by Rae Earl
What is veal?
11.13 a.m.
It’s baby calf. It’s expensive and a delicacy. That’s why I don’t know about it. We live on economy mince.
Just read about how they keep some of the calves andthey do have a point.
2.13 p.m.
Ruby and I have agreed that when we get home we are jointly spreading it that Matfield has veal for breakfast. RAW. LOL!
SATURDAY 21ST AUGUST
5.24 p.m.
OMG – FASHION DOOM!
Our bridesmaid dresses ARE made of felt and hemp. Please let the happy couple be against cameras too because they are not environmentally-friendly or something!
6.34 p.m.
They are not. These photos are going to end up everywhere.
7.12 p.m.
Ruby just said something actually lovely.
Ruby, previous Empress of Cow and fashionista extraordinaire, just said, “These dresses are vile but both of us can rock them with some well-placed accessories. I will help you.”
YET AGAIN, I’M BLOWN AWAY.
SUNDAY 22ND AUGUST
11.24 p.m.
DAD IS MARRIED!!!
It was a pagan ceremony. Jen would have loved it! Butterfly came in covered in flowers. She didn’t carry them – they were ALL over her dress. She actually looked really beautiful. The wedding ceremony was WEIRD though! They mentioned “emotionally and physically honouring each other” (VOM!!!).
Dad looked OK. He had mad hair but his purple velvet suit looked quite cool. He gave a speech at the reception and said the most special thanks goes to Hattie and Ruby for travelling all this way. He said, “I am so proud of my 2 daughters, who are so different yet so special in their own way.” Everyone applauded this.
Basically we got a clap for sitting on a plane for a long time and being born.
MASSIVE SURPRISE!!! Wayne actually arrived in his car to see me. He found somewhere secure to park and was even really apologetic that he missed the wedding.
We kissed but I’m not bothered – the person I have missed most on this holiday is Goose. That’s the truth.
Just realized Lachlan didn’t turn up yesterday either. Perhaps he was working.
MONDAY 23RD AUGUST
9.34 a.m.
Dad and Butterfly slept under the stars last night. They’re still out there looking at the sky and pointing at nothing and laughing. It’s half sweet and half VOM!
Oh, it’s sweet. They are really in love.
12.35 p.m.
OMG – just went into the bedroom to find Ruby sobbing.
I said, “What’s up?” She couldn’t talk for a while as she was crying so hard and then she said, “Oh, Hattie. I’ve been dumped!”
OMG – RUBY HAS BEEN DUMPED. SERIOUSLY THIS IS MAHOOSIVE!
She cried for another hour then she managed to say, “I really liked him. We … we …. did stuff. Stuff I’ve never done with anyone before. Stuff.”
OMG TO THE MAX! Does she mean what I think she means?
I didn’t ask. I gave her a cuddle.
She is my sister. And she lent me the loveliest belt ever to save my felt dress from fashion doom.
I know what it’s like to be dumped.
5.32 p.m.
Dad and Butterfly are still laughing at clouds. Ruby is still crying.
I don’t want to spoil Dad and Butterfly’s camping honeymoon so I am looking after her. She has gone through 4 toilet rolls already!
7.21 p.m.
I am actually quite lovely in a crisis.
TUESDAY 24TH AUGUST
7.34 a.m.
OK, I am officially not lovely in a crisis. Ruby has now been crying all night and I am sick of it. It’s not like she was married to Lachlan!
11.32 a.m.
OMG, OMG, OMG!
Just had this conversation with Ruby:
ME: Come on – it’s not like you were married to Lachlan!
RUBY: Shut up. It was special. It was…
ME: What?!
RUBY: I think I might…
ME: Might what?
RUBY: Be pregnant!
ME: OMG! RUBY!
Then we had a massive hug for about 10 minutes. Then I said, “What happened?!”
Ruby told me! OMG!
I shouted at her, “YOU CAN’T GET PREGNANT DOING THAT! URGH! TMI – but you definitely can’t get pregnant doing that!”
Then she said, “People think I know a lot about boys and stuff, Hattie, but I don’t know everything.”
No, Ruby – you actually know less than I do.
Then she made me swear that WHATEVER happened I would never tell anyone that she was mixed up about the actual act of doing it.
I have sworn.
3.44 p.m.
Is it wrong to keep information like this from your best friends though? Isn’t it like lying to them?
4.56 p.m.
No. I am never going to tell anyone ever.
Except perhaps Dimple in 2 years’ time when it doesn’t matter any more.
No – not even then. Ruby is family.
7.25 p.m.
Dad and Butterfly just came in to have some dinner. They thought Ruby looked a bit “red around the eyes”. I said, “She’s got hay fever.” At EXACTLY the same time Ruby said, “I got flies in them.” We looked slightly suspicious but I think they fell for it!
WEDNESDAY 25TH AUGUST
12.26 p.m.
Ruby just said, “Thanks for yesterday, Hattie. I just wanted Lachlan to like me. I want people to like me.”
I said, “Don’t be such a stuck-up cow then. You’re actually all right really.”
Ruby snapped back, “It’s all right for you. People LIKE YOU LOADS!”
All right for me?! ALL RIGHT for me?! Ruby has got a REAL Miu Miu handbag! THAT’S all right!!!
THURSDAY 26TH AUGUST
9.23 a.m.
Text from Wayne:
Patty. Engine replacement hard. Perhaps C U b4 u go back.
I replied:
It’s HATTIE. U can’t actually snog cars. Bye.
LOL!
6.34 p.m.
Dad wants to have a goodbye dinner. He says him and Butterfly want to give us a proper send-off. Dad and Butterfly came inside for some lunch then went and sat in the garden again all afternoon and sang songs by this bloke called Van Morrison!
I’ve realized they are not having a proper honeymoon because every day of their lives is actually already like a honeymoon!
FRIDAY 27TH AUGUST
5.34 p.m.
Dad just said how much closer he feels to the both of us.
I DO feel closer to him. I get him more, I think. And I can see how this place could change him. It is totally OFF IT … in I think a good way.
SATURDAY 28TH AUGUST
5.32 p.m.
Mum just rang my mob. She said, “Keith and I made a mess and perhaps you didn’t have the easiest start but you can’t blame us any more. Rob has done a great job, Hattie. The BEST. We aren’t the reason why you are rubbish with boys!” Typical out-of-the-blue Mum randomness.
When I said, “What made you say that?” Mum told me that “Ruby’s mum told me you’d been dumped by a boy called Wayne. I just want you to know we love you and we want you back here, HAPPY!”
UNBELIEVABLE!
Bet Ruby hasn’t told HER mum what SHE has been up to!
7.09 p.m.
Just asked Ruby. She said, “Sorry, Hattie. I just didn’t want to talk about myself so I told Mum about you – I was in a panic.”
I will let her off.
SUNDAY 29TH AUGUST
11.54 p.m.
We had a goodbye meal tonight. Dad kept crying, and saying, “I do hope you’ll see me as a kind of dad.” The odd thing is I DO but in a sort of “will never be around, vague but lovely man really” dad way. Ruby feels basically the same way. Her stepdad is her REAL dad. And her REAL dad is a “will never be around, vague but lovely man really” sort of dad.
It’s complicated.
The real revelations from this holiday have been:
1. The fact that my half-sister is actually MAX sweet underneath all the Prada fake RUBBISH.
2. I know who I really LOVE. Now I think I need
to go home and tell him.
In bed and dreading the journey, sorting out men and never sleeping again.
MONDAY 30TH AUGUST
6.13 p.m.
Goodbye Butterfly, Dad and Tasmania. You are very weird but I think I may slightly, in a very mental way, REALLY LOVE you.
TUESDAY 31ST AUGUST
Ruby was asleep before we took off. I was sat between her and a woman who told me her husband’s dying words were: “Have you given the cat his worming tablet?” She hadn’t. She thinks that might have finished him off but at least now he was gone she had more time for knitting.
Then she got off and the woman who got on kept telling me that her son was in the chorus line of Les Misérables and if the lead’s understudy was ill and his understudy was ill he’d be the star in the Wednesday matinee.
I think I finally fell asleep over Afghanistan according to the map.
OMG – Afghanistan! Isn’t that dangerous?! How close was I to actual death?!
Ruby woke up when the doors were opened at Heathrow. We landed at – I can’t even remember. We had to walk through the airport – about 26 miles. Collected the suitcases (mine was now back from Bangkok) and Mum saw me and would not let go of me! I was hugged for about a million hours. AND she cried!
Then Mum said I had to sleep in the car so I was ready for school. It’s on Thursday!!! Thursday?! I need a week to recover!
WEDNESDAY 1ST SEPTEMBER
2.12 a.m.
I can’t sleep.
1. How do I say it?
2. How do I even start to say how I feel?
3. And how do I tell the other one that I’m probably over him?!
6.12 a.m.
Just was awake all night. Watched YouTube – I’ve seen every cat video ever. I’ve even see people pretend their cats are beards. You can’t do that with a gecko, Goose! It would make such a rubbish goatee!
Goose. Goose. Goose. Goose.
I HAVE to tell him how I feel. Who cares what happens? I HAVE to put it out there.
THURSDAY 2ND SEPTEMBER
4.35 p.m.
Mum made me go to school today. It was AMAZEBALLS to see Dimple and Jen again! I nearly had a nap on Dimple’s shoulder though when she hugged me. She just felt so comfy – like a human pillow. I told her she felt like a lovely bed. She didn’t look ever so happy about that.
Then I fell asleep in the paint in Matfield’s class. Jen suggested that I could paint with my forehead as that’s what Salvador Dali probably did (who’s HE? Jen knows some WEIRD stuff). This made Matfield go predictably mad as she worships the great artists and says they had more ability in the womb than I have at 15. I ended up having a lie-down on Mrs Kirton the school nurse’s fold-out bed.
I was only allowed to stay there for an hour then I had to get up for Maths. Who cares? Data representation?! Dear Data – I do not want to represent you EVER.
Nathan grunted a “Hello” to me when I got home tonight. No – he did NOT ask me what Australia OR Dad were like as he truly does not care.
7.22 p.m.
No, Gran, I cannot come to yours and sit with you for a few hours and tell you everything that happened. I am an official zombie. I’m not dead but my head is!
10.31 p.m.
Gran has just been round. She quickly realized I was too tired to talk so she hugged me for 5 minutes then spent 2 hours telling me about her life. I fell asleep whilst she was telling me about the deli counter at her shop. Hungarian salami is not very exciting. Not even when Vera from checkouts is slipping on it and dislocating her shoulder!
FRIDAY 3RD SEPTEMBER
4.32 a.m.
PLEASE LET ME SLEEP.
6.12 a.m.
Mum has agreed it’s actually pointless going to school. Goodnight.
6.34 p.m.
I have slept all DAY and I have had no contact with anyone on Facebook/Twitter/my mobile/MSN – anywhere any time! Mum says it was like this when she was growing up. How did people do anything? How did love actually happen? What if you were late and your mate was waiting there for ages – what did you do? It’s MENTAL.
7.56 p.m.
OMG – just got up to a message from Nicky:
Hats, I’ve really missed you. I’ve had a bit of a hard time. Please see me. I can make stuff better if you help me become less of a total doughnut.
NO KISSES AGAIN. DOES NICKY KNOW HOW TO WRITE A TEXT?!
“I’ve REALLY MISSED YOU”? Gran is right – the more you ignore men, the more they like you. They are CRAZY-WEIRD. If a girl ignores a girl it’s because she hates her, is deadly jealous of her or she wants her to be a friend and is frightened of making a bit of a tit of herself. Men are very complicated. Someone needs to write a guidebook about men.
Anyway I don’t want Nicky. I want Goose.
8.12 p.m.
I just told Gran. She said, “Oh, you’re awake now that you need to know about the opposite sex!”
I told her that Nicky had said he had missed me but that I really wanted Goose. Gran said, “WELL, TELL HIM THEN! What do you want him to do? Fly a plane over your house with an ‘I LOVE HATTIE’ banner dragging behind it?”
I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll go for it tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll just explode the Goose love.
SATURDAY 4TH SEPTEMBER
10.18 a.m.
I swear God hates me. Or someone does.
Dimple came round this morning and looked really serious. Before I could tell her anything about Australia she said, “I’ve got something to tell you – Goose is seeing Megan Fenton!”
GOOSE IS SEEING MEGAN FENTON?!
MEGAN FENTON?!
I shouted at Dimple, “Why didn’t you tell me before?!”
Dimple said, “Because Jen and me decided that you had more important things to think about with your dad and we didn’t want to spoil your holiday and then you had really bad jet lag at school and you couldn’t think straight…”
MEGAN FENTON?!!
HATTIE MOORE fails again. Well, you lost him, Hattie. You played it cool and froze to actual love DEATH.
11.35 a.m.
You know what, Goose? That’s cool. That’s cool. That’s really cool.
And it is cool because I’m going to see Nicky. HE wants me. YOU don’t.
SUNDAY 5TH SEPTEMBER
12.45 p.m.
BAD. BAD. BAD. BAD.
Just as Goose and Rob were getting back from the boot sale this morning Nicky came round. Goose gave him this really horrible look! I could see it from my bedroom window. He looked like he was going to hit him. Luckily Rob shouted, “Come on, mate! Early bird gets the worm and all that!”
Nicky just marched past Mum and mumbled, “Hello, Hattie’s mum!” She tried to say something back but she had a mouthful of muesli and started choking on a sultana. Nicky came up to my room and said:
NICKY: Hello.
ME: Hello. (HATTIE PLAYS IT SUPER COOL – EVEN THOUGH TO BE FAIR HE LOOKS SUPER HOT.)
NICKY: Missed ya, Shorty.
ME: Good.
NICKY: I’m a doughnut.
ME: Yeah, you are.
NICKY: Can we have another try? I think you get me.
ME: I don’t know. You’ve got to … just be nice.
NICKY: I am all right honestly – I just can get things wrong, you know. I think I sort of love you, Hattie.
OMG!
I didn’t say anything but then we just had this huge snog till my mum rushed in and said, “Nicky, it is traditional to be invited into someone’s house.”
Nicky said, “Sorry, Mrs M. By the way, you’ve got Alpen on your chin.”
Mum went a bit red and walked off.
NICKY AND ME ARE BACK ON AND HE CAME AFTER ME!!!
SEE! WHEN MEN LIKE YOU THEY TAKE CONTROL AND DO SO
METHING.
MONDAY 6TH SEPTEMBER
6.20 p.m.
Just thinking about it. I’m pretty sure Goose was snogging Megan Fenton before I even went away. He was always on his phone looking totally suspicious.
But it’s still OK because I’m with Nicky.
And I can still be friends with Goose. I will have to be. He’s next door and he’s basically Rob’s best friend. So I will keep it…
What’s that word Gran uses when you want to ACTUALLY KILL SOMEONE but you have to be nice to them?