Shape of My Life

by DC Renee

  “We’re worried, Grennan,” her mom added. “It’s nothing against you, I assure you, but we’re scared. Her safety, her well-being, her privacy, her life means more to us than you can understand, and until you have your own children, you won’t fully get it.”

  “I might not have kids, Mrs. Cooper, but I do understand your fears. I promise you that I do. But if you’re asking me to give her up on the off chance that something may or may not happen to her, then you are asking me to break her heart.”

  “Are you saying she loves you?” her mom asked as she raised her eyebrows, her interest piqued.

  “I don’t think so—at least, not yet—but I know I can make her happy. I know she can and will love me, and stopping this before it starts means she won’t get that chance. A lie by omission is still a lie. A heartbreak by omission is still heartbreak. I … I care about Brooklyn, deeply. I don’t need months or years to know what’s right in front of me. I’ll protect her with my life if I have to; I’ll shield her from the world if that’s what it takes, but please, Mr. and Mrs. Cooper, don’t ask me to walk away because I don’t think I can.”

  I had been looking directly at Brook’s parents when I told them this, but I hadn’t seen them. Before my eyes were Brook’s smiling face, her piercing green eyes, that shy smile I had so quickly become addicted to. I know I had a silly smile on my own face while I talked to her parents, but I couldn’t help it. She’d captured me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I was hers the minute my eyes found hers, and I couldn’t break free even if I wanted to. I wondered briefly if I was this far gone only a few days in, what would it be like when my heart caught up with the rest of my body? When I was in love with her … because I was sure love at first sight was a real thing, but it wasn’t the same as “in love.” But I’d get there … I was sure of it.

  I looked at her parents then, and I saw the tears running down her mom’s cheeks. I wasn’t sure what exactly it was that had made her cry, but it was a good sign.

  Amber turned to Erick and nodded slightly; he patted her leg, and she turned back.

  “If you treat her the way you just described, then we’ll deal with everything else as it comes,” Erick told me.

  “That’s all I can ask.”

  “You’re a good boy.” Amber smiled through her tears. “And you clearly care about Brook. I guess that’s all we can ask. Just don’t break her heart,” she added with a teasing smile.

  “Wouldn’t even if I could.”

  Brooklyn

  “You’re going to get tired of me,” I told Grennan two days later when he showed up early in the morning and announced we would spend the day together. He had come over for dinner the same day he’d talked with my folks. Afterward, we sat in the backyard and drank beers as we talked. You’d have thought we’d run out of things to talk about by this time, but the conversation flowed. Truth be told, it was mostly about the shenanigans he and his band got into, but it still worked well. He’d left late in the evening, or rather, early morning.

  “I want to come with you,” I had told him when he finally got up to leave.

  “It’s late, and you’re tired, and I want your parents to like me.”

  “They love you,” I responded. They did. The way he was at dinner had made it seem like he was their son, and I was the date. He was a natural born smooth talker.

  He chuckled, gave me a kiss that seared my lips like burning fire, and then headed out, promising we’d hang out the following day.

  “I have to go back to New York tomorrow,” he responded, bringing me back to the present. “I’m spending as much time with you before then as possible.”

  “Oh.” My head had formed a ton of nonchalant responses, but my mouth decided it would portray my disappointment.

  I had spent five days with Grennan, four in a row, and I was already smitten, not understanding how I would be separated from him. And that right there was exactly why I had been so hesitant to be with Grennan.

  “Hey.” He stopped, turned, and put a finger under my chin, lifting my face so my eyes met his. “I meant what I said to your parents. I’m going to be here as often as possible, and you’re going to visit me in New York when I can’t be here.”

  “Right,” I answered, and I know I sounded unconvinced. I was new and exciting, and maybe he chased me because I had initially refused him, but now he had me, and when he went back to New York, he’d forget about me. I guess I was okay with that since I had expected it. Okay, no, I wasn’t, but it was what it was.

  “This is getting serious,” Cassidy had told me the night before as I waited for Grennan to arrive.

  “Three dates, Cass, if you count today. There’s nothing serious about that.”

  “Four,” she argued.

  “That first night doesn’t count.”

  “It sure as hell does, but that’s beside the point. The guy flew out here to woo you and then went and charmed your parents too. That’s serious.”

  “I wonder why,” I mused.

  “Because he’d be a fool not to fall for you, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying.”

  “If he eased my parents’ minds, then you have nothing to fear.”

  “I love you, Brook. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up and then get them crushed.”

  “I love you too, Cass, but I know what this is and who he is, so I’m not expecting more than this.” Sadly, though, expectations and hopes were two things, and even though I knew he’d soon forget me even if I wouldn’t forget him, I couldn’t stop myself from hoping he wouldn’t.

  “Good,” she stated. “Because if things do get serious, I’m not sure you want to be in the limelight. It does things to people.”

  “They won’t, but even if they do,” because I was honestly hoping they would, “I’m going to stay out of it all.”

  “Easier said than done,” she muttered.

  “He’s here. Gotta go. Love you.”

  “Have fun!” she called out as I hung up.

  I knew my parents and Cassidy worried about what would happen if things didn’t work out with Grennan—or if things did—but they had to give me a little credit. I was a strong, sensible woman with a good head on my shoulders. If he went back to New York and forgot all about me, I’d be hurt, but I’d move on. And if for some magical, happy reason, I was the one girl who caught that guy, I’d still be logical and wouldn’t let his business change me.

  “Brooklyn.” Grennan snapped my thoughts back to him again. “What’s going on in that mind of yours?”

  “Nothing really. Just taking in the scenery,” I responded. We had grabbed a quick bite to eat before we drove to a beautiful hiking spot that promised a waterfall at the end of the path. “How do you think of these dates and find these places?” I asked him when we got to the trail.

  “Google.” He smirked. “It’s amazing what you can find on the internet these days.”

  “Why didn’t I know about this place?” I mused.

  “Because, apparently, Google is my best friend and not yours.” He laughed and so did I.

  “You don’t believe me.” Grennan looked into my eyes after my scenery reply. “Don’t worry, Brooklyn, I’ll get you to believe me,” he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. That was his trademark saying … at least, when it came to me. His words were arrogant as if he would get me to do all these things whether I wanted to or not. But even when he sounded very serious, his light undertone told me he was teasing me. I secretly loved it. And I understood that it wasn’t so much about him getting me to do whatever he wanted as it was that he’d find a way to win me over. And so far, he was doing just that.

  I was silent the rest of the walk except to remark on the beauty of the place. Then we made it to the waterfalls, and I was blown away.

  “What? How? It’s so …” I trailed off, not knowing what to say. Something like that was so close to my home, and I never knew. I felt like an idiot.

  “It’s something, huh? I saw
the pictures online, but they didn’t do this justice,” Grennan told me. He pulled a blanket from his backpack and laid it on the ground. I forgot who he was while he was here with no one chasing him as I imagined happened in New York all the time; the people living in my town didn’t care about rock music. Maybe that was why I was alluring to him—because he could be a “normal” person with me.

  He sat down and patted the spot next to him, and I took a seat beside him.

  “Brooklyn, look at me,” he commanded, and I did. To say he was good looking was an understatement, but he wasn’t actually that kind of “gorgeous” you read about in books. He had a strong jaw, straight white teeth, and a wicked smile; brown eyes that held a glimmer of mischief in them. He had a small scar on his forehead and only one dimple, which gave him an almost boyish quality; his dark hair was unruly, but it made him endearing. Overall, he was handsome, but what made him so attractive was the confidence he exuded, like an aura you had to surround yourself with. I guess stardom would do that to you. Oh, and let’s not forget his body—I was sure he had to work hard to get chiseled that way.

  “I’m not good at this whole dating thing,” he started.

  “You’ve been doing a damn fine job,” I interrupted.

  “Thanks.” He smiled, surprised by my praise. “The point is that I’ve been doing my best to do this right. I wanted to win you over so when I had to go back to my crazy life, you wouldn’t take off running in the middle of the night.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I’ve had a reprieve from working these past few days, but my life is usually chaotic. I travel a lot, I go on tours, interviews, photo shoots—you name it, I’m doing it. It can be a lot to take in, and I want you in my life, Brooklyn. There is something special about you. You drew me to you the minute I laid my eyes on you. And it’s more than your physical beauty. Getting to know you, I just like you all that much more. What we’re doing here, this,” he said as he gestured back and forth between us, “we’re a couple.”

  “What if we’re not?” I asked.

  “Are you going to question all my decisions?” he huffed, but I could hear the playfulness in his voice.

  “I didn’t realize you were the one to decide things about me,” I tossed back, but I couldn’t hide my smile or the humor behind my words.

  “We’re dating; don’t bother denying it. And we’re going to continue dating. I’m not really giving you a choice. If you run, I’ll chase. I’m trying to do the right thing here by giving you a heads-up, but realistically, you’re mine, Brooklyn.”

  “I don’t share.” I wasn’t sure where that came from. I should have argued with him about how he just decided something for me, and how he assumed I would be okay with all this. I should have bristled at the entire situation, but even though I knew he was serious, I also knew he understood my true feelings … the ones I had been trying to hide. And I was on the same page as he was … just more nervous. So aside from worrying about how this would work, I was simply overjoyed, but more so, I was hopeful. “Good.” He chuckled. “I was never into that whole ‘sharing is caring’ bullshit. I don’t share either, Brooklyn. If you’re mine, then I’m yours, and you have nothing to worry about.”

  “I trust you,” I told him. And I did. I barely knew the guy, but just like he said there was something about me, well … there was something about him too.

  We spent a few hours by the waterfall. Some extracurricular activities of the no-clothes type might have been involved. Then we ordered in and stayed in his hotel room the rest of the night. The next morning, he was off to New York, and although I trusted that he wasn’t the cheating kind, I was still not one hundred percent set on the fact he actually wanted to be with me. I guess I was waiting for him to get me to believe.

  Grennan

  The minute I left Brook, I had wanted to turn around and run back to her, but I had stuff to finish before we went on tour. I had already cost the band some time with my impromptu trip to see her, and although they gave me a hard time about it when I took off, they were cool about it all. I knew I had to be back at least a few days before I took off again.

  I had been counting down the minutes until I landed so I could hear her voice, or at the very least, text her once my plane had touched down, but the minute I turned on my phone, I was bombarded with calls from everyone from my bandmates to our manager. I hate to admit that for the first few hours, I was actually so distracted I didn’t have time to think about Brook. I was fielding calls, scheduling appointments, and agreeing to interviews, all while traveling home and then heading to the studio. I didn’t even have time to shower before I had to meet with everyone.

  Before my mind even had a chance to rest, the guys started in on me.

  “So where were you really?” Gavin, our bassist, asked. “Let me guess, you had a date with the twins righty and lefty, and they didn’t let up?”

  “Ha-ha, very funny,” I deadpanned, but everyone else laughed.

  “Are you going to be able to play the guitar with all the work your hands have gotten lately?” Cody, the drummer, chimed in.

  “I’ll show you playing,” I muttered.

  “Next time, we’ll get you a real girl, Gren. Just give us heads-up, and we’ll try to find a willing one.” Trevor, the other guitarist, thought he was so funny.

  “All right, all right, you guys good now? Can we get started?” I asked.

  “Oh, we’re just getting started,” Cody responded with a smirk.

  “Did you make sure to lube up? Don’t want any chafing on your hands, you know.” Trevor chuckled.

  “Okay, assholes, enough. We have work to do.” I loved them; I did. They were like brothers, but a guy can only take so much ribbing. Gavin had been my roommate my first semester at college.

  My parents had helped me organize my dorm a few days before class started, and after their goodbyes, I sat on my bed, guitar in hand, and strummed a few chords.

  “Dude, you play?” I looked up to see a guy with some boxes in his hands.

  “Yeah,” I responded. “Why? Is it going to be a problem?” I immediately stiffened, hoping my roommate would not be an asshole or some weirdo.

  “Not if it’s going to be a problem for you,” he answered. Setting down his boxes, he pulled his guitar slung across his back to show me. “I play bass.”

  A slow smile formed on my lips. I had tinkered with some guys back in high school my senior year, but you could hardly call that a band. I had known for a long time that the minute I got to college, I would form one. I had to … if I ever had any chance of making it … if I ever had any chance of seeing Jourdan again. My roommate playing bass had been like a present from God himself, the first building blocks of my band landing in my lap. “I’m Grennan,” I told him as I stood up to go shake his hand. It felt like the right thing to do.

  “Gavin,” he responded.

  “I have a feeling we’re not going to have any problems.” And we didn’t. We actually played a bit shortly after he had set up his half of the room, and he’d been my best friend since. He met Cody in one of his classes after only about a week of school, and Cody knew Trevor. He swore we needed him if we were going to have a band, and he had been right. We’ve all been close since.

  “Come on, Gren,” Gavin started. “You don’t expect us to believe you chased some tail to a Podunk town in the middle of nowhere, do you? No matter how good the sex was.” All the guys knew why I’d gotten into music. I hadn’t hidden that fact from them, so they knew once upon a time, I had wanted one girl, and one girl only, but even then, they were skeptical, thinking it was the memory I was after. For as long as they knew me, I hadn’t been with the same girl twice, and I sure as hell didn’t go after women. Yet they saw me practically stalk Brook the night we met.

  “Dude, she’s hot, but what the fuck?” Cody had asked that night when I brushed off some chick for the third time.

  “She’s … there’s just something about her.”

&n
bsp; “You’re tired of easy pussy,” Trevor had responded. “You’re looking for a challenge.”

  “That’s not it.”

  “Whatever,” he answered. And it hadn’t been about the challenge. It had just been about her.

  “She’s not some tail,” I practically growled, responding to Gavin’s insinuation that Brook was just a piece of ass.

  “Then what the fuck was this?” he asked. “We have a lot of shit to do, tour starts in a few months, we haven’t finished laying down all the tracks, and you tell us that you have to disappear for a few days. Then you actually fucking do, saying some shit about a girl as if we’re in some bullshit romance comedy. What the fuck, Gren?”

  We’d had our fair share of arguments, and naturally, we were bound to piss each other off sometimes, but I hadn’t expected it this time. I looked at Cody and Trevor, and they were wearing matching expressions, part curious and part annoyed. I guess I should have given them more details before I had left, and maybe brushing off their questions when I was with Brook hadn’t been a good idea either. It’s just that … well, I didn’t know what to tell them. I had known I would win Brook over, but the confidence behind that thought wasn’t one hundred percent there. I was reduced to the guy I was back in high school, and I didn’t know how to deal with that, let alone tell my friends about it.

  “She’s not just some girl, and I didn’t fucking chase her,” I told them.

  “Then what the hell was this all about?”

  “She’s … she’s fucking amazing.” I knew I probably had a faraway look in my eyes like I was high or a cheeseball, but that was how I felt when thinking about Brook. “And she’s going to be mine.”

  “Going to be?” Cody asked.

  “She hasn’t been all that accepting that I want her yet, but what I want, I get,” I said with a wink. We had established that we were together, but she didn’t think I noticed her wariness about it all. That even though she had agreed we were a couple, she didn’t truly agree. I’d figure out a way to make her throw caution to the wind and give us a true chance