With Baby in Mind

by Arlene James

  It was a party unlike any other Kendra had ever attended, let alone hostessed.

  The Randles were the first to arrive with their two little towheads, a boy and a girl, ages five and three respectively. Cheryl came bearing buckets of fried chicken and popcorn for the microwave. Dennis and his date, the same Mandy whom Kendra and Parker had met on the night of the movie, contributed soft drinks and packaged dinner rolls. Walt Lyons and his group brought a sack of potatoes, all the condiments, several bags of chips and various dips. Jeanna Crowe and her escort, a widowed banker who wouldn’t see fifty again, brought an enormous casserole of mixed vegetables with cheese and a bowl of the traditional black-eyed peas. Parker also contributed. In addition to appetizers—Kate’s whole water chestnuts wrapped with bacon strips and crackers with an assortment of toppings—he provided a dessert of chocolate marble cheesecake purchased from a local bakery—and just enough champagne to give the adults two glasses each. He also bought several types of party games. They totaled eleven adults and six children, the Sugarmans included.

  While the potatoes were baking and the rest of dinner was warming, the group fractured, splitting between the kitchen and the multipurpose room, the main pasttime being the simple conversation of those becoming acquainted for the first time and those catching up on what was happening in the lives of good friends. Much was said of Kendra and Parker’s hasty marriage, and many exclamations were made about how much Darla had grown and how well she seemed. When mention of Nathan and Candace and their deaths was made as the Sugarmans and their guests gathered to eat, there was more than one clogged throat and tearful eye, but as those who had not been privileged to know the missing friends asked questions, the reminiscences turned to pleasant, even funny, times. Soon the conversation was cheerful, despite the ache of loss, and Kendra began to see that Parker deserved more credit than she’d realized for the way he’d handled this party.

  How awful it would have been had they come together as the old group had in the past. Without newcomers or children, the absence of dear but departed friends would have been unbearable. This way, they were together—even a piece of Candace and Nathan was with them in the form of Darla—but the experience was new and fresh and thoroughly enjoyable. Kendra could tell that as Parker reigned over the benevolent chaos, he was satisfied, and she thought about telling him how well she thought he’d done, but the emotional distance between them and the general hubbub kept her silent. She would regret that later when, after exuberant hours of games, Darla was put to bed and the older children were left in the family room to enjoy their videos while the adults adjourned to the living area to exhaust additional topics of conversation then, on a whim, to dance.

  The dancing had not been on Parker’s agenda, but he made no protest when it was suggested. It wasn’t the first time, by any means, that his furniture had been moved aside and his rugs rolled up for the purpose. In fact, the sound system in that room had been specially designed with dancing—and parties—in mind. Moreover, Parker had an impressive collection of compact discs and records.

  It was all fun and games at first. They started with the lights up all the way and a series of fast rock-and-roll numbers that led to lots of cutting up and silly antics. Then, as the evening progressed and the kids bedded down, the lights got lower and the music got slower. Conversation muted. People started breaking off into couples. There was less kidding and cutting up. Kendra had danced a couple of fast ones with Parker and several others with Dennis, Walt, Bill and Jeanna’s banker, including two slow numbers, but during one particularly dreamy song, she felt a distinct longing to be on the floor with her husband.

  A careful glance around the now dimly lit area showed her Parker with Jeanna Crowe in his arms. Jeanna and Parker. An alarm went off inside Kendra’s head. Jeanna and Parker had had an affair, one Jeanna apparently had not wished to end. With one glaring exception, Parker had been living a life of celibacy for some months now. It did not help that Jeanna’s portly, slightly balding banker suffered greatly in comparison with Parker’s tall, dark, lithe, sexy handsomeness. Kendra felt a sharp prick of jealousy, even though logic told her that Parker would not risk a liaison at this point. He had too much to lose, namely Darla, if Kendra should dare to walk out on him before the hearing or if word of his misconduct should reach the Pendletons. Nevertheless, when she saw Parker whisper to Jeanna, then take her arm and lead her into the darkened dining room, away from the others, Kendra felt close to tears and physically nauseated.

  The moments they were away seemed like years to Kendra. She could not keep her gaze from straying back to the spot where she had last seen them, despite the fact that Jeanna’s banker was attempting to carry on a conversation with her about his two college-age sons and his ex-wife. When at last they appeared again, Kendra was wounded and appalled to see that their arms were linked and that Jeanna turned her cheek up for Parker’s kiss before parting from him. It helped some that he immediately caught her eye with an uplifted hand, pointed at the impromptu dance floor, and made a circular motion with his finger, clearly asking her to dance. She nodded, but just as he stepped down from the steps to the dining area, the doorbell rang. With a shrug, he hurried across the floor, gracefully dodging dancing couples, and climbed the steps to the foyer.

  Kendra wondered who could be calling on them at this hour of the evening. A glance at her watch told her that it was thirty-four minutes past eleven. Jeanna appeared to claim her banker for a dance. Kendra waited, but ten minutes later Parker still had not returned with their mysterious caller. She thought about going out into the foyer to see for herself whom the caller was, but she was afraid she’d find one of Parker’s old girlfriends expecting to be admitted to a party of the sort for which Parker Sugarman was famous. After the episode with Jeanna, Kendra didn’t think she could take that, especially if Parker was finding it difficult to send away an old flame.

  She got up and started gathering used glasses to be returned to the kitchen. She had placed them on a tray when he suddenly reappeared at the top of the steps, Edward White at his side.

  Kendra caught her breath. She hoped this meant the two men had patched things up between them. That would go a long way toward reconciling her with Parker, and she was hatefully tired of the estrangement between her husband and herself. She started toward them, but she lacked Parker’s adroitness and quickly found herself in the midst of apologies as she bumped into Jeanna Crowe and her plump escort. When she would have slipped away at last, she was halted by Jeanna’s hand on her arm. Excusing herself from her date, Jeanna pulled her aside. Kendra squared her shoulders, expecting unpleasantness. She was nearly speechless when Jeanna squeezed her hand, smiled and said, “You’ve been so good for him, Kendra. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. I just wanted to tell you that.”

  It took Kendra a moment to formulate a reply. “You think Parker’s changed for the better?”

  Jeanna chuckled. “I know he’s changed for the better. Look, when we had that fling last year, it didn’t mean anything. That’s what upset me. Like all the others, I guess I thought I could change him, make him want to stay with me, but only you could do that. I know that now.”

  “He told you that?”

  “More or less.” She smiled self-deprecatingly. “Actually, he apologized. Can you imagine it? Parker Sugarman apologizing for doing what he’s always done best, lovin’ ‘em and leavin’ ‘em.”

  For an instant, fear swamped Kendra. All she could think was that Parker regretted not asking Jeanna to be his temporary wife instead of her, but then reason slowly returned, and she began putting together everything Jeanna had said. When the truth dawned, it was almost too spectacular to accept. She literally seized Jeanna by the shoulders and demanded, “Are you telling me that Parker was apologizing to you for sedu...uh...misleading you?”

  Jeanna shook her head. “He didn’t mislead me, Kendra. He told me up front that it couldn’t go anywhere, but he knew I wanted it to, and
he apologized for letting it happen anyway, for taking my feelings and my disappointment so lightly. He said he was a selfish, unfeeling cad who had let his sex drive overrule his head and his heart for far too long, but never again.” She grinned. “Amazing, isn’t it? Our Parker settling down and in love.”

  Settling down, maybe, Kendra thought, but in love? She closed her eyes against the pain of hope, then popped them open again and smiled at her old friend. “Thanks for telling me this, Jeanna.”

  “My pleasure, and if you ever want to tell me how you managed it, I could sure use the tip.”

  Kendra squeezed her friend’s shoulders. “There’s nothing to tell, I’m afraid. So much has happened. Darla mostly.”

  Jeanna sighed. “Yeah, well, I want a man of my own, but not badly enough to wish anything fatal on my brother.”

  “No,” Kendra said, “you wouldn’t want that.” She looked up to see Parker bearing down on them, a determined expression on his face. Ed was nowhere to be seen. “Didn’t Edward want to stay?” she asked as soon as Parker drew near.

  “Ah, no. He had other plans. He just wanted to talk about Kate.”

  “He doesn’t think she’ll do a good job, does he?”

  Parker chuckled. “He thinks she’ll do an excellent job, and so do I. He just wanted to discuss a little matter of attorney/client privilege.”

  “Oh.” That was easy to decipher. Edward wanted to know just how much he should tell Kate about the circumstances and status of this marriage. “And what did you tell him?”

  He looked at her very steadily. “I told him that Kate already knows everything she needs to know. Don’t you agree?”

  “I suppose.”

  “Good. Now, if you’ll pardon us, Jeanna,” he said smoothly, reaching for Kendra’s hand, “I’d like to see in the new year with my wife on my arm, and the moment is almost here.”

  Kendra glanced at her watch as Jeanna winked and slipped away. Four minutes to midnight. Parker tilted her head back with a finger under her chin and smiled down into her eyes.

  “Our dance, I believe. Finally.”

  “Finally,” Kendra echoed, loving him so much in that instant that she was sure he must see it on her face.

  Perhaps he did, for he turned his hand so that his palm lay against her throat in an odd, life-affirming caress. She wondered if he could feel the surge of blood through her veins and the thump of her heart against his palm. He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head, his hand slipping around to her nape before sliding down and across to her shoulder. Gently, he turned her and escorted her out onto the floor. As he wrapped his arms around her, the music faded to its closing notes, but he merely smiled and linked his hands in the small of her back, waiting. As the next song—a soft, dreamy instrumental—began Dennis Scherer hailed them from across the room.

  “Hey, time to break out the champagne, guys!”

  Parker stepped into the music, bringing his leg between hers, and looked briefly at Dennis. “Help yourself,” he called. Then he turned his smile down on Kendra. “I’m going to dance with my wife.”

  For show, she thought. Remember this is all for show. But it didn’t feel that way, not for her. She lifted her arms and curled them about his neck, matching the sway of her body to his. He bowed his head and laid his cheek against hers, his nose lightly nudging her ear as they danced. They were sweet, sweet minutes.

  Held close to him, her body in perfect tune with his, she floated on a cloud of emotion, playing out a dream she hadn’t even known she’d had until she’d married it. And yet, she could look back now and recall so many moments fraught with love for this man. She hadn’t understood that the disgust and pain she’d felt at each new conquest of his had been rooted in her own love for him. She hadn’t realized that one reason she and Nathan had been drawn so close was because they both loved his wayward brother. She had always understood why Nathan didn’t just abandon Parker, but she had never had the presence of mind to wonder the same about herself, and she knew now that every time he had come around again after some romantic exploit, she had extended the hand of friendship because love had prompted her to keep the connection whole. And it was love that had prompted her to marry him when every sensible argument had been against it. She closed her eyes, hurting from the sheer intensity of that love.

  She opened her eyes again when the cheer went up. “Happy New Year!” was called by a dozen voices. She and Parker swayed to a halt. He lifted his head, and for a long moment he did nothing more than stare down at her; then a smile curved his lips and his hands moved up to cup her face.

  “Happy New Year,” he whispered, and his mouth descended to hers.

  Gentle at first, he brushed his lips across hers, then brought them back for a siege, parting them to draw the very heart from her. It was as if he took her love into himself, as if he drank it in, water for a thirsting man. She gave it up willingly, tears welling behind her closed eyelids as she hoped, prayed, it would be enough for him, enough to hold him, for suddenly she knew that she couldn’t possibly let him go. Whatever bargain they’d made when they’d married, she knew she could never really let go now, not of him, not of Darla. They were her family now. They were everything now.

  She turned her palms against the back of his head, fingers riffling his hair as she sought from him what she gave. What she got was passion, hot enough to send them both up in flames. He dropped his hands, encircling her with his arms and crushing her to him. She forgot that they had an audience, forgot that they weren’t lovers in every sense of the word, forgot that he wasn’t really hers, until a tap on her shoulder brought her back to reality.

  Reluctantly she allowed Parker to break the kiss and turned to see who was trying to claim her attention. Mandy giggled as she lifted two glasses sloshing with champagne. A glance in Parker’s direction showed Dennis at Parker’s side, thrusting a glass into Parker’s hand. Kendra recognized the irritation that Parker tamped down as he accepted the glass and shifted his gaze to her. He inclined his head and shrugged almost imperceptively, regret dimming the desire in his eyes. What did he regret, she wondered, that reality had intruded or that the dream had overtaken them in the first place?

  The clamor at midnight had awakened the Randles’ little girl, and she came trailing into the living room in her footed pajamas, a bedraggled stuffed rabbit held by one ear. Cheryl hurriedly put her down again to sleep while the others drank champagne and teased Parker and Kendra about that kiss. Parker kept her close by his side, offering silent comfort, but Kendra surprised herself by feeling little embarrassment, if any. Somehow it seemed natural to have publicly kissed her husband, the man she loved. She stayed by his side for the remainder of the evening and vice versa. He even went with her when she checked on Darla after Cheryl returned and several toasts were made to the new year. Darla was sleeping peacefully, her little mouth open and her thumb glistening wet from a recent sucking. They stood and looked at her for some time, marveling, then went out, leaving the door ajar, to play host and hostess.

  It was a late evening. The gang didn’t begin to disperse until nearly two in the morning. Walt Lyons and his group were the first to go. Cheryl was asleep in a chair by then, and after much pulling and prodding, Bill gave up and lifted his wife into his arms to carry her to the car. “Do you mind if I leave the kids until the morning?” he asked. “Just call me the minute they get up and I’ll come right over.”

  Kendra was impressed by how graciously Parker agreed. When he turned back to her, he shrugged. “I wouldn’t want to drag Darla out in the cold at this time of night.”

  Kendra smiled and said, “We have plenty of room.”

  That was when Mandy sauntered up and said, “Well, good. You won’t mind two more, then. Dennis has crashed on the couch in the family room. I think he drank more than his fair share of the champagne. All I know is that I can’t get him up, and if I can’t get him up, then I might as well let the kid sleep, too. Jeanna and her guy are going to give me a ride home
. Great party. Thanks. I guess I’ll see you again sometime.”

  Parker and Kendra made all the appropriate noises and gestures, even kissing Mandy’s cheeks as she took her leave of them. Jeanna gave them each a hug, her banker settled for a handshake, and then they were alone with the aftermath. Champagne glasses and soda cans were scattered across every table. The furniture sat at odd angles. Plates of chips with dip congealing on them were tucked into corners. Parker groaned and draped an arm across her shoulders.

  “Tomorrow,” he said. “We can clean it up tomorrow.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “We’ll make Dennis help.”

  He grimaced. “We’ll have to give him breakfast if we do.”

  “I’ll make breakfast if you and he will get this room back together.”

  “Deal,” he said.

  She laughed. “Why do I suddenly think I’ve been taken?”

  He tweaked her nose. “Maybe because I’m having visions of waffles and sausage and eggs scrambled with onion, coffee and freshly squeezed orange juice and cold milk. Oh, and toast. Don’t forget the toast. Or better yet, biscuits. Mmm, yeah, definitely biscuits.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Why don’t I just skip bed and start cooking now?”