Not-So-Perfect Princess

by Melissa McClone

  The sail was over. With a sigh, she glanced at the bow. Soon she would be back in the palace. The thought squeezed her heart.

  Below deck, Alejandro rummaged around, looking for a sail bag. Before long it would be time to go.

  Emotion welled up inside her. She didn’t want to return to reality yet. Nothing awaited her except a life of duty. Okay, she was being a total drama princess, but this once she would allow herself that luxury.

  As the breeze picked up, the mast, standing so tall and strong, caught her attention. She closed her eyes and breathed in the salt air. The wind caressed her face. She could almost believe she was…free.

  “Found it,” Alejandro said from below.

  Her eyelids flew open.

  He climbed into the cockpit. “I need to organize the equipment.”

  “I’ll do it for you now.”

  “It’s too late.”

  Maybe for him. “I’ll help you stow the sails.”

  “Good idea.” Alejandro stood on the luff side of the mainsail. “We’ll get out of here faster with two pairs of hands.”

  Her shoulders slumped. She should have offered to do the sails on her own. Getting out of here faster was the last thing she wanted.

  She took the leech side. Together, they flaked the sail, layering the fabric across the boom. He secured the main with ties.

  “What about the jib?” she asked.

  He turned off the boat’s running lights. “I’ll take care of it when I get back.”

  Back? He was going out after this. To a club? The thought made her spirits sink lower. She should forget about it. Him. But she couldn’t. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m walking you back to the palace.”

  His chivalry pleased her, but she’d found her way to the dock on her own. She didn’t need to be escorted back. A slow walk through the park on the way to the tunnels would keep her free a little while longer. Jules wanted as much extra time outside the palace as she could get. “I can find my own way.”

  “I know you can, but I’m going to escort you back.”

  “Okay.” Jules caved like a house of cards. Truth was, she liked being with Alejandro and wanted to spend more time with him. Oh, she’d see him around the palace, at events and during meals. But given his relationship with Enrique, this might be their last chance to be alone.

  She felt a pang in her heart.

  The moonlight cast shadows on his face. With his strong jaw, nose and high cheekbones, he did look more pirate than prince. Too bad he wouldn’t kidnap her, sail away with her on his boat and ravish her…

  A smile tugged on the corners of her mouth. She couldn’t help herself from daydreaming and fantasizing.

  Alejandro was a hottie. He’d come to her rescue more than once. He might consider himself a black sheep, but black knight might be a better term after the sail tonight. He’d gone out of his way for her. Jules would be eternally grateful to him.

  If only she could thank him, not with words, but a…kiss. A kiss would make tonight’s sail more perfect. She stared at his full, soft-looking lips. A kiss under the full moon.

  “Julianna?” Alejandro asked.

  Desire flowed through her veins. “Yes?”

  “You okay?”

  “I’m just thinking.” Of kissing him. All she had to do was rise up and touch her lips to his. Tempting, undeniably so. But the rebellious act of sailing was more than enough for the evening, for a lifetime really.

  At least her lifetime. Jules took a deep breath.

  “About our sail.” She touched the boat’s wheel, running her fingertips over the smooth edge. “I want to remember everything about tonight.”

  Everything except Alejandro.

  Forget about kissing him. If she was to be Enrique’s wife, she needed to bury all memories of Alejandro deep in her heart. Otherwise she would make herself and her marriage miserable, wanting what she couldn’t have.

  Not that Jules had real feelings for him or vice versa. They’d just met. She was getting carried away after a lovely evening with a fellow sailor. Alejandro hadn’t flirted with her. He’d barely noticed her beyond her sailing abilities.

  The setting with its full moon, starry sky and ocean breeze was perfect for two people to connect, to kiss. Yet he hadn’t gotten caught up in the romantic atmosphere. That was a little…annoying. Maybe he didn’t find her attractive.

  What was she thinking? She shouldn’t want him to hit on her.

  “It’s too bad we couldn’t take pictures,” he said.

  “Yes.” But having a photograph of tonight was too big a risk. If Enrique found it…

  Enrique.

  Maybe he was the reason Alejandro hadn’t made a move on her. He might be the black sheep of the family, but he was an honorable man and not about to kiss his brother’s fiancée.

  She respected that. Respected him.

  If only Enrique was more like his younger brother… Jules swallowed a sigh.

  Alejandro double-checked the ties. “Ready to go?”

  She took a final glance around. Everything had been stowed or secured, but she was in no hurry to leave.

  Waves lapped against the hull. The boat rocked with the incoming tide. The sound and motion comforted her. She ran her hand along the deck, a final farewell to La Rueca.

  Regret mixed with sadness. “I’m ready.”

  She exited the boat without taking Alejandro’s hand. She didn’t need his help. Not anymore.

  Touching him again, feeling her small hand clasped with his larger, warm one, would make putting tonight behind her harder. Being with him made her feel so different. She didn’t know if that was freedom calling or not. But real life beckoned, or rather would with the sunrise.

  Tears stung her eyes. Blinking them away, she headed up the dock. Her nonskid shoes barely made a sound against the wood.

  Would the memory of tonight fade into nothingness as she embraced her role as Enrique’s fiancée and wife? Jules hoped not.

  She glanced up at the sky. A shooting star arced across the darkness.

  I wish this didn’t have to end.

  The thought was instantaneous, and her entire body, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, felt that way. She kept her gaze focused on the sky. The star and its tail vanished.

  What a waste of a wish. Jules should have wished for Enrique to change his mind instead. She blew out a puff of air.

  Time to stop pretending. She wasn’t living a fairy tale, but it wasn’t a Gothic novel, either. She needed to face up to her responsibilities.

  Climbing the steep hillside, she ignored the burn in her thighs.

  Alejandro caught up without sounding winded or breaking a sweat. He walked alongside her, shortening his stride to match hers. “I hope you enjoyed your sail.”

  “I did.” She forced the words from her tight throat. Making small talk wasn’t going to be easy. The walk back made her realize how prisoners at the Tower of London must have felt on their way to the executioner. Though Jules faced a life sentence, not death. A sentence she’d chosen for herself, for the sake of her brother, her children and her country. “Thank you so much for tonight.”

  “I should be the one thanking you.”

  Alejandro’s easy smile doubled her heart rate. She wanted to scream and cry. If he’d been the firstborn… No, a man like him would never need an arranged marriage to secure a bride. No matter what the amount of that bride’s dowry.

  “Watching you sail tonight has been a true pleasure, Julianna,” he continued. “You’re very skilled. Amazingly so.”

  His words made her stand taller. She needed to focus on the positives, not wallow in what-could-have-beens or what-ifs. “Plying me with compliments, huh?” she quipped.

  “I’m telling you the truth.”

  The sincerity of his words lifted her burdened shoulders and lightened her heavy heart. “That means more to me than you can imagine.”

  His gaze locked with hers. Seconds turned into a m
inute. The way he looked into her eyes made her think he was going to kiss her. Jules wanted him to kiss her. Anticipation surged.

  She leaned toward him and parted her lips. An invitation and a plea.

  “You should be at the helm of La Rueca in the Med Cup,” he said.

  Her breath caught in her throat. “What did you say?”

  He repeated the words.

  A strong yearning welled up inside of her, a longing that didn’t want to be ignored. She started to speak then stopped herself.

  What he said was impossible. In fact, he looked as surprised at his words as Jules did. He must have been joking.

  She pushed aside her disappointment and laughed. “Oh, yes. That’s exactly what I should do. Princess Julianna of Aliestle, helmsman.”

  Alejandro didn’t joke back. His smile disappeared. His eyes darkened.

  “You’re not laughing,” she said.

  His jaw thrust forward. “I’m not kidding.”

  Of course, he was. Jules reached the top of the hill and continued along the paved path through the park. “It’s been a lovely evening. Please don’t spoil it by teasing me.”

  “I’m serious.” The determined set of his chin made him look formidable. A lot like his father. But she remained unnerved by that. “If La Rueca places in the top five, the resulting publicity will boost my boatyard’s reputation and raise the island’s standing in the eyes of the yachting world. To do that I need you steering the boat.”

  “Wait.” What he said confused her. “You said you were confident in the boat. In your crew.”

  “That was before I saw you sail. I need you, Julianna.”

  His words smacked into her like an unwieldy suitcase on wheels a porter couldn’t handle and nearly knocked her on her backside. No one had ever needed her before.

  “I’m floored. Flabbergasted. Flattered.” Jules bit her lip to stop from rambling. She needed to be sensible about this, not emotional. “But we both know I can’t race with you. The Med Cup is right before the wedding. Enrique and my father are unlikely to change their minds and allow me to compete, even with you.”

  “This will be our secret.”

  Jules considered what he was saying…for a nanosecond. “That’s…that’s…”

  “Doable.”

  “Insane,” she countered. “If I get caught—”

  “We’ll make sure you aren’t.”

  A mix of conflicting emotion battled inside Jules. Part of her wanted to grab the moment and make the most of the opportunity. But common sense kept her feet planted firmly on the ground, er, path. She forced herself to keep walking toward the grotto.

  “We’re not talking about a midnight sail with the two of us. I’d have to practice with a crew in daylight. They’d figure out I’m not a boy the first time I said anything.” Coming up with a list of reasons this was a bad idea was too easy. “Let’s not forget the race officials. A crew roster will be necessary. We can’t overlook the media coverage. The press will have a field day if my identity is discovered.”

  “For someone who’s never sailed on the ocean you sure know a lot about what’s involved with racing.”

  “I’ve raced in lakes, and I’ve followed various racing circuits for years. I know enough…” Her voice raised an octave. She took a calming breath. It didn’t help. “Enough to know that with me at the helm, the odds are you’ll lose. I’m not experienced enough.”

  “Are you trying to convince me?” he asked. “Or yourself.”

  “You.”

  “I say you’re qualified enough. I want you to be my helmsman.”

  She felt as if she’d entered a different dimension, an alternative universe. Perhaps this was a dream and La Isla de la Aurora didn’t exist. She would wake up in her room at the castle in Aliestle, not engaged. “Consider what you’re saying, Alejandro. You’re crazy if you want to risk the Med Cup on someone like me.”

  “Maybe I’m crazy. Certifiably insane. But I know what I saw tonight out on the water. No one else handles La Rueca as well as you.”

  “Have them practice more,” she said. “It’s late. I must get back to the palace before the sun rises.”

  She quickened her pace, leaving Alejandro behind. The sooner she reached the grotto, the better. She couldn’t listen to him anymore. It hurt too much to think racing on the ocean was even a possibility. That had never crossed her mind given her father’s restrictions.

  The footsteps behind her drew closer. “Don’t run away.”

  “I’m heading in the wrong direction if I wanted to do that.”

  “Stop.”

  Jules did. She owed him that much for tonight’s sail.

  He placed his hand on her shoulder.

  She gasped, not expecting him to touch her.

  “Please,” he said. “Consider what I’m saying.”

  Warmth ebbed from the point of contact. She struggled against the urge to lean into him, to soak up his strength and confidence. She wanted to, but couldn’t. She shrugged away from his hand and counted to twenty in French. “I’ve considered it. No.”

  “Racing will make you happy.” He wasn’t giving up for some reason. “You love to sail.”

  “I love to sail, but it isn’t my entire life.” Jules didn’t dare look at Alejandro. She couldn’t allow herself to be swayed, even if she was tempted. “I have a duty to my family and country. That is more important than some…hobby.”

  The word used derisively by her father tasted bitter on her tongue. Sailing was a pastime, but it represented the freedom to live as she wanted and a tangible connection to the mother she didn’t remember.

  “I can’t risk upsetting Enrique.” The reality of her situation couldn’t be ignored. “If he finds out—”

  “Do you really think Enrique’s going to send you back to Aliestle and walk away from a hundred-million-dollar dowry because you went sailing?”

  Her jaw dropped. So did her heart. Splat.

  Jules knew her father had set aside a large amount of money for her dowry, but not that much. She closed her mouth. She’d always known suitors were after the money, not her. Still the truth stung. “I…can’t.”

  “Yes, you can,” he urged. “It’ll be worth the risk.”

  “For you, maybe. Not for me.” If Enrique didn’t marry her, she’d find herself trapped in a worse marriage, in an old-fashioned country with archaic, suffocating traditions. Her efforts to help Brandt and Aliestle would be futile. Plus, she had her children to consider. “I would love to race. But I can’t do all the things I want to do. I must consider the consequences.”

  “Consider the consequences if you don’t race.”

  The word no sat on the tip of Jules’s tongue. That word would end further discussion. But her heart wasn’t ready to do that yet. She wanted to know what racing might feel like. But reality kept poking at her, reminding her what was at stake. “There are no consequences if I don’t race.”

  Alejandro held her hand. “Your happiness, Julianna.”

  “I’ll find happiness.”

  “Life on the island will be good for you, but Enrique is self-involved. He’ll most likely ignore you.”

  “Ignoring me will be better than trying to control me,” she admitted. “And I’ll be happy once I have children. I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Children will bring me great happiness and joy. I’ll devote myself to being the best mother I can be. That will make me very happy.”

  “Will children be enough?”

  They had to be.

  “I’m sorry, Alejandro.” Julianna pulled her hand out of his. “I must find contentment in the life I’m meant to live. If I believe I can or should have more, that will make the days unbearable.”

  “You’re a wonderful, brave woman.”

  “If I was brave, I’d say yes even though it would be a really bad idea.”

  “It could be sheer brilliance.”

  “Or an utter disaster.”

  “You want to.” Alejandro gazed into her
eyes. “I can tell.”

  Her pulse skittered. She flushed. She did want to. More than anything. “I told you. It doesn’t matter what I want. I can’t.”

  “What’s really stopping you?”

  “Common sense.” She raised her hand in the air to accentuate each point. “Duty. Obligation.”

  “Royal duty doesn’t mean making yourself a slave.”

  “It’s not slavery, but a responsibility to build something better.”

  “I’m trying to build something better here on the island. But you can’t pretend to be something you’re not,” Alejandro said. “However much we love people or have loved them, we still have to be the person we are meant to be. Follow your heart,” his voice dipped, low and hypnotic.

  Emotion clogged her throat. She’d followed her heart once. Tonight. The thought of doing so again made her mouth water. “I…”

  “Say yes,” he encouraged. “You won’t regret racing.”

  Oh, she would regret it. Jules had no doubt.

  But tonight’s glimpse of freedom had spoiled her and made her feel carefree and alive. She wasn’t ready for that feeling to end.

  “Yes.” Her answer went against everything she’d been raised to do or be. She needed to reel herself in and set clear boundaries to temper this recklessness. She remembered her plan from this morning. “I’m saying yes for the same reason I sailed tonight. Once I marry Enrique, things will change. I must honor my husband and my marriage. I will step fully into my role of the crown princess who will one day be queen.”

  “The people of La Isla de la Aurora have no idea how fortunate they are to have you as their future queen.”

  “Let’s make sure I’m not caught so one day I can be their queen.”

  “That’s the number one priority,” Alejandro said. “I’ll take every precaution to keep your identity a secret. I have as much to lose with this as you do.”

  His words didn’t make any sense. This had nothing to do with him. “What do you mean?”

  Alejandro hesitated.

  “I want to know what you have to lose,” she said.

  “My freedom,” he admitted. “Once you and Enrique marry and have children, I’ll be free from all royal obligations. I can concentrate on business and not have to worry about any more princely duties.”