All I've Never Wanted

by Ana Huang

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, smoothing a lock of dark hair back from his forehead. “I’m so, so sorry. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have gone out. I should’ve just stayed in my house, and then none of this would’ve happened, and we would’ve had our one-month anniversary, and you wouldn’t be—be—“ My throat closed up, and I was unable to finish as the tears fell down my cheek.

  I held my breath, trying my best to quiet my sobs. I couldn’t get hysterical here, what with everyone outside the door. Besides, I didn’t need to make his mother any more worried.

  But what if he never woke up? The thought sent chills through my body, and my heart spasmed painfully. I squeezed Roman’s hand tighter, like the action might keep my worst fears from coming true.

  “Maya.”

  I jumped at the unexpected sound of my voice, and when I turned, I could make out the tall, leather-jacketed shape through my tears.

  Rico.

  Even though he’d helped save me the other night, a shiver of apprehension snaked through me, especially when I realized Carlo wasn’t in the room anymore. Although I now knew James was more than a little psycho, I still couldn’t forget what he’d said about Rico raping his cousin.

  “H-hi.” I shifted in my seat. “Did you just get here?”

  I’ve never seen Rico around here much, but then again, he didn’t exactly strike me as the camp-out-in-front-of-a-hospital-room type.

  “No. I went to get something to eat.” He crossed his arms over his chest, and for once, I didn’t see the sly gleam in his eyes that told me he was checking me out. “Do you want to grab some food? Carlo said you hadn’t eaten yet.”

  “No thanks. I’m not hungry.” I returned my gaze to Roman. It was an automatic response, but unfortunately, my stomach rumbled loudly, sounding like an angry lion.

  Rico chuckled. “Right. Come on, the others will look over him. The food here’s not so bad, and we need to talk.”

  I blinked. We did?

  In the end, curiosity won out, and I reluctantly released Roman’s hand, casting one last glance at his prone form before following Rico out into the hall.

  “We’ll call you if he wakes up,” Carlo assured me quietly.

  I nodded, my smile small but grateful.

  Luckily, the cafeteria wasn’t too far from Roman’s room, and I was surprised by the wide array of foods they had here. As I halfheartedly picked up a sandwich, I was aware of Rico’s gaze on me.

  I felt a little more comfortable around him now, but that was mainly because I knew he wasn’t stupid enough to do anything in a crowded place. If he was going to do anything. Besides, if anything happened, at least I was in a hospital.

  “So what did you want to talk to me about?” I asked, avoiding his eyes while I paid for my food.

  “I figure James told you about Lexi.”

  I froze, then looked at him, my eyes wide. “H-how did you know that?”

  Rico smirked lazily. “He kept ranting on and on about how he was going to ruin us, and he mentioned her quite a few times.”

  “You two were having an affair.” It wasn’t a question.

  He blinked. “You sound awfully sure of yourself. You still believe everything James said?”

  I lifted my chin up. “Well, I saw the picture.”

  Rico’s eyes sharpened. “What picture?”

  I gulped at the look on his face. Uh-oh. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it. Well, it was too late to back down now.

  Slowly, I reached into my bag and pulled out the picture I’d picked up from the Fioris’ bathroom floor.

  Rico immediately snatched it from me, a scowl taking over his face. Roman’s signature expression. My heart panged at the thought.

  “Where did you get this?”

  I took a small step back, almost causing a passing woman to spill her soup. “In the bathroom at—at Thanksgiving.”

  He stared at it for a moment, then shook his head. “Of course. I’m such an idiot,” he muttered. “I should’ve guessed.”

  Since he didn’t look like he was going to kill me, I ventured asking him the question I was dying to have answered. “Where were you?”

  Rico didn’t look up. “What?”

  “Where were you?” I repeated. “You just disappeared, then you came back just as suddenly. Were you…I mean, everyone was so worried.”

  He snorted. “Right.” He caught my gaze again, and I saw that sly gleam again. For some reason, it actually made me feel better, because at least it was something familiar. “So you know about how Lexi and I had an affair.”

  I was slightly caught off guard by how bluntly he put it. “Yes.”

  “And I assume you know James thinks I raped his cousin.”

  I coughed. “Yes.” A pause. “Did you?”

  Rico narrowed his eyes. “What do you think?”

  I was so not in the mood for guessing games. “If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking you,” I answered flatly.

  He smirked again. “No wonder Roman likes you.” He flicked his eyes over me. “For your information, no, I didn’t. Victor—my gang leader—did and pinned it on me.” His voice hardened. “He found out about Lexi and I and decided that was the best way to punish both of us. Since I was forced to leave the country, I couldn’t take care of her—though he actually did me a favor, considering she turned out to be a bit of a…"

  “Bitch?” I offered. “Slut? Gold-digger?”

  Rico startled me by bursting into laughter. It wasn’t quite as warm and velvety as Carlo’s, but it was nice nevertheless. Huh. Who woulda thunk it?

  “I suppose there’s no love lost between you two.”

  “Uh, well, she tried to seduce my dad and break up my family. I’m sorry if I don’t feel all warm and fuzzy towards her,” I said flatly.

  “Right. I’m sorry about that.” Luckily, there was no pity in Rico’s voice.

  “Thanks.” I shrugged, staring down at my stomach. “So you never answered my question. Where did you disappear to?”

  Rico leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “Victor disappeared around the same time I left the country, and no one could track him down. I came back because a buddy of mine told me he saw him in New York, but on Thanksgiving, the people I sent to tail him lost him again.”

  “Which was why you were so mad,” I realized.

  He nodded. “Right. I kind of threw a fit and I suppose that’s when this fell out.” He waved the picture in the air.

  I smirked a bit at the idea of this tough ex-gang member throwing a fit in the bathroom like a child.

  “Then one of my contacts said they found Victor in Acapulco,” Rico continued. “I didn’t want anyone following me, so I booked a plane under a fake name and flew there.”

  I bit my lip. “Did you find him?”

  Rico’s eyes gleamed. “Yes. And let’s just say, James is a lot better off than he is right now.”

  Considering James was currently facing many, many years of prison for kidnapping, assault, and attempted murder, I didn’t even want to know.

  I realized with a start that I believed everything Rico told me. Even though he seriously creeped me out in the past, I had to admit he didn’t necessarily give off a rapist vibe to me. Just more of a sexual harasser vibe. (I’m only half joking). Besides, if he had done all the things James said he did, I’m sure Carlo would not be ok with him being anywhere near Valesca.

  “Oh.” I fiddled with the edges of the Saran-wrapped sandwich.

  “By the way, I’ll be collecting my payment now,” Rico added casually.

  I snapped my head back up. “For what?”

  “For finding you.” His tone was matter-of-fact. “I came back just in time to hear my brother and his little friends freaking out about how James must have kidnapped you. Once I heard that, I gave Lexi a call and, uh, persuaded her to tell me everything she knew. She mentioned James always talked about some warehouse where he met up with his partner, and bingo, there you were.” Rico shoo
k his head. “That was a major slip-up on his part. Guess he didn’t think Lexi would be smart enough to remember that.”

  “Oh.” A funny feeling washed over me when I realized I technically owed Rico my life. “I, uh, I guess I’ll treat you to dinner sometime.”

  Rico laughed again. “Dinner? I save your life and you offer me dinner?”

  “Well, what else do you want?” I asked crossly, then immediately regretted my question when his eyes raked over me suggestively.

  “I think you know.” A sly smile broke out over his face.

  I crossed my arms over my chest, which only served to amuse him more. “I don’t think so. I have a boyfriend. One who’s in a coma right now,” I hissed, instantly sobering up.

  Rico didn’t look fazed. “Please. This is Roman we’re talking about. He’ll pull through.”

  “I certainly hope so,” I mumbled. “We should head back.”

  “Fine. But I’m going to be taking you up on that dinner offer.”

  I rolled my eyes. Maybe Rico wasn’t as bad as I originally thought, but boy was he perverted. Still, I was glad I had a chance to talk to him. He certainly answered a lot of questions.

  * * *

  Another week passed, with no change on Roman’s part. I was getting more and more worried. At least it was already winter break. There was no way I could concentrate on school with him still in the hospital. I barely managed to finish my college applications, though luckily, I started so early there wasn’t much left for me to do by the time Roman was hospitalized.

  And then, four days before Christmas, the call came.

  “Maya! You need to get to the hospital, now!” It was Zack, and he sounded more frantic than I’d ever heard him. That in itself terrified me.

  I didn’t even bother to ask what was wrong. Instead, I grabbed the keys to my dad’s car and sped towards the hospital.

  My parents had been absolutely horrified and shocked when they found out about everything that had happened, but on the upside, my relationship with my dad was gradually mending. It would still be a while before we were back to the way we used to be—if that’s possible—but it was an improvement.

  However, the only thing on my mind right now was Roman. Why did I need to go to the hospital so quickly? Did he wake up? Or did he—

  My chest constricted so fast I almost blacked out right there in the driver’s seat. No. I wasn’t going to think about that. I needed to stay positive.

  Nevertheless, a cold sweat broke out my forehead, and my palms were so slick they kept on slipping on the wheel. Miraculously, I managed to get to the hospital and up to Roman’s floor without incident.

  When I reached his room, though, I almost wished I hadn’t. Everyone was there. And they all had the same look on their face. Devastation.

  I froze, my entire body turning numb when I took in Zack’s uncharacteristically somber face and Giselle’s loud wails. Even Adriana’s eyes were rimmed with red.

  Carlo and Parker stood on either side of the door like sentries, their eyes downcast, shoulders tense.

  When I neared, though, Carlo looked up, his eyes filled with sadness and sympathy.

  He looked like he wanted to say something, but I just shook my head and opened the door, my heart in my throat.

  The first thing I noticed was that the monitors were no longer beeping. Instead, the entire room was silent. Dead silent.

  And there Roman was, in the exact same position as the last time I visited him. He was unnaturally still.

  I walked over, feeling like a zombie, and stared down at his face, my heart pounding an ominous drumbeat against my ribcage. “Roman?” My voice trembled.

  Silence.

  “Roman?”

  Once again, silence.

  I sucked in a deep breath, refusing to believe it. This couldn’t be true. A deep pressure weighed down my chest, and I grabbed Roman’s hand, digging my fingers into the flesh. “Roman! Roman, please wake up!” My voice broke. “Please! Just open your eyes, for your friends, your family, for me. Please!”

  Not even a twitch. The pressure increased, and hysteria bubbled up inside me as I grabbed his shoulders. I didn’t think about hurting him. All I could think about was getting him to open those eyes, so I could look into those violet orbs once again. I didn’t care if he yelled at me or cursed me out or even forgot me completely, as long as he was still alive.

  “You can’t just leave me like this.” My voice came out in shallow gasps, and I could barely see through my tears. “I know we’ve—we’ve had our differences but I—I can’t—“ Oh god, I couldn’t breathe. “Please wake up. Please, please, please. I need you!” I laid my head on his chest, suddenly too exhausted to keep myself upright, while my shoulders shook. “I love you. You can’t be—“ I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to get a hold of myself, but it didn’t work.

  I couldn’t believe I was never going to hear his voice again. Never be able to kiss him again. To hold him. To see him scowl at me and tell me what an idiot I am.

  I chuckled, my chest heaving as I struggled for breath. But wait. That wasn’t right. I definitely didn’t chuckle.

  I slowly lifted my head, then screamed when I saw Roman gazing down at me with a half-annoyed, half-amused expression on his face.

  “You know, you’re really loud when you cry,” he said, rolling his eyes affectionately. “It’s kind of annoying.”

  I just gaped at him, too stunned to speak. Was I daydreaming? Or delusional? Was he a ghost or something?

  And then I heard it. The laughter.

  Parker, Zack, Venice, Giselle, Rico, Adriana and even Carlo all burst into the room. Adriana and the guys were doubled over, tears of mirth streaming from their eyes. Venice’s face was red as she shot me an apologetic look, though her mouth twitched suspiciously. Giselle just looked sheepish.

  I immediately stood up, narrowing my eyes. “What the hell is going on?” I demanded, whipping my head around and taking in Roman’s smirking face.

  “Oh, you should’ve heard yourself,” Parker gasped. “Please, please, please. I need you!” He pitched his voice higher in a poor imitation of mine.

  “You guys lied to me?” I sputtered, clenching my hands together. “Are you kidding?”

  “Oh, come on, Maya, don’t be mad. It was just all in good fun,” Roman coaxed, taking my hands.

  I scowled at him, even as relief coursed through me. He wasn’t dead. He was alive. And awake. Nevertheless, I whacked him across his arm, causing him to wince.

  “Hey! Just because I’m awake, that doesn’t mean I’m not still injured, you know,” he protested. Then he grinned. “Is that any way to treat someone you love?”

  That sent the others howling once again, and I felt a mortified flush take over my entire body. Oh my god. I’d just told him I loved him. And he heard me.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I snapped, trying to pull away. “I—you must’ve heard wrong.”

  Roman smirked, a yeah, right look on his face.

  “Besides, that was a horrible joke! When did you wake up?”

  “Right before I called you.” Zack seemed to have calmed down a bit, but he was still laughing. “Aw, don’t be mad, My-My! Isn’t this so much better than just telling you he’s awake?”

  “By letting me think he was dead? Are you out of your mind?” I blurted. “Wait. Don’t answer that. I already know the answer. You are. You all are! And you—“ I jabbed a finger at Roman. “I am so not bringing you any more get-well presents.”

  His violet eyes sparkled, and an incredible wave of happiness swept over me. I’d thought I would never get to see those eyes again. Still, I tried to maintain my angry expression.

  “Well, how about a get-well kiss?” He raised a suggestive eyebrow.

  “Seems like you’ve gotten plenty well,” I huffed. “Well enough to trick me.”

  Roman sighed, closing his eyes. “Can’t we just call it even? I got stabbed, you got tricked.” He opened one eye to
look at me.

  “I can’t believe you’re playing the guilt card.” Nevertheless, my mouth twitched a bit. The whole situation just seemed so ridiculous now.

  “See? You want to laugh!” Roman declared triumphantly. “Can I get that kiss now?”

  I immediately quashed the semi-smile, but it remained on the inside. “Nope.”