by Nicole Dykes
“What? There is no half to Manhattan, it’s spelled out fully.”
“No there is, it’s more hidden than the Manhattan one. It’s just a “K” and “S”. And it’s harder to spot according to my research, but I have a map.”
He chuckles, and I hand him the map, “How did you hear about this.”
“I did a little research on your Manhattan Hill, and it was in the same article. Anyway, I did a little digging and thought it would be fun. It’s further from campus.”
We finally get to the other side of town, and I smile when I see a large “K” and “S” in the distance. I point, “See,” I say triumphantly.
He looks up at the large hill, “Holy shit, you’re right. There it is.”
I drive up the winding road that is pretty much abandoned. Finally, I park at the top of the KS hill.”
We get out of the car and Luke looks down at the view, “This is fucking cool, Hannah.”
I smile pleased with myself, “I think so too.”
We sit on the edge of the hill in companionable silence. The day is perfect with eighty degree weather. After soaking up some of the sun’s warm rays while enjoying the view, I turn to him. “I’m so sorry about the other night. I let everything get to me, and I was horrible to you.”
“I said some things I shouldn’t have, too.”
“No, you were just honest with me, which is what I appreciate about you more than anything.”
“I just hate that you are so terrified of your dad finding out about us. I know that he thinks I’m not good enough for you, Hannah, but to think that you think that as well kills me.”
I shake my head, horrified, “That’s not how I feel at all. If anything I’m not good enough for you, Lucas. You are so honest and real and unafraid. I’m a fraud and a coward most of the time these days.”
“At your core, you aren’t. Something has made you scared to live. And if anyone’s a fraud, you’re looking at him.”
I examine his face, and it’s full of sadness. I know he’s thinking about what he would rather be doing than living out someone else’s dream. K-State is his prison. But it’s my sanctuary, because I’m away from my father. And now with Luke’s help, I’m finally beginning to reclaim a little of myself. And deep down, I can’t ignore the fact that as much as I want to shake off my father’s control, I’m still too weak to let go of it completely. And that is the part that’s hurting Luke.
“Don’t say that about yourself, Lucas. What you’re doing is pretty admirable. I’m just running from my problems and using college as a place to hide from them. But I’m not even good at that. I’m scared all the time of everything falling apart, and then I’m going to end up alone in this world.”
He looks at me and moves closer. Cupping my face, he promises me, “You will never be alone as long as I have a say. I’ll always be there for you.”
Not if you know the whole story.
I blink away tears from that thought, “I am so sorry I pushed you away. I’ll try to never do that again.”
“I won’t let you this time, Hannah. I’m older now and I will find you.”
I smile. “Good.”
He kisses me softly, sweetly, still holding my face in his hands.
Just do it.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him I love him and never want to be without him. But I can’t. It isn’t fair. He doesn’t know the whole story and if I tell him the secret I’ve been hiding from him for three years, he’ll hate me. He needs to know everything, so he can decide how he feels before I admit my love for him.
Okay, enough of the sad stuff. That’s really not what I want today to be about. I really just wanted to clear the air and get back to us. I shake off all unpleasant thoughts and reach for the bag I brought with me. I pull out two pieces of cake, plates, and plastic forks.
He looks at me, “Is that what I think it is?”
I nod, smiling, “Yep. Your mom’s recipe. Your, all-time, favorite cake. And don’t tell me you don’t want it, because I know you do.”
He smiles, “You and Brooke are going to get along really fucking well.”
“Odd statement.”
He laughs and tells me how his youngest sister Gabby didn’t speak for months after the accident, and one thing that helped bring her back to them was Brooke making Sylvia’s special dessert she used to make just for Gabby.
“Brooke sounds like an incredible person. I can’t wait to meet her.”
“She really is. So when did you find time to bake a cake? And you hate spending time in the kitchen.”
That’s true, having so many siblings and being the oldest, cooking was always a chore for me. “It doesn’t take that long, and that’s just how much your birthday meant to me. I just hope it’s close to what your mom made. Now dig in.”
He takes a bite, “It’s really good. Thank you.”
“Happy birthday.”
He smiles and takes another bite. While we eat, we both point out landmarks of the scene below us. It’s the place we found each other again.
It’s also where we may lose each other again.
Chapter 23
Luke
I walk into class Monday, a little over a week after my birthday, with a smile on my face. Things with Hannah have been awesome. She’s still busy with her school and work schedule, and this last week football practice has been intense for this Saturday’s Purple and White game, which I’m actually looking forward to. I can’t deny I love hearing the fans cheering for me.
I’m also looking forward to getting to see my family and having Hannah spend time with them as well. Brooke has called me a couple of times to confirm plans for when they get here on Friday and to make sure Hannah will be able to join us for the weekend, since they plan on staying through Sunday.
I check-in with Anthony, say my goodbyes to Cam and Hunter and walk down to my seat next to Hannah. I instantly see her, but I don’t think she notices me yet because she’s surrounded by three cackling girls. I recognize them, but have no clue what their names are.
The tallest of the three says, “I just don’t know how you do it, I mean having the courage to walk around in jeans and a t-shirt with Luke. I mean seriously, I would have to dress up and look glamorous every day.”
Another one pipes up, “Oh yeah, like full on makeup and hair all done with the perfect clothes to keep his attention.”
They are doing the jealous, bitchy-girl thing, complimenting her, but really trying to tear her down. I can’t see Hannah’s face, her back is to me, but I imagine she sees right through it.
I hear her say, “Well thanks for all the advice ladies, but the professor should be here soon.”
Tall one says, “Really, I could help you do your hair decently at least. I mean you have Luke Monroe, you don’t want to lose him.”
I roll my eyes and walk over to Hannah, ignoring the other girls, planting a kiss on her lips, “Good morning, gorgeous, I thought about you all night.”
Not one word in my sentence was exaggerated, and she just shakes her head, “Good morning, Luke. Have you met your fan club?”
I don’t bother looking at the girls around us, “Don’t need to.”
I hear one of the girls say, “I’ve wanted to meet you all semester, I see your promos all over campus and never miss a game.”
I ignore her and stay locked on Hannah. Finally, they get the hint and leave.
Hannah gets her notes out, “I don’t need you to rescue me.”
I laugh, “Well if the situation is reversed and those girls are swarming me, please fucking rescue me.”
She laughs too, “I guess the entire campus knows we are together now.”
“Not a secret.”
She shakes her head, “No, it’s not, but this is the third time this has happened. They are all so jealous they can’t stand it. You know how many times I’ve been called plain?”
I scoff, “You are anything, but fucking plain.”
“I don’t
care what they think, it’s just really annoying.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, it’s worth it.”
“Brooke is dying to meet you. She’s so excited for Friday, she’s driving me insane.”
Hannah smiles, “I’m really excited to meet her too. And I can’t wait to see the kids, it’s been so long. Gabby was so little last time I saw her.”
“Yeah, she’s really grown up, changes every time I see her. And wait ‘til you see Michael and Cassie.”
“I can’t wait.”
After class, I give her a quick kiss and watch her as she walks away to go to her next class. Yeah, things are going pretty fucking great.
Friday afternoon as I’m heading to practice I get a text from Dylan, saying they are in town and have rented a cabin at Tuttle Creek Park. He gave the address and said I should bring Hannah and anyone else for dinner.
I smile and shake my head, normal people would stay in a hotel. My family rents a fucking cabin at the lake. Of course, it is a big family. I send him a quick text letting him know we will be there before heading off for a three hour long, body-killing practice.
After practice, I shower in the locker room and then head to the library where Hannah is waiting. It’s about six o’clock, and her roommate thinks she is working until ten, so thankfully we have some time.
Hannah is waiting outside on the bench in front of the library, and she looks good in a flowing skirt that goes to her knees and plain top. Her long hair is in a low ponytail that lies over her shoulder. It’s dressed-up casual, and it’s sexy as hell.
“Hey, you didn’t have to dress up for my family.”
She stands and grabs my hand, “I’m nervous.”
I laugh, “I don’t blame ya, but you know most of them and the rest are really awesome. They’ll love you.”
She smiles and we walk hand in hand to my car and then drive out to Tuttle Creek, it’s on the outskirts of town, but only about a ten minute drive.
I pull up to the cabin and see Brooke and Jax’s vehicles, so I know we are at the right one. “Alright, you ready?”
She moves her head back and forth, “I don’t know.”
I laugh and kiss her softly, “It’ll be fun I promise.”
We get out, and we walk up to the door. I knock, and Jax answers the door happily, “Hey, man it’s about damn time you two got here. We were about to eat without you.”
I shake his hand when he holds it out, “Well, I’m sure Brooke made plenty.”
We walk in, and Hannah gives Jax a small hug and the whole family gathers around. Luckily, Hannah comes from a large family, so this shouldn’t be too intimidating.
I look around at everyone and point to Dylan, “You know Dylan.” Then to Cassie, who still looks pissed at me, “And you remember my sister, Cassie.”
Hannah gives Cas a big smile, “Oh, wow, you have grown up so much since the last time I saw you!”
Cassie softens a little and looks in her direction, “Yeah well, it’s been like five years, I’m seventeen now.”
“Wow. Well, it’s great to see you again.”
Cassie smiles, she always really liked Hannah, so I’m sure she is glad to see her again. “You too.”
I move on down the line, “This is Michael.”
Hannah looks even more shocked, “Wow, Michael, you’re so grown up too, you probably don’t even remember me.”
He gives Hannah a shy smile. He’s definitely starting to look more and more like a Monroe man every day, but he’s still pretty shy around new girls, although he does have a girlfriend. “Hi, Hannah, no I remember you. You were always at our house.”
I move to the youngest member of the Monroe clan, “And this is Gabby and yeah, she’s grown up a lot since the last time you saw her.”
Hannah kindly smiles at Gabby, “Well hi, it’s good to see you again Gabby.”
My littlest sister, who was hiding behind Dylan, moves closer, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Hannah nods, “Oh yeah, from who?”
“Mostly Cassie, she said that you were Luke’s first girlfriend, and you were always together, like peanut butter and jelly.”
I laugh at that, Gabby is full of entertainment. She then giggles and runs over to me, and I give her a big bear hug, picking her up, “I’ve missed you, little one.”
“Luke, I’m not that little anymore!”
I laugh and put her down. Then move on to Brooke, who looks like she can’t stand it anymore. I gesture toward her, “And this is Brooke Porter, soon to be Brooke Monroe.”
Brooke gives Hannah a big hug and then pulls back, “It is so nice to finally meet you, I mean, I’ve heard a little about you, but trying to get information from these boys is like pulling teeth.”
Hannah smiles at Brooke, “Oh I believe that. I’ve heard a lot about you too. It’s great to meet you.”
Brooke wants to interrogate her, I can feel it, it’s just in her blood, and it’s why she’s a damn good social worker, but I quickly move on to the chick standing next to Brooke, “And this is Alex, Brooke’s best friend. And I have to warn you, she has a strange hair fetish.”
Jax chuckles and Alex smacks me playfully, “Really Luke, you ass!” Then looks to Hannah, “Well, aren’t you gorgeous. And I love your hair.”
Hannah giggles nervously when Alex runs her fingers through Hannah’s ponytail, “It’s nice to meet you too.”
Everyone laughs before I explain Alex’s craziness, “Alex is a hairstylist and owns her own salon, so she’s obsessed with hair.”
Hannah nods, “Ah, that makes sense. That’s actually really cool.”
Alex examines my hair, “I’m trimming your hair before you leave.”
I agree and then move on to the last person, “And this is Adam Shriller, badass dirtbike champion. He’s Brooke’s ex-boyfriend.”
“Luke.” That one comes from Dylan, but he’s not really pissed. I’m in a good mood and can’t help myself.
Adam shakes Hannah’s hand, and she says, “Oh you’re ‘Shriller the Thriller.’”
He laughs, “Yes, I am.”
“It’s nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you too.”
Dylan claps his hands together, “Okay, so this has to have been a weird experience for Hannah at the very least, so how about we all sit and eat Brooke’s meal.”
We all agree and head to the table in the dining room of the large cabin. Poor Hannah, all eyes and ears are going to be on her for this one.
After dinner, I help clear the plates with Dylan and Jax. Adam goes outside to make a phone call, and everyone else retires to the living room.
I start loading the dishwasher, and Dylan asks quietly enough so no one in the living room can hear him, “So, how are things going with Hannah?”
This gets Jax’s attention, and he looks over at me, waiting for my answer too, “It’s going fine.”
“Still not dating?” Dylan asks me.
“Not officially, but things are good. We’re just enjoying spending time together.”
Jax laughs, “Yeah, I bet you are. Being fuck buddies is always fun until it’s not. It’s hard to just go back to friends, and you are mistaken if you think otherwise. Are you saying you’re going to be okay when you see her with another man someday and wonder if that man could have been you?”
Fuck no. I’d kill a motherfucker.
I can’t let them know that, though, so I laugh and reply sarcastically, “Aw, Jax, are you secretly in love with Alex, and it’s killing you to see her dating another man?”
“Our situation is entirely different. We hooked up once, and we weren’t really friends before that. We became friends afterward. But Alex is cool, and you never know.”
His words definitely leave me with something to think about. Hannah and I keep saying no labels, but this whole situation is the closest thing to a relationship I’ve ever had.
Thankfully, Dylan changes the subject as he leans against the counter while I c
ontinue dish duty, “What about football?”
I shrug, “What do you mean?”
“I mean, things still going well?”
“Of course, it’s a kickass team. We are gonna kill it.”
Here’s the thing, I’m pretty sure my brother knows I don’t want to be here, but he’s not one to tell me what to do. After what happened with our dad, he’s more of a “make your own mistakes” kind of guy, and I respect that. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t keep asking me, though. I think he’s hoping I will give him an in to let me know it’s okay to quit, but it’s not, and I never give him that in.
“I’m pumped for tomorrow. I’m going to kill it.”
Jax gives me a high five, “Hell yeah, I’m glad we got our tickets early. That fucker has been sold out for a while.”
I laugh, “Yeah, you guys better get there early, parking is going to be a bitch.”
We continue talking about the game, and I pretend like it’s the only thing that matters to me.
Lucky for me, Dylan continues to enable that lie.
Chapter 24
Hannah
Luke wasn’t kidding when he bragged about Brooke’s cooking. She cooked two huge roasts, but if there’s enough left for the care package that Hunter and Cameron were begging for, I’ll be surprised. I can’t figure out how everyone in this crazy family has the bodies they do. Luke, Jax, and Dylan volunteer to clean up while the rest of us go to the living room.
I cannot believe how much Luke’s siblings have grown. Cassie is a woman now, and it’s not hard to miss the serious animosity she has against Luke and even some against Jax and Dylan. I just haven’t figured out why yet.
While the guys are doing dishes, we visit about the game tomorrow. Finally, I see Jackson and Dylan go out the back door, and Luke comes in and sits beside me on the loveseat that I claimed. He leans into my side and drapes his arm across my lap settling his hand on my knee.
Cassie, who seconds ago was excitedly talking about prom this year, changes her entire demeanor. She folds her arms in front of her and turns to me and says in a sly voice, “So Hannah, you aren’t romantically involved with my brother are you? Because according to his logic, he would be a terrible boyfriend.”