Rememberers

by C. Edward Baldwin

  They became quiet, seemingly sharing the same thought. Then Seth turned back to her. “What're you thinking about?”

  “Nothing,” she said softly. But it was a lie. She was thinking about him. She'd never felt this way about anyone before. Perhaps it was too soon to emphatically claim her feelings to be love. But there was a warm sensation in her heart, one that she hoped would never leave. Be kind, sweet, and gentle always Seth Winters, she said silently to herself. She faced forward again and rolled down her window slightly, letting the coolness of the fall evening flow into the car. She was a big enough girl to realize that nothing in life was promised, not even love. You simply had to enjoy it whenever you got it, for however long you had it.

  She'd fallen asleep before they'd entered the city of Florence proper, awakening just as the Mustang was noisily making its way down a long, gravel-topped driveway. She opened her eyes reluctantly. She'd been having a pleasant dream, one involving flowers and countryside-roaming on a bright and sunny summer day. Hazily, she looked out the window. The Winters’ House was a fairly large frame and cobblestone-fronted structure. “And they moved to Beverly,” she grinned, “Hills that is.”

  “Oh, you got jokes,” Seth said. “It's not that big. Besides, we don't own it. It's a parsonage. It belongs to the church.”

  “To the church? It's bigger than my grandmother's church.”

  “Ha, ha, cute,” Seth said. “Let's go meet my folks.”

  And just then, as if its inhabitants had been eagerly awaiting their arrival, the house's front double doors swung open, producing a short, pleasant-faced woman sporting a wide, friendly, high-charged smile. She was followed closely by a tall, distinguished-looking, gray-haired man whose smile was just as friendly as the woman's, though with a little less voltage.

  CHAPTER NINTEEN

  The Winters family seemed loving and close-knit; just as Kallie had always imagined a family that had both original parents living in the same household would be. There were four Winters kids. Seth and his older sister, Stephanie (a rising senior at Notre Dame), had already flown the coop, leaving only the two youngest siblings, fourteen year old fraternal twins, Cam and Ron, still living at home. Kallie watched Mrs. Winters dote on the two and Seth as if she'd thought the three would be off to war at any given moment. Seeing Mrs. Winters obsess over her boys made Kallie remember the summer before she'd first left for college. Her own mother had cried and laughed interchangeably just about every day that summer. She'd been very proud about her only daughter going to college; but she'd been sad at the same time because her daughter going to college had also meant she'd be leaving home. “It's my sweet and sour moment,” Kallie's mother had said at the time. “My baby's all grown up now. It's the day parents pray for and dread at the same time.”

  “What are you studying at college?” Reverend Winters asked Kallie.

  The television was playing noiselessly in the background as the four of them, the Reverend, Mrs. Winters, Seth, and Kallie, sat fat, happy, and content in the family room. The reverend had fried fish and french-fries, and made big bowls of coleslaw and potato salad, sufficiently impressing Kallie with his kitchen skills. After eating all they could hold, the twins had excused themselves with promises not to stay up too late playing videogames.

  “I'm just taking the basic stuff now, English, biology, and philosophy—stuff like that. I haven't decided on a major yet. But I don't have to decide until next year anyway.”

  “Ah, philosophy,” the reverend said. “How are you doing in that course?”

  “It's probably my favorite,” Kallie said.

  “I see,” the reverend said. “And tell me, where do you fall on the God question?”

  “What do you mean?” Kallie asked.

  “Retreat Kallie,” Seth said. “Dad's setting you up.”

  “Asking her where she stands on the God question is not setting her up, young man,” Reverend Winters said.

  Mrs. Winters stood up. “I know where this is headed. I'm going upstairs and lay my clothes out for tomorrow.” To Kallie she added, “Be careful dear, or you're liable to end up in tomorrow's sermon.”

  Kallie glanced helplessly at Seth and then looked to his father. She certainly wasn't prepared to get into a philosophical discussion with a minister about the existence of God. But although having just told her to retreat, Seth now seemed just as anxious as his father was to hear her response. Both of them watched her carefully, waiting for her to say something. “Okay,” she said, “let me clarify. Are you asking what I think about the existence of God or what I think about philosophy's contrasting views on God's existence?”

  “Great question,” Reverend Winters said. “But I don't think the answers to both are mutually exclusive. As you probably know, philosophers have tackled the God question for as long as they've been able to think. Some philosophers, like Descartes, Kant, and Leibniz, believed that God's existence could be rationally proven. While other philosophers, namely Feuerbach and Nietzsche, used philosophy to challenge the notion of God's existence. But in my humble opinion, I think one uses philosophy to back up or support what one already believes.”

  “So what you're saying,” Seth began, “is that philosophy doesn't prove God's existence one way or the other. If you believed in God before you studied philosophy, you most likely would believe in him afterwards, and vice-versa.”

  “Precisely,” his father said.

  “It's kind of a roundabout way to find out if I believe in God, isn't it?” Kallie asked.

  Reverend Winters smiled. “Roundabout only if that were my goal. But, to be honest, I was only making polite conversation.”

  Kallie laughed. “So that's what passes for polite conversation around here?”

  Both Seth and his father laughed and said in unison, “I'm afraid so.”

  “Okay, Reverend Winters, I have a question for you.”

  “I'm all ears.”

  “What are your thoughts on time-cycles?”

  The reverend's eyebrows furrowed. “Time-cycles?”

  “Yes,” Kallie said. “Some religions and philosophers believe that time is not linear, but rather circular. And that we've already completed at least one time-cycle.”

  “I see,” Reverend Winters said. “I don't believe in time-cycles. There's no question that time is linear.”

  “How can you be sure?” Kallie asked. “How do you know that once time gets to an end it won't simply circle back around?”

  The reverend smiled. “I love the inner workings of an inquisitive youthful mind. I know because of the Bible, God's word.”

  “You're saying that there's no mention of time-cycles anywhere in the Bible?” Kallie said.

  “That's correct,” the reverend said confidently.

  “What about where it quotes God as saying he's the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end?” Kallie asked.

  Seth's face became contorted and he was about to say something, but decided against it, deferring instead to his father.

  “Revelation 22:13,” the reverend said. “What does that verse have to do with time-cycles?”

  “How can God be the first and the last or the beginning and the end? Doesn't that prove that the time points of beginning and end meet each other, indicating a circle?”

  “I don't follow,” the reverend said.

  “I don't either,” Seth said.

  She wished Josh was here to explain it to them. Last week when he'd explained his take on the verse to her, it had made logical sense. “What I'm saying is that first and last, beginning and end are time-points, points on the line of time. Just like this moment that we're having now is a point in time. So, there's a beginning point and an ending point. And if God is both the first and the last, the beginning and the end, at the same time, that means the points are meeting. The only way they can meet is if those points have circled toward each other.” She could feel little beads of sweat popping up on her forehead as both father and son stared at her, unsure of what t
o make of her theory.

  Reverend Winters looked uneasily at his son, and then turned back to face Kallie. “Well, I would disagree with your premise,” the reverend said. “I wouldn't say that first and last or beginning and end are representations of time-points, at least not in the sense you're referring to. The quote is merely God's declaration to us that He and only He was at the start of existence. And that He and only He will be at the end of existence.”

  There was an awkward silence for a moment, which was broken when Seth blurted out, “But what about eternal life?”

  The reverend frowned. “What about it?”

  “You said that God will be here at the end of existence. But God so saved the world that he gave his only begotten son and whosoever believes in him, will not perish, but have everlasting life. Eternal life. Wouldn't that mean that there would be no end of existence or no ending point? Which could make both of you right, beginning and end could merge seamlessly into each other.”

  His father smiled again. “John 3:16. That was the first Bible verse you learned. The verse, of course, is God's promise to us should we believe his son to be our savior. The verse Kallie referred to simply means there is no end to God. It speaks of his eternal being. It's not speaking of time-cycles. And no, Son, it doesn't mean God is playing on a loop like some broken tape recorder.”

  “But what if God himself was time?” Kallie asked.

  The reverend simply looked at her, and then shook his head slowly as if pitying her naiveté. “What are they teaching you at school?”

  “I didn't learn this at school. I got it off the internet. It's a theory that God is time. The very act of existence is God. Isn't time the very measurement or proof of existence? Isn't it feasible that God and Time are one and the same?”

  “Let me be clear,” the reverend said, speaking deliberately. “Time is a human concept. Whoever said God is time was merely trying to box God into a concept, a human one. God exists beyond that. God exists beyond man's comprehension of time.”

  Kallie understood what the reverend was saying. Yes, God existed beyond man's concept of time. But it was clear that Reverend Winters hadn't understood her. Time was a human concept when you thought about it in terms of twenty-four hour days, seven days of the week, or twelve months of the year. But the God is Time concept as explained to her by Reverend Swag wasn't putting God in the concept of hours, or days, or months, or years. It was putting God in the concept of existence. Before God, there was nothing. And then there was God, a being, an existence. There was no time in nothing. Time was a something, an existence. Time only started when there was something. God formed from nothing into something. God and Time came into being something at the same time, essentially making God and Time, one and the same. She understood completely, but there was no way she'd be able to make the reverend understand it. Besides it was getting too late in the evening to even try. “I see,” she said meekly and then yawned.

  “Good,” the reverend said, confident he'd won the debate. “Now, it looks like you two could use a little rest. Kallie, I trust you'll be comfortable in Stephanie's room.”

  “I'm sure,” Kallie agreed.

  “Good. I also trust that you both brought something appropriate to wear to church in the morning.”

  “Yes, sir,” Seth said.

  After the reverend left the room, Seth turned to Kallie, “I've never seen anyone debate like that with my father. You more than held your own. I think that God is time theory threw him for a loop. Did you really get that from the internet?”

  “For the most part,” Kallie said. She took his hand and looked into his eyes. “I appreciate you trying to help me out. I hope your father doesn't think I'm some kind of heathen.”

  “You don't have to worry about that. My father believes what he believes. He'll prove most of it with the Bible. And wherever the Bible is insufficient in explanations, he'll fill in the blanks with his faith. Right now, I guarantee you he's upstairs praying for understanding of the debate you and he just had. And we'll probably hear parts of it in his sermon tomorrow.”

  “You think so, huh?” she said.

  “I do.”

  She kissed him. Just pulled his head into hers and kissed him. She didn't know why she'd decided on that moment in time. But she'd wanted to kiss him from the first moment she'd truly looked at him when he'd first come to her house a couple of weeks ago. But this moment somehow seemed right for their first kiss.

  “God,” he said when the kiss finally ended. “I've wanted to do that for the longest time.”

  “Then why didn't you?”

  “I'm a coward; I guess.”

  “Nah, you're not a coward. You might be too much of a gentleman maybe, but you're not a coward.” She kissed him lightly on the lips again. “So your father will talk about this tomorrow?”

  “I'm almost positive.”

  Seth was right. Reverend Winters did incorporate parts of his discussion with Kallie in his Sunday sermon. In a wide-ranging oration that covered everything from the demons of alcohol, premarital sex, drugs, and violence, to the need for everyone to repent of their sins and follow Jesus, he gave an impassioned plea for his congregation to not try and box God into their human concept. “Our minds cannot truly comprehend the awesomeness of God. We know about the creation of the world in seven days. We know of the miracles and blessings, the gift of his son to us. But we're simply unable to truly grasp God.” He tapped his head. “This brain of ours is inadequate in allowing us to do so. So I say, stop trying, stop thinking of God in our human terms. He is a billion times, a quadrillion times more awesome than anything we can humanly imagine. Just know that God is real and that he sent his only begotten son to us, a son that will take away the burden of our sins and protect us from our demons. Can I hear amen?”

  He heard several, as well as dozens of halleluiahs amidst a thunderous applause.

  * * *

  Fat, reddish-orange, and dangling majestically from the vine, the indeterminates were nearly ready for harvest. Madame Isabel, on her knees in her garden plucking out the last of the weeds, was very pleased at this current batch of tomatoes. She'd feared an early frost would come and destroy her late season crop, but nature had been most kind this year. The fall weather had proved as nourishing as that of the spring.

  Lost in thought and a prayer of gratitude for nature's mercy, she hadn't initially heard the footsteps trampling through her garden, coming towards her. When she finally heard them, two questions were birthed at once—why hadn't she heard her husband's truck pull into the driveway and why was he now moving so clumsily through her garden. When she realized the obvious answer to both questions, the footsteps had suddenly stopped behind her and she could hear their owner's breath vociferously entering the air in the now silence. Like a governor's call after the lever had already been pulled, the recollection had come just a tad late. “You'll fail again,” she said without bothering to turn around, “just like before.”

  “All things won't be as before,” he said calmly.

  “She'll find out about you. She always does.”

  “Always is such a strong word. Things change.”

  She braced her body. “The more things change…”

  “The more they stay the same,” he said, finishing her sentence before bringing the knife down swiftly and harshly across her neck, nearly severing it from her body.

  * * *

  After Josh Levy set the car's cruise control on sixty-eight mph, he willed himself to keep the vehicle straight and his eyes opened. He most certainly didn't want to crash. He was on highway 74, heading to the little town of Maxton. Luckily, Sunday morning traffic on the highway was light. Otherwise, he could've hit a vehicle the couple of times he'd nodded off and drifted into the other lane. He hadn't slept and he'd had very little to eat or drink since Thursday. He couldn't remember ever getting so engrossed in his research. But time-cycles had proven very intriguing, very intriguing indeed.

  He'd found out about
Madame Isabel from a chat room. He was able to find her address on the internet and he determined that she was the same Madame Isabel that Kallie had told him about. Kallie had described her as some kind of psychic. But boy, was she more than that, much more! He looked at the odometer. The needle held steady at sixty-eight mph. He considered setting the cruise a little higher. But he quickly dismissed that thought. Though he was anxious to see Madame Isabel and connect the dots of his research, he didn't want to risk crashing his car and not getting there at all. Looking back at the road, he settled back into his seat and concentrated on just staying awake. Like an apparition, the old road song Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall rose up in his mind and, without realizing it, he started singing. “Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer. If one of them should happen to fall, then there'd be ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall…”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  The following Saturday afternoon's session with Reverend Johnny Swag was Kallie's fourth one of the week, and she was finally beginning to see the fruits of his “priming” technique. She could now make out parts of a face. She was lying down on the couch in Swag's office. Swag was sitting near her head in a brown leather rollback chair.

  “Keep your eyes closed,” Swag said. “Relax and clear your mind of everything but that face.”

  Kallie squeezed her eyes closed tighter.

  Swag patted her arm, admonishing her gently. “Don't press. It'll come. But you have to relax every part of your body, including your eyes.”

  “Okay,” Kallie said, and almost immediately, her arms and shoulders slumped imperceptibly and her eyelids stopped twitching.

  “Good,” Swag said. “Now tell me what you see.”

  She breathed in deeply. “Black eyes, flat nose, dark skin. But not dark like an African-American, more like extremely tanned. His facial expression is sad, but determined. It's in his eyes. He believes in what he's doing. He feels duty-bound.”

  “Can you smell anything? Any kind of scent?”