Traction: A m/m romance novel (Renegades & Rescues Book 1)

by Autumn McKayne

Reese placed his hands on the railing, on either side of Jared. “Maybe people are just trying to look out for you.” His palms itched to grab onto Jared’s slim hips, to tug him up against Reese’s body and show Jared every dirty thought that was running through his mind. If Jared had any idea what Reese was thinking, he’d know better than to trap himself in such a tenuous situation.

  Reese wanted to yank Jared tight against his chest so he could kiss him again, for real this time, until they were both out of breath and neither one of them could see straight.

  Jared’s tongue darted out to lick his lips. “Or maybe they don’t care what I want.”

  Reese watched the movement, his mind turning an innocent gesture immediately filthy. “So then,” Reese murmured, bending his head low, the scruff on his cheeks just barely grazing Jared’s temple. “What do you want?”

  Jared unfolded his arms, his slender fingers just barely peeking out of his sleeves. He looked up at Reese and reached out, agonizingly slow, to touch his palm to Reese’s chest. Reese shifted closer, his eyes glued to Jared’s lips and the way they barely opened when he spoke. Jared’s voice was a whisper, skittering across Reese’s skin. “I want-“

  The slick slide of the glass door made Jared startle, and Reese ripped away from him with a curse.

  Gideon raised an eyebrow. “Dinner is just about ready,” he said slowly, eyeing Reese. “Think it’s best you two get on in here.”

  The moment shattered, Jared rushed past them, hurrying indoors.

  Reese ran his hands down his face, now thankful for the cooling rain that was still falling. He made to follow Jared, but Gideon’s hand on his chest stopped him. “You better be damn careful about what it is you want there, boy.” He pierced Reese with a glare before turning back inside.

  Reese swore again. If Jared looked up at him with those curious, innocent eyes one more time, careful was going to go right out the window.

  “Alright, dig in.” Kip set a humongous bowl of pasta smothered in meatballs and marinara in the center of the table. “I just did what I could with what I found.”

  “Better than what I could have done.” Rae commented.

  Kip flashed her a smile. “Now, I doubt that.”

  Declan shook his head. “Don’t. RaeRae could show you up in a heartbeat at any kind of escape, but when it comes to cooking? If you value your life, turn down anything she offers you.”

  “Okay, my lasagna was not that bad.” Rae countered.

  “Your attempt at lasagna,” Jared corrected. “Also known as the last time we let you anywhere near the kitchen.” He looked only at Rae, like he was trying to pretend that there weren’t six other people at the table.

  “Alright, you all leave her alone.” Gideon settled, though his mouth had curled upwards. He addressed Reese. “Tell me again what this nonsense is about these guys not going to Pine Bluff?”

  Reese tapped his fingers on the tabletop. “I think we’re better off waiting for a bigger job.”

  Declan huffed. “Since when do we wait to help people?

  Reese took Jared’s plate and filled it, passing it to him before loading up his own. “Don’t you think it’s a bit overkill to send five people to a small sanctuary town? Hell, Hatch just sent me to a raid with only two other Renegades. And that wasn't just an extraction, that was fending off a dozen agents on top.”

  “Dammit, I told you I don’t know what the hell happened down there. There were others who were supposed to show up.” Gideon filled his plate with spaghetti, his bushy eyebrows drawing together. “Maybe you’re right, that we should hold off.”

  “Hey, what? No!” Rae cried. “We need to get back to work, dammit.”

  Declan narrowed his eyes at Gideon. “You aren’t seriously going to let Slater upend our plans.”

  Gideon sighed. He eyed Reese. “You’ve got something you wanna share, son?”

  Reese took a long sip of beer, waiting them out. “I just think it’s a waste of resources, especially when we don’t know what might be coming around the next corner.”

  “Scary thing these days, not having communication lines like we used to,” Tate said. “Too many Renegades not showing up where they’re supposed to be.”

  “Lack of communication isn’t our only problem,” Reese said. His eyes went dark. “Ever since Johnathan Cooper’s death, too many Renegades decided that the fight isn’t worth the risk. That’s probably why no one came to help down in Salt Lake.”

  “Yeah, well, they ain’t deservin’ to be called Renegades, then.” Gideon grumbled. He squeezed Iris’s hand where she laid it on his thigh.

  “Because they're scared,” Declan surmised, continuing Reese’s line of thought.

  Reese nodded. “Scared that without a leader, the Renegade movement is going to fall apart. Leaving trackers and runners unprotected if shit goes down uncoordinated. And if that happens at every one of our interceptions, hell even just at half of them, then we are screwed.”

  “It’s been two years,” Rae said, her eyes shiny.

  “It takes time for the chess board to be put back together, after a king is lost.” Iris said, her voice soft with reverence.

  “Johnathan Cooper was a good man,” Kip offered. He raised his beer in Rae’s direction. “Only worked with him on a job once, but damn, that man could lead.”

  “You couldn’t be more right, cher,” Iris toasted. Gideon got up to hand another round of beers around the table.

  Jared pushed his away. “It’s not exactly smart to be drinking before a job.”

  “Skip the job.” Reese repeated. He popped the cap off his bottle. “You Coopers are some of the best fighters out there. Everyone at this table knows you don’t need to be wasting time on some backroads practice run in Arkansas.”

  “And Slater finally says something I agree with,” Declan muttered. “The first part, anyway.”

  Jared’s left leg jiggled a rapid rhythm beneath the table. “Getting rescues to a shelter isn’t a waste of time,” he argued.

  Reese slid his leg against Jared’s, turning his ankle to stop Jared’s shaking. “I didn't mean it like that.”

  “But you want to choose who gets saved.” Jared pulled his foot back, his fork hitting his plate with a clatter. He squared a look at Reese. “You know I’m one of them, right? That I’m a ditch-”

  “Jared!” Declan barked.

  “Right?” Jared demanded.

  Reese slowly set his beer bottle down and returned Jared’s look. He could see him trying not to shake. “I know you’re a rescue,” Reese said calmly. “I know you were born to think that you’re dirty and unlovable, that you’re just a sinful threat to the rest of us.” Reese’s leg pressed into Jared’s again. “I also know you have multiple people surrounding you right now who don’t think that way, who would never use that word to describe who you are.” Reese cut a look to Declan, who was already watching the Prescott brothers for any possible negative reaction on their part. Satisfied that Declan was on guard, Reese turned his attention back to Jared.

  Jared looked down at his hands, twisting them in his lap. He bit his lip. “We can’t just ignore the rescues in Pine Bluff now that we know they are there.”

  “They deserve to be saved just as much as any other.” Reese agreed. “Tate and Kip should still go. But the three of you sure as hell don’t need to.”

  “I’m sorry, remind me when we appointed you lead coordinator?” Declan snapped. “Maybe you should-“

  “He’s right,” Gideon interrupted. “A sanctuary city like Pine Bluff shouldn’t require that much man power. We are spread too thin as it is.” He shared a glance with Iris. “Besides, after talking with Blaine and Brandt, something tells me we are gonna have a short window of time to get a hell of a lot together.”

  “Alright then.” Tate excused himself and rose from the table, his brother following suit. “Kip and I are gonna head for Pine Bluff. We will keep you posted on the job.” He nodded to Gideon. “Much obliged for the hospitality.” />
  Kip finished shaking hands around the table, pausing when he got to Jared. “I know some rescues don’t much like being touched. Just so you know, my brother and I don’t care what you are. Just glad to have you on our side.”

  Jared nodded his thanks. He didn’t offer his hand, but Reese felt Jared’s leg slide up against his again beneath the table.

  “You boys be careful.” Iris stood to walk them out. “And if things go south, you get the hell out, you hear me?”

  Tate smiled, and kissed her cheek. “Yes ma’am.”

  Later that night, Jared stepped out into steamy summer air that was stickier than Gideon’s pancakes. The earlier rain had left behind a heavy blanket of humidity. Even with its thick heat, the quiet of the night still felt refreshing compared to the suffocating atmosphere inside. After that dinner, Jared was desperate to get out of the confines of the house.

  And if he wanted a little privacy for the simmering emotions that threatened to boil over any second, well, that was his business. Jared was ready to get back to work, to feel like his own rescue had meant something, but now that there were other Renegades in town and real talk of impending jobs, a feeling of uselessness was sinking down in his stomach. A familiar nagging voice inside his head told him he wasn't good enough, that he wasn't a fighter like Rae or a strategist like Declan.

  Jared looked down at the photo of his family on the beach, the one he had taken when he’d been in Rae’s room the other day. He’d stashed it in his hoodie after training today, needing to be little closer to something of Johnathan’s memory. Jared hadn't looked at it since he and his siblings had gone through Johnathan’s things, but after spending half of dinner talking about their dad, Jared felt nostalgic enough to pull it out.

  He missed his dad so much it hurt.

  You really let this marked up street scum call him Dad?

  Recalling William’s harsh words, Jared squeezed his eyes shut, tears seeping out the corners. Jared was lucky, he knew, to have been found by someone with a heart as kind as Johnathan Cooper’s. His life could have ended, or turned out so differently, if someone else had caught him that night.

  A ragged cry exploded from his chest, and Jared sunk down onto the long porch swing, his body doubling over with the force of his sobs. He shook with the echo of the loss of his dad, the man who had saved him from the streets and raised him to be what he was.

  Because William had been right, Jared was a ditchbreed. He didn't deserve to sit around a kitchen table, acting like he had a home. He didn't even know his real last name. He’d always imagined what it would have been like, growing up in a nice neighborhood with his own name and his own things. Jared had skulked around plenty of high-end cul de sacs lined with majestic estates and manicured lawns because fancy houses always threw out the best food. When the weather was bad and no one in their right minds would be outside, Jared could get away with scavenging the trash cans of the elite. Their taste in food was gourmet and classy, and even leftovers out of a polished garbage can tasted better than the scraps he normally found tossed out on the streets.

  Then Johnathan had appeared, one rainy night working a raid on a nearby camp. Even though Jared had been an expert at hiding at even the first sign of Agents, Johnathan had spotted him, coaxed him out from the large shipping crate Jared had retreated into, and had made Jared feel safe enough to let Johnathan take him home.

  Jared wrapped his fingers around his leather cuff, purposefully digging the fabric into his scarred skin. Losing the only parent he had ever known hurt like a caustic chemical burn, eating away his insides and leaving him torn and empty. He deserved it, he rebuked himself, for trying to pretend to be something other than what he was. Living with the Coopers, Jared had gotten too used to being part of a loving family, rather than the lonely ditchbreed he was born to be.

  Ragged sobs wracked his body and Jared clenched harder around his scar, needing to feel something other than the agony ripping him apart inside. Physical pain he could handle; the suffering consuming him from the inside out was much harder to bear. Jared fought against the urge to crumple the photograph in his hand, his body’s shaking at war with his brain’s instructions towards preserving one of the few visual memories of Johnathan Cooper.

  When the raw sobs finally abated Jared gasped for breath, sitting back up against the old wooden swing. His stomach and chest hurt, and his throat felt like he had swallowed glass. Wrapping a hand around one of the metal chains holding the swing in place, Jared pressed his face against the metal links, their sterile chill bringing a refreshing sensation to his burning cheeks.

  He startled as heavy booted steps made their way up Gideon’s creaky porch stairs. Jared swiftly wiped his eyes, and only for a second debated making a run for it back inside before deciding not to bother.

  Reese had already seen him, and Jared wasn't in the mood to face his brother and sister.

  Reese came to a stop a few feet from where Jared sat, stopping just short of the front door. He paused and glanced sideways when he heard Jared’s shaky exhale. “Jared?”

  Jared’s throat wasn't working yet. He sniffed louder than expected, and tried to wipe his eyes as best he could. The obscurity of the night couldn't have been dark enough for Reese to miss the pained look on Jared’s face.

  “Jared?” Reese repeated, softer this time. “You okay?”

  Jared took in the toolbox hanging from Reese’s hand. “What are you doing?” He didn’t mean to sound so abrupt.

  “I was out in the shed, working on my bike.” Reese set the tools down. “What are you doing, Jared?” His voice was soft, his tone much too insightful and concerned for Jared’s taste.

  Jared resisted the urge to bite out a harsh laugh. He’d been wondering the same thing. “I don’t belong here.”

  Reese looked around, stepping closer to Jared’s swing. “I’m guessing you don’t mean Iowa.”

  Jared spared him a sideways glance. “No.” Just having this gorgeous man give Jared any of his time sent him over the edge again. “You can go inside. Just le-leave me alone. I-I can’t, I’m not-“ Jared pulled his knees into his chest and hid his face, his arms draped over them. He dug his leather cuff as far into his skin as it could go, relishing in the burn he deserved.

  “Stop that.” The swing rattled under Reese’s weight, his strong arms wrapping tightly around Jared.

  Jared wanted to scream at Reese not to touch him; he was dirty, tainted. Why couldn't Reese see that? He pinched the photo between his fingers and let out a pained cry. Reese held him tighter and after several moments, Jared quit fighting.

  “It doesn’t make a difference.” Reese said softly.

  Jared turned his face into Reese’s shoulder and ran his nose across his sleeve. “What doesn’t?”

  “You being a rescue.” Reese answered, pulling back slightly so he could look Jared in the eye. “Having the mark.”

  Jared raised his head and gave a scornful half-laugh. “It makes every difference.”

  “The hell it does.” Reese’s eyes flashed, starlight glinting in their deep blue depths. “You’re a Renegade, Jared, just like us. That mark on your arm doesn’t take away from that. But more than a Renegade, you’re a human being. I know most of society makes you think that you aren’t worth anything just because of some damn stain on your arm, but you are. You are, sweetheart, and dammit I wish there was a way to make you see that.”

  Jared’s heart raced, skipping with something that he was afraid to call hope. “When Johnathan found me,” Jared cleared his throat. “He told me that it would all be okay, that I was safe now, and he was going to take me home.” More tears spilled over Jared’s lashes as he recalled that day. He shook his head. “I didn’t even know what that meant. Home.”

  “But he gave you one.”

  Jared nodded, wiping his eyes. “He did. And Declan and Rae, they just, acted like I belonged with them. They made me feel like part of a family. And I know I’m so lucky that they found me. That I found th
em. But there are still so many people who think rescues are damaged, or even dangerous.” His eyes burned, and the despair overtook him once more. “Just because we were born with…I was b-born with…I’m just a dirty ditchbreed.” His eyes once more burned with tears.

  “Don’t,” Reese said sharply. “Don’t use that word. That’s not what you are, Jared.”

  “Yes, it is!” Jared cried.

  Reese took Jared’s face between his hands, dipping his head down to look Jared straight in the eye. “No. It’s how you were born. It’s not what you are. You’re a beautiful, strong, sweet man. That’s what makes you who you are, Jared, the same way that Rae is a skilled fighter and Declan is stubborn as shit.”

  Jared exhaled a shaky laugh, his hands wrapping around Reese’s wrists.

  “You matter, Jared.” Reese pressed his forehead to Jared’s, and another tear rolled down Jared’s cheek. Reese’s hands slid down to Jared’s knees, slowly lowering Jared’s legs off of the bench. He cupped a big hand around the nape of Jared’s neck. “You don’t even realize how amazing you are.” He bent forward and captured Jared’s mouth, his kiss as soft as his words.