Hidden Desire

by David Horne

  The game went in our favor, and we won by two goals. We gathered together in the center of the ice before shaking hands with the guys and heading off to shower. I had some press to do with James before we went to the restaurant and dressed in shirts and ties. By the time I arrived at dinner, I was looking forward to loosening up and relaxing.

  The room was crowded with invited friends and family as we entered to cheers. The coach asked us how the spot went as we each grabbed a beer to explain it. He was always on us to present ourselves with the team in mind, and I knew that would worsen in the NHL. I nodded and greeted the team before walking over to my family for hugs and praise. They had always been supportive of my choices, and I kissed my Mom’s cheek before hugging my Dad and siblings. There were a few tables set up, and we chose one and placed our orders. I smiled at Lance at the end of the table, and he gazed at me with heated eyes. I was of two minds about introducing him to my family and how to do so if I did. They were in the loop about my sexuality and welcoming with it, but I’d never introduced them to a guy before. I wasn’t sure how Lance would take my anxiety about the decision and sipped my beer as Dad asked me something about tonight’s game.

  We finished the meal, and everyone refreshed their drinks and talked at the tables. James walked over to shake my dad’s hand and ended up introducing Polly, Lance, and Olivia. They sat down across from my family, and a conversation began as I watched my mom look them all over. She didn’t pressure me about it, but I knew she wanted me to settle down eventually. There were ways to have families for anyone now, but I’d never thought much about a life other than hockey. She glanced at me as she reached for her wine, and I smiled at her. We all stayed for a bit longer, and then James went to Polly’s room while I approached Lance.

  “Do you have a room?” I asked as he looked at me with guilt crossing his face.

  “I got one with Olivia. I didn’t think you’d want to stay away from the team.” Lance looked irritated as I pressed my lips together. “I guess I can get my own if there’s anything available.”

  “Or you can come to mine?” I suggested as he raised an eyebrow at me. “Most of the guys will be out late since we’re just driving home tomorrow. It’ll be quiet. James is staying with Polly.”

  “Is that the only reason you’re inviting me?” Lance asked, and I stared at him in surprise.

  “No. I was stating a point. We bring friends back to rooms, Lance. This isn’t summer camp.” I argued as he laughed.

  “Touché. That sounds great. Now I need Olivia to open up her heart and invite someone to our room.” Lance sighed, and I looked at him.

  “I know a few members of the team are interested in her at some capacity. I shut that down,” I assured him as he nodded.

  “Good. I want better for her. She deserves it.” He pushed his hair back and looked at me. “Want to get a drink or something? We can meet up with some of your friends, and I know the girls went to a club for a bit.”

  “Let’s go back to the room. The room service is great from what the guys say.” I told him, and Lance nodded. We left the restaurant and headed down the street to the hotel, both silent. I knew what would likely happen in the room, but I needed it for the right reasons, not just because we were alone. I led the way into the lobby, knowing their rooms were across the street. Lance followed, and I pushed the button at the elevator before shoving my hands into my slack pockets. I unlocked the door with the card, and we walked inside as I switched on the light.

  “Nice,” he noted as he walked past the beds to the living area. There was a large TV and a couch, and he sat down, looking around more. “You guys get good rooms.”

  “I’m sure it’s different from the pros. They probably stick us in small rooms with three people each. The school gets a lot of money for the team and our success.” I laughed and went to the closet and grabbed a few things. “I’m going to change into something. This suit is shit.” I walked into the bathroom and pulled on some sweats and a t-shirt before returning to him. Lance was leaning back against the cushion, and I joined him as he glanced at me. “Did you like the game?”

  “It was great.” He met my eyes for a long moment. “Your family looked great. I can see how much they love you.”

  “They’re supportive as hell. I’m glad we’re at least on the same coast.” I shrugged and reached for the menu on the table. “Room service? Are you hungry?”

  “We just ate dinner a few hours ago. You’re hungry again?” Lance asked as I chuckled.

  “I am always hungry, but I need to do protein if that’s okay.” His eyes darkened, and I licked my lower lip.

  “Do you?” He offered suggestively, and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  “We can wait for dessert for that.” I felt awkward and read the menu for a few minutes before deciding and checked with him. I asked for the chicken and vegetables along with a bottle of wine, hanging up the phone with a smile. “Few minutes.” I watched him for a moment. “For the record, my family is supportive of my life choices. I just wasn’t sure where we were. I don’t want to make my mom feel hope for something that doesn’t mean anything.” His eyes locked with mine. “I don’t bring people home.”

  “Ever?” He asked, and I shook my head.

  “I take that very seriously, and for me to have my family meet someone, it needs to mean something to me. It’s showing them that I’ve found someone I want in my life for a long time, if not forever. They’re kind, welcoming people and we’re honest with each other. Besides that, I wouldn’t introduce them to anyone at an event like that. We’re more of a Sunday meal kind of family.”

  “I think I like them. I also understand you a bit better.” There was a genuine smile on Lance’s face, and I breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s all I’ve wanted, Dane.”

  “I think it’s all I’ve wanted with you. Life is just so busy with everything going on. We spend a few nights together here and there.” I shook my head and cupped his head before kissing him deeply. We were just getting started when there was a knock at the door, and Lance groaned against my lips. “Fuck. The food. We’ll eat fast.”

  I stood and opened the door after adjusting my groin, smiling as the young guy pushed a tray in. We thanked him as Lance remained on the couch and I handed him a bill before he left the room. We got our plates and ate hungrily after the wine was poured, chatting and laughing through the meal. It was the closest thing to a date we’d ever had, and I knew I wanted more. More one-on-one time with him and intriguing conversation over a meal or drinks would set us right.

  Nothing changed the heat between us later in my bed as we made out. Half-naked, we rolled and moved together, tasting and teasing. I knew that neither of us could wait for much longer, and I was reaching up to take his pants off when there was a knock at the door. “James! Dane! Come to the bar with us!” a voice called out as I winced. That would be Ryan. He’d been looking forward to this weekend for months, and I wouldn’t go even if Lance weren’t here. I knew that James felt the same way since Ryan was a sloppy drunk. He’d push his chances in the league if he didn’t calm down with the idea that he took care of himself. “I’m not answering because of him, not you. He’s a wild one.” My voice was a whisper, and I slipped my arm further around Lance. “I wouldn’t leave this bed for anything right now regardless of who is knocking.” I kissed him as the pounding continued, stripping him of his clothes before I pressed him to his back.

  By the time Lance was hard in my mouth, Ryan had moved on. I sucked Lance hard and slow as he liked it, moving slowly over his cock as he moaned my name. He gripped my head as I kept moving, cumming deep in my throat after a few minutes of the torture. I pulled away and reached for the bottle of wine on the table beside me, drinking deeply to quench the thirst I’d built up. “Can I return the favor before you push me to my knees?” Lance asked harshly as he reached over to touch me.

  “Of course,” I replied as I set the bottle down and kicked off my pants. I settled back against the
pillows and watched as Lance crawled over me, kissing me as he rested his cock against mine. I sucked on his tongue and groaned as he rocked into me, nearly telling him to take me right there. Lance chuckled and moved down to take me into his mouth, making every nerve ending in my body spark with the contact. Lance always did this to me. He knew I liked it a bit faster and moved perfectly as I whispered his name. Once I was cumming, he stilled and drank me down as I gasped with pleasure. “Christ. You feel too good.” I held onto the comforter, so I didn’t hurt Lance, groaning as he pulled away. “I need some recovery time. I think you sucked me dry.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. We’re not leaving until the afternoon tomorrow.” He took a swig of the wine and then rested his head on my chest with his arms around me. I smiled as I stroked his hair, noting that this was the first time out of his apartment that we’d be spending together. I knew that we might be seen in the morning, but everyone had friends over, and they often fell asleep. We’d probably see them at breakfast, and that reminded me about the following morning.

  “I’m meeting my family for breakfast tomorrow at this great place down the street. I’d like you to join me, but I know it might be tricky.” I said as I felt him tense over me. “Your hotel is a few blocks away, and I don’t have a car. I don’t know how much trouble you want to go through to change.”

  “You’re inviting me to meet your family.” His words were calm, and I stroked his hair harder.

  “I am, Lance,” I confirmed for him as he pressed his mouth to my skin.

  “I’d jump through hoops to be there.”

  Chapter Seven

  Lance

  Everything was different about the weekend. I felt like I was on an extended date and that I knew so much more about Dane at the end of it. We stayed in his hotel room and ate and laughed. We talked about everything, and I was exposed to his vulnerable side with his family, seeing how he was with the people that he truly loved. It was touching at the restaurant, but over breakfast in the morning, it made me want to be a permanent part of his life.

  We managed to get a car to my hotel for me to change and invited Olivia to breakfast. She dressed in jeans and a sweater, braiding her hair in the Uber as we drove. His family was welcoming, and his mom hugged us both, taking a good look at us before we took a seat at the big table. We ordered coffee and meals, talking as we waited. Olivia was to my right and Dane to my left, touching my thigh under the table and making me smile. I could see in his Mom’s dark blue eyes that she suspected something was happening between us. She kept looking at us and directed a few questions at me though not in a negative way. It was just a conversation around the table.

  I saw how much they loved Dane throughout the hours we were there. I knew that they supported his every decision in life. He glowed in their presence, and I knew I was falling in love with him as I watched him in his element. I was aware that I couldn’t tell him that quite yet. We still weren’t in a secure place despite the great weekend, and I’d only call it casual dating. I wasn’t ready to think more until we took it to the level that we did that weekend at home. The chances were that it was probably never going to happen.

  Olivia and I talked over dinner at my apartment the following week. It was all about the weekend, and she saw everything that I did with him and his family together melted her heart as much as it did mine. She also told me that Dane was falling for me as hard as I was for him. I hadn’t told her anything yet, and I held my fork still as I stared at her. “What do you mean?”

  “Lance, I have known you long enough to read your face. It’s obvious to me that you’re crazy about him and probably other people. I know his mom saw it.” Olivia insisted as I stabbed a shrimp with the fork. “It’s great to see. You deserve happiness.”

  “I don’t know, Olivia. We’re still casual, so I’m not having that conversation,” I insisted as she watched me quietly.

  “For now.” Her smile was soft as she scooped up some shrimp and noodles on her fork.

  I had Dane over for dinner that Friday night. He talked about the week and practices, along with the upcoming home game. Olivia and I were set to go with Polly as usual, but I wasn’t thinking about that. I was wondering what tonight meant for us once we ate and moved on to the next part of the night. We’d only messaged during the week with school, hockey, and my added projects for the week.

  “I missed you this week.” I glanced at Dane in surprise.

  “You did?”

  “Yeah. I was busy as hell, but I thought about sleeping in that bed back there. I thought about having you beside me. It was nice when we were in Boston.” He smiled and tore a piece of bread to eat.

  “I felt like we were real there. I felt like we were on a date.” My throat burned at my words, and my anxiety ramped up as I waited for his response.

  “I did, as well. It was great.” His face was serious, and he reached for his beer. “I’ve thought about it a lot.” He sipped the bottle and frowned. “I want something more with you, Lance. I don’t know how to do that and keep the forward momentum going with hockey. I don’t know how to include it in my life, but my mom has a few ideas.”

  “Your mom has mentioned me?” I asked as Dane chuckled.

  “Several times. She knew that we were involved the moment she saw us walk into the restaurant. She wants me to be happy. I love her for that.” He smiled as he looked at me. “I just don’t think she’ll understand the pressure it puts guys like us under, even though things have changed so much.”

  “I’m not asking you to put your career at risk, Dane. I want to be with you.” I insisted as he smiled at me.

  “I want that too. I just want to take this slow and see where it goes. I don’t want to never go out with you, but I prefer to do it like we’ve been doing it. I like the groups and as friends when we’re out. I can’t deal with PDA yet.”

  “That’s not my scene, either. We are a lot alike in that we don’t have relationships behind us. I like that about you.” I smiled at him, and he nodded in relief. “I am not going to rush you. I just want to be with you.”

  We finished dinner and cleaned up together. I knew that we weren’t an official couple out in the world, but I could work with this. When we were in the bedroom, I let Dane take me every way that he needed to. I wanted to give him my body and soul, knowing that he already had my heart. I cried out his name as he fucked me, gripping my cock as he shot deep inside of me. We collapsed to the bed and took a few moments to relax before I cleaned up and got us some cold water.

  “Are you staying?” I asked as I pulled on some boxers for bed.

  “Yeah. I am going to run early and then we have practice. Sorry.” He apologized as he disappeared into the bathroom.

  “It’s okay. You’re here now.” I smiled and waited for him to come to bed, feeling him pull me against him. I memorized the moment in the dark with his body pressed against mine, allowing some hope to rise to the surface for us.

  The weekend rushed by with work and a dinner with Olivia. Before I knew it, we were arriving at the game and taking our seats beside Polly. I’d been here several times, and it was beginning to feel like home. I saw the same people, and we were becoming friends now, just like they thought I was Dane’s friend. I cheered with them throughout the goals and the win, hugging everyone around me as the place erupted in joy.

  My man was a fantastic hockey player, and I knew that he was going to make it in that world. I didn’t know where that left us since I was still in college and doing nothing more than freelancing. I knew I’d graduate and do something, but I didn’t have the drive that he did. I admired that about him, and when we went to the bar to celebrate the night, I fell in love with him harder. We went home together that night and fell asleep in each other’s arms, where I needed to be, still silent about my growing feelings.

  A few weeks later, they were approaching the end of their season and had a series of weekend away games. Dane was becoming the talk of the hockey world now, and since I
was stuck at home finishing a large project, I could keep up with him a lot easier. The team was in the championships now and predicted to be the winners of the entire thing, and Dane was credited for the win by everyone in the know.

  I worked on my project during the game, getting random texts from Polly and Olivia. They made me smile and miss Dane more than I already did. I sipped my coffee and kept working, happy to hear about the win. I sent him a message about it and set the phone down, knowing that he’d be busy for a while. After I woke up a few hours later with my head on my table, I blinked and ran a hand through my hair.

  I got some water and noticed some Google alerts on my phone when I returned to my seat. I checked to see that there were pictures of Dane and took a long sip before clicking on them. They showed him during the press conference and then down a hallway when I assumed he had finished. A guy was standing beside Dane, and they were talking intimately together. This wasn’t anything unusual, but the man’s hand was on Dane’s forearm in an intimate gesture that I recognized. I frowned at the picture and zoomed in, but I couldn’t make out the face of the other man. Something niggled at me, and I told myself that I was overreacting as I leaned back in the chair.

  I knew that we’d said we were exclusive. We were dating. There was just something about the way that they were so close, and the man was touching him. As many people that Dane knew, he kept a certain distance in his daily life. I knew that he’d slept with other men in the past, but it didn’t worry me. This moment meant something to him tonight. I switched to another picture and saw the same man beside Dane in a booth, sitting close as they spoke.

  Doubt flooded me, and I kept looking for more pictures. There were several photos of Dane and the team but no more with that man. I set my phone down and breathed in slowly. I knew that Olivia was more than likely still there with Polly, but I didn’t want to sound like a psychopath. I stood and paced around my apartment, trying to reason with myself. This uncertainty was why I hated relationships and anything serious. You put your heart into it and only ended up hurt. Olivia was living proof of that.