All This Time

by Marie Wathen

  I scrub my hand over my face. “I don’t even know why I’m thinking about his sorry ass since he dumped me,” I offer smiling and looking between them.

  “Cool,” Decks says, pulling on my hand and tugging me off the bed. “Let’s go then. You can unpack later.”

  Leaving my new, and hopefully short-term, bedroom, Decks tows me behind him with our hands linked together. Blues is standing by the door as we pass and the heated glare he’s giving me is confusing. Is he pissed that I’m tagging along? With Decks completely unaware of our silent exchange, Blues sweeps a hand up and touches my neck with the lightest stroke of his fingers against my flesh. Just that one little touch beckons images of his hot fingers doing bad things to my body and I begin to feel woozy. What just happened?

  “Bathroom?” I ask with a hoarse voice, tugging on Decks’ hand.

  “Oh yeah,” he chuckles. “Besides the one you have in your bedroom the only other bathroom up here is in my room. Want to check it out?” He asks pointing toward the closed door of his bedroom and then down the hallway. “The other room is my gym.”

  “Nah, I was just wondering how many bathrooms are on this level,” I lie. I really needed a moment to figure out why he felt the need to touch me and to compose myself, but I sure as hell won’t be going into Decks’ bedroom if I can help it. And what the hell is up with Blues today?

  We leave the house in Decks’ Escalade going north on interstate seventy-five. My gut begins to churn with nausea as we continue on for another twenty minutes, on a direct path toward my house. Luckily we exit a few miles south of Canton and drive into the suburbs of Woodstock. Even though it’s about five miles from Canton, it’s still too close for my comfort. I have to just hope that while working in the area I don’t run into anyone I know. A niggling sensation begins to alert me that more is going on here than I can see. Man, if they’ve made me and I’m heading into a trap this will end badly for me.

  Decks pulls into the driveway of a cute little ranch style house surrounded by a golf course. Shivers run through me as I think about the unsuspecting neighbors of this quaint little neighborhood being dragged into this bullshit. No, this isn’t the only storage house Decks has, he admitted to that earlier and I’m realistic, but now I’m feeling leery with these people getting so damn close to Kris.

  “We’ll have visitors soon,” Decks says to Blues as we enter the house.

  “What do you want me to do?” I ask Decks while pulling a bogus smile and standing up straight, encouraging him to give me a job.

  “You, my little hotness, will stay with me,” he croons before walking down the hallway with a heavy dose of self-assurance in his swagger, looking like a peacock strutting his tail feathers.

  Obediently, I follow behind and discover inside the back room Decks already has an office set up. Taking in the surroundings I notice this house is much larger and completely different from the trap house. It’s clean with better furniture and void of random junkies passed out all over the place. I sit down on the leather love seat while Decks and Blues sidle up to the massive oak desk positioned on the far wall.

  They begin to converse about shipments moving in and who will be the new transporters. Apparently they have been debating on giving Murph a shot. I giggle silently when they discuss him possibly being an undercover police officer. It’s likely he could be, but I haven’t seen proof of it and wonder what makes them lean toward him being untrustworthy. While discussing several topics the front doorbell rings. Decks excuses himself to answer it, saying he is expecting a new guy. Blues shifts around in his seat, looking at me with an interesting burn in his eyes.

  “Whatever happens, promise me that you’ll just stay quiet,” he sighs pitifully, and that one little sound does something to me. I don’t like the fluttering feeling I’m getting in my chest because of it so I’m going to ignore it. “Angel, please don’t visit here with him too often.” I simply nod.

  Hearing Decks talking with someone as he enters the room again, I’m suddenly happier than I’ve ever been having him near me. Looks like he’s going to operate as a buffer between me and Blues. I pull my eyes away from Blues and turn to see who the guest is joining us.

  “Blues, I’d like you to meet Mark,” Decks says, pointing at the scrawny, tall guy with suspicious eyes, twitching like a meth-head needing his next hit.

  Correcting Decks immediately, the guy shouts, “Call me Mad Hatter.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  “Who is she?” Mad Hatter growls viciously, pointing at me while backing away from the desk toward the door, trying to escape from the room. “What the fuck, Decks?”

  “Dude you need to chill the hell out coming in my place of business acting all stupid,” Decks growls angrily, “Angel is with me.”

  Typically, I keep my temper in check and never lose control unintentionally. I only shout when I really want to prove a point. And I am never a trembling mess of girly-girl. Right now though, I can’t explain exactly what’s happening, but just seeing this evil son of a bitch this close to my private world scares the living hell out of me. I’m finding it difficult to swallow and my pulse is a raging base drum beat in my ears, muting out all sound. I flick my eyes to Blues urgently begging him to do something; I don’t know what, but absolutely anything would be great because I’m nervous as a motherfucker for real. He rises from his seat, moving quickly toward me while Decks follows the retreating paranoid lunatic out of the room.

  “Hey Doll,” Blues reaches a hand down, taking mine and lifting me from the love seat. “Come here.”

  A warm embrace collects me, rubbing his hands up and down my back, soothing. His methodic strokes ebb away my tremors to a mild shake. My face buries deeply into his chest and I take slow calming breaths, wondering how the hell I’m going to explain my freaked out reaction after seeing the one person who would love to blow my cover.

  “Sorry,” I turn my head, pressing my cheek against his chest and lie, “That guy reminded me of my ex. He…he was hooked on meth and it made him crazy.”

  “Sure,” he says over the top of my head, still holding me tightly and I pull away slowly, looking up into his eyes.

  “Thanks,” I whisper before turning away and retreating back to my seat. My face is tinting pink with shame.

  “Is there anything I can get you?” He sits down beside me, staring with concern shining in his sapphire eyes.

  “No, really I’m okay. I haven’t slept well the past couple of nights,” I admit, flushing a deep cabernet hue when I realize I just confessed that truth to the object of my restless nights. “I think maybe I should get Decks to take me home.”

  “I’ll take you home, Angel. Wait here.” Blues rises from the seat, leaving me alone in the room.

  After a few minutes Blues returns with the keys to Decks’ truck. We pass by Mad Hatter, glaring at me and I notice the crazy fucker is wearing orange and white Halloween pajama pants covered with skulls and black cats along with a white wife beater. Jesus he is so weird. Blues stays quiet the whole drive over back to Decks’ house. I feel like I need to explain more, but I can’t tip him off to my cover so I follow his lead and stay silent too.

  Pulling into the driveway, Blues spots my motorcycle. “That’s one hot little kitten you have there.”

  “You think she’s hot?” I utter in a low hoarse sound that possibly came out as a complete sentence. My voice is as pathetic as my self-control right now. He bites his bottom lip and nods, still staring at my bike. “I do too.” Seeing his appreciation for my new baby, I giggle softly and then lie, “I spent my first paycheck from the TatHouse on her.” I blush daydreaming about him riding bitch, wrapping his arms around my waist and holding me tightly. Dammit, Sam!

  “Well,” he sighs, “I’ll walk you to the door.”

  “Not necessary,” I assure him, seeing my opportunity to get away within reach. I open the truck door and hop out. “I’ll see you later,” I offer the obligatory send-off, and look back at him still sitting
inside, gripping the hell out of the steering wheel.

  “Bye Angel,” he says solemnly.

  Before reaching the door, I hear Blues’ voice. “Wait Angel,” he’s out of the truck and walking over in a flash. He rakes a hand through his tangled hair on the side of his head before looking straight at me. “I can’t let what we did happen again,” he explains, eyebrows pinching together. “It’s just best if –”

  “It’s fine,” Nodding my head agreeably, I interrupt his excuse, and with a sweet smile I add, “I don’t expect anything from you Blues, and I completely agree.”

  “Damn,” he mumbles. “Okay,” He stares at me and I don’t even blink knowing that this suggestion is for the best. “Then have a good night, Angel.”

  I enter Decks’ house, not waiting for Blues to leave, and rush up to my room. Needing to know Kris is still safe, I dig inside my bag searching for my disposable phone and text her. Mad Hatter is too damn close to my real life and I don’t like it one damn bit. Kris doesn’t answer so I leave her a message, asking her to call or text me. About two hours later, Decks arrives home and I jog downstairs to greet him.

  “Hey,” I say catching him off guard.

  Decks chuckles walking over to the staircase. “It’s so cool having you waiting on me to get home, but I kind of forgot you were here.”

  I smile and say, “I’m sorry I freaked out earlier.”

  “Don’t worry about. Blues explained everything.” He pulls me into a hug, rubbing his hand down my back. “I don’t blame you. Mark is weird as hell.”

  I sigh. “Are you sure you’re not angry with the way I behaved?”

  “Of course.” He pulls away and smiles that damn adorable lopsided grin and asks, “Would you like to go get dinner?”

  His smile grows when I nod. “Give me about twenty minutes and I’ll be ready.”

  “Dress for something outrageous,” he says teasingly as I rush back up the stairs.

  Almost an hour later we are dining at an elite country club located in downtown Buckhead. It caters to an exclusive society made up of moguls and their ditsy housewives, who believe they are just as powerful as their affluent husbands simply because they flash black AmEx cards and drive fancy cars, ridiculously swaying their little part of the world.

  “I have to fly out to the east coast early in the morning for a meeting with a potential…backer,” Decks says before putting a bite of steak in his mouth.

  “Okay,” I smile. “That sounds interesting.”

  “It’s better than interesting babe. It’s fucking rockin’ as hell.” He grins salaciously. “This guy has connections and an organization that makes my business look infantile. After this meeting I speculate that we’ll be a damn superpower, completely untouchable baby.”

  “Wow,” I say excitedly, shocked that he is comfortable sharing this much information with me and wonder if I can get him to admit more, but I must play it just right. “I won’t ask about your business, but I would like to know more about you.”

  “How about I show you more?” Wiggling his eyebrows, he grins wickedly and I shake my head while pulling a fake smile at his crudeness. “I love it when you blush.” He follows with a wink then shrugs his shoulders before digging into his food and telling his story between bites.

  “I moved in with my uncle after my parents died in a plane crash when I was fifteen. Lourdes was already in college. Their death rocked me. I got mixed up with some guys who were bad news. They were heavy into drugs, but we were a bunch of broke ass punks so we stole for every hit. It didn’t take long for us to get busted and when I got thrown in juvie my uncle had one hell of a come apart.” He pauses briefly to stare at me and then says, “Rad’s hearing is coming up next week. He will be facing some hard time.”

  Sipping on my drink, I tilt my head slightly taken aback by his quick subject change and say, “We weren’t together that long, Decks. It may sound harsh since I wanted to stay with him through this shit, but I just can’t do it. My probation officer had a fit when he found out. He has threatened to revoke my orders if I don’t stay the hell away from Rad. I liked him well enough, but I’m not going back to jail for some guy.” I shrug my shoulder and sip my wine again.

  “Cool. I don’t want you seeing him again,” he says smiling proudly.

  “Why is that?”

  After glancing down at his beer he lifts his eyes to mine and then says, “I want to be with you Angel. I know you probably want more time, but I got this feeling about us that I can’t dismiss.”

  Fuck. I can’t be with Decks, not like he wants us to be. I don’t want him and even for a job I refuse to compromise. “Decks,” I start, but he interrupts before I can pull a half-ass excuse out of thin air.

  “Angel, I can wait on sex, but I want you to be mine. I don’t want any other guys putting you in their sights. You are so damn cool and I like having you around.” He stares at me another second before averting his eyes away and repeating, “I want you.”

  I’ve never really wanted a relationship with a man. Fulfilling sexual needs is the only reason I’ve ever had a guy around. Every time I hear a guy say he wants me I cringe. It’s never about a want. It is always only about needs and I will never need a man so badly that I’ll screw Decks.

  “I just can’t right now, Decks,” I admit pinning him with a determined stare.

  “Okay, that wasn’t no,” He smiles, “I’ll take it.”

  “Decks,” I tilt my head slightly and ask, “If I say no are you going to kick me out?”

  “What? No,” his eyebrows pinch down. “I may be a lot of things, but I’m not a piece of shit babe. I’ll wait.”

  “No, absolutely not,” I shake my head adamantly. “That is not fair for either of us. You shouldn’t wait on someone who isn’t emotionally available and I will feel pressured into something I’m not ready for if you wait. So please, do us both a favor and don’t.”

  “Damn,” Decks huffs, takes a large swig from his beer and then places the empty bottle on the table. “You’re crushing my ego, but I’ll give you this, you are right. Okay, I don’t want to pressure you so I’ll do my thing, but I promise not to bring babes back home.” Something about this commitment feels weird. He backed off way too easily for my liking.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Just after dawn I hear a car arrive to take Decks to the airport. I hop out of bed, watching it drive away before I pull out my personal cell and send a quick text off to Russ. I want him to know about the meeting and to let him know that the X’kapz’s are still concerned about his case, at least Decks is keeping tabs. Whether it’s just because of the simple attraction to me or something else, he is making Russ’ case a priority and that bothers the hell out of me. I was hoping that he would be a fading memory for the group, but I’m beginning to realize that this job is different from all the others I’ve had before and that I should just start expecting the unexpected.

  After changing into my running clothes, I read Russ’ reply asking me to meet him today. I reply, telling him to meet me at one this afternoon in the probation office, that way I can use my cover just in case Decks is having me watched. I won’t be naive and believe that he’s letting me get away with the waiting game. There is definitely something swirling around in that naughty head of his, but whatever it takes he will believe that he can trust everything I tell him.

  The early morning cool temperatures and low humidity today are optimal for a nice hard run. I’ve been slacking on my usual workout routine, but now that I’m free for the day I am going to take advantage of this short time alone and get in a good one. It feels great to push my body through the hard run around the quiet neighborhood. The houses here are all mansions crammed in against each other on a one hundred acre mountain top overlooking the lake that links Buckhead to Atlanta. I take a well worn trail that leads along the edge of the mountainside, enjoying my first real alone time since starting this job. After reaching the back edge of the property, I loop back retracing my path.r />
  A minute later I spot a man running my direction about two hundred yards in front of me and I focus on his muscles contracting with each push and pull of his limbs. His thighs and calves are well formed and since he’s only wearing running shorts, I can see that his glistening abs’ are carved divinely. His arms whip backward and forward like a well tuned machine and the muscles encasing them are thick and powerful. My eyes linger on his baroque physic a little longer than they should, allowing him to approach and catch me checking him out like a Rembrandt hanging in the British Museum. I falter at his dazzling white smile made brighter by his dark suntan and nearly fall when I realize that the body belongs to the man I need to quit ogling over every time he’s around.

  “Good morning,” I watch Blues mouth a greeting as he slows his run to a jog while continuing toward me. I smirk, wiggle my fingers and then point toward my ear buds before averting my eyes quickly back to the path ahead.

  While passing him, I pray that he doesn’t try to stop me and I couldn’t be happier when I get exactly what I hoped for. I need this run for more than the physical results; it helps clear my head of all the bullshit. If Blues would have stopped me for even just a quick chat it most definitely could have turned into another huge mistake. Seeing him with minimal clothing covering his sweat-soaked body is heart-stopping. For someone in as good a shape as I am, I'm panting far too hard. Being out here alone with Blues, looking that fucking hot, is very, very bad for my health. Suddenly I feel like I need to run faster. I crank the volume on my mp3 player strapped around my arm and kick up my pace.

  Passing Blues’ house, I slow down to a reasonable speed and then run around the side of Decks’ mansion toward the pool house. Before slipping into a swimsuit I take a quick shower to rinse off the sweat and to cool down my sizzling skin. Allowing the water to cascade over my head and back, I close my eyes tilting my face downward.

  “Damn,” I groan, thinking about Blues’ muscles stretched and taunt. I imagine how amazing he must have looked while he climbed on top of me holding his weight off of my body just before we had sex. Although I felt each flex under my fingertips, it was too dark to see all the definition.