by Nicole Dykes
By six o’clock, I’m back from my run, showered and planted on my couch and about to go insane. Thankfully, Cameron found some other teammates to go with him to the party, but I know he’s still pissed. Another bridge I need to mend. Right now, I’m just trying to ignore the fact that in a couple of hours, Hannah will be on a date with Nick.
I think back to my argument with Cassie when I found her with Brent. Cass wasn’t happy with a boring, sweet guy. So why does Hannah want one? Hannah used to be even wilder than my sister. It’s really hard for me to believe she’s changed that much. Come to think of it, it didn’t take long for her to come back around to being friends with me again. And I’m anything but a good guy, I don’t give a shit what Hannah thinks. Cassie even told me I was like that ass, Brent.
The last time I checked, she’s still hung up on him and giving the whole family shit because Dylan, Jax, and I ran him off. Brooke actually surprised me when she told me that shit for brains had the balls to show up at the shop and ask Dylan if he could take her out. How Dylan and Jax kept from beating his ass down right then, I have no fucking clue because I would have taken him out.
I need to get back to KC, soon.
I end up flipping through sports channels while music plays from my dock. By nine o’clock, I’ve ordered a couple of pizzas and questioned whether I should check to see if I still have balls, because I’m sitting here on a Friday night alone like some heartbroken chick.
Jesus, when did I get so goddamn pathetic?
At ten o’clock, my phone chimes, and I consider ignoring it thinking it’s another drunken text or pic from Cameron. The last one was of him with his face between some girl’s big tits.
Obviously a member of the Triple-D’s.
I’m almost jealous.
I make a mental note to find out the truth about that sorority myth.
But the name on my phone isn’t Cameron’s.
Hannah?
Hannah: Can you come down and let me in?
What the hell? Hannah is here? Oh, hell no. If she wants to fucking tell me about her date, I’m going to lose it.
Me: Are you at my dorm?
Hannah: Yes.
I get up and run down without shoes to let her in. I open the main doors, and there she is. She’s wearing a teal dress, it’s conservative with long sleeves and going to her knees, but damn if she doesn’t look gorgeous. And she’s wearing heels.
For him.
“Hannah, what are you doing here?”
She shrugs and smiles sadly, “You were right.”
I grin.
I knew it, my Hannah does not want boring.
Chapter 14
Luke
I join Hannah on the floor in front of the couch, stretching my out legs next to hers. She thanks me when I hand her the plate of reheated pizza from earlier. She takes a bite, leans her head back against the couch cushion and moans.
I know the pizza is good, but damn if her moaning doesn’t make my dick hard.
Ignoring the party getting started in my shorts, I clear my throat and ask, "So you didn't eat anything?"
She shakes her head, "Ugh, no way, he took me to a sushi place. I don’t even eat cooked fish, and that fish is raw, Lucas.”
I chuckle. After telling me I was right about her date with Nick being boring, she followed me up the stairs telling me she was starving. That’s the only information I’ve gotten about the obvious epic fail. What I can’t believe is that she showed up here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m damn glad she showed up. And as much as I would like to gloat and tell her I told her so, I don’t want to do anything to piss her off so she ends up leaving. Since I was such an ass to her all week, I figure I’m on shaky ground with her right now. Any gloating will come later, maybe.
She swallows another bite of pizza and says, "You didn't sit with me on Friday."
"Yeah, I know. I was in a pretty shitty mood."
"Yeah, I noticed all week, but why?"
I haven’t really figured out the answer to that question myself, except I was jealous she was finding time for someone else. But there is no way in hell I can tell her that. "So, tell me about this lame-ass date."
She narrows her eyes at my change of subject but thankfully doesn’t push. She wipes her mouth and sighs heavily, “I don't know what’s wrong with me. Most girls would have been thrilled to go out with him. He's such a nice guy and good looking. I don’t think I’ve met a single person here who has his act together as much as Nick."
True. Nick is a nice guy and knows exactly what he wants. He has a plan written out, literally, and checks off each goal as soon as it’s met.
That right there is some crazy shit.
I’m so fucking confused right now. Isn’t that what she wanted? "Okay?"
"When he picked me up, it was in a four-door Camry and he even opened the door for me like a gentleman," I grin because that’s Nick to a “T.”
But I still have no idea what the problem is. That’s what chicks want, and if guys have any hope of getting what they want, well, let’s just say I’ve opened my share of car doors.
“So? You’re going to have to help me out here, Martin.”
She rolls her eyes and continues, "Then he takes me to a sushi place. He didn't ask me for my opinion or even if I liked sushi. Which, shouldn’t he have done that? It’s not like he knows me well enough to just assume I like fish.” She shudders. “And then he ordered for me,” she ends in horror.
I nod, I’m pretty sure I know exactly where she is going with this, but I stay silent and let her keep going. "It just went downhill from there. We started talking about our families and lives, and after I had told him I taught Sunday school in my dad’s church, he had the audacity to tell me it would be the sensible thing for me to do if I declared education as my major and became a teacher. ‘I’m sure that would make your parents so proud, Hannah.’” I grin at her attempt to imitate Nick’s voice. “Then when we left, he forced his suit jacket on me even though I told him I wasn't cold. ‘We can’t have you catching a chill and missing class, hon.’" She does that frustrated girly growl that chicks do, "I swear it was like being on a date with my father, and that’s so gross.”
Oh, yeah, that would kill a mood.
Hannah may think she wants a nice guy, but he would never satisfy her crazy side let alone keep up. She is still the same Hannah, she's just been oppressed for way too damn long.
"So how did you leave it?"
Her cheeks flush, "He tried to kiss me, and I turned my head so it landed on my cheek."
I laugh, "Damn, Hannah, way to shatter the poor guy’s dreams.”
Inside, I’m fucking ecstatic right now that his lips didn’t touch hers. I’m not sure I could handle it if he had kissed her.
She laughs. "I guess. But I didn’t want to be mean or lead him on by actually kissing him. But seriously, when he started leaning in, all I could see is my father’s face.”
"I knew he wasn't right for you, Hannah."
She looks serious again, "How would you know that, Lucas. I’m not the same girl you knew before I moved.”
I shake my head, “I call bullshit. For whatever fucked up reason you felt the need to bury the girl who laughed at her own stupid jokes, pulled some of the craziest pranks on anybody who left themselves open, and was the first one to jump into something and think later about the consequences. You loved life, and I’ve seen that girl coming back to me slowly. So fuck yeah, I knew someone like Nick isn’t going to make you happy.”
She elbows me in the side, “Way to say, ‘I told you so.’”
“I needed to say it because I was frankly getting sick of this really sad, good-girl act you’ve got going. It’s not you because underneath is still the girl who could lead me around by the balls into whatever it is you thought you just had to do.”
She giggles, “I did do that, didn’t I? You’d get so mad when your dad would get onto you for something that I got us into. But you never once told on me and got
me in trouble.”
I laugh and then shrug, "I could handle getting yelled at for you being the one to decide my mom’s red drapes would make perfect Superman capes. But if I said it was your idea and he said you couldn’t come over anymore, I wouldn’t be able to handle that at all.” We sit in silence for a few seconds, both of us lost in memories.
Finally, she asks the question I was hoping to avoid earlier, “Lucas, why were you so angry this week? I didn’t like fighting with you after how far we’ve come.”
I just decide to be honest, “I don’t know, maybe I was a little jealous. I didn’t think you had the time or interest to date anyone.”
“Why were you jealous?” She asked stunned.
I have to ask, “You want complete honesty?”
“Yes, of course. Always,” she answers.
“I guess a part of me wished it was me that you were going out with, but I know that’s probably not possible, because there’s no way your dad would approve or because your fear of my reputation. God, Hannah, don’t you miss that part of you that didn’t listen to reason and just did something because it’s what you wanted to do, and to hell with the consequences?”
She studies her hands lying in her lap, "I do miss her. She was so fearless, and there’s no way that she would have gone out with a guy just for her dad’s approval.” She looks up at me and holds my gaze, “She would have chosen you first, always.”
I don’t understand why she’s referring to herself in third person unless it’s a last-ditch effort to prove she’s a different person now.
But I’m not having that shit. Whoever this fucked up version of her is needs to go away.
I keep my eyes locked on hers and whisper, “Then why the hell are you going out with guys like Nick?”
She shakes her head and looks back down to her knotted fingers, “I'm screwed whatever I do. Anyone my father approves of will be boring, and I’ll be miserable. But anyone I'm attracted to my father won't approve of, and I would just like to do one thing in my life that will make him happy,” she says with frustration.
Okay, I’m a dude, and the most important piece of information I’m concentrating on is that she would go for me.
I need to really think about this. Hannah is first and foremost my friend, and I suck at relationships. My relationships turn to shit after a couple of weeks, and there is no way in hell I will do anything to drive Hannah away again.
That's not happening.
Deciding to think about that shit later, I redirect my mind back to our conversation, “I get that, Hannah. More than you know.”
She looks concerned. I should probably explain, but I’m getting sick of the serious shit. She just came off a suck-ass date, and as a friend, I should be cheering her up. “We’ll save that conversation for later, yeah?” I know she wants to ask questions but I jump in with the first thing I can think to say. “Did you ever date in Texas?"
Really, dude, that’s what you go with?
She nods her head.
Wait a minute, she did?
I realize she’s speaking while I’m stuck on stupid because for some reason I wasn’t expecting her to say yes.
Did she just say she dated someone for six months?
What the fuck?
"Who?"
With these questions, you’d think I was a moron. I wouldn’t know him from Adam.
She pulls her knees up to her chest, draping her dress over them. "A guy from my church. Father approved, of course,” she laughs bitterly.”
“Christ, Hannah. Sounds boring as fuck."
She laughs, "Uh, yeah. Kind of like dating a fourth grader. It took him forever just to hold my hand. For the first three dates, his father or my father drove us to the movie and then the ice cream parlor.”
I laugh because holy shit, that is classic Leave it to Beaver all the way. “Tell me you’re fucking with me.”
“I’m not,” she says giggling. “And after we started going out by ourselves, he always had me home by nine o’clock."
I lean back against the cushion and, laughing up at the ceiling, try to picture Hannah’s sad dating life, "I guess it’s safe to say you didn’t fuck him."
Oh shit, did I say that out loud?
A look of shame washes over Hannah and her face blushes.
What now?
She shakes her head, "Actually, that’s not true, unfortunately.”
"What? Why do you say that?"
I scoot closer to her, "I've had sex twice in my life. Two times, Lucas.”
I swallow hard. I know all about the first time. It was with me three years ago in a barn at a Fourth of July party. When I saw her for the first time in two years, the fifteen year-old boy definitely had a new appreciation for the new Hannah with curves in places that made me curious to touch. She looked damn good in cut-off jean shorts and a tank top that showed off those new curves perfectly.
Hannah convinced me to climb into the loft of an old hay barn to get a better view of the fireworks. While we waited for them to start, we talked. Somehow talking turned to kissing, and kissing led to touching. Touching felt so damn good, we ended up naked and losing our virginity. Needless to say, we missed the fireworks. When I look back now, I know I had the time of my damn life. But even though she was cool about it, Hannah’s first time was not near as good a time as it was for me.
Then, I never got the chance to redeem my less than stellar performance., After she returned to Texas, I didn't hear from her again.
And now that she’s said two times, jealousy rages through me. "Who was the second?"
She looks ashamed, "That boyfriend I was telling you about."
"The religious one?"
She nods, "Yes. You're going to think I'm even crazier than you already do."
I put my finger under her chin, "That's not possible, Hannah. I’ve always known you’re insane.”
I wink and she laughs at my teasing. "We had just started back from Christmas break, and every single day seemed to be one church activity after another. I think this cloud of restlessness settled on New Year’s Eve, and I was sitting in the fellowship hall drinking punch and eating cookies with my boring boyfriend, my boring best friend, and talking about boring things. I realized I was bored out of my mind with my whole life. Then Valentine’s Day rolled around with everyone at school talking about their plans, and I decide to seduce my boyfriend. I was such an idiot.”
“I don’t get it. You said you dated for six months, so why would you have to seduce him.”
"Because he was an eighteen year-old virgin and wanted to wait until ‘we were married.’ But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I wanted to go to college, while his highest aspirations were to be a deacon in my dad’s church and work at his family’s feed store. Now, you know why I was an idiot? I wanted to have sex with him because I was bored and not because he ever turned me on. But I was so determined. I guess I just needed something more in my life and he was convenient. Or maybe a challenge, and you know how I could never back down from a challenge. That makes me sound bad, doesn’t it?"
In my mind, my thoughts are a fucking mess. I can’t decide how I feel about this. I hate that someone else has touched her, but the fact that she didn’t actually want him in the first place makes me happy because it proves yet again, Hannah doesn’t want safe and boring. Right now, I need to focus and get the rest of the story.
“No, Han. It makes you sound young and human,” I say trying to reassure her.
“Yeah, well I crashed and burned. I practically had to beg him to have sex with me.”
"I still don’t get how you had to beg an eighteen year-old guy to fuck you? You?"
She just shrugs slowly, probably wondering the same thing. Either that, or there’s more to the story.
I laugh because this shit is too insane. Hannah is gorgeous, this guy didn't want her?
She butts my shoulder with hers and tries to sound stern, "Lucas, don't laugh at me! It was awful."
"Yeah, I
bet." I laugh again and this time she smacks my shoulder. "I'm sorry, but your seduction story sounds a little crazy. I can't imagine anyone turning you down."
She grins, "He was just so scared of going to hell or our fathers finding out. He didn’t even take his clothes all the way off, and it was over so fast I think he might have faked an orgasm just to get it over with."
"Oh, hell no. No fucking way. So what happened after?"
"He pulled his pants up and broke up with me on the spot. He said he couldn't handle a sexual relationship and that was it. He couldn’t even look at me again without cringing or running away either at school or at church.” She looks at me hopelessly and says the most ridiculous thing, “I broke him."
I try to take pity on the defeated look on her face, but she needs to get this shit out of her head. Then maybe she can get back to fucking living. "You know that’s bullshit, Hannah. You didn’t break him. He didn’t actually turn you down. He was just too much of a fucking pansy. He probably knew he wasn’t going to be able to satisfy someone as hot as you. So he made it your fault.”
"Lucas, be serious. The poor guy was actually traumatized, I think.”
I lose it, and that's all it takes for her to crack up with me.
After what seems like forever Hannah wipes a tear from her eye from laughing so hard and I take her face in my hands, "Hannah, you didn’t traumatize him and you didn’t break him. You couldn’t hurt a fly, sweetheart. You’re too good of a person for that. I guarantee the next guy you’re with, you won’t have to worry about seducing him.”
“God, I’m pathetic. I obviously suck at sex,” she says planting her face in her palm.
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I’m obviously not very good at it since I’veneverevenhadanorgasm.”
“What?” I ask confused.
She takes a deep breath and turns her face to me, and it’s red with embarrassment. “I’ve. Never. Had. An. Orgasm.”
Fish out of water. I know that’s what my face looks like.
She looks like she may cry, and I just can’t have that.
This is where I excel, so she’s in luck.
I hope.