself. It was men who did it for women.

  "Yes, we were, Corporal. I was just about to tell Abigail how the next few months with you were going to be boring and painfully full of exercise."

  "Now Doctor, that's not fair. I thought the medical profession approved of exercise."

  "The medical profession approves of moderate exercise. Not aerobics and combat training that lead to dislocated shoulders, yours or the poor sap you're training."

  "Just wait until your next session, Doc.? She laughed and sat next to me.? I see you've had your breakfast, Abigail. I also saw your things outside our door, so I suppose you've already cleaned up.

  You've been busy."

  "Yes. I wanted to let you sleep. You looked exhausted. So I took care of myself for a change. I hope you don't mind."

  "Not at all. About time you started carrying your own weight. I'll still help out, though.? She munched on a roll.? So any problems?"

  "Quite the opposite. I had a wonderful time with the A Company ladies."

  She laughed again.? Which one was it? The A Company or the ladies?"

  "They were very nice. Especially Sarah."

  She looked at me, amazed.? Sarah Grominski was nice to you? I shouldn't be too surprised. Everyone seems to be. Score one for you, Abigail. You make it with Sarah, you make it with A company. Even the guys follow her lead."

  "I'm surprised she's only a private, then."

  "She's a private this week. By next week, she'll probably be a corporal. Again. Rank is important here, but the person in the uniform is more important."

  "That's been my experience also. In my Company A of ancient times, rank was very relative. I told Sanchez-"

  "Lieutenant Sanchez,? Susie corrected.

  "Sorry. I told Lieutenant Sanchez that I was a corporal. That wasn't the truth. I didn't want to embarrass him, but I actually held a commission."

  "Of major. Yes, we know that. You did seem to have a gift for advancement. From enlisted to major in four years is a rare accomplishment. Even for battlefield commissions."

  I stared at Susie carefully, who looked right back at me.? Abigail, it was a long, long session we had.

  Never forget that we know you now. It's important for you to know we know."

  I nodded slowly, then got up to get some hot chocolate and compose my thoughts and myself. My life, then, had been laid open. It didn't seem possible, but there it was. I wondered if my military and NATech training against probing had proven of any value whatsoever. Probably not. I did take some consolation, however, despite the… despite… the… I clutched my stomach momentarily, working the knot loose. I did take some consolation. These were good people. Circumstances dictated that they also be hard, but they were above all good. And if I was still alive, I had their approval, conditional or otherwise.

  I returned to the table, smiling. Seating myself next to Susie again, I pursued our conversation.

  "So what else did you find out about me?"

  "Er… if you'll excuse me, ladies? I have some routine checkups to conduct in about twenty minutes.? He stood with his tray.? If you need any more help, Abigail, medical or otherwise, please stop by.? With that he left. I watched him as he dropped off his tray, mounted the ramp, and disappeared down the corridor.

  "Not too smart, Abigail."

  "Huh?? I turned back to Susie.? How do you mean? Wasn't he involved with…"

  "No, he wasn't,? she interrupted, probably to prevent a flashback.? Doctor Barrett vehemently disapproves of the IHAD. He hasn't attended or administered one for years."

  "Oh. I should apologize. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings."

  "Didn't mean to-? She stared at me.? You can be a ditz! He was much more concerned about your feelings than his. Results from IHADs aren't plastered all over the walls, or broadcast on the netly news.

  WE ARE CURRENTLY RUNNING OVER 4,513 BROADCASTS IN 384 LANGUAGES FROM 6 DIFFERENT PLANETS AND SPACE STATIONS. PLEASE STATE YOUR PREFERENCE. SEARCHING… YES, CITIZEN, I AM HAPPY TO OFFER YOU 17 CURRENTLY RUNNING FINANCIAL STATUS REPORTS IN JAPANESE… YES, CITIZEN, I AM HAPPY TO OFFER YOU 145 CURRENTLY RUNNING JOHN WAYNE MOVIES IN 93 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES… YES, CITIZEN, I AM HAPPY TO OFFER YOU 61 CURRENTLY RUNNING LAUNCHING SCHEDULES IN ENGLISH, 46 INTERSTELLAR LAUNCH SCHEDULES AND 15 LOCAL… YES, CITIZEN, I AM HAPPY TO OFFER YOU 3 CURRENTLY RUNNING PROGRAMS INVOLVING 12TH CENTURY RELIGIOUS DEBATES, ONE ON HINDUISM AND TWO ON CHRISTIANITY… YES, CITIZEN, I AM

  …Abigail? Hey! Abigail! Snap out of it!"

  "Huh? Snap out of what?? Susie had me by the arms and was shaking me gently.? What's wrong? I'm fine."

  "You blanked out on me for a few seconds."

  "Sorry. That I… H… I… interrogation has left a pretty uncomfortable mark."

  She sighed.? I know. I can't tell you how desperately sorry we are. And I'm sorry I was shaking you.

  All Cues go through this for several days. Never this profound, though. Again, our fault. We kept you under way too long."

  "Doctor Barrett had mentioned it was some sixty hours."

  "Closer to forty-eight. But there was an additional twelve hours recovery time."

  "He also mentioned the effects would wear off."

  "And they will, too. I fear, however, they may be a little slower with you. Maybe we should stop by and see Doctor Barrett. Let him check you out."

  "Uh, if it's just the same with you, Susie, I'd rather not. I've been jumping in and out of my clothes so much in the last few days, I'm thinking I should start charging people.? I laughed and polished off my cup of cocoa and pulled her to her feet.? C'mon! Let's hit the gym! I'm aching to get a workout!"

  She seemed very happy with that, and we left the mess and headed back to our quarters to put on some sweats.

  ****

&n
bsp; The gym, at the far end of the complex, was well outfitted and well used. Either because of Susie's reputation or my presence, we were able to get a section of mat fairly quickly. We started out with our stretching.

  I was positively stunned at my flexibility! I stretched and bent in ways that I'd never even considered before. Even something as simple as the splits, standard exercise in any girl's workout, seemed incredible to me as I reached all the way to the floor. I stretched on the mat, legs pointing away from each other, face and hair on the floor, and thrilled at the feeling. Susie was just as excited.

  "Good! That's wonderful, Abigail! You're in nice shape. Now let's try a little of this.? She brought one of my feet around and showed me how to place it flat along the back of my head. I felt as loose as cooked spaghetti. We continued for about ten minutes, then she helped me to my feet. I was flushed.

  "Oh! That feels so good, Susie!? I was breathing hard, more from the delight of being so alive than the exertion.? What next?"

  "Let's check your balance and coordination on the bars."

  We walked over to a set of parallel bars, which were being used by a trio of women, who immediately surrendered them. I thanked them, and they hung around to watch.

  I faced the higher bar and reached up. It was close to a meter beyond my outstretched fingertips. I jumped up and nearly touched it. I landed, trying to adjust for my different body weight and balance, and made a terrible botch of it. Susie put her hand down a boosted my to my feet. I smiled shyly.

  "I suppose I have to think about how to land a little more."

  "Wrong, Abigail. You've got to think less. Just let yourself be what you are."

  "But my mind is still grappling with all the height differences!? I protested.? And things are heavier…"

  "Yes. That's true. But remember the night you almost escaped? Didn't you say you looked in the mirror?

  ? I nodded.? And why didn't you realize then that you were a girl? Or even when you first woke up and looked at yourself?"

  "I… I don't really know. It didn't seem necessary. It was like…"

  "It was like you already knew, down inside, what you were. And that's exactly what it is. I'm sure it's no surprise to you that our minds work at many levels. Some we have control over. Others, we can exert control if we wish, but don't need to."

  "Sure. Voluntary and involuntary responses. Walking is voluntary, breathing is involuntary."

  "Yes. But there are many other layers to each of those two generalities, Abigail. It's our life to understand the mind as thoroughly as we can, to better bring back ripes.

  "One of those layers is physical self-perception. When we transferred your mind into your body, we didn't move the brain. It's been dust for centuries. You've been thinking of your brain as part of your mind, which is wrong. You've got to think of your brain as part of your body, which it is. With physical self-perception, it is mainly how your brain and body perceive each other. Your mind is reactionary.

  That's why you didn't realize your femininity at the outset: Your brain and body had always been female, and your mind simply followed your brain's lead."

  "Then it would be the same with physical activity. Just accept what the rest of me has always known. I get it!"

  Susie smiled.? It's not so much a matter of 'getting it' as just letting it. Now, let's try again. You jump for it, and if you miss, just land the way you'd expect to land."

  I tried again and again I couldn't quite make it. But when I fell, I just got ready to land on my feet, and I did. Susie clapped and stepped up, this time lifting me effortlessly to the bar.

  I'm no gymnast, so I didn't steal the show. A couple of pull ups, a few pull overs and some swinging was my entire routine. I dropped back down, a little tired but happy. The others applauded. I threw my arms back and gave a little bow.

  Susie was happy, too.? Not bad for a first time!? She began rubbing my arms and shoulders.? How do you feel?"

  "Great! A little achy, I suppose, but not much. What next?"

  She laughed.? You do want to try a little of everything. All right, how about a little martial arts. You sounded like you were quite good."

  I looked down, suddenly less than happy.? That was a long time ago. I don't mean six hundred years, either. I was a very different kind of person in the military, and not someone you'd really want to know."

  "I already know what kind of person you were. You sounded like you were a dog. Lieutenant Sanchez did have you pegged right.? She shook her head in mock amazement.? Even Raul can be right on occasion."

  "Susan, he was only partially right.? She looked sharply at my use of her formal name and the insistence in my voice.? And that IHAD!… IHAD probably wouldn't have revealed all that much more."

  "Don't underestimate our procedures. Come, let's have a tussle. I'll warn you, though, I'm rough.? She assumed standard attack posture.

  Space magically cleared for us, and we drew a crowd simultaneously. I backed up, holding my hands out.

  "NO! Susie! Don't! I don't want to do this!"

  She approached silently. I backed up further.

  "Susie, I'm serious! This isn't like the showers a few days ago!"

  "This is exactly like the showers. It's part of the healing. Part of the way you become you. Come on, Abigail! Defend yourself!? She made a quick kick, which I sidestepped. She tried several more times, and I dodged them, avoiding physical contact. I was scared. For her.

  "Susie! NO!"

  "Defend yourself!? she yelled a third time. And then I was flat on my back, head ringing. She had used a double attack with a single feint and had landed a foot on my neck.

  I stared up from the floor at Susie. She had taken an aggressive position I recognized immediately. Her smile was gone, replaced with grim determination. There was no humor in her eyes. I felt a twinge of fear.

  Again, fear for her.

  Shakily, I got to my feet and brushed myself.? Uh, if you don't mind, let me start off a little less…

  oooofff!? Her arm slipped around my gut, doubling me. She brought a fast moving foot through mine and down I went.

  Without thinking, I rolled clear but remained on my hands and knees, crouching. Others had gathered around watching. I felt a touch on my shoulder and looked up into the eyes of a young man, sweaty from his workout.

  "Listen. When Lendler's like that, you better take it seriously. She hurts people."

  "Uh, thanks, uhhh…"

  "Billy. Private Billy Henderson."

  "Thanks, Billy. I'm Abigail."

  "Hi, Abigail. No kidding, though. You're in for it. Don't try to talk yourself out of it. Just try to live through it."

  "But I'm not sure…"

  "Move!"

  I rolled clear of her slashing kick, but couldn't quite dodge her chopping right hand. I felt a burning sensation on my cheek as I again rolled clear. I felt the old flavor wake up in me and knew I had to stop it quick.

  "Look, Susie! Not yet! I don't know if I can control… Aaahh!? She closed quickly, unbelievably quickly. I spotted her technique this time, and blocked her side chop while skipping over her swaying leg.

  I meant to bring my weight to bear on her anchor leg, but her side chop crushed my feeble strength and floored me. I landed hard. I let out a cry and then another as her foot caught me in the upper chest, giving me my first experience at female anatomy pain. Not as bad as male anatomy pain, but not pleasant, either. I landed back near Billy. I tried to rise, but he held me down.

  "Just stay down, Abigail! Lendler's a little softer if you stay down. Believe me, I know."

  "Thanks, Billy. But that's not how the game is played.? It was rising in me, and while part of me wanted to push it away, the rest welcomed it.? How old are you?"

  "I'll be nineteen in May."

  "Eighteen, huh? Still school age. All right, let me conduct today's class.? I raised my voice a little,? Get ready to intervene at a moment's notice, okay?? They nodded, probably thinking they'd have to intervene to stop me fr
om bleeding to death. Me, I had different plans.

  I stood up. I was helpless now to the beast and let it rouse itself. The beast was why I fought in Recon so long ago. Almost an alter ego, when it woke up, I stopped being John, now Abigail, Wyeth. My men had seen it many times, because I had to call on it frequently during the desert and mountain campaigns of the Kilimanjaro offensive of the Twenty-first Century war. It was a remoteness that took me. Everything else was a situation to be dealt with as quickly and brutally as possible. I didn't fight to win, I fought to survive. I hoped, I prayed, I wouldn't hurt Susie badly. But I knew I'd try to kill her.

  It growled at me, demanding the situation. I coolly told it my assets and limitations. I glanced at my enemy and located her strengths and weakness. The beast selected my best attack for disabling prior to killing. I slapped my hands together, then went down to a crouch, my hands evenly splitting my body weight with my legs.

  Susie came at me again. Her slicing left foot was aimed at my head, but I could tell it was a feint, that it would be her anchor foot, planted near my left hand, in about one second, and that the real attack was her trailing right leg, which would bury itself in my chest, a weak attack unless she wore a hardened boot.

  The counterattack for my weight was obvious and clear. And far more effective.

  I crouched further, as if to dodge her left foot. It planted at my left hand and I spun myself to the left, chopping my right hand into her plant, knocking it into her swinging right leg. She fell into a heap and I pounced on her in a second. With cold efficiency, I shot two stiff fingers down to gouge out her eye. She was able to block it, but I managed to break one of her fingers. I felt nothing, nor did I even recognize her. I saw the look of anger in her eyes, and the sheen of pain as the bone snapped.