Miles

by Carriere, Adam Henry

  "Just on days they hand back some exams." All right, don't laugh. "No, ma'am."

  "Do you have any more?"

  A veritable distillery at home, but it's my Dad's. "No, ma'am."

  "Do you smoke pot?"

  If I started, I'd put Timothy Leary to shame. "No, ma'am."

  Arlene reached for a large cutting knife and held the tip of it to the edge of my throat. James giggled quietly in the background. I think Felix was embarrassed.

  "Don't fuck with an armed Jewish mother." I shook my head. "Good. No booze, no drugs, and no noise after we go to bed."

  "Yes, ma'am."

  She nodded and returned to the huge salad she was preparing. "We'll be eating in about an hour. Felix, get your friend set up, and change out of that suit, for Heaven's sake." She rolled her eyes at me. "I told him to dress like a normal human being this morning, but, no, I'm only the mother, what the hell do I know?"

  A mother with a sense of humor. What a novelty!

  "Ma, you're the one who told me the Institute was part of the university, and everyone who went there was a rich brain! I just wanted to fit in!" Felix pointed at me. "I didn't think they went in for the ski lodge look!" No, there's more heat in a ski lodge, pal.

  "At least your friend doesn't look like an overdressed car salesman, dear."

  We retreated to Felix's bedroom.

  *

  While telling me about his folks and their last home in Cleveland, Felix disrobed and tossed the suit onto his bed. I watched him clean and dress his leg in the bathroom from the reflection on the door mirror. He picked out a worn-out pair of jeans, a black sweatshirt, and white gym socks from his over-stuffed closet.

  Felix looked good in his underwear.

  He had a soft build and broad shoulders, which I thought was the suit jacket talking. His arms, legs, chest, and back were completely absent of hair. But he had a thin pencil of hair leading down from his belly-button into his tight white briefs that looked like they had been unwrapped that morning. They highlighted the tight bubbles of his rear and fit to bust crotch.

  Now I knew where Felix’s height genes ended up.

  The room was sparsely decorated. Each brother had a shelf of toys and gadgets over a separate desk, and shared an elaborate telescope, which was positioned near the wide picture window that faced the S-Curve on Lake Shore Drive and the murky sight of Lake Michigan. James had a framed Air France poster of Paris over his bed, while Felix had a collection of framed postcards depicting large sailboats at sea over his.

  Felix sat next to me at the edge of stiff bottom bunk. "I hope there isn't a lot of homework tonight."

  "No, thank God, only about an hour's worth. I'll tell you about all the teachers and stuff over dinner. Your parents would probably like to hear it, anyway."

  "Great.”

  “And then what?" I have a suggestion.

  "We can go swimming. There's a huge pool and health club in the basement. You'll love it."

  No, that's not what I was thinking of. "I don't think one of your suits will fit me." But I'll do without one if you will.

  "No. I'll get one of my Dad's. He isn't much bigger than you are."

  "Sounds fine." Felix did not move to get up. I nudged him gently with an elbow. “Well? Let's eat, buddy."

  "Thanks for coming over tonight." Felix looked down at his lap, pretty much where I was trying not to look.

  I tried not to sound as painfully grateful as I suddenly felt I was to be there, with Felix. "Well, thanks for inviting me."

  Someone came in the front door. Arlene called out for us from the kitchen. I gulped loudly before reaching across Felix's chest pushing him softly back onto the bed, leaving my arm draped across him as I leaned backwards and settled on an elbow, my forced blank face close to his.

  Felix hid his confusion with a half-smile. "What’s up, bro?"

  Bro? Man, did I like the sound of that! "Tell me what you're thinking about, Felix." Quick, before I blurt out what I'm thinking about!

  Felix's eyes closed for a moment. "You never told me why you don't like going home anymore."

  "Because every time I think about it, it hurts so much I want to cry," I sighed. Felix reached up and squeezed my arm once, but looked at the bedroom’s closed door instead of at me. This can't be what was on his mind, I thought. "It's not that I don't want to tell you, though, or talk to you about anything else." Felix finally turned back to face me and squeezed my arm once more. Now, finally, our eyes met. They swallowed the other’s whole.

  Nobody had ever looked at me like that before. "I just want you to go first."

  We each smiled, but almost as quickly, I felt Felix drift away again. What did he think was on the other side of that door? I turned his face toward mine, my fingertips tingling with the contact. I camouflaged the lump in my throat by looking at my watch, supposedly to urge Felix on.

  He nibbled on his lip before replying. "We move around a lot. Dad has a lot of money. Well, it's all from Grandma, really. But he goes from one project to the next, and we have to pick up and go with him. Just like that, sometimes." He snapped his fingers harshly.

  "It sounds like a lot of fun."

  Felix tried to smile, but couldn't. He shook his head doubtfully. "Sometimes, I guess. It's one thing when you're little, because you can make friends anywhere. You know? You just walk up to another kid and say, 'Will you be my friend?', but that gets a lot harder when you get older."

  "Wow. You're a whole sixteen."

  "I'm serious. I've got friends in back in Cleveland, and cousins and friends all over Florida and New York City. My favorite aunt lives in Vermont. But I don't have any friends here with me, now, except you, and I may be gone by Hanukkah, uh, Christmas."

  I glanced away from Felix, toward the city lights outside his bedroom window. All those people doing whatever they did, the wind blowing, the waves on the lake, the stars, if you could see the damned things with all the glare from the buildings, it all seemed so distant. It was just us lying there together, and, at a time in my life that resembled one giant bumper car ride without the rubber bumpers, it felt like a million dollars.

  "Will you promise me something?"

  I looked back at my friend and nodded once. He sat up and I did too, moving a few inches closer until we touched, from our shoulders to our stocking feet. "Only if you promise me something back."

  "Okay." Felix took a deep breath and folded his hands together, as if he was unsure whether to beg or pray or something while he asked. "We're friends. At least, I think we're friends." Friends. Wow. I put my arm on his shoulders, like Nicolasha taught me to, like Papu used to when I was younger and didn't cry so much, like Mom and Dad did...a long time ago. "We might be friends for years. Maybe even for the rest of our lives."

  "It depends on what you get me for Christmas."

  Felix laughed, or, rather, exhaled in a short breath, like he might have started crying, if he didn't think he'd ruin dinner or have his mother throw a knife at him. "But when I leave..."

  "If you leave..."

  Felix's lowered head shook slowly. "When I leave, whenever I do, promise me we'll spend my whole last weekend down here together, just doing everything, all over the city, and when the weekend ends, we won't say anything. We'll hug each other until someone makes fun of us. And then we'll walk away, but stay friends, for as long as we can. Okay? It’s a promise?"

  I didn't know what to say or how to feel at that particular moment of my life. It was like I had touched something outside of me I didn't even know existed, and was being touched, too, and had no idea what to do about it, other than to want to feel that way for as long as I could. So I pretended it was all a little joke, as if we were in some idiot school play or something.

  "What if I don't like the way you give hugs?"

  Felix gave me a hard stare. "Promise?"

  I returned his look meanly. "Hey, I spent all last weekend crying, like I was six, totally helpless, with no one there. I hate feeling like that,
and I keep doing it, more and more, and I don't want to. But I probably will, maybe even with you."

  “What do you mean, feel that way or cry? You won’t be helpless if I’m around. And I don’t care if you cry in front of me. No one ever has before, but I won’t mind. Boys can cry, too. Hell, I might start if you do!”

  I exhaled hard, pulling my arm from Felix's shoulders. "My whole life is turning upside down." I could feel the edge of tears welling in my empty stomach. I clenched my jaw and tried to ignore it. "Don't make fun of me or laugh if I do." Arlene's rather insistent voice from down the hallway broke the silence between us. "Promise?"

  "I promise."

  I got up and took Felix's hands in mine, pulling him up from the bed. He blushed, but smiled, too. I wanted to keep holding his hands, but he snapped us both out of our preoccupation and stretched to put his arm on my shoulders as he led me out of the room to a dinner that smelled fabulous.

  "You better call your parents when we're done eating."

  I'd rather have put on a sock with a tarantula inside of it.

  *

  Jason Cromwell welcomed me to his dinner table with a fearsome handshake and slap on the arm. Even as I took my seat between him and Felix, I could feel Jason's sharp eyes sizing me up. He was about six feet tall, graying, maybe a few years older than Arlene, and seemed quite fit. He shared his wife's unusual November tan. I didn't know it was that sunny in Cleveland. Like his wife, his clothes sported a western touch: snakeskin belt with a wide silver buckle, jeans, fancy brown boots, and a denim shirt with silver collar edges. A pair of mom-and-pop Jewish cowboys - what would Johnny Reb say? Hee-haw!

  We began with a fantastic Caesar's salad and very fresh banana muffins, and headed directly into the steak, filet you could cut with a fork, nicely broiled in thin peppercorn au jus. Felix and I exchanged amused glances when Arlene and Jason hummed along to a soft country & western ballad playing on the nearby cathedral radio. I expected a polite, velvet-gloved interrogation from Jason at any minute, you know, the new friend's first visit routine, but we finished dinner in relative silence, Johnny Cash's "Home of the Blues" notwithstanding.

  "What a fabulous meal. Thank you for having me."

  "I'd have to die, waiting for one of my sons to give me a compliment like that." Arlene dipped her fingers into her water glass and flicked a few drops into Felix's face, who responded by picking up his entire glass, threatening to wing it at his mom.

  Felix cleared the plates from the table as Jason sat back and lit a large, dark cigar. "Do you guys have much homework?"

  "We'll be done by nine, Dad."

  "Then get to it, so you can go swimming before they close." We began to leave the room. "Did you let your parents know you're spending the night?"

  "No, sir, I hadn't. I will right now." Ugh.

  Felix touched my arm. "You can call from my room, buddy." Arlene and Jason sent us off with big country smiles. I'd rather have made that call from somewhere out in that countryside.

  *

  Eight rings.

  "Hello?"

  "Hi, Dad."

  "Where the hell are you?"

  "Downtown. A friend of mine from school invited me to spend the night. Is that OK?"

  Pause.

  "Well, it's too late to be taking the train home, so there isn't much point in giving you permission."

  "I have all my school stuff. We're doing our homework together."

  "You could have called hours ago. You'd better, next time."

  "Fine."

  "I don't need that tone of voice from you, son. Save it for your teachers."

  My pause.

  "I'll leave a note for your mother. Make sure you come straight home tomorrow."

  "I will."

  "By the way, that teacher of yours, Nicolas? He called."

  My second pause.

  "Did he leave a message?"

  "He likes the opera you gave him."

  Click.

  I stared at the phone on Felix's desk until he squeezed my shoulder from behind. My face was blank as he handed me a white terrycloth robe, oversized towel, and a yellow nylon bathing suit.

  "Which one did you talk to?" The scotched one, I think.

  "My Dad."

  "Was he pissed?"

  "He's been like that for a couple of years."

  *

  We finished our calculus without too much panic, our dull sociology with a sigh of relief, and the chapter on Prokofiev rather quickly, all before eight-thirty. We didn't switch off using my books. We did it together, sitting next to each other on Felix's bed, something I had never done before, but thought I'd like to do again.

  It was a nice feeling, being so close to someone for so long.

  I hid the photo album in a separate pouch of my bag when Felix took a pee break.

  "Are you ready to go swimming, pal?"

  "I've been ready since dinner."

  "Me, too."

  Felix was naked before I began to pull my clothes off. He threw a sock at my face when he saw me watching him. He slipped on a pair of red floral Hawaiian print shorts, and waited for me to try on his dad's suit, which was a little baggy on my frame.

  "We look like we've been shopping at the Salvation Army."

  Arlene and Jason's bedroom door was closed as we passed by. The apartment was dark, except for the television set and the skyline beyond the window.

  We rode down in the elevator ward with an old woman, who was bundled up for a cold night's stroll and looked at us oddly, standing there in a couple of bathrobes and bare feet. She seemed relieved to exit at the lobby, while we continued to the building's second basement.

  Walking into the health club, we were instantly overwhelmed by a powerful chlorine odor from the pool. A cute blond girl in snug green shorts and a white sweatshirt with the club's emblem on the left breast waved us past the reception desk after recognizing Felix. She smiled at me as I followed my friend into the men's locker room, where we left our robes and towels, and acknowledged two thoroughly exhausted racquetball players who staggered in behind us.

  The pool area was large but deserted, and somewhat claustrophobic, with a low ceiling, dark blue walls, and fairly dim lighting. In fact, there were more lights inside the rectangular pool itself than there were in the warm, musty room. It certainly had an atmosphere about it.

  We stood at the edge of the deep end. "Pretty nice, isn't it, buddy?"

  "You're right. I love it."

  "Good. The last one to the other side has to strip in the elevator!"

  I stared at Felix incredulously, and he winked at me. Before he could react, I pulled Felix' shorts halfway down to his knees and pushed him in the water before diving in and racing to the opposite side. I heard Felix begin his pursuit behind me and increased my speed, coming to a halt at the shallow end two full lengths ahead of him.

  I jumped up and sat on the smooth concrete edge, my legs hanging in the clear water. Felix stroked up to my feet and spun around underwater, hurling back toward the deep end with a push from the wall of the pool. Damn! I sprang to my feet and shot back into the water, a few feet behind him. I nearly caught him as Felix reached the other side.

  We draped our arms over the pool's edge, out of breath. "I won! I won! I won! Na na, na NA na!" Felix stuck his tongue out at me before I decided to dunk him into shutting up. He climbed up the back of my legs and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, pulling me off of the edge into the chlorinated depths. We wrestled underwater, trying to get a better hold on each other's twisting body before stopping to get some air.

  "I'm sick of losing races to you, Felix!"

  "Hey, that's what you get for underestimating us little guys!"

  "Hm. Modest and aggressive."

  "You'll never beat me in any water sport - swimming, diving, water skiing, sailing, whatever!"

  "Too bad you almost killed yourself getting out of East Berlin today." I splashed him in the face.

  "I'm pretty proud of that
!"

  "Proud of what? Crawling under a train platform?"

  "No, putz, being good in the water." He splashed me back. "Ever since I was two, we've spent the holidays at my Grandma's place down in Fort Myers."

  "Did you ever learn how to play ball?"

  "A little bit. I catch better than I throw, and run a lot better than I hit. Dad thinks I'm a natural shortstop, but I don't really play enough to be much good."

  "You just don't want anyone calling you 'shortstop'."

  "Well, that, too." We exchanged smiles. "So what are you good at?"

  "Hitting." And keeping my hands off of you, Felix.

  "Do you play in a league or anything?" I shook my head regretfully.

  "You should, if you're good at it."

  "I hate groups." I don't think I could handle having twenty three friends all at once.

  Before Felix could encourage me further, the young receptionist trotted out from the ladies' locker room with an armful of towels. She pointed at a clock on the wall. "We're closing in a few minutes, guys."

  Felix nodded and climbed out of the pool, eyeing her carefully as she straightened up the chairs and switched off the underwater lights. The dark pool seemed scary, all of a sudden. Felix offered his hand and helped me from the water.

  "Isn't she cute?"

  "You should have pushed her in with me," I lied.

  *

  We peeled off our suits and hurried into the shower. Felix unnerved me when he chose the showerhead facing mine, chatting happily about having won a swim meet back in Cleveland while he rubbed hot water over his body and I nodded and smiled and kept my eyes locked on him, forcing myself to listen

  With our wet suits wrapped in our towels, we headed back upstairs. As soon as the elevator door closed, Felix pointed at me.

  "Take off your robe." Oh my God. "You lost the race, buddy. Remember?"

  "I beat you to the shallow side," I stammered.

  "After you pulled my trunks down, cheating bastard." Felix must have sensed my growing panic. He smiled devilishly. "I beat you round-trip, though."

  The tiny elevator bell sounded and we reached our floor, thank God. "Too late, shortstop!" I gave Felix the finger and ran out down the hall, trying to keep my borrowed terrycloth robe out of his hands. We stopped at the foot of the apartment door and I wrestled the laughing Felix to the burgundy carpet. I began tickling him into submission, my hands reaching into his loosening robe, poking and pinching and pulling every inch of his soft, hairless chest, stomach, back, abdomen, and neck. Felix begged me to stop through his hysterical laughter, completely immobilized by my assault.