by Olivia Jake
“Would that be the worst thing in the world?” he asked sincerely and Alex froze.
“You’re kidding me, right?” she said without a single twinge of humor.
“No, Alexandra, I’m not.” He said, serious as a heart attack.
“Marco, we’ve known each other for a few weeks, a month. And we won’t even be able to be out in public for the next two. And you’re talking children?” Alex was pissed, not an emotion that came to her easily. It took a lot to push her there. For someone who worked in the industry, she had seen far too many people take their jobs, their roles and their status far too seriously, getting upset over the tiniest things. Alex had never been that person. And given what happened with her parents, she learned from a young age not to sweat the small stuff.
But this was not small stuff. And she was angry. A 29-year-old man being caviler about an accidental pregnancy. She shook her head and got up out of bed, heading towards the bathroom. As she started to close the door, his foot stopped her.
“Alexandra, mi amor, I know this is fast, I know it’s scary. But I know what I feel with you.” his eyes so sincere, his stance leaning in.
“Marco, as nice as that is to hear, you haven’t asked me. We don’t even know each other well enough for you to know if I even want children!”
That set him back, leveling the expression on his face to a scowl accompanied by knit brows.
“You don’t want children?” he asked incredulously.
“Marco!” she exclaimed, “I’m 37. I’ve never really been in a serious relationship. I lost my parents when I was a teenager. I, shit, I already feel like I have a kid with Jesús.” Alex paused to breathe. Her voice lowered as she calmed, “And no, I don’t want children. I never have. I know too well what it’s like to lose your parents, to be a kid growing up without a rudder. I could never do that to someone else. Ever.”
“Ever?” he asked as he took her into his arms, sweetly enveloping her, “Not even conmigo?” he purred as he kissed her head, “Imagine the pictures you could take, every day, a new photo of our babies, and they’d be so beautiful, they’d be tall, with dark hair like both of us, y mi abuela, dios mio, she would love them so much…” he cooed as he held her.
Alex tried to pull away but he refused to let her go. As nice and beautiful as it all sounded, she knew he was young and male and the reality was, they didn’t know each other. They hadn’t talked about things, anything really. This was crazy talk. This was the talk of a man who saw his entire world being organized and planned by other people. And he was grasping at whatever he could to control things, to have a stamp on his life, because right now, he had no say. He had a team of people telling him exactly what he would be doing, who he would be seeing, how he would be reacting… Alex knew not to take this to heart. She was the adult. And she knew that pursuing this conversation was pointless. She would go to her doctor that week and get on the pill. Case closed.
CHAPTER 22
At a prelight the following week, as Alex was waiting for the set to be assembled, she sat down in the studio lounge. As soon as she did, she wished she hadn’t. Staring up at her was the latest copy of In The Know magazine with a shot of Marco and Kimberly walking arm in arm out of a restaurant. Alex told herself not to look at it, not to pick it up. She knew better. But jealousy prevailed over logic as she grabbed the gossip rag and flipped open to the spread about their ‘budding relationship’ and ‘love on camera and off.’ It wasn’t that hard of a story to sell with the amount of photos they had. It showed the two of them together everywhere, from walking down the street with coffee in hand, or at night clubs and a couple that looked like they had been taken on set during their most romantic scenes.
“Real nice.” Jesús said sarcastically as he came up behind Alex, reading over her shoulder.
“It’s all fake, Jesús.” Alex said icily, more defensive than she wished.
“You sure about that?” he asked sincerely.
Alex sighed, “I don’t know. I think so. Marco tells me it’s all fake, but God, it’s hard to believe when it’s right here in my face like this.”
Jesus reached over, grabbed the magazine from Alex and threw it in the garbage. Alex knew he was just trying to protect her. She looked up and over her shoulder at him and he just shrugged. “Jesús, if it’s not that magazine, it’ll be others.”
“Whatever. But you don’t need to torture yourself.”
Alex smiled, touched as usual by Jesús’ unwavering support of her. “You don’t even like Marco.” She teased.
“It’s not him I’m concerned about.” He said flatly as he crossed his tattooed arms.
“I’ll be ok, I promise.” Alex nodded over to the sets, “Looks like they’re finished. Come on.” She said, grateful for the distraction as they made their way back to set up the lighting.
As they strode over, Jesús’ cell buzzed with a text. He stopped, and as he read it, a big grin spread out across his face. His thumbs quickly typed their reply and he replaced the phone in his pocket. When he looked up, still grinning, he saw Alex grinning back at him. “You and Teresa texting each other?” Alex asked as casually as she could.
Jesús shrugged and nodded, embarrassed, like he was somehow caught.
“What? You don’t have to be embarrassed, Jesús! I like Teresa, and I think it’s great that you guys are keeping in touch.” The truth was, Alex was happy for him. Teresa was a sweet, good, quality person. Just like her brother. Only hopefully a lot more innocent.
“I’m trying to save up enough money to fly her out here.” He said, and then shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor.
“Wow, that’s kind of a big deal, Jesús.”
“Yeah, I know. She’s not so sure her mom will let her come.”
“Has she asked her yet?” Alex asked with trepidation.
He shook his head, “Nah, I told her to wait till I got the money together.”
“Um, and Marco?” she asked with even more trepidation.
He shook his head again, this time sporting a mischievous smile, “He’s going to freak out when he hears.”
“Jesús!” Alex reprimanded.
“What? She’s an adult! And it’s not like he really has a say, he’s her brother, not her father. Plus, what about him, and you?”
“Hey, I’m not saying I have a problem with it. I’m just saying, he’s going to be pissed.” Alex shook her head, thinking this would be one more thing in his life that he wouldn’t be able to control.
That week, Alex and Marco saw each other almost every night. They alternated spending time at each other’s houses and Alex convinced herself that only getting together at night wasn’t out of the ordinary for most couples. But she knew the reason they could only see each other then, and the reason they stayed at their houses, not going out. It was where it was safest, under the cover of darkness when prying eyes wouldn’t see. And Alex tried to shove all the publicity about him and Kimberly out of her mind, though that was becoming more and more difficult as each morning when she logged onto her computer and checked her various regular sites, she couldn’t help but see one of their names or a picture of them. She knew it was all part of the publicity machine keeping their names and images out there leading up to the premiere. But knowing it and being comfortable with it were two totally different things.
Alex stayed home Friday night, the night of the premiere knowing that Marco would be walking the red carpet with Kimberly. Alex curled up with a glass of wine, a good romance novel and read of undying love, heaving breasts and throbbing manhoods as Annie and Ansel snored contentedly on the rug next to the couch, and Tabitha curled up in the curve of Alex’s chest, purring as the night wore on.
Eventually, after drinking almost the whole bottle, Alex dragged herself to bed, all the animals dutifully following her. Bill and Hillary were already in their spots, curled up next to each other on top of the comforter. Tabitha took her spot spooning with Alex and Annie and Alex went to their
beds. Between the snoring and the purring, and the gentle nudges of affection, Alex calmed, reminded of how happy her animals made her, their unconditional love and affection ever-present. It was with those thoughts that she drifted off to sleep.
Until her cell buzzed at 2:30am startling her awake. After fumbling a bit, she finally answered it groggily, “Hello?”
“Alexandra!” Marco slurred, yelling into the phone. Alex could hear the party still going on in the background.
“Marco? What’s wrong? Are you ok?”
“Nothing’s wrong, mi amor! I just wanted to call you and hear your voice!” he yelled, still slurring.
“Marco, it’s 2:30 in the morning.”
“Oh, shit, is it that late? Desculpame, mi amor.” And then Marco hiccupped, followed by a loud laugh. Alex rolled her eyes. She didn’t want to be a buzz kill on the opening night of his big premiere, but she had a hard time finding this cute or amusing.
“Let’s talk tomorrow, Marco, ok? Go back to the party.”
“But I want to see you, Corazon! I want to come over tonight.”
“Marco, you’re not driving, are you?” Alex asked with real concern.
“Oh, dios, no. The studio has a driver for me.” He hiccupped again, and then laughed. Then Alex heard some female voice, “Marco, come on, dance with me again!”
That was all she needed to hear. “I’ll talk with you tomorrow, Marco. Good night.”
“But Alexandra…”
“Good night, Marco.” She said again, this time hanging up.
Even the soothing tones of her slumbering animals couldn’t lull her back to sleep. Finally around 4:30 she drifted off for a fitful couple of hours.
The next morning, after a long run, Alex went online to see a grinning and presumably drunk Marco with, not only his co-star, but other actresses and models who all were at the after-party. She tried to shrug it off, knowing he was young, this was a huge deal, a big movie and a big opening, but it was all starting to get to her.
She was starting to believe everything she was seeing, even though she felt like she knew the real Marco, it was hard not to look at what was on paper, literally. That, coupled with having to sneak around and the drunken phone call, Alex was ready to call it quits. Until her phone rang.
Recognizing his number, her first impulse was to ignore it. But she knew that wouldn’t solve anything, so she reluctantly answered, “How are you feeling, Marco?”
“I’m sorry, Alexandra.” He said in a tone that Alex had yet to hear.
“So you remember calling me?” she tried to keep the edge out of her voice.
“Si, and I probably shouldn’t have.” Gone was any sense of happiness in his voice. All she heard now was regret and embarrassment. “I just wanted to see you, to share the night with you.”
Alex paused, soaking in his sincerity. But she wasn’t a girl in her 20s and getting a call at 2:30 from a drunken guy wasn’t funny or cute. It was annoying and immature. “You’re right, you shouldn’t have.”
“Don’t be so angry, Alexandra. Let me make it up to you.” he pleaded in his raspy, sleep-deprived voice.
“Maybe it’s best if you just sleep it off today, Marco.”
“Are you punishing me?”
“No, I’m just trying to evaluate things. It shouldn’t be this difficult, not in the beginning at least.”
That gave Marco pause. “Ok, Alexandra. I just wanted to be with the one person in this town who I knew, and trusted, and thought would be happy for me and my success.” He sounded exhausted and sad.
The guilt trip hit squarely and Alex actually winced. “I am happy for you, Marco. You know that. It’s just hard to show that when you drunk-call me at 2:30 in the morning and I hear some girl asking you to dance. Again.”
He softened, “so it’s just jealousy?” he asked sincerely.
Alex rolled her eyes and shook her head, not that he could see either, “that’s partly it, yes. But it’s everything else too, Marco.” She didn’t want to get into this over the phone. “Look, neither of us likes the phone, at least not for these types of conversations. Please, go to sleep and call me this afternoon. Maybe we’ll get together later.”
“Ok, Alexandra.” Was all he said before he hung up. Alex stared at the phone, unsure what to think. It was impossible not to wonder whether he was calling out of guilt, not just for the late night call, but perhaps for something else? Could he have slept with someone? The woman she heard in the background? Alex hated that she was even having these thoughts. Would it be any different if she were dating someone who weren’t an actor? Alex knew well enough to know that if someone were going to cheat, it wouldn’t matter what they did for a living. The difference was, in Hollywood, and especially with someone who looked like Marco, the opportunities were ever present.
Alex kept herself busy at the lab, processing out a shoot, and then running errands, taking care of all the things she had put off. It was nearing 6pm and she still hadn’t heard from Marco. Every time the thought of him would enter, she would do every mental trick she knew to push it from her mind. Unfortunately, there weren’t nearly enough tricks, and her mind kept drifting back to him. As much as she hated to admit it, as scared as she was, and as much as his call last night pissed her off, she missed him.
The sun was setting when she finally pulled into her driveway. Distracted as she started pulling the packages from the car, she heard his voice behind her, “Let me help you with that, mi amor.” Just hearing his voice made her entire body tingle and tense. She paused, took a deep breath and turned around to face him. As she looked up, she was confronted with an expression that was part anger, love, guilt and resignation. She wasn’t sure how one person could express so much, but somehow, Marco did just that.
Alex smiled and handed him a couple packages. She grabbed the rest and, without saying a word, led the way into the house. Once the packages were set down, Marco pulled Alex into a tight hug and held her. She could feel his heart beating fast, the rise and fall of his chest moving her own. She rested her cheek on him and they stayed like that while the dogs came up smelling them, thumping their tails wildly, Tabitha rubbed against them, and even Ansel whined a little, wanting to get some affection as well. But Marco kept a hold of her, slowly stroking her back, breathing in her scent, and finally after minutes of a thundering heart, he relaxed his breathing. Alex didn’t make a move. She knew he needed to control the pace, the situation. Eventually Ansel and Annie flopped down on the floor beside them, resigned that their cookies would not be forthcoming. And finally, Marco kissed the top of her head as he released her.
Alex was awash in emotions. She actually felt tears start to prick her eyes, which was not like her. In fact, she had been a lot more emotional lately, which she chalked up to the roller coaster of being with Marco. As nice and loving as this embrace felt, the see-saw of highs and lows, of easy-going vs. drama, was starting to worry her. The intensity that was Marco Flores wasn’t something she was used to. Not just that, she wasn’t used to not calling the shots. In her job, she told people what to do, she was used to directing, not being directed.
And, as nice as it was that he just came by, as good as that attention felt, or the notion that his need to see her was so great that he just couldn’t wait any longer, Alex was starting to realize it was more than that. It was once again him needing to control the situation. She had told him to sleep it off and that they’d talk later. His response was to show up at her house. As much as she wanted to just see the romantic gesture, she couldn’t help but see red flags too.
Up until this point, there had never been any awkward silences. As uncomfortable as it was standing there with him, Alex couldn’t figure out what she could say. There were so many feelings running through her that she finally just came out and said it.
“This isn’t normal, Marco. The only time I can see you is at night. You say you hate all this, but you’re playing by their rules. You were insulted when I told you I didn’t want to b
e with you because you were an actor. You told me that wasn’t who you were, it’s what you did. Well, Marco, I hate to break it to you, but it’s becoming who you are.”
“Because I called you drunk, once?”
“No, it’s not just because of last night, Marco. It’s everything. It’s not being able to be seen together. It’s seeing all the pictures of you, not just with Kimberly, but with everyone.” She shook her head and calmed a little, before she continued.
“Marco, you don’t see it. You’re too close, you’re inside of it. But this is why it won’t work with us. I can’t be with you. I just can’t. The life that actors lead, it, it’s just different. You’re in your own weird little bubble. The rest of us don’t, can’t fit in there. Different rules apply to us and, honestly, Marco, I don’t want to live by your rules. They’re not good. They’re not good for me.”
“You’re breaking up with me because I’m an actor.”
She hated how petty he was making her seem, but if those were the only terms he could understand, then that’s what she would use.
“Marco, I tried. I know you’re different, I do. But this industry isn’t going to make an exception for you.”
“We’ll stop with all the sneaking around, Alexandra. I promise. Please, you can’t leave me. You’re the only one who knows me. You understand me.” Alex hated hearing him plead. It wasn’t who he was, and she knew it killed him inside to be weak like that. But it didn’t matter. She had to be the adult, the logical, reasonable person.
“I have to, Marco. I can’t just be an island you come to when you need safety and protection. I can’t be this separate thing.”
“I told you, we’ll go public, you won’t be an island! You’ll be there with me.”
“But I don’t want that life, Marco. I don’t want to walk down the red carpet with you. I don’t want paparazzi waiting to take pictures taken of me walking my dogs or going to the supermarket. And if I stay with you, either that will be my life, or if I pull away, I’ll pull you away and then you’ll resent me for holding you back. It’s not going to work, Marco. It’s just not.”