Honey and Leonard

by Mark Paul Smith

  "It's not just age that worries people about love. It feels like love is fleeting at any age. People who seem great together cheat on each other and end up in hateful divorces. Politicians and preachers have their hapless wives by their sides when they confess to all sorts of infidelity. Love is an endangered species these days."

  "No, no, Claire," Honey said. "The world is filled with love. Everyday people loving each other and taking care of each other. It's what holds the world together. The problem is, the news doesn't report much on love until it becomes a heartless headline. That's why Leonard and I are so unusual. The media is finally focusing on a love story instead of a war or some natural disaster. We're giving the world a chance to refocus on what's really important in life."

  Leonard and Mr. Maxwell burst back in the room. Leonard handed Honey a pile of clothes and said, "Here's the finest Paris has to offer, pumpkin. It's all your size. Go ahead and change. We've got a private flight to Indianapolis in Luther's jet."

  "It looks like this is goodbye," Claire said. "It has been such an honor getting to know you."

  "What do you mean?" Honey said.

  "We're going to sedate her so she can't be accused of helping you escape," Mr. Maxwell said, talking about Officer Lebeau. "Don't worry. She won't be hurt. We'll catch her before she hits the ground and then lay her on the floor like she was injected by surprise while on duty."

  "You're okay with this, Claire?" Honey asked.

  "I'm more than fine with the plan," Claire said. "Mr. Patrick has been so generous with me I'll be able to pursue my law studies full time. Of course, I won't resign until after the inquiries are complete. But they shouldn't take long. I have the feeling Mr. Patrick's generosity has gone all the way up my chain of command."

  Mr. Maxwell motioned Honey to the bathroom as if to say, "We really do need to be going."

  Honey hugged Officer Lebeau and said, "You have been such a dear. Please tell me you'll bring your new man to visit with us in Indiana."

  "When is this new man coming into my life?"

  "He's already on the way."

  Honey headed for the bathroom, paused at the door and said to Mr. Maxwell, "You're sure you won't hurt her?"

  "Positive," Maxwell said. "Blow her a kiss. She'll be out by the time you get dressed."

  Honey ran back to Claire and hugged her. "You are such a brave girl."

  "You're the brave girl," Claire said.

  Honey changed and put on some lipstick before stepping out of the bathroom like she was in a fashion show. Leonard let out a wolf whistle and took her hand. Claire was passed out on the floor. Mr. Maxwell was waiting at the door.

  "Oh, my dear girl," Honey said as she walked around Officer Lebeau's limp body on the floor. "I do hope you will be okay."

  "She'll be fine," Maxwell reassured. "Eight hours from now, she'll be as good as new."

  The hallway was eerily empty as they made their way to a utility elevator. The three of them moved swiftly, but they did not run. The elevator door was open. They got on at the fourth floor and quickly descended into the lowest level of the building.

  "This is how they take the bodies out," Mr. Maxwell explained.

  "What bodies?" Honey asked.

  "Dead bodies. People who die in the hospital need to be removed and taken to the crematorium or to funeral homes for burial."

  "That is so awful to think about," Honey said. "But I guess it does happen all the time."

  Leonard laughed and squeezed her hand, "These boys have thought of everything. I wouldn't be surprised to see the prime minister on the plane."

  "Do they even have a prime minister in France? I thought that was just in England."

  Maxwell explained that both countries have prime ministers as he hustled Honey and Leonard into the open door of a waiting limousine. Once inside, they realized Dr. Laughlin and Luther Patrick were waiting to greet them with open arms. It was such a reunion of hugging and kissing that Honey completely forgot she was in the middle of a jailbreak.

  "At first, we thought it would be counterproductive to have you escape," Luther said. "But then Leonard became so upset at having you in jail, and we got to thinking how long it would take two governments to get you back to Indiana. So we decided to have a little jail break party."

  Honey threw her arms around Luther and said, "Oh, thank you so much. I don't like being a prisoner. The words to Johnny Cash's song, 'Folsum Prison Blues,' were starting to make too much sense."

  "I hear the train a-comin . . ." Honey began singing. Everybody but Maxwell sang along. Nobody knew the words beyond the first verse, but they sang it again and laughed together like the partners in crime they had just become.

  "Looks like we're all on the run now," Leonard said. "How does it feel, Luther?"

  "Not bad, Luther said. "Not bad at all. In fact, I think it's time we had a little celebration," he said, pulling a bottle of champagne out of a built-in cooler under his seat. "Mr. Maxwell, would you do the honors?"

  Eighteen

  "COME IN, IF YOU MUST," Prosecutor Karen Lindvall said to Honey's attorney, Robert Nimmo. "I know, the internationally-famous lovebirds are back."

  "The Eagle has landed," Nimmo joked as he sat down in one of two, wooden chairs facing the prosecutor's desk.

  "I'm surprised you didn't bring all your co-counsel along for the ride," Lindvall said. "They wouldn't all fit in here from what I've heard."

  "I've got lawyers crawling out of the woodwork," Nimmo said. "I'm not exactly sure who's paying them. Don't worry; I'm still the point man on the criminal case. I suppose you've seen my brief on why the charge against Honey for violating the no-contact order should be dismissed."

  "Not only have I seen it, Mr. Nimmo, but I've read the entire 132 pages. It is very impressive. I can tell you didn't write one word of it."

  "I read the first fifty pages and lost interest," Nimmo said.

  "I assume you understand I will not be dismissing the charge. She deliberately violated a court order not to see Leonard."

  "Here's the situation," Nimmo responded. "We both know the judge has set bond at $100,000. Honey will post that amount in cash tonight. I can get her in and out of jail in about two hours. The court will hold the initial hearing tomorrow and set the case for a status hearing in about two months. That means she'll be out on bond."

  "But the no-contact order will remain in place," Lindvall said.

  "No," Nimmo said. "The judge in the guardianship proceeding has agreed to suspend the no-contact order until the competency hearing can be held. Once Leonard is found to be competent, we can talk about what to do in Honey's criminal case."

  "I find it hard to believe that the judge in the civil guardianship case would suspend a no-contact order without consulting me first about the pending criminal case. But what makes you so sure Leonard will be found competent? I've seen some pretty good evidence showing he's got Alzheimer's disease."

  "He's in the early stages. He still knows the difference between right and wrong. He knows what he's doing most of the time."

  "Most of the time?"

  "Hey," Nimmo said, "nobody knows what he's doing all the time. He's better than Ronald Reagan was in his last year as president of the United States."

  Lindvall ignored Nimmo's Republican baiting and said, "So, if he knows the difference between right and wrong, what's he doing running off to France in violation of a no-contact order?"

  "That no-contact order says nothing about Leonard seeing Honey. It only prohibits Honey from seeing Leonard."

  "Okay, so why's he getting his girlfriend in legal trouble? How competent is that?"

  "Leonard knows Honey never tried to poison him with arsenic. Everybody knows that. Even you concede that much. If there is no poisoning case against Honey, then there should be no problem with her seeing Leonard. The only reason the no-contact order was ever issued in the guardianship case is because there was a short period of time when the court was afraid Honey might have tried to poison Leon
ard."

  "But it was in that 'short period of time,' as you describe it, that the court order was violated," Lindvall argued.

  "If a court order is found to be unnecessary, and therefore, wrongfully issued, it should never be enforced," Nimmo countered.

  "I love the way you say a court order is not really a court order," Lindvall said. "It's that kind of circular reasoning that keeps criminals thinking maybe crime does pay. But yes, I've always known Honey would never do anything to harm Leonard. In fact, she's got a love for him that I can only envy. I just wish she and Leonard would think things through before they get themselves into so much trouble."

  "Love is blind," Nimmo said, "just like justice."

  "Oh, that's a good one," Lindvall laughed. "It's not often you hear love and justice used in the same sentence."

  "It's ironic," Nimmo said. "It's so ironic you could press your pants with it."

  "You'd better get out of here before I press your pants with it." Lindvall couldn't help but laugh.

  "There is one more thing," Nimmo said. "You should know that Leonard will be filing suit against his niece, Gretchen, in the near future. He's already revoked the Power of Attorney he gave her. He's going after her for misspending his money."

  "How can he do that if he's incompetent?"

  "He hasn't been found incompetent in any court of law," Nimmo said. "And a Power of Attorney can be revoked at any time."

  "What about this lawsuit against Gretchen Atkins?"

  "I don't know much about it," Nimmo said. "But from what I hear, the New York law firm has already uncovered a ton of missing money."

  "How can they know that?"

  "Leonard authorized them to investigate his accounts."

  "I guess he can do that."

  "That's right," Nimmo said. "Just because he gave Gretchen a POA doesn't mean he can't act on his own behalf at any time."

  "I wondered why Gretchen has been so scarce lately. Nobody's seen her since she got back from France. I hear reports that she's hitting the bottle again."

  "She'd better be getting herself damn good legal counsel. You don't suppose she'd use Uncle Leonard's money to defend herself against Uncle Leonard? She probably would if it wasn't for one thing."

  "What's that?"

  "Leonard has closed her access to his accounts. He issued written notice to the banks and brokers that he has revoked the POA."

  "Did Leonard do all this on his own or is Honey doing it for him?" Lindvall asked.

  Nimmo looked carefully at Lindvall. "I can see you haven't heard the really big news."

  "I've heard all the news I can stomach for now," Lindvall said.

  "You really don't know, do you?"

  "Know what?"

  "Okay, I'm going to tell you something that's going to rock your world, and you must always remember that I'm the one who told you first."

  "What?"

  Nimmo made her wait for it.

  "All right, I'll remember who told me. Now, what?"

  Nimmo made her wait twenty long seconds before he finally said, "Honey and Leonard were married on the plane as soon as they landed in Indianapolis yesterday."

  "Oh, my God," Lindvall shouted as she stood up in shock. "This Honey and Leonard thing gets crazier by the day. I can't believe you didn't tell me this sooner."

  "I was waiting for just the right moment."

  "Good for them," Lindvall recovered. "I can't believe I didn't see this coming. But, of course, it makes sense on so many levels. Now, I see why the guardianship judge is so willing to suspend the no-contact order."

  The prosecutor walked out from behind her large, oak desk and went to look out the window at the falling leaves. "I suppose I'm a little jealous, although I can't imagine marrying a man who's losing his mind. I guess all men are constantly losing their minds. Even so, Honey never was one for beating around the bush," she mused. "She always went out and got what she wanted."

  Turning back to Nimmo, she asked, "Has the press found out about this?"

  "It should be on the evening news."

  "They'll have a field day with this," Lindvall said. "Did they have a prenuptial agreement?"

  "Nope. They're in love. They say money doesn't matter."

  "I hope they realize that, if he's found incompetent, the marriage will be void, along with everything else Leonard is trying to do."

  "Everyone is well aware of that," Nimmo said.

  * * *

  News of Honey and Leonard's marriage took the world by storm. It was bigger than Hollywood and the British Royal Family combined. The international media descended on North Manchester, Indiana, like a plague of locusts from the biblical book of Exodus.

  Once Honey posted bond and was released, she and Leonard were no longer fugitives. They were now prisoners of their own celebrity in Honey's home. They were surrounded, but at least they could live together legally since the no-contact order had been temporarily suspended.

  Luther Patrick and Dr. John Laughlin had accompanied Honey and Leonard on the flight to Indiana, along with Michael Maxwell and his security team. They planned to remain at Honey and Leonard's service until Leonard could prove his competency. Luther and the doctor stayed well-removed from the scene at Honey's home, but Michael Maxwell secured the site with a security detail of five, uniformed men. Coordinating his unit with local police, Maxwell was barely able to keep the media circus off Honey's property. The neighbors, of course, were not so fortunate.

  Only Jack Crumbo was allowed inside.

  "Jack," Honey greeted him as he hurried in the door. "Only you gain access to the inner circle."

  "Thanks for letting me in. I didn't think you saw me. I've been out there for at least an hour. Your phone's been completely jammed."

  "Mr. Maxwell spotted you and we had him bring you in. Honestly, Jack, we still can't believe our story has gotten so out of control. What's so interesting about a couple of old folks getting married?"

  "Hey, Leonard," Crumbo said, giving Leonard a hug before answering Honey.

  "Good to see a friendly face, Jack," Leonard said. "We haven't seen you since The Sinbad. We read everything you write about us, and I must say, we approve of most of it."

  "Most of it?"

  Leonard chuckled and said, "We think you could have left the part out about me proposing to Honey in the nude while she was in the hospital jail."

  Crumbo and Honey laughed, and the three of them hugged again. "It is so good to see you," Crumbo said. "What's this about not inviting me to the wedding?"

  "You know us," Honey said. "It all happened so fast we weren't that sure it was really happening."

  "It wasn't a shotgun wedding, was it?" Crumbo asked.

  Honey and Leonard looked at each other quizzically before Leonard realized the joke. "No, we're not pregnant," he laughed.

  "What do you mean, we?" Honey said.

  "Anyway," Crumbo said, "Congratulations on getting married. I heard the ceremony was on the plane right after you landed. What was that about?"

  "I decided to make an honest woman out of her," Leonard joked. "I got tired of people calling her my girlfriend. That made her sound cheap. Now, everybody knows she's my wife, plain and simple."

  "How does it feel?" Crumbo asked.

  "I am quite happy to be Mrs. Leonard Atkins," Honey beamed. "We did things a little differently than most folks. We went on our honeymoon before we got married. In the end, it seemed like the only thing to do."

  "What say you, Leonard?" Crumbo asked.

  "I feel great," Leonard said. "I've never been much for being a single man. A man needs a woman. When you find one like Honey, it's time to snatch her up before somebody else does."

  "Leonard," Honey said. "You know you're the only one for me."

  Crumbo looked at them with envy. "You two are so lucky to have found each other. You're setting a great example. Everybody wants to be you."

  "I'm not so sure about that," Honey said. "It feels like we've made a mess out of e
verything. We can't go anywhere without armed guards. That's no fun."

  "So you decided to get married to really bring the pot to a boil," Crumbo said.

  "We got married because it was the right thing to do," Leonard said.

  "Now, sweetie," Honey said, "don't take offense. Jack is just stating the obvious. Our quiet little ceremony on the plane has apparently caused quite a stir."

  "You've got a mob scene on your hands," Crumbo said. "And it doesn't look like it's going away any time soon. What are we going to do about it? You can't live like goldfish in a bowl."

  "So, back to my question," Honey said. "Why all the fuss?"

  Crumbo looked at her to make sure she wasn't being sarcastic. When he saw she really was looking for an answer, he said, "Mind if we sit down at the table for this? I've been standing too long."

  "Of course," Honey said. "I am sorry. I'm so overwhelmed I've forgotten my manners. Here, we'll sit at the dining room table. What can I get you to drink? How about some tea? Yes, I'll make us some tea. That will help us think."

  Once they were all sipping cups of Earl Grey tea, Crumbo said, "You two are the greatest story ever. All the elements are there. You've got elder love, elder law, arsenic poisoning, Alzheimer's, running from the law, romance in France, being dead and then not dead, mystery yacht rescue, Eiffel Tower arrest, Paris jail break and now, airplane wedding. You've got it all. You can't make this stuff up. You've made me the most popular writer on the planet. Thank you very much, by the way."

  "You make it all sound so thrilling," Honey said. "But, honestly, we didn't try to make any of this happen. It seemed to grow all on its own. It's all a big blur to me now. It almost feels like none of it ever really happened. Except for the wedding, of course."

  "So, why did you get married on the plane?" Crumbo asked.

  "I don't know," Honey said. "We wanted to come back married. Kind of like we eloped."

  "And we knew it wouldn't hurt at the competency hearing," Leonard said.

  "What do you mean by that?" Crumbo asked.

  "I think a wife's testimony has a little more meaning than a girlfriend's testimony," Leonard said.

  "That makes sense to me," Crumbo said. "But speaking of the competency hearing, how are you feeling in that regard? How's your memory holding up?"