All This Time

by Marie Wathen

  I brake a little and he swerves to get back in line causing his front fender to nudge against my tailpipe. The car passes us and that’s when I make my second mistake. I don’t feel like dying on this fucking mountain so I slow down even more and flag the bastard around. He takes my offering and turns it against me. The last thing I remember before plummeting over the edge at forty-five miles an hour isn’t seeing the brake lights on the SUV. No, instead of watching him stop to make sure I survive, I hear the asshole gun the gas.

  Chapter Thirty -Eight

  January

  “If you can hear me hold up two fingers,” a voice from far away echoes this statement so many times that I can’t stand hearing anymore and try to yell at it to shut the fuck up, but my yell sounds like a moan to me.

  “Good, you can hear me,” the voice says again and after a few seconds I manage to grunt.

  “I need you to come back,” another voice whispers.

  “Can you open your eyes?” I understand the question, but for some reason I can’t make my body do anything. What happened to me?

  “It’s okay,” the voice sighs. “At least I know you’re in there.”

  “I’m going to give you something for the pain.” I think it’s one of the voices from earlier asking, but I don’t know.

  “I’ll be back in the morning to check on you.”

  “Miss?” a sweet voice singsongs, “You have visitors here to see you.”

  “Sam?” I know that voice, is it my brother? “God, I’m so sorry.”

  “I know you don’t like this part, but I need to take you down for another CT Scan.”

  Darkness invades every thought. Sometimes in the moments when I hear the voices I can feel a slight touch against my hand or my face. I understand that I must be in the hospital, but I don’t understand why. Sleep will help. I’ll just rest until my body is better.

  “You have to wake up,” a deep voice rumbles. “I want you to come back for me.” I know that voice and I need him.

  I literally have to force my eyes to obey when I command them to open. It takes several tries, but finally I am successful. The light piercing through my tiny slits is excruciatingly painful to my head. I lift my hand to block the light, but it doesn’t respond. I shift my gaze down and see that my left hand is lying beside me covered with a cast, but the damn thing isn’t moving. I blink a few times and finally my lids don’t feel so heavy anymore.

  “Well good morning,” a pretty young nurse says, hovering over my face. “It’s about time you woke up.” I’ve been dreaming? She runs a light across both of my pupils and I groan at the relenting pain the brightness inflicts. “I’m sorry sugar. I just need to check you over real quick.” Her southern accent is thick so I know I’m still in the south. I just can’t be sure if I’m in Georgia or if my grandparent’s flew me home.

  “Good morning Ms. Johnson. I’m Dr. Vincent,” a tall middle-aged man informs me. “I’m glad to see you awake. You’ve suffered a minor concussion and have several fractured and bruised bones. We had to do surgery on your left arm due to the severity of the injury. Except for that, your other injuries should mend over time.” Dr. Vincent smiles down at me while checking the bandage on my head. “This may sting a little. Your hair is stuck to the tape. Hold still just a moment.”

  He takes a little longer than a moment and pulls out several strands of my long hair. I whimper and he apologizes. My mouth feels really dry so I swallow and it hurts. I try to speak, but another groan is all I can manage. I am in hell.

  “Alright, now I want you to try and tell me your name,” Dr Vincent says staring at me. “You can do it. It might be painful, but if you tell me your name I’ll give you something to drink besides water.” He smiles encouragingly.

  “Ssssss…” I force my name but it only sounds like a bunch of S’s. I try again and get the same results.

  “Okay, maybe you need some help remembering. Your name is Angel Johnson.” Shit. I almost blew my cover. If anyone else is in the room with us that could have been bad, very bad.

  I clear my throat and try again, “Annn….gggg….eeeeelllll”

  “Very good,” Dr. Vincent says smiling proudly. “Keep working on it and you’ll be good as new in a few days.”

  Days? Dammit how long have I been like this?

  “Cccc…ccc…” I sigh at the ridiculous effort it takes to say one word freaking. “Ccc…ooooo…kkee”

  Dr Vincent chuckles. “A deal is a deal. I’ll have the nurse bring you some coke.”

  Sipping through the straw and getting a nice long thirst quenching drink makes me feel half human again. The nurse sits my bed up so that I can see the room. Except for her it’s empty. I wonder if I imagined people coming to see me.

  “Hi ya honey, I’m Elizabeth,” the nurse says. “Let’s try saying your name again.”

  We work on it for a while until finally she’s satisfied that I can say it without dragging out the letters for too long. My mind is definitely racing faster than my tongue and I’m frustrated as hell. I need answers and I need to get the hell out of this hospital.

  “Elizabeth,” I manage to say after a couple of whispered attempts. “How long?”

  “You came in last night after a motorcycle accident,” she winces like she feels bad for me. “Your hair should be okay. Well, after a good washing.” She smiles when she offers this bit of information. I nod. “Why don’t you rest a little while? We can work on doing some other things later.”

  She leaves me alone after that. I shift my eyes to the window and manage to get my head to follow. Being like this makes me feel useless. Tears sting my eyes and I feel them slide down my cheeks slowly. Will I stay like this? Why can’t I remember everything that happened to put me in here? I watch the sunlight move across the sky for hours. The nurse works with me more until my voice is better. Feeling the tug of sleep, I close my eyes and drift into the darkness again.

  “Time to wake up,” Dr Vincent says strolling into my room. “Are you up for a jog around the hospital?” He laughs and I roll my eyes. Three days of the same lame ass joke each morning and I’m ready to cut him.

  “My bum is killing me. If you’ll let me out of this place I’ll jog any damn where you want.”

  He laughs again. “Glad to see you’re feeling better. I think we’ve pretty much covered every possibility of what could happen once you get home. Now do you have someone that can come get you?” Who the hell can I call?

  “Is my phone here?” I ask and he spins around toward the small closet. Reaching inside he pulls out my backpack and I release a heavy breath when I realize that I recognized it.

  “Could it be in this monstrosity?” he jokes.

  I hold up my right hand and take the bag from him. I fish around in the side pocket until I locate my cell. “Here it is. Give me a few minutes and I’ll have an answer for you.”

  “Yep, I’ll be at the nurse’s station. Buzz me when you’re done,” he says leaving.

  I lay my phone down in my lap and stare at it for a long time. I know I can’t call Kris, she will freak out. Russ is supposed to be in jail and can’t come to my rescue. I don’t want Decks coming just in case someone recognizes me and blows my cover. I sigh and scroll through the names in my call log.

  “Ah ha!” I cheer.

  “Hello?” a soft spoken voice says hesitantly.

  “Natalie?” I ask.

  “Angel? Oh my god Angel is that you? Oh, it is so good to hear your voice. I have been worried sick. Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay.” She takes a breath and I rush my reply to calm her.

  “Natalie, I’m okay. Can you come get me?”

  “Yes, of course I’ll come get you,” she releases a heavy breath. “Where are you Angel?”

  “I’m in the hospital.”

  “Oh god,” she whispers her voice filling with emotion. “Are you hurt?”

  “I’ll answer all of your questions after you get me the hell out of here.”

  She chuckles
. “I’m on my way.”

  After ending our call I change into clean clothes and pace around the small claustrophobic-inducing space until they get here. Twenty minutes later Natalie, Wise and Murph stroll into my hospital room.

  “Shit.” Natalie stops dead in her tracks and covers her hand over her mouth when she gets a good look at me. “Oh honey, are you okay?”

  I nod my head and manage to hold back the tears threatening to escape. “I’m just ready to go. Can I stay with you for a few days?”

  “You can stay as long as you need,” Wise answers for her. I smile at him and turn my attention to Murph. He doesn’t look happy, which really isn’t that big of a deal, he always looks frustrated, but this look is different somehow. I smile at him, but I should have saved it for a brick wall. It would garner the same deadpan results.

  “Let’s get the hell out of here,” I say dropping down into the wheelchair the nurse pushes into the room.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  “So you don’t want Decks to know you were hurt?” Natalie asks twisting around in the front passenger seat to look at me.

  “Nah,” I reply. “He’s busy. I’ll be fine in a few days. The doctor said so.”

  She cuts her eyes at her husband and grunts, but doesn’t comment. We pull up to their house and everyone hops out before me. I reach up for the handle, but the door is jerked open before I can do it myself. A large hand hangs in front of my face, waiting for me to accept it. I do and am gently pulled out of the large SUV. Murph bends over and scoops me up, holding me in his arms.

  “Uh, big guy I can walk,” I say looking into his jewel green eyes.

  “I’ve got you Angel,” he says in a deep and sweet voice. I can’t remember ever hearing Murph speak before, but he really should do it more often. His voice has a slight accent to it. It could be Irish, but I’m not quite certain. Whatever it is, it’s sexy and I plan to engage him in more conversations in the future. Yum.

  “Thank you Murph,” I say blushing from those crazy thoughts as he places me down gently onto the sofa in the living room.

  “Shane,” he states and I nod my head.

  “Thank you Shane.”

  “Okay so tell me what the heck happened?” Natalie begs. “I know you were going out of town to see your friend, but you were supposed to be back before New Years. Everyone kind of went nuts thinking something bad may have happened, little did we know that it really had.” She drops down on the sofa beside me.

  “I don’t remember much,” I say pointing to my head. “Apparently I was forced off the road. The EMT told the ER Dr. that it was a hit and run.” She gasps and quickly covers her mouth. “Yeah, I don’t have a clue where my bike is or if it’s even salvageable and I hate not knowing why this happened.” I glance up at Wise and notice the frown on his face matches the one on Shane’s. Something tells me they know more about what happened and I plan on getting down to the bottom of it.

  “Can I bother you for something to drink? I need to take my pain pills.”

  “Of course,” Natalie leaps up, rushing toward the kitchen.

  “Okay guys. How about one of you tell me why you’re both looking at me like one of you is the kid who took the last cookie from the cookie jar and the other one knows better than to tattletale on him?” They look at each other and then turn back to me. Wise sits beside me while Shane slips out toward Natalie’s direction.

  “Angel, we think it was retaliation,” Wise says keeping his voice low.

  “Oh,” I say. The conversation I eavesdropped on between Wise and Decks floods my memory bank and so does everything else leading up to the night of my accident. It rushes in so fast I feel lightheaded.

  “I’m so sorry,” Wise offers honestly taking my hand in his. “He’ll get the fuckers for doing this to you and make them pay.”

  “No.” I shake my head and retrieve my hand from his. “Just leave it alone. You can’t be certain that’s what happened and I’d rather not be a reason for a drug war. Please Wise, just let it go.”

  “It’s not my call Angel,” Wise says staring into my eyes.

  “Decks already knows,” it’s a statement instead of a question. Of course they told him, they’d be stupid to withhold anything from Decks.

  “Yeah,” he nods drawing his hand up to the back of his neck. “And he’s hot about it.”

  “We have to stop this. I can’t be the reason he wants to attack another mob boss.” I rush my words hearing Natalie and Shane coming back in the room. “You have to help me, Wise.”

  “Help you do what Angel?” Natalie asks carrying in a glass of ice water.

  “He’s going to help me upstairs,” I offer glancing over at him.

  “I’ve got it,” Shane steps over and lifts me up like I weigh nothing.

  I glance over his shoulder at Wise flashing him a look of pleading. He nods and reaches for his cell. Upstairs Shane sets me down on my feet and then turns to leave.

  “Wait,” I beg. “Wise told me Decks is going to do something foolish because of my accident. Is there any way to stop him?” He shakes his head, “Fucking shit, Shane. Do not give me the silent treatment again.” I snap and he growls back, instantly tired of my attitude and tone.

  “He has already made the call Angel. It’s done.”

  I slump down feeling the heavy burden on my back. Shane escorts me over to the bed before I fall. He helps me with sitting before taking the spot beside me.

  “This is all wrong,” I mumble.

  “This is our lives. I’m not going to say it’s good, but it’s what we’ve chosen.”

  I shake my head, staring into his light hazel eyes with my mouth hanging open, “Why?”

  He shrugs. “I didn’t go looking for it. It just sort of found me.”

  “Yeah,” I mumble completely in despair over Decks actions. Shane leaves me alone and I lie back on the pillow allowing the events and information run through my mind. I am too exhausted to fight the ‘big bad wolf’ that is drugs at the moment, but when I’m better, fuckers better watch out. I’m gettin’ my bitch on!

  A knock on my door wakes me from a light sleep. I stretch before saying, “Come in.”

  “Hey,” Blues comes into the room and then takes up a spot near me on the bed.

  I blink several times and after a minute I realize that I’m not dreaming. He’s actually here. “What are you doing here?”

  “I came by to see you of course,” he says pulling me up and sliding in behind me. He wraps his arm around me and kisses the side of my head. He touches the cast on my left arm and winces.

  “Blues, I don’t think it’s a good idea to do this in Wise’s house,” I whisper.

  “They went out. We’re all alone, Doll.” I twist around to the right and fine a proud smirk displayed on his handsome face.

  “Are we now?” I ask, reaching up with my good hand to cup his jaw. The stumble is thick and scratchy, like he hasn’t shaved in a week. I lean away and get a good look at his face. There are dark circles under his eyes and deep worry lines etched all over his flawless face.

  “What’s wrong? You look like shit.” I turn my body lying on my right side so that we’re face to face staring into each other’s eyes. Oh those sapphire eyes.

  “I’m so glad you’re back,” he says truthfully tilting his head forward and touching his forehead to mine and running his long fingers through my hair. “I was scared shitless when you didn’t return. Everyone expected you to be at Holidays on New Year’s Eve. When you didn’t show I thought it may have been because of me.” His eyes drift closed briefly. “Then a couple of days later I ran into Decks and he told me that you still hadn’t come back. His whole demeanor was strange. He wasn’t himself.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask, sitting up a little straighter, happy to switch the subject from him worrying about me to what I already know is wrong with Decks: Ryske.

  “He was pissed off that he hadn’t heard from you,” Blues says running his hand over my hair, pushi
ng some behind my ear. He tilts his head to the side. “Are you sure there isn’t anything more than friendship between you? He acts like a jilted lover.”

  “No,” I sigh. “He wants more, but that’s just not the kind of relationship I’m looking for.”

  Strangely, he doesn’t respond to that answer. Instead he pulls me against his chest and just holds me. We lie silently on the bed for about thirty minutes before we hear a car pulling into the driveway. He glances down at me with sad puppy dog eyes and kisses my lips tenderly. My whole body comes to life with his kiss. It is simply the most riveting kiss any man has ever given me. I don’t want it to end. And I don’t want Blues to leave. There has never been a man who was capable of holding my attention for longer than a few dates, but Blues is shattering all kinds of records in my score book. I want him so much that it leaves me blindsided and breathless.

  I want him? I stare at him and know that from this moment what we have is different.

  “Get some rest, Doll, and I’ll see you soon,” he promises moving off the bed. He leans down and places a kiss on my forehead before spinning around and leaving.

  Loud voices greet him as he descends the staircase and Natalie’s is the loudest. It’s only a few seconds before she’s standing in my room with a quirked eyebrow.

  “Are you alright?” she asks biting back a stupid knowing smile.

  “I am. Thank you.” I shift around the bed so that I can place my feet on the floor. “Except that I have to pee like crazy. Ugh! This is going to be fun.” I indicate my cast in a sling and my tied hospital scrubs waistband. “I guess the nurse didn’t think about potty breaks when she knotted it ninety-five times.” I chuckle.