“Look at you. You're a beautiful woman.”
“And you have changed quite a bit too since I saw you the last time.”
“Could we ignore the past for a little longer please? I am just so happy to see you.”
“Mister Martin? Your fans are waiting.” the event manager reminded Sebastian.
“Can you wait just a little longer, Agnes? Do you have time for a coffee after I've finished this?” Sebastian asked, not ready to let Agnes go again.
“Yes. I need to talk to you too.” she announced and kissed Sebastian's cheek, before ushering him back to his waiting audience.
Sebastian was more relaxed now and had a smile on his face and a nice word for everyone, while always keeping an eye on Agnes and making sure that she was still there.
****
Finally, the last dedication was written, the last hand had been shaken and now it was time to face the past.
Agnes and Sebastian sat at the bistro, where she always met with Kai. She ordered a tea for herself and Sebastian ordered a cup of coffee. Neither one of them really knew what to say, but they were happy to be together. Sebastian held his mug between his fingers and looked up at Agnes, when she announced that she was engaged to Jordan. Sebastian politely congratulated her and they started exchanging some of their stories from the past years.
“It's good to see, that you are doing well for yourself. And I know that Kai is never far from you. That's good too. He really loves you – in a fatherly way.” Agnes smiled and looked at her hands, she loved him too.
“Did you really move on too, or this all an act?” She hadn't meant to be this blunt, but she wanted to know.
“It took me some time, but yes.” Sebastian nodded looking into the distance.
“Partners? Do you have a new partner?” Agnes asked.
“I had some encounters. I am not exactly the eremite Kai wants me to be. Nothing lasting though. Most of them have trouble seeing me and looking past details.”
“Like?”
“Only having one leg for starters.” Sebastian shrugged.
“If I didn't know...”
“... and there lies the problem. People don't suspect anything, until I let down my pants.” Sebastian's voice was calm, but Agnes could sense some sadness too.
“Oh... I am pregnant.” Agnes jumped from one topic to the next.
“That's wonderful. Congratulations. I know that you are going to be a great mom.”
“I have my moments of doubts. It's not really as if I had the best role-model.” Agnes referred to Lauren and her lack of motherly skills.
“Not as a mother, but you had a really good dad.” Sebastian countered and Agnes nodded, at a loss for words.
“I came here today, because I want to ask you to do me a favor.” Agnes finally said and sat back on her chair.
“That's... what can I do for you?” Sebastian asked in an uncertain voice.
“I'm getting married in three weeks. I want you to be there.” Sebastian was surprised, but instantly agreed that he didn't want to miss Agnes's wedding.
“There's more.”
“More?”
“Yeah. I... Would you walk me down the aisle? With Kai? You both?”
“Wow. I didn't see that one coming. Why me? We haven't talked in a long time.” Sebastian interjected.
“You are a missing link in my life and you were the last man my father loved.”
“But I moved on. What if I have a boyfriend? Could he come?”
“Do you? Have a boyfriend?”
“No.” he admitted.
“Listen, I know that I said ugly things...”
“That's water under the bridge.” Sebastian waved her off.
“Then please, don't make me beg. You should be part of the family again.”
“And you are sure you want me there?” Sebastian asked again.
“Yes.”
“Then I'll be there. Thank you.”
****
Sebastian sat in his boxers on the bed of a nice hotel room. He was buttoning his shirt with shaky fingers. His artificial leg leaned against the bed. A faint knock could be heard and Sebastian asked whoever was on the other side of that door, in.
It was a young man, who introduced himself as Ryan. The bride's best friend. Ryan's eyes darted back and forth between Sebastian, who was still sitting on the bed and the artificial leg that wasn't attached to his stump yet.
“I'm so sorry. I was staring.” Ryan shook his head, embarrassed.
“It's okay. I'm used to it. What can I help you with?” Sebastian asked, while he continued to get dressed. He prepared his stump, before slipping the prosthetic leg on and stood up.
“Wow, you're tall.” Ryan exclaimed and blushed, when he had to look up.
“I wanted to remind you of the ceremony and the schedule. I know, I probably don't need to. But Agnes insisted. She is slowly morphing into a bridezilla and I am not sure if it's her or the baby.” Ryan joked and Sebastian laughed.
“She talks a lot about you. Always did. I'm glad you are here. It means a lot to her.”
“It means a lot to me too. Um... could you help me with the tie? I am really bad at that.”
Ryan stepped closer to Sebastian and had to stand on tiptoes to tie the cloth. He felt a weird attraction towards the man and tried to calm his nerves.
“You're as nervous as I am.” Sebastian stilled the fingers fidgeting close to his throat and a jolt of electricity ran through him and made him take his hands away. Ryan and Sebastian locked eyes for a moment too long, before they broke eye-contact and looked everywhere but at each other.
“Okay. You have fifteen minutes.”
“Thanks Ryan. I'll be on time.”
“I have no doubt about that.” Ryan muttered.
“Hey, Ryan. Would you save a dance for me?” Sebastian winked.
“How did you know?” asked Ryan, wondering how Sebastian knew that he liked men. Maybe it had been their shared look into each other’s eyes.
“I didn't.” Sebastian admitted.
“Yes. I will dance with you.” Ryan smiled and looked at the ground before he left Sebastian's room.
****
Agnes took a deep breath. Behind the next door waited many people who were there to see her only for her and to celebrate her wedding.
“Ryan. Tell me that I'm doing the right thing. I feel like running away.”
“You are doing the right thing, honey. You love Jordan. You look gorgeous. And there are at least three gorgeous men – me not included, because I am here with you – on the other side of that door.”
“Oh you!” Agnes smiled.
“Everything is going to be fine.” Ryan reassured Agnes.
“Did you meet Sebastian?”
“Smooth liaison. But, yes.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“What do you think of him?” Agnes inquired.
“Oh Agnes, no. You are not trying to pair us off together. Are you?”
“The thought crossed my mind once or twice.” she admitted mischievously.
“He's old.” Ryan tried to reason. Deep down inside he knew, however, that age didn't matter to him and that he would gladly be with a man like Sebastian.
“He's forty-two and you are twenty-eight.”
“Fourteen years!”
“But you like older guys.”
“Shut up and go get married.” Ryan snickered, loving the fact that Agnes knew him so well.
“I knew it!” Agnes laughed and Ryan pulled her to Kai and Sebastian.
“Here! She's all yours. I'm going to offer my condolences to Jordan. He's marrying a crazy woman.” Ryan laughed and kissed Agnes affectionately. He shook Kai's hand and squeezed Sebastian's shoulder, before he was gone.
“So? Are you ready, gorgeous?” Kai asked.
“Hell yes! Okay, Sebastian to the left, Kai to the right. Let's go. If we stall any longer, I'm going to run.”
“That nervous?” Seb
astian asked.
“Gosh, yes!”
They opened the door to the chapel and the wedding march started. The three of them walked down the aisle, where people stood and admired the bride. A few people whispered, not knowing who Sebastian was and why he was walking with them. Most of the invitees only knew Kai as Agnes's parent, ignoring her past and the truth.
The ceremony was romantic and beautiful. And when the minster finally pronounced Agnes and Jordan husband and wife, the guest cheered and applauded. The bride and groom kissed and people started crowding them, to say their congratulations.
Sebastian stayed at the side, observing the newlyweds. Agnes looked happy and relieved that now the partying could begin. Kai stood close to her, acting every bit like the proud father. Ryan came up to Sebastian and nudged his side.
“She's happy.”
“Yes, she is. It nice to see it.”
“She misses her father though. Kai does a good job and she loves him, but she would have liked to have Jamie with her.” Ryan mused and Sebastian nodded understandingly. He didn't know what to say, he missed Jamie too, but not as much as he used to. It wasn't paralyzing him anymore and some of his inconsolable grief had been processed when he wrote his book.
“You are far away, aren't you?” Ryan asked smiling. Sebastian smiled back.
“It's time to walk over to the tent. Dinner will be served soon and Kai said that he has a surprise for Agnes.” Sebastian walked next to Ryan to the tent and they went in search for their places. As fate – or Agnes – had arranged, Ryan and Sebastian sat next to each other.
When every guest and the newlyweds had found their seats, Kai took the microphone and announced that he had a surprise. A curtain fell down behind him and revealed Darragh Morgan with his guitar and Callum Townsend at the piano. The guests clapped and cheered and Agnes held her hands to her face with shocked joy. Kai kissed her on the forehead and shook Jordan's hand, before the musicians started to play a first song.
The night passed quickly and Agnes was called to the dance floor for her first dance. She asked Kai to dance with her and they opened the dancing part of the evening. Kai had tears in his eyes; Sebastian could see how touched he was. Next, Agnes danced with her husband and for the next song, she came to Sebastian.
“Would you dance with the bride?” she asked hopefully. Sebastian smiled and took her hand.
“I always wanted to see you dance again. I am sorry for...”
“Shh. It's not important anymore. Today is your wedding day. That's what's important. You live a good and happy life that is important too.”
“Can I ask you something, without you getting mad at me?”
“You can try.” Sebastian offered.
“What do you think of Ryan?”
“Why?”
“Because, I have a feeling that you two would be the perfect couple.”
“I'm... sorry, that's a weird conversation, don't you think?”
“Maybe, but I want you to be happy and I know that Ryan could make that happen. Give him a chance?”
“Oh Agnes, you haven't changed a bit.” Sebastian pulled Agnes closer, somehow relieved that she wanted to really see him move on, and Ryan did really not appear to be the worst choice.
Ryan approached Agnes and Sebastian and tapped on Agnes's shoulder.
“Do you mind if I take over?”
“Don't people usually want to dance with the bride?” Agnes asked with mock indignation.
“Well then, you shouldn't have any trouble finding another dance partner.” Ryan teased. Agnes stepped away and whispered into Sebastian's ear: “Give him a chance.” She winked and walked to her husband.
Ryan stepped closer to Sebastian.
“I promised you a dance, but I have to warn you, I am a bad dancer.” Ryan babbled and Sebastian pulled him closer.
“Just step on the right foot and I won't feel it.” they started moving, keeping their eyes locked for most of the dance, not speaking at all. When the song stopped, the spell was broken and Sebastian reluctantly let go of Ryan.
“Would you like to meet, some day? For a coffee or dinner or... I don't know.” Ryan stammered and blushed.
“Yes. That would be very nice. How about tomorrow? I could cook us dinner at my place, if you want to.” Sebastian offered.
“Sounds delicious.” Ryan accepted the invitation and they walked back to their seats, where they exchanged phone numbers and addresses.
Agnes sat back and watched the men. She would have loved to see Jamie with Sebastian, them getting old together, but she had a hunch that Ryan would be even better for Sebastian. She hoped that her father would approve of her match making, but she somehow had the certainty, that he did. She had a good feeling.
****
Seven months later, James McCarrick Andrews was born. Kai, Sebastian and Ryan where pacing the waiting room impatiently, until a nurse finally called them and told them that mother, child and father were now ready to see them.
“Jamie, meet your uncles. The one with the dark hair that is your uncle Kai. Next to him, is his brother, Sebastian. They are twins, but nothing alike and the one with his arm around uncle Sebastian's waist is Ryan. They are a couple, but I'll explain that to you when you are a lot older.” Agnes introduced his son and the baby yawned silently.
Kai took the baby and Jordan showed him how to change diapers. It gave Agnes a moment alone with Sebastian. Ryan offered to get coffee for them all, sensing that he was expendable at that moment.
“You named him after your father. That's nice. How are you feeling?”
“I am fine. Really good actually. He is the cutest and the name, well, there was a moment when I was unsure about it, but I guess, the world needs a Jamie McCarrick.”
“Have I told you lately, how much I love you and the woman you became? I am really proud of you.”
“Thank you, Sebastian. Coming from you, it means a lot.”
“Thank you for Ryan, by the way.”
“I knew you were perfect for each other.” Sebastian nodded and lovingly watched the man they had spoken about entering the room again, balancing coffees.
Sebastian went over and kissed him. It was time, to open closed doors again. Agnes, Kai and Sebastian were finally reunited and a family again, with as additions Jordan, Ryan and baby Jamie.
THE END
~~ALTERNATIVE ENDING~~
The feeling was new, yet familiar as Sebastian walked down a long bright corridor. It was shapeless or at least it felt that way. There was no way that he could tell if it was rectangular or oval. Shapeless. White. Everything was white and clean. He had expected the walls to be smudged with different sorts of stains after all this. But everything looked immaculate, as if he was the first person to ever walk down this path.
He was scared but not scared at all, at the same time.
Sebastian instinctively knew where he was going and he knew where he was coming from. His heart thundered in his chest, he even felt the pounding in his ears. For all the wrong steps he had taken in his past, he knew he felt it in the deepest recess of his mind that this was good and these steps were right. He took them with vigor relishing the feeling of his own steady step.
He came to a crossing. A choice needed to be made, but he was unsure which way to go on. He turned and looked at every new path.
North. East. West. South.
Every way looked just the same to him. He spun around in a circle again, this time with his eyes closed and blindly he made his choice. Sebastian took a tentative step and a deep breath. Instinctively he felt that this path was right. Maybe there was no wrong path to take. Maybe they all led him home and to happiness. He walked on and the white surrounding him morphed green and blue, with only specs of white left. He felt the emerald green grass underneath the soles of his naked feet. Two feet. He hadn't felt this since his childhood. There was always something keeping him from going barefoot through the grass. Wasps. Other people looking. Morning dew. Until it was too late an
d he felt foolish for even thinking about it.
Not this time.
Not this time.
He drew in a deep breath and he smelled the scent of fresh grass. It filled his nostrils and made him exhale with a smile. He was going home. Everything felt right.
Every step he took forward was a conscious step, until he stopped and took the time to raise his head and look up at the sky. It was as if he was looking at a gem stone. Sapphire blue. Just like he remembered it from his childhood. The sun warmed his skin. Not even the shadows the sparse clouds cast over him took that pleasant feeling away from him.
Freedom.
He felt free. Freer than he had ever felt during these last years.
A shiver ran down his spine and goose bumps covered his skin all of a sudden. He looked around and realized that he was alone. All the beauty of the scenery couldn't make up for that hollow cold feeling that was spreading fast from his stomach to his heart and made it beat faster. There were no familiar faces. No one was waiting for him, only a huge void. Anxiety took over and he reeled. There was nothing to hold on to and the content feeling he had felt while walking down the white corridor or the happy memories that he had remembered while crossing the meadow were gone.
The outside hadn't changed. It was his inner self that was shifting. Sweat formed at his temples and ran down his face in long trails. He felt exposed and silly. His throat was burning and he couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. Gasping and panting he came to a strange conclusion: There was no need to breathe. It was strange, but it was real. Even without breathing he was still there. His chest felt constricted, but he was not in pain. The moment he recognized it the anxiety faded again. He was shaking, not from the cold, not from fear. He was shaking because his body and his soul parted ways. The shaking was the natural way of things.
Deciding that it was time to walk on, beguiled by the thought of coming home, he brushed his hair out of his face and marched on.
When The Right Door Opens Page 16