by Nicole Dykes
I shake my head sadly. His words are the thousands of thoughts I’ve had over and over but just never said out loud. I think as long as I don’t say them there may be hope. I answer him in a whisper, “I have no idea.”
“Well you don’t have to decide just yet. You have the aid, and it wouldn’t hurt to enroll in some classes and apply for a dorm. If you decide not to stay, then you can drop them and refund the money.”
I think that over for a minute, I guess it wouldn’t be terrible to keep my options open. I really do want to stay, but I just don’t see a scenario where that can happen. “Couldn’t hurt, I suppose.”
He and pulls me to him, “I know it’s hard, but whatever you decide I’ll support you, Hannah. I promise you that. But I just hope there will be a day when you live for you and choose a life you want.”
The life I want.
It’s at that point that I realize something I’ve known for a while, the life I want is with Luke. I’ve fallen in love with my best friend, and there really isn’t anything I can do about it for so many reasons.
The biggest reason of them all is that I’m a total coward.
Chapter 21
Luke
Nick and I pick up speed as we make our way down Manhattan Avenue on our run. We actually skipped last week because he had a big exam and the week before that because I had a team meeting and a lot of other shit. I was actually excited when he sent me a text today asking if I was up for a run, but now that we are here, something feels off. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been sleeping with Hannah since his first and only date with her.
We round the corner and head toward Anderson Avenue while keeping up a quick pace. “So, you never asked me about my date with Hannah.”
This surprises me because his date with Hannah was well over a month ago. So why is he bringing it up now. “Uh no.”
“Why not?”
I shrug nonchalantly, “I don’t know, man. I’ve barely seen you since then, and you haven’t mentioned it since. Figured you didn’t want to talk about it.”
“But you’ve seen Hannah a lot since then, right?”
Shit.
“Well, we’re in Econ 101 together, and we are friends so, yeah.”
He stops running, and I stop next to him. Please don’t ask me outright. “Are you two sleeping together?”
Damn. Damn. Damn.
I can’t lie to him.
He studies my face, “I’m not a child, you can tell me the truth.”
“Yes.”
I see his jaw tighten. “Since when?”
This is the question that I really don’t want to answer, “It’s not important. I’m sorry, man, it just kind of happened.”
“Yeah, so did your dick just happen to fall into her by accident?”
I steady my breathing from the long run, “Okay, that’s fair. It didn’t happen by accident. I’ve been attracted to her for a while, but I didn’t plan for anything to happen. We have a lot of history.”
“So, that’s why you were acting like a prick when I asked her out?”
I nod, “Again, fair statement.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me? We’ve been friends for years, man. You know, I would have backed off no matter how much I liked her. And I did like her.”
“I know you did, and I know you would have. I don’t know, Nick. I’m an immature asshole. I didn’t really know how I felt about her, and like I said, we have a long history together.”
He halfway chuckles at that, “True. So are you two actually dating or what?”
I shake my head, “Not really. I mean, I don’t know what the fuck we are doing. We are friends that sleep together and spend time together whenever we can.”
“You sleeping with other girls too?”
“Nope.”
He rolls his eyes and starts running again, and I follow, “So you are dating each other.”
“It’s complicated.”
“You sound like a chick.”
“Tell me about it. Hey, how did you know about Hannah and me anyway?”
“You are anything but invisible on this campus, man. You do anything, and the entire student body knows about it. Luke Monroe is spending a lot of time with a pretty blonde, holding hands, and kissing in public. It gets around. Why? Was it supposed to be a secret?”
“Just from you…”
“Why me?”
“Well, you did go you out on a date with her, and she does not want her friend Rachel to know anything about it. So, I hate asking you for a favor, but please don’t tell her.”
He slows his pace, and I match it, “I won’t, but don’t you think if I know, then she will too?”
“I don’t think so. I haven’t actually met her, but from what Hannah tells me, she’s just here to spy on Hannah. She doesn’t socialize with anyone else on campus other than bible study, from what I know.”
“That’s messed up.”
I nod in agreement, and we stop running when we reach Nick’s dorm. “Yeah.”
“Well I won’t tell her, and if you and Hannah are happy, I’m happy for you.”
I crinkle my brow, “You really are the better man.”
I hold out my hand, and he shakes it, “Nah, at first I wanted to knock your teeth out, but I’m over it. Hannah really isn’t the type of girl I want anyway. She seems like she has a lot of baggage and major daddy issues.”
You have no idea.
“Alright. Thanks, man, no teeth isn’t a good look for me.”
He laughs, “See ya next week. I need to shower so I can go tutor.”
I watch him enter his building and shake my head at the fact that not so long ago, Hannah thought Nick would be a perfect match for her…well, for her dad, anyway.
After practice, Hunter, Cam and I walk back to our dorm. I’m exhausted and ready to crash, especially since Hannah wasn’t able to come over tonight.
“So, he was just cool with you and Hannah screwing?”
I turn to Hunter, “I don’t think he was thrilled about it, but he realized she wasn’t a good match for him anyway.”
Cam laughs, “You just continue to luck out don’t you, fucker?”
“That’s me. One lucky guy. Jealous?”
We walk up the stairs to our floor, and he nods his head toward my door, “Yep.”
Hannah is sitting outside of our door reading a textbook. Hunter looks at his watch, “Well, I’m gonna go over to Cam’s room for a bit. I’ll be back later.”
I nod and walk over to where Hannah is sitting, “Hey, I thought you had to work.”
She smiles up at me, “I did, but it was a really slow night. The other employees go home early all of the time, and I never have, so I took my turn.”
I help her up, excited she’s here because it’s been a few days since we’ve been alone. Our fucking schedules are way too full. She plants a kiss on my lips, and I waste no time unlocking my door and pulling her inside with me.
She drops her book bag, and we continue kissing all the back to my bedroom. I can’t picture myself ever tiring of this. Kissing Hannah is on a whole other level from other girls.
I slip her shirt easily over her head as we make our way to my bed. She returns the favor and pulls my shirt up, and I lean over to help her get it off. Next, her hands go to the waist of my jeans. Damn, she’s really in the mood tonight, I grin, another thing I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.
She pulls my jeans down, staring at me hungrily as she moves to my bed and pulls me to her. I lean over her, and she tugs me down until I’m on top of her. Our kissing suddenly turns urgent.
Okay, I like the intensity, but something’s up.
Fuck.
I don’t want to stop, and the old Luke wouldn’t have bothered to ask, but this is Hannah.
I support my weight with one arm and reach my right hand up to brush her long hair from her face, “What’s going on?” She shakes her head and pulls me in for another hot kiss. Damn, she’s stubborn, and she’s mak
ing this really hard. I pull back, “Hannah.”
“Same ole, crap. Somehow it got back to Rachel that I wanted to stay for the summer, so she has been harping all week about how ridiculous and stupid that plan is. And then my mom called me and told me the same thing. She said I was acting like a silly little girl.” She leans up so we are almost touching lips again, “I just need this. I need to be with you. It’s the only time I really feel free.”
I smile, I understand that wholeheartedly, “So you don’t want to talk?”
She has a devilish grin on her face, and it’s the sexiest fucking grin I have ever seen, “Not right now.”
She slips her jeans and panties down, and I know we are done talking except for her to remind me to wear a condom. Suiting up is something I never forget, but she always reminds me even though she’s on the pill. For whatever reason, she insists I always wear one.
She climbs over my body to straddle my waist and smiles down at me. Then to further torture me, she leans over putting her tits right in line with my mouth while she fumbles in my bedside stand for a condom. I take one hard nipple in my mouth and suck it to the roof of my mouth. She cries out my name and moans, and it makes me nearly lose it.
“Do that again,” she demands hoarsely.
My fucking pleasure.
I turn my head and take her other nipple and give it the same treatment, again causing her to cry out my name. My cock is so hard now it’s physically uncomfortable. I need to get inside her, now. “Quit fucking around, Hannah and put that thing on me.”
She sits up and tears the condom wrapper open with her teeth, then makes quick work rolling it on. Thank God, any longer and I would have come all over her hand. She lifts up on her knees and I grab her hips to help line my cock up with her tight pussy. I can see how wet she is, and she is dripping which makes it easy for her to take me in, especially in this position. She loves it on top because I let her set the pace, and she always takes us hard and fast to fucking heaven.
It doesn’t take either of us long to come after I begin to strum her clit with my thumb. I was too close to losing it, and knew I needed to get her there fast. Not long after I feel her walls squeezing my cock while she orgasms, I come long and hard, and she rides out both of our orgasms with slow back and forth movements of her hips before collapsing on my chest.
We are both sweating, panting, exhausted, and happily sated from our orgasms. She lifts up enough to stare down into my face and smiles, “I really needed that.”
I push her hair back over her shoulders then move them down to hold her waist, “Me too. So, do you want to talk about it now?”
“Not really, it is what it is.”
I hate that she won’t stand up to her father. I was hoping that our last talk about this shit would have gotten through to her enough that she would stand up to him, or at least her cunt of a roommate.
Speaking of her roommate.
“Oh yeah, Nick knows about us.”
Her face goes from satisfied from sex to horror. “What? How?”
Thinking if I keep calm then she will too, I begin explaining, “It just got back to him. It’s no big deal. He’s not even that pissed off, and he’s not going to tell anyone.”
“And how do you know that?”
“Because I asked him not to.”
She slides off me and grabs the sheet to cover herself, “That’s it? You just asked him not to, and you think he won’t?”
“What do you want me to do, Hannah? Hang him up by his balls until he swears on his first born?”
She’s breathing heavily and acting fucking terrified. I put my hand on her shoulder and sit up next to her, “Hannah, relax. I’ve known Nick for years.”
“So, I’ve known Rachel for years,. And I know, without a doubt, she would tell.”
I’m trying not to get pissed off, but it’s not working. “Yeah, but you also know what a bitch your roommate is. You also know she’s just here to report back to your daddy. Nick, on the other hand, could care less what you do, and he damn sure isn’t going to report it to your dad. He has nothing to gain or lose either way, so if he says he won’t tell, then he won’t fucking tell.”
She jumps up from the bed and walks around furiously, picking up her clothes and putting them back on.
And this just pisses me off more because she’s running scared and not listening to reason. I get up and slip my jeans back on. “What the fuck Hannah? Are you that scared your dad will find out we are fucking?”
She fastens her bra and looks over at me, “Yes. That would be awful.”
Nice. “You’re that fucking ashamed of me?”
Now she looks confused, “No, of course, I’m not. It’s not that.”
“Right, you know what, it’s getting late. Better run home before Rachel suspects something. Better do damage control with the bitch before she calls daddy down here to perform an exorcism or some shit. Hannah’s fucking a demon spawn.”
She glares at me with fire in her eyes while she puts her shirt on. “That’s not even funny, Lucas. You don’t seem to get how serious this is, so screw you. It’s not like anyone would give a crap who you screw anyway.” Those are her final words as she grabs her bag and leaves, slamming the door.
Okay, both of us said some pretty jacked up shit in the heat of the moment, but goddammit, I really hate being treated like her fucking dirty little secret. My biggest fear is that she will regret being with me someday.
No, that she’ll never feel as much for me as I do for her.
Chapter 22
Hannah
I hurry back to my dorm, hating how things were left between Lucas and me. Awful, hurtful words were said that I wish I could take back,. And I hate that he feels like I’m ashamed of him. He was so angry, and I felt so defeated that I did what I’m good at. Like the coward I am, I ran.
When I walk in, I ignore Rachel and head straight to my room closing the door. I am in no mood for one of her lectures or inquisitions. I know I need to make this right with Lucas because he’s the best thing in my messed up life, but I keep pushing him away. I need to find a way to help him see how important he is to me.
It’s Friday, and after our argument on Wednesday, I still haven’t heard anything from Luke. I think I was hoping he would make the first move, but now I think it needs to be from me. Unfortunately, I’m running late for only the second time this year, and when I get to Econ, my seat is taken by a bubbly sorority girl obviously trying to get Lucas’s attention by any means possible.
When he sees me, he shakes his head as if to tell me he didn’t want her to sit there. I give him a small smile and pick an empty seat a few away from my usual.
When class is finally over, I make my way over to Luke. My voice is timid and uncertain after the radio silence between us the past few days, “Hi.”
He’s still angry, and should be, “Hey.”
“I know you’re still upset, and I understand that. I was hoping if you don’t have any plans for tomorrow, you would go somewhere with me for your birthday.”
He raises one eyebrow, and I can tell he’s intrigued. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise. I know I was a jerk the other day, and I’m so sorry. I just want to make it up to you.”
He grins, and we head up the stairs together, “You’ve changed, Hannah Martin. I can’t remember a time you admitted to being wrong.” I hate being wrong, and I’m about to point out that I didn’t necessarily say I was wrong when he says, “I have an early team meeting, then workout, then practice tomorrow. I’ll be done around two, so after that, I’m all yours.”
“Great. I’ll see you outside of your dorm around two thirty?”
He nods, “See ya then.”
He goes to check-out of class, and I head off to my class feeling hopeful. I think about how I tried to push him away when we reconnected, but I just couldn’t let him go. And now that I have him back, I’m holding on tight for as long as I can.
It’s a tricky
balancing act, though, I can’t let him all the way in. If he knew everything, it would destroy us. So, I’m going to do my best to do like he said and live for right now.
The next day, I trade my late shift for the morning one at the library. I told Rachel I was studying all morning, and then working until ten. With all of my bases covered, I head to Lucas’s dorm with a special bag in hand. When I see him sitting on the steps of his dorm waiting for me, I smile. He’s so freaking gorgeous. He finally notices me, and I know he can read my mind by the sexy smirk on his face. He motions me over with his finger. After I close the distance, he nods toward my hand, “What’s in the bag?”
I shake my head, “Happy birthday, Luke. And don’t worry about it.”
He stands up and saunters down the steps, “You know I really don’t care about birthdays. Mostly just an excuse to get shitfaced after a certain age, and I don’t really get to do that up here.”
“Lucas Monroe, you know better than anyone that birthdays are never a guarantee. You have to celebrate them.”
“Nothing in life is a guarantee.”
“True. So, we are celebrating your birthday. And next month, we are celebrating mine.”
Around ten years old, Luke decided that birthdays weren’t important to celebrate, and they weren’t cool. His mom always made a huge deal of them, and I was right there with her, forcing him to have fun at every party she threw, and there were a lot. I mean, they were a family of seven.
At my house, we didn’t really celebrate birthdays, so that was another way I got to live my childhood through Lucas.
We walk out to my car, and I unlock it, “Hop in.”
He does what he’s told, and we start driving, exiting the dorm’s parking lot.
“Okay, so where are we going?”
“You just hate not being in control.”
“Yeah.”
I laugh, “Okay, so I know you love your Manhattan Hill. But I happened to have found out there is another part to that, and we are going to find it.”