by Ash Night
I’d been drunk without ever touching a drop of alcohol. At least I think I didn’t drink. I couldn’t be sure. Quitting my meds cold turkey had caused a month long manic episode. I didn’t know up from down. A month-long party sounds fun but waking up from it was scary. I couldn’t really remember what I had done during that time. I remembered certain things like sleeping around and driving to New Orleans in Chelsea’s car on no sleep. Maybe skipping my meds wasn’t such a good idea. It got me in trouble, more trouble than it was worth.
How did other people have relationships? That part of my brain obviously didn’t work right. Having an easy, normal relationship did not compute.
Being with Layla was easy. I was scared of easy. Whenever things were easy, I would start to overthink things. My brain would tell me I was doing something wrong, or that I didn’t deserve to be happy. Layla’s heart condition also scared me. Was loving her worth it if I could lose her at any moment? My brain screamed, ‘No, push her away before you could get hurt’ while my heart was screaming ‘Yes, it is’.
Her drug issue was a problem as well. I had seen her detox so I believed her when she said she was clean, but the pull of addiction was powerful. How long would she stay sober? She had refused to go to any meetings and talking about rehab or therapy was out of the question. Ironic, considering all the money on her bed. She clearly had the means to pay for either.
I sighed as I set my guitar down. My stomach growled. I hadn’t eaten breakfast yet and I was supposed to eat with my meds. Scrambled eggs sounded good. Melting some butter in a pan, I whisked six eggs together with some milk and plenty of cheese. Layla liked cheese.
Letting the eggs set, I texted Layla. Breakfast lunch in twenty? Plenty of cheesy goodness. And I cooked eggs :)
I smiled. That would make her laugh. She had such a pretty laugh. I was falling in love. Or maybe I had already fallen. Now I was in shock from my injuries, or high on pain meds in the hospital. Either way, I didn’t want the feeling to end, no matter how anxious it made me. I wanted to feel again. If it ended badly, it was my own damn fault. I didn’t want to hide anymore. Sure, it hurt when it was all over, but I needed Layla in my life. She was worth the pain. I didn’t want her to get hurt, but she wanted me so she knew. She’d signed up, hadn’t she? I told her things could get messy.
Scraping the fluffy, delicious eggs into a separate bowl, I drummed my fingers on the table impatiently. It had been ten minutes. Layla still hadn’t answered my text. She was usually so fast, no matter what she was doing. My overprotectiveness was showing. I shook my head.
“I’m sure she’s fine,” I said out loud to myself. As if Layla heard me, my phone dinged with an answer.
Sorry. Can’t make it. We’ll do brunch some other time.
Brunch? Layla never called it brunch. She always said breakfast lunch, even while texting. Something was wrong.
My fingers shook as I typed. Images of her laying bloody in an alley somewhere flashed through my mind. Where r u? I can meet u there.
Ding, a few minutes later. No. Stay where u r. Not hungry, don’t feel well.
I focused on breathing steady. Something was definitely wrong. WHERE R U????
This one came almost at her usual pace. Just stay away from me.
Layla, I’m sorry about last night. Tell me where u r. Please.
My heart was in my toes. I held my breath as I waited for an answer. I was dizzy before I realized I needed to breathe. My breath left my lungs in a woosh and I was afraid. I was afraid Layla was angry. I was afraid I’d screwed everything up. I was afraid Layla was dying of a heart attack.
Grabbing a shirt and shoes, I dashed out the door. A strong, confusing urge made me go back and grab Lilly before I opened the front door. I had no idea why, but something was telling me I needed that bear right now. Layla loved her. It was the only thing I’d seen have any value to her. It would make her feel safe once I found her. Maybe that was why my brain was telling me to take it with me. I just hoped I’d find her fast. I needed to hear her voice. Make her laugh. Even yelling would be better than seeing her on the ground again. I never wanted to see my strong, independent friend that helpless again. I didn’t want to feel that helpless again. It would break me.
I couldn’t be shattered again. I didn’t have it in me.
Chapter Fifteen
Layla
I woke up to a bright light. Bright enough to be fucking heaven. But it couldn’t be. Devin didn’t murder in the house. It was the one rule he gave himself, and one of many he gave to his cronies. Never blood in the house. It was like he needed a safe place, one untouched by his dark deeds. It was as if he thought that if he didn’t kill in the house, it was like he was absolved of all of his sins. That wouldn’t matter. Apologizing to God Himself wouldn’t wash the blood from Devin McDermott’s hands. He may as well be the devil’s son. He was evil through and through.
Blinking, I realized the bright light was the light in the room swaying back and forth. Ha, knew it wasn’t heaven. It reminded me of the lights used in interrogation scenes in movies. Looking around, I saw I was in a cellar-like room with bare stone walls. There was literally nothing in the room. Stone walls and a dirt floor. Dammit. At least Devin was courteous enough to install a light.
My middle finger was hanging limply but at least it didn’t hurt. I was probably still in shock. At least I had enough medical knowledge to know I need to make a splint. There wasn’t anything in the room I could use. Against my better judgment, I tried the doorknob. Obviously locked.
“Oh, sorry, sweetheart, we can’t let you out. You’ll just run away again. You haven’t paid up. And you stole a lot, sweet cheeks. You’ll be lucky to be paid up in ten, fifteen years.” Devin laughed. His friends laughed with him.
I growled. “It’s not like you wouldn’t know standard hooker rate!” I knew I should have kept my mouth shut. If I made him angry things would only get worse, but, dammit, my mouth had a mind of its own when I was pissed off.
“Mike, quit it. She isn’t worth it, man.” I heard Devin whisper.
I rolled my eyes. That’s what everyone said. Well, they could stop. I already knew I wasn’t worth it. Only Ryder thought I was. He was wrong. He was a dumb boy. He was supposed to be smart.
But then again, I never picked smart boys. History showed I was bad at picking relationships. Even the ones I didn’t pick, AKA my mom, didn’t work out. My dad had been the one saving grace in my life, and he’d died way too soon. Now, here I was, trapped in a room with a broken finger and no way to contact the one person who might have helped me.
My heart was thumping in my chest. I was a little worried about what the doctor had said about my heart in that moment. He had explained to me that, thanks to all the drugs, my heart had grown considerably weaker. Most of the time it would beat too slow but occasionally it would beat too fast in times of stress. Well, right now would qualify as a stressed-out moment.
I had no idea how I’d get out of here. I was trapped until Devin decided to let me out. He knew he had me under his control. He liked being in control. Unfortunately for me, I was an easy target. My need to survive made me easy to control. As much as I would like to think I was in control, I wasn’t. I was a speeding car, begging someone else to take the wheel. I needed someone to take care of me while I proceeded to fuck up my life.
Ryder was the first guy to ever tell me no. He was the first who had a problem with my drug use. The others used drugs themselves so they didn’t care. Ryder had a life and a goal. I had nothing. He was better off without me. I was glad I’d thought to leave Lilly with him. At least he’d set her on a shelf or something. These bastards would probably throw her away, or worse, tore her apart and threw her in here for me to see.
Out. Out. I needed out. Now. I wasn’t good with small spaces. Small spaces made me feel like the walls were closing in on me. Something inside me snapped. Before I knew it, I was pounding on the door with my fists and screaming. I wasn’t cursing Devin to the darkes
t depths of Hell or wishing everyone he worked with a slow and painful death. The scream was pure primal rage. The rational part of my brain had been reduced to a screaming five-year-old. A screaming five-year-old who wanted out of her room.
“Are you done yet, Lay-lay? I much prefer making you scream in different ways, not this tantrum bullshit. Knock it off,” Devin warned after several minutes. I resisted the urge to tell him off again but did as I was told. Whatever had come over me seemed to have passed anyway, leaving me breathless and drained.
I heard my phone ding. It wasn’t in my pocket. I was an idiot to think they wouldn’t take my phone. I was glad I didn’t have Ryder’s full name in my contact list. It wasn’t like they could do much with his full name, could they? Knowing Devin, I wasn’t sure I’d like the answer. After all, he’d been able to figure out my real name after only two days of me being gone.
“Don’t worry, I’ll answer it. Hmm…Ryder? Is that your new boy toy, Lay-lay?” Devin laughed. “Poor bastard. Probably doesn’t understand what a damaged soul you are.”
My tongue bled from biting it so hard. I wasn’t going to respond. I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk making Devin angry. I couldn’t let him know I cared about Ryder. If he knew Ryder was important to me, he’d do something to him to make me regret running. My phone dinged. And dinged. And dinged.
“Oooh, tough guy. He really seems to care about you! What lies did you tell him to accomplish that?” He laughed. My hands curled into fists. I’d never wanted to punch someone so badly in my life. Why couldn’t he just rape me and get it over with? Why did he have to torture me like this? Dangling Ryder in front of me like a carrot in front of a starving, injured rabbit.
“Nothing. He means nothing. He was just an idiot I scammed for a warm bed, that’s all,” I said, no emotion in my voice.
“For three weeks?”
“I liked his place. He gave me my own room. The bed was really comfy. My only regret is I didn’t steal one of the pillows before I left.” I smirked. Now that I thought of it, I really should have stolen a pillow. They were soft and they smelled like him.
Devin laughed. “Now he’s really insistent. He wants to know where you are. What a damn fool. Should I tell him? We could have some fun, torture you in front of him. Or I could have you torture him, Lay-lay! Wouldn’t that be fun? He’d get to see the real you. The cold, manipulative woman that only cares for herself!”
I was glad he couldn’t see me because I jumped up. I fought to keep my voice steady. “No. He isn’t worth my time. I-I don’t ever want to see him again. If I did, I’d just slap him repeatedly. It wouldn’t be very fun to watch.”
“Oh, little Layla, that’s right. You’ve never killed anyone, have you? That’s one line I just can’t get you to cross. You’ll lie, cheat, and steal for me, but killing is out of the question. Are you afraid you’ll love it? After all, it should be no problem for someone who doesn’t care about others.”
“I said no, Devin. I don’t kill. You’ll sooner beat me to death before I do that.” I hoped he couldn’t hear the shaking in my voice. Watching Devin kill someone was scary enough, but actually doing it made me weak in the knees. I’d seen him make a girl kill before. The change in the split second before she was adamantly saying she wouldn’t and the moment she plunged a knife into her victim’s chest was almost tangible.
Devin had threatened to kill her family. Including her two-month-old little brother. That was why she did it.
Now she killed for him on a regular basis.
That couldn’t be me. I’d lost everything else. I wasn’t willing to lose my humanity.
Chapter Sixteen
Ryder
My first stop was the coffee shop she hung out in. I’d been here a few times myself. Maybe someone there would know something about where Layla was. As I pushed open the door, a sense of dread washed over me. What if no one knew anything? I didn’t know Layla’s last name. Where else would I go?
“Oh, hey, Ryder, what’s up?” Jacob asked. I ran up to the counter, slamming my hands down on the table. “Whoa, what’s wrong?”
“Did Layla come in here? It would have been a few hours ago. Was she here? Did she say where she went?”
Jacob frowned. “No, man, sorry. She hasn’t come in since yesterday. Why? Is she okay?”
“No, I can’t find her,” I said. “I need to find her. I’m afraid something may have happed to her. She sent me these weird texts and told me to leave her alone.” I couldn’t believe I was telling Jacob this much. Sure, he came into the bar to hear me play every once and a while and I stopped in for a coffee every now and then, but we weren’t exactly buddy-buddy.
A worried look crossed his face. “I hope not. She did give me a fake name when we met. And she was holding that bear pretty tightly. It looked like it meant a lot to her. I don’t think she would just leave it if she never wanted to see you again.”
“Any idea where she could be?”
“Under the bridge, there’s a group of junkies. Maybe they know something.” I stared at him. “I noticed marks on her hand when she first came in. Those are a dead giveaway.”
“Thanks, Jacob, next round of beers is on me,” I said, running out the door.
“Any time. I hope you find her!” Jacob called.
I raced toward the bridge. A girl in baggy clothes glared at me. “What’s your hurry?”
“Excuse me, do you recognize this teddy bear? It belonged to a girl-”
“No,” she interrupted. “I don’t. Did the chick dump you or somethin’? Save me your sob story and leave. Unless you were looking to get off. Fifty to suck. A hundred to go all the way.” She itched her nose. The ring in it moved.
“N-no, no, thank you.” I backed away. “Thanks for the offer.”
“Hey, that’s Lilly. What are you doing with it, boy?” A girl popped her head out. She was further under the bridge which explained why I hadn’t seen her. “Did something happen to Layla?”
“You know Layla?” I asked as relief washed over me.
The girl walked up to me. She was petite, very thin like a bird. Her face was weathered and her skin looked dry. “Ooh, cutie. What’s your name? Haven’t seen you before. Of course, I just moved to this part of town.”
“My name’s Ryder. Now, you said you know Layla?” I asked impatiently. “Any idea where she could be?” It was a long shot, but a small part of me believed she’d be sleeping under the bridge.
“Last I heard she was one of Devin’s girls. Not a good scene. I mean, the streets are bad, but Devin is just plain nasty mean. Money ain’t worth my life, man. But Layla, she’d do just about anything for a warm bed. Been out here so long, I almost forgot what warmth is. I hope she’s okay. She was a good girl. Didn’t talk much, but I always liked her. Always willing to share her food.”
A rock dropped into my stomach. “Oh no, that’s who she ran from…”
“Ran? She ran?” The girl’s eyes widened. Her expression made my heart plummet. “Oh, shit, dude. That is not good. Not at all. The girls who run, man, they’re never the same.”
“Oh god…” I felt sick. My skin went clammy. “Where could she be?”
She thought for a minute. “He used to live on Dweber Avenue. Big house, can’t miss it.”
I smiled. “Thank you so much!” Clutching Lilly tightly, I took off running. Dweber Avenue was four blocks away. Wait, what would I do once I got there? Should I call the police? If I called the police, what would I tell them? Would the people who supposedly had Layla hurt her if the police got involved? That was too big a risk.
I whipped out my phone and waited. Finally, the only person I could trust with this situation picked up. “Dave, I can’t say much, but if you don’t hear from me by tomorrow night, call the police, okay?”
“Sure, dude. I have tons of questions, but you sound like you’re in a hurry. Stay safe, my friend.”
“Thanks, man.”
“We’ve been through a ton of shit together. Don’t
mention it.”
Hanging up, I was so happy Dave was someone I could trust not to ask questions. I’m sure he was worried sick, but he wouldn’t call the police prematurely because I had asked.
I heard my heart in my ears. I tried to walk as normally as possible when I really wanted to run. If this were a movie, I wouldn’t be scared. I’d be the super cool dude who ran to the drug dealer’s house, kicked in the door, and knocked out the bad guys. But I wasn’t a super cool hero who would kick down a door and beat the bad guys. I was just a guy. I didn’t have any fighting experience and they were drug dealers. Drug dealers had guns. I’d never even held a gun. I hoped Layla was all right. Seeing her alive would be worth getting shot.
You could always use the story of how you met me in a song, Layla would say. My heart slowed down a bit. I had to stay positive. She was okay. Of course she was. She had to be.
I refused to think I was going to rescue a dead body.
Chapter Seventeen
Layla
The wait was agonizing. What was I even waiting for? No one knew where I was. It wasn’t like Ryder was going to rescue me, even if he did know where I was. This wasn’t a movie. Ryder wasn’t a badass super hero. Ryder was just a guy. A totally hot, funny, smart guy. Who played guitar like a freakin’ badass. His singing was amazing as well.
Not the most productive thing to be thinking about at the moment, but what else was there to think about? It wasn’t like I had anything else to do. My phone had gone silent. Ryder had stopped texting. That thought made me sad. My last conversation with him, I had been drunk. I had been drunk when I yelled at him. The alcohol hadn’t dulled the pain of his rejection. Although, now that I was sober, maybe seducing him in the middle of his panic attack probably wasn’t the best way to make a move.