Twisting Fate

by Charisse Reid

  He continues stalking toward me. I run into something hard, the bathroom door. He grabs it before I can, keeping me from opening it. "I'm fine, Preston. We're both fine. Can I please have some privacy?"

  He looks down when I inadvertently tug on the hem of the tee shirt and press my legs together. "Oh, baby. Why are you embarrassed? It's just me. It's normal. I read it in that book."

  I look up at the ceiling as I try to keep the tears of humiliation from falling. I've never had a problem holding my bladder before. "You're a guy, Preston. How is this normal? I freaking peed a little! How is that normal?" My tone continues to rise in pitch with each word.

  "Because the bigger the baby gets, the more it will press against your organs, which include your bladder, baby. It's fine. We've known each other our whole lives. Do you really think that's going to gross me out and suddenly make me change my mind?" I cannot believe we are standing here having this conversation, and at almost nineteen years old I've peed in my underwear. If my panties are going to be wet it should at least be from pleasure.

  How is he always such a know-it-all? "Wait, what book?"

  "That pregnancy book in the drawer by the bed." My eyebrows dip. I don't remember buying any pregnancy books. It's because I haven't...

  The tear I was holding back defeats me and escapes. He is holding me hostage to the door. One arm is holding onto the doorframe and the other is still residing on the doorknob. The answer is silently lingering between us, but I want confirmation. "You've been reading a baby book?"

  "I pride myself on being informed on all decisions, business or pleasure. We're about to have a baby, so I figured that I needed to be prepared to be the man you needed if anything happened." He just shrugs his shoulders as if this is not a big deal at all. This is the biggest of bigs and it makes my heart expand even more. All of the embarrassment I previously felt subsides, and a little more of the man that he truly is becomes revealed with each page turned in our daily lives. What does it say about a man that reads a baby book for a woman carrying a child he didn't even conceive and I haven't even read one?

  I'm in complete awe of him. My eyes lock with his and I can't move them; I don't want to. I study them to the depths, trying to learn more about why he's so good to me. "You're an amazing man, Preston. Why me, when you could have anyone? No matter what you tell me I still don't understand."

  He releases the doorframe and cups the lower portion of my face in his hand. The softness in his touch becomes a need as he rubs his fingers along he curves of my lips. "Because no one else is my Kinzleigh. I want you and I need you. That need runs deep to my core and I don't care who knows it. Come on let me bathe you. I want to take care of you."

  Opening the door he steps forward, inching me inside. He closes the door behind us. The look in his eyes as he stares at me is more of a demand than a gesture. It tells me not to argue. This is what he needs. There isn't an ounce of lust in his eyes. "I want to have a life with you aside from sex. I want to be the man you can depend on and come to for anything. Let me take care of you."

  He is staring at me, waiting for my approval. "Okay."

  Without looking away, he turns on the water and begins filling the large tub. He allows himself to look away, but only long enough to add bubble bath and calming crystals. There are enough things lining the tub for comfort, soothing, and relaxation to last a year, but I have yet to use any of it.

  As the tub fills, he grabs the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head. I can't look anywhere else, but at the man before me. I guess maybe it's curiosity of how it feels to let someone care for you this way. I've always been completely independent except for right after Brey died. I was dependent for completely different reasons. It was necessary, not voluntary.

  He hooks his index finger under the inside waistband of my panties and slides them down my legs slowly, squatting, as he allows them to descend. When they reach the floor, I rest my hands on his shoulders for support and step out.

  He stands and guides me to the step of the tub, where I enter and sit down. I continue to watch him as he takes a seat on the side of the tub. "Relax, baby. I got you."

  I lean against the back porcelain and slide down until I'm completely covered by the bubbly water, drenching my curls. The tub is set in a nook that gives it a sense of a hideaway. He reaches over and grabs the remote, turning down the main lights of the bathroom off and bringing the spotlights above the tub to a dim. He presses a few more buttons and soft jazz music begins to play through the speakers.

  I have to admit that this is nice. The hot water on my body is quickly easing my tension. The aromas of the bath scents allow my mind to think. I close my eyes as he begins running his hands through the water. I can't help but to think about Macie and all she has been through. I wish there was someone to help her. I've never had a problem with family or money. I have no idea how it feels to have everything taken from you so many times.

  As our conversation from earlier passes through my mind, I get an idea. If I had stayed in Mississippi surrounded by Breyson I wouldn't be where I am today. It was leaving everything that reminded me of him behind that helped me to move forward without him. Sure, California is where we met, but our lives together were in Mississippi. Maybe what she needs is a clean break from it all. "Hey, Preston..."

  I open my eyes to him squirting body wash on a loofah. He reaches in the water and picks up my foot closest to him and begins rubbing it from my toes up my leg, leaving suds in its wake. "Hmm," he answers in question.

  I'm not sure how he is going to respond to this. I never ask him about anything related to his business at work. "Would you be willing to hire Macie?"

  He continues bathing me, but this time he looks at me. "Why?"

  One word. I'm not sure that's a good start to the direction of this conversation. "I think it may help her to get a fresh start somewhere, but I don't think she's going to leave unless she has just cause. She's been through a lot; things worse than you or I have ever been through. Maybe it's stupid. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that and put that kind of pressure on you."

  He's looking at me with an intense stare. I'm starting to regret bringing up such an idea until he finally responds. "Consider it done. We will sit down and make the offer before she leaves."

  I'm a little stunned to be honest. It was just a thought. I'm not sure that I expected him to agree, truthfully. "Are you sure? I don't want you to feel obligated to do something just because I asked you. It wasn't really my place to get in your business affairs."

  He sets my washed leg back in the water and starts on my arm. "Actually, I've been looking for a personal assistant for a while now. I was about to begin pulling the male applications, because every female that I've interviewed so far came across like they were looking for more than a job. This way we're both happy. You help out a friend and I get a PA that is there to do a job and nothing else. The pay will be worth it and I'll supply a place to live as well as childcare if she's available to travel. She is required to go where I go."

  I don't know if she will go for it or not, but I guess there is no loss by asking, even if she doesn't accept the offer. I want to help someone the way I've been helped through the loss of Breyson. I can't imagine where I would be right now if Preston hadn't come back for me. Also, I still feel at fault for Breyson's death. If I spend my life trying to help others, maybe I can get some peace in my soul for the guilt that is always there. "Thank you, Preston. It means a lot."

  "I only have one condition." I don't like that phrase at all. Usually, it means he wants something that I'm not going to like so he bargains for it with something that I really want. It’s too much like bribery.

  I give him a pouty face; the same one I used to use on Brey. His serious expression never changes. Sometimes I forget how different they really were. Brey, how I wish you were here...

  "What is it?" With Preston, there is never a hint as to what is going on it that mind of his. He is good at blocking out his emotions from
being readable.

  "I know you want to have sex and I want to worse, but..." There's that magical word, but. "I know I keep going back and forth, because I like to make you happy and when you get in those raging pregnancy hormonal states it's the hottest thing I've ever seen, but I at least want to wait until after we announce our engagement. If you don't want to wait until we get married in December, I'll compromise."

  I like the sound of compromise, because it shows maturity and not someone on a power trip. He pauses briefly, but I don't say a word. "After the party, we'll go away for a few days to Barbados or somewhere. I just want it to be special, Kinzleigh. I've waited years to have the chance to be your man. You're different to me than any other girl. I want the first time we make love to be after I've proven to the world you're going to be my wife. I've made my decision."

  He drops the loofah in the water and begins messaging the bottom of my water-wrinkled foot. His deep voice is relaxing. "I want us to spend more time getting to know each other so when that time comes our connection is so deep it becomes a part of the intimacy as well and not just a fuck because your hormones are crazy. I know you've only been with one man and it was meaningful to you because you loved him. I'll never try to replace that, but I've never had that with anyone and I want it with you. Can you understand that?"

  It's always hard when he brings up Breyson, but it's something that I'll have to get used to. My heart still pains each time I think of my beautiful, blue eyed boy and how much I miss him. I've come to terms with the fact that the pain will never subside no matter how much or how fast I'm able to move on with someone else, but I guess that's part of true love. Like a limb removed from your body, you have to relearn how to live in its absence. There is always a way to go on living, but it's a life altering change. I'm still hoping that the connection of coming together in intimacy with Preston will drown out the constant nagging pain in my mind, heart, and soul for Breyson.

  When I think of the baby inside my womb that was created by another man, though, I'm still hesitant no matter how fast I want to take that next step with him. When I sit and think about it not in the heat of the moment I have mixed emotions. Maybe I need to talk to someone else that understands. It's a huge decision and one that I don't need to take lightly. Once it happens there is no going back. It's irreversible, final. "Okay, Preston. I will wait."

  ***

  I'm tossing and turning in bed. The only light in the room is the numbers of the clock on the bedside table. I thought I would be fast asleep after my bath, but I've only been asleep for a couple of hours and now I'm wide awake. Preston's arm is wrapped around me and his body is pressed against mine from behind. I'm starting to get hot. He must have forgotten to turn the air down before bed.

  Grabbing his hand, I gently lay it to rest on his side. He doesn't budge, so I turn back the thick comforter and sit up on the edge of the bed. As quietly as possible, I stand and walk toward the door on my tiptoes. I feel like a little kid trying to sneak out without waking my parents. I look back and Preston is still sleeping peacefully.

  I slowly twist the doorknob and crack the door open. When it doesn't make a sound, I continue to open it far enough I can walk out. I pull the door closed at a snail's pace, hoping not to wake him since he has to be up early for work.

  I look around and the hallway is dark and quiet. I wonder if Macie ever came home. I texted Ryland the address before bed and told them where the extra key was located, but I never got a reply. I'm not sure whether to be relieved or worried. I turn on the hallway light long enough to turn the temperature down until the air kicks on throughout the house. I have no idea what I'm going to do in the wee hours, but I'm not tired enough to go back to bed.

  The rumbling of my stomach as I make my way down the stairs directs me to the kitchen for a snack. I don't know what I want, but I'm craving something salty after eating that ice cream earlier. I walk across the cold tile of the kitchen in the direction of the food pantry. When I open the door I begin rummaging through it, looking for some chips. I know they're in here somewhere.

  I find what I'm looking for and grab the bag. As I'm pouring a bowl full of chips I hear the side door open and hushed giggles. I decide to stay where I am, because she has to come through the kitchen to get to her room. I stand perfectly still and when I hear a husky voice followed by another laugh, I know she isn't alone. Their voices are thick with lust. I don't even need confirmation to know what happened. I can only process one thought. What the hell have I done?

  My anxiety starts to pick up as the thoughts of what probably just happened run wild through my mind. My doctors have warned me about keeping it under control while I'm pregnant. I try to tune out the voices and close my eyes. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat.

  It takes a few minutes, but I manage to talk myself down from the spiral of emotions that were starting to take place. I'm probably just overreacting. They probably didn't sleep together. Maybe they're just being flirtatious. He will leave and she'll never see him again. Neither of them has to know who the other is.

  The door shuts and I hear footsteps. They are getting closer to me with each step. She walks through the kitchen and the sight I find causes me to drop the plastic bowl of chips in my hand. She jumps at the sound of the bowl hitting the tile floor. "Kinzleigh? What are you doing up so late? Did I wake you?"

  I can feel my face heating, but I can't speak, not yet anyway. I take in her small frame and my worst nightmare has just come true, or the worst one as of late. "You slept with him didn't you." It's not a question, because based on what she's wearing I know the answer. No girl comes home in Ryland Reeves boxers unless they were physically removed from his body like a token or trophy. Every girl in school wanted the blonde surfer with dimples and a body to die for, and that was proof they got him for a little while. I know that much from Presley.

  "What have I done," I say aloud accidentally in a whisper. I didn't mean for her to hear, but it slipped.

  She rushes over to me and grabs me by the shoulders. "Kinzleigh, it isn't your fault. I'm an adult and I make my own decisions. There is just something about him that I can't place. I haven't been with a man since Beau, but I wanted this. Don't you dare blame yourself."

  The look in her eyes kills me. It's the effect of a night in the sack with Ryland Reeves. I know that look, because I've seen it on girls before. The only person that it didn't work on was Presley, because they are one in the same. It's a look very similar to the animals on the movie Bambi when they are twitterpaeted. "Macie, we need to talk."

  What exactly do I tell her? I can't freaking tell her she just had sex with her dead boyfriends brother. That's a for sure way for someone to end up in the psych ward. I can't let her fall for Ryland either. That would be the epitome of stupid. I'm not cut out for this sort of thing. How did this happen? Can I not have anything freaking normal happen in my life? I begin pacing back and forth behind the counter, crunching the chips under my feet, and hitting myself on the forehead with the heel of my hand.

  "What do you need to talk to me about? You wanted me to have fun, so I did. What's the problem?" Her voice is low, but agitated.

  What is the problem, she says. Only if you knew little bird. There is no easy way to do this, Kinzleigh. Anything I tell her is for her own good, even though both are bad. Just go with the lesser of the two.

  I stop, standing over the heap of crushed chips that is now scattered across the floor. The aroma of salt and vinegar is filling my nose, making me salivate. I stare down at my mess. What a waste. Those would have been good. Focus, Kinzleigh, focus!

  "Macie," I whine. "It's not that. I did, I do want you to have fun, but just with anyone except...Rye. He's not the kind of guy that a girl like you gets involved in. He's dangerous to someone like you." I continue in my well-worn path of chip crumbles, letting my arms flail as I speak. My mind isn't working right now, because my mouth has taken control. "He, well he… just trust me, okay?"

  "What do you mean a girl li
ke me?" Oh, there's that tone. None of this is coming out right. My mouth opens to try and rectify where this conversation is being steered, but she cuts me off. "A girl that is broken and impaired? Is that what kind of girl you mean, or a girl that lives a pathetic, lonely life because she's undeserving of anything more? That's it, isn't it? I'm not good enough for your friends, because of what I've done in my past? Well, don't worry, in a few days I'll be back in Mississippi with a few good memories that may ease some of the self loathing misery that the poor, southern girl has to be stuck in permanently. It's the card I drew in life, right?"

  Tears are now streaming down her face. I've pulled the trigger to the gun I didn't even know I was holding. I'm stunned. How do I fix this? "That's not what I meant at all," I say barely above a whisper as I stare into her pain stricken eyes. "Please...let me explain."

  I take a step forward, but she takes a step back. She doesn't want to be near me right now. "Tomorrow." She managed to get the one word out in between breaths. I feel like I'm watching her drown while I'm sitting in the boat with no paddle. I let her go and say nothing more.

  I watch her disappear into the hallway. Maybe I was in over my head. How does a person save someone else from drowning that is barely keeping their own head above water? The odds aren't great, but we come out together or we drown together. No one left behind, right?

  Chapter 23

  Kinzleigh

  I couldn't sleep at all last night. All I can think about is Macie. Things have been rocky since that night in the kitchen. She's avoided me like a plague. She comes home after I'm in my room for the night and is gone before I wake. I've seen Ryland's truck a few times over the last week picking her up and dropping her off.

  It's been lonely, because Preston has been working extra hours at the office getting ready for the new project release event and our engagement announcement. I wanted to get to know Macie better, but instead I ruined it. Today is the day she is leaving to go back to Mississippi and also the day Preston is going to offer her a job. I was confident when I first asked him to do it, but now I'm not so sure.