The Complete Matt Jacob Series

by Klein, Zachary;

  Something about his tell bothered me but I couldn’t put it together. “Why not go directly to him?”

  “That asshole wouldn’t give me shit. Paul refuses to acknowledge Jayson’s existence. He won’t even admit I’m gay. My mother walked in that night with a scheme to sell Jayson’s work,” he panted, shaking his head. “The idea drove me crazy.”

  “It was your mother’s car, Stephen, not your father’s.”

  “Logic in moments of madness?” Jayson whispered with a small smile.

  “I wish it had been madness, JB,” Stephen said hoarsely, “but I knew what I was doing. I hated her that night as much as I’ve always hated him. The thought of everyone knowing we had to sell the paintings...”

  Now that Stephen started, the words streamed out. “I blamed my mother for letting it happen.”

  Stephen covered his face with his long hands. “It always seemed like a victory when she gave us the bastard’s money.”

  Stephen dragged his hands from his eyes and stared into space. “I spent a whole year lining up the museum tour,” he said. “We were going to take Jayson’s work across the entire country. Lauren knew the deal was dead if we sold the paintings in order to live.”

  “She gave you all her savings, Stephen,” Heather said softly.

  “I saw all my work shot to hell, Jayson’s tribute down the drain. I had to do something. I felt so fucking impotent.”

  Heather moved next to him, cradling his lean, trembling body.

  I looked at Jayson. “Lauren followed him downstairs?”

  Jayson shook his head. “She watched from the window, called Lou, then left when Stephen returned. She really was afraid he might hurt her.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell me this the first time, Stephen?”

  “My mother didn’t want me to. She made me promise and I owed her that much. It wasn’t her fault she ran out of money, but I didn’t feel that way at the time.”

  I’d gotten everything I came for. More. My arms ached and I desperately needed a cigarette. “I’m sorry, Jayson,” I said standing, acutely aware of the damage I was leaving behind.

  Jayson made no attempt to respond.

  I turned and trudged to the elevator but before I got there Heather called. “Wait a minute, you fucking prick.”

  I turned around and looked at the black chopstick.

  “I’m not done with you!” She let go of Stephen and stood. “Everywhere you go you leave people a wreck.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Here, my mom, you’re the goddamn Grim fucking Reaper.”

  “Your mom?”

  “You show up, then off you go leaving behind nothing but pain!”

  Heather’s eyes were streaming and her black makeup was smeared. I started back in her direction.

  “Don’t come near me!”

  “Okay, okay,” I said, holding up my hands. “But I really don’t understand what you mean about your mom.”

  “Don’t lie to me, I was upstairs when you came by.”

  “We didn’t fight. If you were there, you know that.”

  “I didn’t say you fought. But later that night she and Paul had a vicious argument. You told her about the divorce, didn’t you?” she asked, rubbing her eyes. “At least here you stuck around when the shit hit the fan.”

  “I thought she knew,” I answered helplessly.

  “You thought. Well, you thought wrong. Maybe people in this family aren’t the most together people in the world, but they’re the only family I have, so stay away. Stay the fuck away from all of us!”

  It was a short ride home but the first hill on another relational rollercoaster. The intimate talk with Jayson had reinforced my commitment to Boots, but another ugly window into Lauren’s family had slammed me deeper into my disconnected self. I felt split in opposite directions.

  I left a message on Boots’ machine. Told her I was exhausted, promising to show the next night. Problem was, exhaustion didn’t equal sleep and the more I thought about Lauren and her fucked up family, the worse I felt. More disturbing, I kept thinking about my strange, exciting night with Alexis, wondering whether I wanted another. Maybe that’s why I was stupid enough to pick up the phone.

  “Why didn’t you just shoot him?” Lauren snapped.

  Fire with fire. “Don’t come down on me,” I warned. “This didn’t have to happen.”

  “You left my son an emotional wreck, Matthew. Jayson called a few minutes ago. It took all day to calm Stephen down. He’s finally fallen asleep.”

  “You didn’t wait very long to yell at me.”

  “I don’t hear myself yelling. Do you have a guilty conscience?”

  “I always have a guilty conscience.”

  “For good goddamn reason!”

  “If you had told me the truth about your car nothing like this would have occurred.”

  “I didn’t want you to know the truth. I didn’t want Lou to know it.”

  I was too ticked to tame my tongue. “It? Which it? The cover-up about the car or your family’s emotional instability?”

  My aggressiveness brought her up short. “What are you saying?”

  “I’ve known you about a month, during which one of your sons tried to kill himself and the other beat the living shit out of your car. You call one an accident and try to hide the other—that’s what I’m saying. And I haven’t even mentioned the door.”

  I steeled myself for a shot about Alexis, but the blow never came.

  “Jayson thinks your confrontation will force Stephen to see a psychologist,” Lauren said, a note of hopefulness momentarily cutting through her anger.

  “The issue isn’t Stephen, Lauren, it’s you.”

  “So that’s why you did what you did? To get at me through my children?”

  “You know better. I wanted to know what happened to the car.”

  “Why was it so damn important?”

  She was slipping away, but I wasn’t gonna let go. “How many times do I have to tell you? There have been too damn many coincidences.”

  “Well, this puts a crimp in coincidence, doesn’t it? So now you’ll leave us alone, right?” The fractiousness was back in her voice.

  “No promises, Lauren. There’s still the drive-by and the stalking.”

  “I wasn’t expecting a promise. You don’t keep them anyway.”

  “Has Biancho given you any new information about the shooting?”

  “Stop playing games, Matthew. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary has been happening except your behavior. Now will you answer my question?”

  I kept silent.

  “Why don’t you come right out and say it?” she said tightly. “It’s not the stalking, it’s not the drive-by, it’s us. You don’t want Lou involved with me or my family. Tell the fucking truth, you don’t want him with me!”

  She was yelling now, but her words bounced off without inflicting damage. It surprised me until I yawned and remembered I’d eaten a Halcion.

  “Am I boring you?”

  “No, I’m tired.”

  “Well, before you fall asleep I’d suggest you pay attention. Lou asked me to marry him and I’m saying yes. I’d put him off because I wanted to give everything a chance to settle. Well, as soon as I calm down, everything will be settled. You’re not going to break us up!

  “Lou knows everything there is to know about me and my kids. He knows about their problems and he knows about their strengths—which they do have whatever you may think. Lou’s eyes are wide open and he wants us to be together. You just better get used to it, Matthew!”

  The slam of the phone stung my ear and I rushed to roll a joint. But despite the dope, the onset of my sleeping pill, and a quick retreat to bed, Lauren’s family crawled under my skin. Especially one of them.

  And they were all still there when I was lying alongside Boots at my apartment.

  We’d made it through the evening without trouble. No spats, no seriousness but, when we went to a l
ocal club, no slow dancing. Then, in my bed, yesterday’s news became the night’s conversation.

  “She’s not all wrong. You’ve been fighting their relationship ever since you heard about it.”

  “Well, I’m back where I started, Boots. In spades. The more I learn about Lauren and her family, the harder they are to take.”

  Boots draped her leg over mine. “Honey, that’s the way you feel about all families.”

  “Maybe, but this one is a snake pit.”

  “It seems to be the boys. Maybe their father is more responsible than you think.”

  “They’re not boys. Anyway, Lauren drives the bus. And she’s the one who covered up the trashed car.”

  “What do you expect? She knows you don’t approve of them so she hid an ugly scene. I bet Lou knew about it.”

  “What’s the difference? He still winds up in the middle of a mess.”

  “Matt, Lou wants to be there. Incidentally, he’s not marrying the family.”

  “It doesn’t look that way from here. All of them act like they’re Crazy Glue’d.”

  “Maybe, or maybe you and Lauren are just in the middle of a great big fight. You did tear her kid apart. Like it or not, Lou and Lauren are going to be together. She’s right, you’ll have to get used to it.”

  There was nothing left for me to say.

  “So when will I get a chance to meet her?” Boots asked, continuing to push, but with a lighter tone. “After hearing about this woman for so long, I’d like to see what the She-Devil looks like.”

  “Always with the jokes, huh?” I teased, easing up. But Boots’ question jolted my cheat and, for a quick moment, I considered coming clean. A very quick moment. My ambivalence was tough enough to handle without another train wreck.

  So I changed the subject and horsed around until we grew tired and fell sleep with our bodies cuddled next to each other. For another night anyhow, both of us were willing to leave our relationship alone.

  It didn’t stay that way for long. When I felt Boots shake me I opened my eyes to a look of terror.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked groggily. “We oversleep?”

  “Here, it’s Lauren,” she said shoving my bedroom phone at me. “Something happened to Lou!”

  I bolted upright, sick to my stomach and automatically shy’d away from the heavy plastic.

  “Take the damn phone!”

  I took a deep, wide awake breath. “Lauren, this is Matt. What’s going on?”

  Lauren was out of control. Hysterical, breaking in and out of gut wrenching sobs. Something about the temperature falling, an ailing furnace, and fumes while they were asleep. Lauren woke up sick but by then it was too late. Lou’s asthma had kicked in and he’d “been taken” by an attack.

  When she used that phrase, dread hit every muscle in my body. I grew dizzy and almost dropped the phone. Boots saw my fade because she quickly lit a cigarette and shoved it in my mouth.

  “He’s dead?” I forced.

  “No, no, that’s not what I meant. He’s in the intensive care unit,” Lauren cried.

  I shook my head to reassure Boots who was puffing madly on her own smoke. She exhaled loudly.

  “Is he going to make it? What’s the doctor saying?”

  Between the tears I finally understood that she simply didn’t know. “Doesn’t know,” I said out loud. “You’ve got to pull yourself together enough to give me directions.”

  “I’m sorry, Matthew,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry we had that fight. If I thought something like this could happen I’d never have acted like such a bitch. I don’t want us to be enemies, Matthew, I really don’t.”

  “Lauren, none of that matters. Give me the name and address of the fucking hospital.”

  “What if he doesn’t make it? What if...”

  “No ‘what ifs,’ just give me the damn directions!”

  After I hung up, my hand trembled so badly that I didn’t even hassle myself about the bourbon I slugged straight from the bottle. It stopped the shakes but when I got back to the bedroom, I saw Boots pulling on her clothes. Another kind of tremor hit.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, rushing to get dressed.

  “I’m coming with you. I love that old man and you can’t drive in this condition.”

  “Bullshit. I’ve got to do this alone.”

  Boots looked like she’d been slapped across the face.

  “If you come with me I’ll only have more person to worry about.”

  “Are you crazy, Matt? This is what relationships are for.”

  I finished pulling on my clothes, “Now ain’t the time for Relationships 101. Believe me, if Lou doesn’t make it you’ll have your hands full.”

  “Don’t “honey,” me!” She hated my words. Maybe hated me. She was angry, but knew that if she continued to insist it would provoke a blowout. “I don’t like this, Matt,” she said, struggling to keep her voice steady, “but I won’t stop you.”

  I leaned forward to kiss her goodbye but she jerked away. “Look, Boots,” I started.

  “Not now. I’m going home. Get the hell up there and call with good news.”

  I phoned Boots even though there was nothing new. Lou was hooked to a respirator and receiving fluids through an IV. The doctors were reluctant to test if he could breathe on his own. A good thing I’d grabbed Boots’s Valium before I’d left the condo and ate one while I charged north. If I hadn’t, I might have decked the attendant when he refused me entry into the ICU.

  Not so good, Boots had discovered the missing pills and used it as a horse for her anger.

  “I just took the bottle on my way out the door. Sort of an afterthought.”

  “Drugs are never an afterthought with you,” she said crossly. “Didn’t it occur to you that I might need one?”

  “You don’t have any tucked away?”

  “Well, I found some at the bottom of a purse,” she confessed.

  “At least something worked out okay.” The moment I heard myself I felt my stomach shift.

  Boots had heard me too and swiftly dropped her mad. “Now don’t get depressed while you’re waiting, Matt. It will work out. I can feel it.”

  “Vibes?”

  “Faith. Lou’s tough.”

  “A tough who’s overweight with breathing problems and a diabetic condition.”

  “Have you found out exactly what happened?”

  “A wire rigging that holds the flue pipe broke and fumes spread through the house.”

  “The smell didn’t wake them?”

  “Eventually. Lauren woke up to puke and saw Lou gasping for air.” The image freaked me out and I surreptitiously dry-mouthed another V. “At least she was smart enough to call a fucking ambulance,” I said after forcing the pill down my throat.

  “You’re angry at her, aren’t you?”

  “Damn right.”

  “It wasn’t Lauren’s fault, Matt.”

  “Right this second everything is her fault.” I looked up from the phone and saw Lauren at the other end of the hall. “Honey, she’s waving. I’ll call back if I get any information.”

  “I’ll stay home as long as I can, but call me at work if you hear anything at all!”

  My gut was near my feet by the time I reached Lauren and the attending physician. And nothing the doctor said raised it. Lou was going to be in the ICU for a minimum of six to eight hours before they removed the respirator. He was sedated and they planned to keep him on the tube. Essentially nothing had changed. Still, I called Boots and gave her the skimpy details.

  I returned to the open waiting room and told Lauren I was going outside for a cigarette. At first she just nodded but when I pushed the door open she was right behind.

  “Mind if I tag along?”

  I took my first real look at her and she looked lousy. No makeup, hair pulled back into a ragged ponytail with lots of loose gray. Red wet eyes. For the first time since we’d met, Lauren looked her age. Older.

  “You have a jacket
?” I asked in the chilly dawn air.

  “This shirt is warm enough. I just didn’t expect it to get cold so damn soon,” she said despondently. “I never even thought about it. The oil company checks on the furnace every year, but I didn’t have them out. I had no idea the wire was broken.”

  “Blaming yourself isn’t going to help. Are you sure you don’t want my jacket?”

  “No thank you.” Lauren tried to smile before bursting into tears.

  I shifted awkwardly, dragging on my cigarette. “How did you find out it was the wire?” I finally asked.

  “I telephoned the fire department as well as the ambulance,” she said regaining control. “I thought it might be an electrical fire. I’m sorry, Matthew, I really am. About all of it,” she said choking back more tears. “I shouldn’t have called yesterday and said what I did. You’re Lou’s only relative and I understand my family worries you.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I was angry with her, angry she was part of Lou’s life, angry it was her house that caused Lou’s attack. Full of anger but still found it impossible to ignore her feelings.

  “When I realized he couldn’t breathe, I thought it was a heart attack.” Lauren shook her head as her eyes filled again. “He was so helpless and I imagined he was going to die and we’d had less than a year with each other. I wanted to die right along with him.”

  Lauren paused, “Waiting for the ambulance was pure hell.”

  Lauren wrapped her arms around herself so I flipped the cigarette. “Let’s go back inside, it’s cold out here.”

  Lauren followed me back into the hospital where I asked the dredlock’d receptionist for a secluded spot in which we could wait. I listened impatiently to a Jamaican accented suggestion that we go home. When he finished I demanded a guarantee that Lou wouldn’t die while we were away. Lauren saw the receptionist glance toward the security guard and immediately took charge, securing a private waiting room in the process. I behaved myself and followed them down a flight of stairs into a small lounge replete with the ever ubiquitous vending machines.