Twisting Fate

by Charisse Reid

  I feel like I'm going to throw up. Maybe my mind is shutting down from all of the emotions and stress of the day. Clearly, my mind is hallucinating and hearing things. I try to ask her a simple question to check back in to reality. "Do you miss your mommy?"

  "I miss her when it's a sunny day. Sometimes, she tells me important things." Maybe if I just play along I'll feel less like a person that has mentally snapped.

  I look over to my side and Cheyenne's mom looks like she's seen a ghost. Callea places her small palm on my forehead, turning my attention back to her. "What kinds of things does she tell you?"

  "She said to take care of Nana until you came with the present. She said it would be a long time, because you were sick." As she says the word long she expands her arms out to the side to show me her version of the measurement on a scale. "Do you feel better?" She places her palm back on my forehead like she's checking for fever.

  I am completely and inevitably mind fucked. If you put a mirror under my nose right now it would be clean, because I can't breathe. I sit here, staring at her. I ignore the pain in my chest from the lack of oxygen. I've never been one to believe in ghosts or return of life after death in an alternate form, but I've always heard that children have a sixth sense.

  What do I feel like right now? I feel like I'm in the middle of the MTV show and Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out stating it's all a prank. Then, I think, who the hell would be able to make this shit up? I have entered into fuckedupville and my life has become the crazy shit writers dream up to put in a fictional book. People would pay big money to read about this shit, and I'm stuck living it against my will. Why can't something normal happen to me for once? Where did I turn down the wrong road? I want to be granted a do over any time after Kinzleigh and I got together.

  Somewhere I jumped on the carousel of crazy and I want off. My head is spinning. All I want is to be back in the love bubble with Kinzleigh. I wish I could erase getting on the plane that day, but each decision made changes the outcome of the future for better or for worse. That's something I will think about now, before I wish to change things of the past.

  What comes out next is not to be judged. I'm now in a state of mind that excuses me from any crazy talk that may occur as a result. "I do feel better, but I won't feel great until I get back home. I've been gone for a long time and I'm homesick. I have to go see someone very important to me, but I promised your mommy that I would stop by and tell you something first. If I tell you will you remember?" I'm not sure what to say, but I remember the little boy in the park.

  She nods, but remains oddly quiet for a toddler. "When your mommy and I were flying high in the sky, like birds, she had to fly extra high to Heaven for a little while like your nana told you, but she had to go quickly and didn't get a chance to give you a goodbye kiss first."

  She settles on my lap and hugs her doll to the front of her body with a curious expression as if I'm telling a story. I've never been that comfortable around kids. This is a rather difficult task to try and explain a complex scenario to a mind that is not able to process it in its entirety. "She was really sad that she couldn't tell you bye, so she sent me to give you a message. It's top secret until you become a big girl and then Nana will tell you the story again." My voice lowers to a whisper to prove my point. "Can you keep it a secret?"

  Her eyes light up and she gives me a cheesy grin, showing a mouth full of baby teeth. She begins nodding continuously while wiggling on my lap and a high-pitched squeal escapes. "I'm the bestest secret keeper ever. I pinky promise." She holds out her tiny pinky finger for me to link mine with hers. It takes everything in me not to break down right now. I thought it was hard with Cheyenne's mother, but this is worse multiplied by a hundred. I can feel my eyes moistening, but I refuse to let them fall. My heart cannot physically take this. I feel like I'm lying to her and deceiving her, because I know that she is going to grow up without a mother. She is going to grow up and realize that her mother is never coming back and that Heaven is only a place you visit permanently instead of temporarily.

  The innocence of a child is something that is worth preserving at all costs. I'm learning that now, as I sit and watch her face conform to every word that comes from my mouth. Even the strongest of men would fall to their knees to avoid having to do this to a child. It reminds me of the things that my sister needs my mother for, like prom, getting married, and having babies. When I'm reminded mentally that she is going to be forced to grow up without her mother, it makes me want to fall on my knees and beg God to let me trade places with Cheyenne. I was selfish before, but the truth is, Kinzleigh can live without me. A child can live without its father more easily than without its mother. I won't deny that they are both crucially imperative to a full life, but if having to choose one or the other, a child needs its mother.

  How her father could make a decision that this child is better off without them is selfish and most likely the reason he will burn eternally if he didn't repent before he took his last breath. He played God when it wasn't his place, altering his daughter’s life forever. "I had a feeling you would be, so I'll tell you. She wanted me to tell you how much she misses you and she will be counting the days until she can see you again. She wanted me to tell you to mind Nana and to always be extra nice, because she will be watching you."

  I rub my chin as if I'm trying to remember if I left out anything. My arm is around her to keep her from falling off. She snuggles into my chest as she waits for me to finish. On the exterior I'm putting on a happy face, but on the inside I'm eroding and surely to fucking die. I'll never understand the ugly things of the world. You would hope they would lurk in the shadows, but instead they invade the light, breeding more darkness.

  I snap my fingers. "Oh yeah. She also said she loves you to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond, and forever and ever. She told me to make sure you know how important it is that you remember. You promise with all your heart you won't forget?" As I say the word heart I touch my index finger to its location.

  "I'll lock it up and throw away the key," she says with laughter in her voice. I can't stay here any longer. If I do, I'm going to wither away and die before I get to Kinzleigh. If I don't get there all this will become a waste and what she did will be meaningless.

  I sit her down onto her feet in front of me. "Good. It's time for me to go now. How about you go play with your doll for a minute and give me one minute to tell Nana something, okay?"

  "K," she says in a singsong voice. "It's time for Dolly's nap." I watch as she disappears down the hall. I now understand the meaning of little girls having grown men completely wrapper around their fingers'.

  I look over at Cheyenne's mother and her face is drenched in tears she's no longer trying to hide. "I'd like to forward the clip to you and then I'll be on my way. If I give you the phone, can you type in the address?" She nods, but she's still staring off blankly. I reach down and pick up the phone from the floor in front of her and ready the file to be forwarded.

  Handing it to her, she looks down and types a few keys before handing it back to me. Checking it over, I send it and stand. I slide the phone safely back in my pocket as I look down at her. She looks like a petrified statue, no longer able to function. "Are you sure you're going to be okay? I don't want to leave you like this."

  For the first time since I started talking to her she looks at me. "I'll be okay. I just need a few minutes to myself. Thank you for what you did. You didn't have to come here before you went home, but instead you did and I’ll always be thankful. It gives me closure and I can finally lay her to rest. Go home to your family. I can tell you that they are struggling and that's the place you need to be." She goes back to staring blankly and I take that as my cue to excuse myself.

  I get to the car still parked in the driveway and seat myself in the back. The window is down giving me direct access to the driver. "I need the next flight out." Without another word I raise the glass to give myself privacy. As soon as it's up, the dam breaks. A
man can only be strong for so long before he can't take anymore. The aftermath of what I just had to endure is worse than I ever imagined it would be.

  I sit here and cry, like a fucking baby, unashamed. My heart is shattered into a million pieces and scrambled. I've seen life in the form that no one wants to witness it. I've traveled the road of tragedy from end to end. Right now I'm walking down a rundown street in a dark alley where the grime and filth reside. The stench is enough to burn the hair in your nose. This is where the monsters thrive; the bloodsucking demons that hide in the darkness for a passerby to come through so they can leech on and destroy the good, allowing evil to permeate and multiply. Here, you fight it or become it. I'll fight to remember and hold onto the good, because I sure as hell am not becoming a host.

  ***

  The car pulls up at the airstrip and the plane is already waiting. I yawn and stretch when it comes to a stop. The exhaustion must have taken over, pulling me into a slumber. I'm one step closer to my final destination. The door opens and I slide across the seat, exiting the car.

  The driver holds out my duffel bag and I accept it. "Mr. Abercrombie, it's been a pleasure. I hope you enjoy your flight." He reaches in the interior pocket of his suit, pulling out the envelope of money I tried to return to him when I found it. "Mr. P left specific orders to make sure you received this and kept it. Please take it."

  I'm tired and not in the mood to argue so I do. "Thank you, but it's really not necessary."

  He smiles and tips his hat. "There will be a car waiting for your arrival. Where shall I confirm the pickup?"

  "Miss-" I start thinking about the photos and the phone call. I recall information that is stored away from the past. "Fucking bastard."

  "Excuse me, Sir?" I didn't realize I voiced that aloud.

  "Sorry, the pickup will be in California; as close to Laguna Beach as possible." I cannot believe he took her back to California. Of course he lured her back to his stomping grounds. How could I have even thought they would be in Mississippi?

  "I'll make the arrangements." He closes the door behind me, and returns to the car as I get on that death trap of a plane for the second time. I'm going to get the girl or die trying.

  Chapter 27

  Kinzleigh

  The limo pulls up to the venue that is hosting the event for Preston's company. I hate attending things like this. I feel like I stick out and I get awkward around so many people. Preston is turning into a very important person and that alone makes me nervous. It means I have to pay extra close attention to the things I do, because cameras will be everywhere.

  The thought has my nerves running wild, heating like coils throughout my body. I hate being in places with big crowds. I try to close my eyes and breathe to calm my anxiety. I can feel two warm hands take residence on my face, covering my cheeks. His breath tickles my lips as he speaks in a low, sexy voice. "Do you trust me?"

  A shiver runs down my body and I whisper in return. "Yes."

  "Open your eyes." I do as he says and stare into his. "You have nothing to be nervous about. People always love you and I'll never leave your side; not even for a second. Tonight I will tell the world you will soon be my wife and as soon as I can get away we will leave for the weekend. Are you sure you're ready for me to claim your body? I can still wait if you want to."

  My cheeks become flushed as the smell of mint lingers between us. I've thought about it over and over as I examined the consequences from every possible angle. The answer remains the same. I'm ready to take this next step with him. We'll be married by Christmas. This is the only other barrier we have to cross and it's not going to get easier for me. I had something a lot of people don't have. I lost my virginity and got a love of a lifetime with it. I got to experience the most amazing relationship alongside the only man I've ever been with. The only way to move past this hurdle is to just saddle up that horse and ride it, literally as well as figuratively. "Yes, I'm sure. I want to do it, Preston."

  The guilt that I'm betraying Breyson still surfaces on a regular basis, but I'm learning to channel it so it doesn't consume me. He's dead and there is nothing I can do to change that. No matter how much I wish I could will him back, I can't. I don't have to forget him to move on, but I do have to allow my heart to make room for someone else. Like Macie said, he's my fiancé and not some random hook up. This is part of a relationship with someone and a part that I miss. No matter how many times my hormones take over and I just want to scream do it already, there is still a part of me that holds back when my heart steps in front of the marathon my mind is trying to run.

  I've been spending a lot of time with Macie and Talon since they moved here a month ago and she continues to assure me that my feelings of guilt are normal. She tells me repeatedly that time is the only thing that will allow them to fade. Being around Talon is giving me a comfort around kids that I've never had before. He’s a really good kid. He's older, but I'm actually starting to look forward to Bryce getting here.

  Macie volunteered to help me at the cheerleading company until she begins work with Preston so I don't have to do as much heavy lifting, and I must say it's coming along better than I anticipated. I'm so thrilled with everything that I've decided to start classes for business administration and marketing in the spring. I refuse to be dead weight in this marriage, no matter how much money Preston makes. It isn't in me to sit around and do nothing, relying on him and everyone else to do what I could be doing. I want to be an asset to my company and not just a coach. I have goals of where I want to take it and you need brains and skill to get there.

  Preston kisses my lips and his breathing picks up slightly. He moves one hand to my very rounded belly and Bryce begins moving at the sound of his voice. "Can you believe he's going to be here in a few short weeks?" A knot forms underneath his hand and begins to move. Preston smiles from ear to ear as he looks me in the eyes. "That's so cool. I can't believe he can hear what we're saying." He looks so proud you'd never know it wasn't his child.

  I have mixed emotions about the matter. In one sense it breaks my heart that Breyson isn't here to witness his growth and birth of his child. He won't get to watch him grow and thrive, to learn new things. In another light, I'm thankful that blood doesn't matter to Preston, because it takes a special person to look past the biological aspect of a child and still feel as if that child is a part of them whether genetics match or not.

  Our mom's hosted a shower a few weeks ago that brought up a topic of conversation that night in bed. He asked what last name I was giving the baby. I guess I had never thought of it before it was asked. I haven't had much contact with Breyson's family since I moved back; there isn't much to say. His mom calls about once a week to check on me, but it's a little awkward since I'm in a relationship and living with another man.

  Preston gave me the option of giving the baby his last name to keep our names all the same and to keep us out of the media; that he would always look at Bryce has his own, but he would never try to push Breyson's name or role in his life out of the way. He left the decision for me to make and that he would support me either way. I've thought about it and I've thought about it hard.

  I came to the conclusion that I'm sticking with Abercrombie. He was conceived an Abercrombie and he will forever be an Abercrombie. If the media wants to drag our names through the mud for a good story then so be it, but I just don't have it in me to take that away from Breyson. Bryce will always be Breyson's son and when the time is right he will know who his father is. It is not my intention to forget Breyson, but to lay him to rest and attempt to live a reasonably happy life.

  I return his smile. "It has gone by fast, hasn't it? I'm just ready to meet him."

  I don't get the last word out of my mouth good and he lays one on me. He kisses me deeply and packed with meaning behind it. Every time he intertwines our tongues slow and steady, circling them in a hypnotic, enticing rhythm, I know he's having an emotional moment. I've started learning things about him I never knew before.
I suppose that's just part of being with someone on a near constant basis.

  He lets go and slowly opens his eyes. He looks peaceful. "I love you, Kinzleigh. I can't wait to call you my wife."

  "I love you too, crazy boy, but what was that for?" I wipe the shiny lip gloss off of his lips with my thumb.

  "I just had an odd sense of urgency to say it. I don't know; I'm just ready to make you mine. The sooner I get that other ring on your finger, the sooner I'll stop worrying about you changing your mind." He attempts to cover his insecurity with a laugh.

  I stop wiping and look him in the eyes. Preston has never been insecure before. Why is he now? I choose to look past it. Maybe it's just an emotional night for him, because after it's over everything will be public. "Don't be silly. I wouldn't have said yes if that were a possibility. Come on or we're going to be late for your own event."

  As we exit the car, my black chiffon dress falls to my feet. It's one shoulder and the top hem is lined with black, satin roses. I had to get something that fit loose over my belly without making me look bigger than the cow I already feel like I am. My hair is done in an elegant side bun and I'll never reveal I'm wearing flats with a formal gown. I wouldn't be caught dead in heels right now.

  Preston holds out his arm for me and I take it. We walk together towards the stairs and I can already see members of the security detail checking names of guests off the list. When they take in Preston, the rope is immediately pulled to the side, letting us through.

  We enter the building and make our way into the large ballroom. Hundreds of guests are waiting. I feel like my clothes are constricting around my body and eyes everywhere are boring into me. I can barely breathe. Why did I agree to this? I have the urge to turn around and run, never stopping until I get back home. I need to do something to take my mind off of all the wealthy and significant people that surround me, most likely judging me just as Lexi did at the beach. I never really stopped to think how this looks for a girl like me with a guy like Preston.