by Nicole Dykes
After hurrying through a warm shower, even taking the time to shave, I wrap one towel around me while wiping the steam off the mirror with another. Once again I’m staring at my reflection and thinking way too much about my plan to actually apply a little subtle makeup. For what reason, I have no idea because the last thing I want to admit right now is that I’m primping for a study date with Lucas Monroe. I even put a little mousse in my long, blond hair for a little extra volume instead of scraping it back into the customary ponytail. Briefly, I think about putting in my contacts, but decide against it and slip on my glasses. Wearing contacts will just draw attention from Rachel, which, in turn, will lead to many, many questions followed by a lengthy lecture.
In my bedroom, I slip on a pair of well-worn skinny jeans and a navy blue sweater my mom bought me for Christmas. One more look in the mirror, and I’m completely satisfied with my choice. Casual and conservative. Nothing I’m wearing says ‘I tried to dress up for you’ in the way I look.
I grab my bag, and when I reach the living room, Rachel watches me carefully. Just as I make it to the door, “Why are you all dressed up?” The question isn’t curious at all. The way she asks it is accusing.
“I’m not,” I state innocently.
“You’re wearing make-up.” More accusation.
Rachel is okay, but sometimes it seems like I am living with my mother instead of an eighteen year-old college girl. Scratch that, it always feels like I’m living with my mother.
“Just a little, no big deal.” I keep my voice casual. Maybe if I play it off like it’s no big deal, she’ll drop the questioning.
“Are you going out on a date?”
I shake my head, “No, I’m going to study for my Economics exam.”
Not a lie.
“Where? With who?”
Jesus, mom.
Now I feel annoyed, but for some sick reason, I answer her line of questioning. “Just someone from class at the library.”
Again, not a lie.
I head for the door, “I’ll be back later.” I say in a little firmer voice.
She sighs, annoyed with me, “Bye, Hannah. Be careful, and remember your Christian values and what your father would say.”
Like I could ever forget.
The sun is already setting, but thankfully the library is close and I feel very safe on this campus. It’s lit up and has plenty of emergency stations where you can call for campus police who are always patrolling.
I’m early when I arrive at the library, and I do a quick search looking for Luke. I don’t see him, so I walk in further to find us a table. I’m hoping for one right in the middle, but then I see him. He’s already sitting at a table on the far end of the library, on the outskirts of all the other tables.
I take deep calming breaths as I walk toward him, aware of his eyes following every step I take. He’s slouched back with his long muscular legs extended out beside the table, allowing me the chance to take in the way his jeans show every contour of his thighs and how his royal blue Henley hugs him just right. I experience a full body shiver at the whole picture.
Okay, Hannah, you’re gonna have to get it together.
He looks up at me, grinning, “Hey, you’re here. I figured you were going to back out.”
I sit my bag down on the floor and take the seat across from him. “Of course, I’m here, I said I would be. Besides, I do need to study.”
He smiles as I take out my notes and my Econ book. We sit in awkward silence for a bit. Neither one of us knowing what to say or do.
Finally, he is the one to break the silence, “Why the fuck is this so weird? We used to talk every single day.”
I smile, and have to admire him for being able to say exactly what we are both thinking, “I don’t know, I guess because it’s been so long since we’ve been around each other.”
He looks saddened by that, “Yeah. I guess so. To be honest, I never thought there would be a day where I couldn’t find something to talk to you about.”
He’s right, of course. Even after I moved to Texas, for those first two years, I told him everything about my life. I would tell him all the messed up stuff I was getting into. He worried, but never judged. He would call and tell me about the fights between his brother and their father, and let me know over and over how he didn’t want to disappoint his dad like Dylan always did. No subject was off limits for us. There were never secrets or dark pasts, and now there are both. With all those between us, all we can do now is sit here and stare blankly at each other like two strangers.
Because that is exactly what we are now. I know very little about his life, other than what has been made public, and he definitely has no clue about what my life has been like, and I don’t want him to.
I straighten my shoulders. “Let’s not worry about talking and try and keep the conversation about Economics. No more awkwardness.”
There’s that look again, the look that shows how disappointed he is with the person I’ve become. Then he shakes it off. A part of me wants him to argue my decision, while the other part of me is thankful he doesn’t push. “Alright, let’s get this started then.”
We study for two hours, going over everything in my notes. Though his notes are mostly drawings of motorcycles and other nonsensical doodling, he is no dumb jock. He has no problem with the material and actually seems kind of bored with pouring over notes and the chapters we’ve covered. All in all, Lucas is clearly uninterested, but I have no doubt he’ll do well on the exam.
Finally, he closes his book and stretches, “Okay, that’s all I can take tonight. I’m going to fall asleep.”
I laugh, I’m pretty tired of it too, “Okay.”
“So you want to go get something to eat?”
For any other person this would be a simple question, and for any other girl, they would be falling all over themselves to tell him, yes, yes, yes. But for me, it’s complicated. Is going out to dinner okay? Is it appropriate behavior? Is it asking for trouble? These are the questions whirling around in my mind. He looks in my eyes, and I can feel him trying to figure me out. Why is she hesitating? Why is this such a hard question? Why does she hate me? I can’t answer any of those for him so I simply tell him, “I better get home, my roommate will worry.”
“So send her a text and let her know you’re getting something to eat with your study buddy.” One thing about Luke hasn’t changed, he will push until he gets his own way.
And that is why he’s trouble.
“Thanks, but I need to get home. I’m exhausted and have an early day and a late night tomorrow.”
“Right, so you have time to study tomorrow? Or this weekend?”
“Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays are hectic. Saturday I’m working most of the day and Sunday my shift here starts right after church.” I notice my answer sounds more like an apology rather than an explanation.
“Wow, you have your days all planned out.”
Always, every single hour. “Yeah, I told you I’m very busy.”
He sighs heavily, “Alright, so Tuesday evening. Same place I’m assuming.”
He’s growing tired of my schedule and my boundaries, that is clear by his tone, but I’m protecting us both with them, even if he doesn’t realize it. I go for my brightest smile and tell him, “Okay, I’ll see you then.”
“You want me to walk you back to your dorm? It’s pretty dark.”
His dorm is across campus from mine so it wouldn’t make sense to have him walk me all the way to mine, “No. Thank you for the offer, but I’ll be fine. I walk there from here a lot.”
He shakes his head and picks his book up, “Alright, see ya tomorrow in class.”
Before I can argue, he’s gone. Then I’m sad because I miss his presence, despite how unsure we are around each other now.
He is not going to make this easy on me.
Chapter 9
Luke
Although the new direction of this thing between Hannah and me is going slowly, it s
till feels like it’s the right direction. Most times it’s awkward and borders on uncomfortable, and this makes me wonder why I’m pursuing anything. But the thought of giving up doesn’t sit well with me. When I think of what it was and what it is, I’m not satisfied. I don’t know exactly what it is I’m looking for with her, though. Like Cameron and Hunter said, I’m not friends with girls. Well, not since Hannah left me high and dry for whatever fucked up reason. If I let myself think about it too much, all I do is get pissed off. And with the future being such a big unknown, I choose to just live in the here and now. I’m going to just coax whatever is happening along and hope we can get to a place that’s comfortable, even if it’s not the same as we had before.
On Friday, I automatically head to the front row where Hannah is already prepared for class. Hunter and Cameron, of course, give me shit, but that’s just what we do. “Hey,” I sound like I’ve run five miles flat out.
She looks up and smiles. Although she seems like a stranger in some ways, I can still see signs of my childhood friend. Right now, it’s her smile. I remember that I could always make Hannah smile no matter what. She was always so happy to see me, kind of like she is now. “Hi, Lucas. Ready for Econ?”
I grin and take the seat next to her, “Of course. You ready for the weekend?”
Her small shoulders move in a tiny shrug, “Sure.”
She may sound nonchalant, but I can see that even though it’s a weekend, she doesn’t sound too thrilled. But again, Hannah’s weekends are much like her weekdays, with no breaks.
“We should hang out,” I throw out there. And when she automatically begins to shake her head, I rush on, “I know you said you’re busy, but surely you can find an hour to just relax.”
She looks stunned by that thought. Why the hell does downtime scare her so damn much? “I’ve got so much to do, I don’t even get to sleep in on weekends.”
“You keep saying that. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t really gotten to explore this town yet. We could take a drive. My car is badass.”
She smiles at that, and I can tell she wants to go. I can fucking see it in her eyes. I’m playing the badass car angle because she always loved going through all the car magazines we had laying around our house.
I should tell her about Dylan and Jax’s business.
“I can’t. Thank you, though.”
I’m about to ask why she can’t, but the Prof walks and shuts me down. At least, she wasn’t horrified at the suggestion like she would have been last week. That has to mean she’s letting me in a little, and now I’m determined to get her alone soon. I know if it were just us with no one else around, she would open up. Well, I think so anyway.
The class drags on. Another hour of my life, gone. Finally, were dismissed. When we stand, Hannah smiles sweetly at me, and I can’t help but notice how pretty her eyes are. And damn, why haven’t I ever noticed how sexy her lips are. Puffy and shiny and red, like she’s been kissing the hell out of someone. This new look makes me wonder if she’s wearing makeup.
Did she wear it for me?
“Have a great weekend, Lucas.”
Still trying to figure out when Hannah got so damn hot, it takes me a second to respond, “Uh, yeah. Hey, let me know if you change your mind and want an escape from boredom.”
“My life is anything but boring.”
With a small wave she leaves, and I check-out with Anthony. On the walk to the union with Cameron and Hunter, I can’t get the picture of Hannah’s lips out of my head. And it kind of annoys the hell out of me because I don’t need to be thinking of her like that. She already thinks I’m just a step up from Satan.
After getting our food and finding our seats, it’s not long before a couple of sorority chicks approach. And they are hot. And they are not shy. Overdone blond hair, thick makeup, fake nails….and you get the picture. Blond Number One takes a seat right up next to me and leans way into my personal space, while Blond Number Two squeezes herself between Cameron and Hunter. Hunter looks shy and uncomfortable, but Cam and I eat this shut up. “Oh look, Laci, it's Luke Monroe, Cameron Brown, and Hunter Thompson.”
As if Blond Two didn’t know.
“I can see that, Lexi.” Blond Two says knowingly.
Cameron and I look at each and chuckle at their little production. “Can we help you two with something?” he finally asks.
“Actually, we’re just wanting to invite you guys to a party we’re throwing tonight,” Blond Two purrs in his ear.
Blond One loops her arm through mine and leans into my side, “Consider it a personal invitation.”
I grin, because, hell yeah, this is exactly what I need. This situation with Hannah is messing with my head more than I want it to, and to have a night to forget all the bullshit and just be me, K-State’s King of the Gridiron, well then, you can count my ass in.
Of course, if Hannah wants to hang out instead, then I’ll skip the party.
What?! No, I won't, she had her chance to say yes….to hanging out.
“So is this party at the sorority house?” I ask.
Blond One nods excitedly, “It is, we’re kicking it all off around 9. Plenty of booze and me,” She offers suggestively and then bites her lip like that will seal the deal.
Whatever, I’m in.
From the look on Cam’s face, he’s in, but Hunter is another story. He shakes his head, “Thanks for the invite ladies, but we can’t make it.”
I glare over at my roommate and then back at the girls who are now putting on their best pouty faces, “Don’t listen to him, we’ll be there. All of us.”
Blond One kisses my cheek before they both bounce off excitedly. Then I face Hunter’s best serious look, “No,” he grounds out.
“Yes,” I return with force.
“No way, Monroe.”
“We’re going. You have to get out of that room. All you do is go to classes and practice. The rest of the time you’re hugging your phone, waiting for Miranda to call.”
“I like it like that. I’m here because I want to be.” He holds his arms up, “Look around you, this is all ours because we work our asses off to be here. We own this place because around here, football is a religion and we’re the gods. I’m not throwing that away to go hang out at a sorority.”
I look around at students staring in our direction. We had a kick-ass year this season, and next year is projected to be even better. Around here, we are Kansas’s answer to celebrities. “You aren’t even enjoying all of this,” I point out to him. “Do you know how many girls you could have had this year if you weren’t hanging on to Miranda? And how much fun you’ve missed out on because you want to be faithful and are too scared to fuck up your scholarship?”
He finishes his sandwich, “Not all of us are dogs, dude.”
And, ouch.
Cameron laughs, “Everyone should be a dog in college, man. This is our fucking time!”
I nod in agreement, “Yeah, what he said.” I talk a big game, but the thought of fucking up my scholarship scares the shit out me too. But not for the same reasons as Hunter. He loves football, it’s all he’s thought about since he was a little kid, and he has a natural talent that will let him go pro someday.
Me, I’m out of football as soon as I get that degree, and then I’m back in KC and customizing bikes. Of course, I don’t tell them anything about that. That’s for me to know.
Hunter just shakes his head at us both, “You two can go, but I have no reason to.”
No, he’s not weaseling out of this one, “You need to blow off some steam. You have three exams next week. Let’s go tonight and wind down. I’m not asking you to fuck someone.”
He gives me an irritated look, but I know I have him. Even the Choir Boy needs to twist off a little bit. And with spring football coming up, practice and training are about to head right back up to maximum. I sweeten the deal, “We’ll be back by midnight. You have my word.”
We’ve got, maybe, a few more weeks before they st
art doing room checks. Right now, the heat is on the basketball team who are having their own successful season, which allows us to coast under the radar. We might as well take it while we can get it.
He parries with, “11:30.”
I look at Cam, who is shaking his head laughing, and then nod, “Deal.”
We’ll see.
If we are all having fun, I see a longer playtime in the works.
After a team meeting and quick dinner, I shower and get ready for the party. Hunter is still moaning and groaning, but I finally shut him up with the threat of liniment in his jockstrap. Earlier, I texted Hannah about going with us, but I wasn’t shocked when she answered back with the response I expected, ”I’m busy, but have a good time.” I’m just happy there wasn’t any judgment.
Alrighty then, time to find some fun, and at this party, it shouldn’t be too difficult. I don’t even bother shaving because girls love the scruff, and they care not two shits about what I’m wearing. Long sleeve Henley and jeans, I’m calling it good.
In the living room, Hunter and Cameron are watching some basketball playbacks on ESPN. Hunter didn’t even try to dress to impress and is wearing what he had on when we went to our meeting earlier, plus a K-State ball cap. He’s making his statement about not caring about this party loud and clear. But he doesn’t get that his “I don’t give a shit attitude” is what has these girls chasing him all over campus.
Cameron is obviously impatient, “You ladies ready for a great fucking night or what?”
I laugh and look at Hunter, who grins and then looks at me clearly worried, “No fights, and we’re back here at eleven thirty.”
“Yeah, yeah. Stop worrying, Choir Boy.”
We walk to the Delta Gamma house, which is only two blocks from campus. It’s a little after nine o’clock and the party is already in full swing. I smile to myself because this is what college is about and, unfortunately, a lot of what we missed during football season. A sorority girl clearly too drunk to know or care what the hell she’s doing throws herself at me, and being the nice guy that I am, I grab her ass to keep her from falling.