There Goes Sunday School

by Alexander C. Eberhart

  Okay. Now, I am starting to feel like a jerk. Maybe I had this all wrong. Maybe I’ve been making a bigger deal out of it then I needed.

  “Just to be clear here.” I gesture to catch their attention. “You guys are totally okay with me being gay?”

  They share a concerned look that has me worried for a moment.

  “I’m not going to lie and say I’m thrilled,” Mom says as she folds her hands, “or that I completely understand it because I don’t. This means your life is going to be rife with difficulties. But it’s your life, sweetheart. How can we not be okay with it?”

  “We’re assuming you’ve given this idea a considerable amount of thought?” Dad adds.

  “I have.”

  “Then what’s there to discuss?” He shrugs his shoulders. “You know yourself better than anyone else. Who are we to tell you who you’re supposed to love?”

  You could blow me over with a whisper.

  “I wish Rosemary were home,” Mom mutters. “I want to make sure she’s not blindsided.”

  “Oh, she already knows,” I confess. “She caught me and Chris in the car last week.”

  Mom slaps her hands over her ears. “That’s enough! I don’t wanna hear about it.”

  Dad and I laugh as she starts to hum under her breath.

  Once the giggles have subsided, he looks at me with that soul-piercing-dad-stare. “You okay?”

  “Better than okay.” I smile. “Honestly I was planning my escape route before coming in here.”

  “Well put it away,” he says with a touch of hurt in his eyes. “You’re safe here, and you always will be.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “Think we should stop her?” He points at Mom who’s still humming a tuneless rendition of Amazing Grace.

  “Why ruin her fun?”

  I leave Mom and Dad to talk about school plans, retreating to the sanctity of my room. I pull out my phone, realizing I never turned it back on. Once it’s powered up, I ignore the slew of text messages, and dial Jackie’s number by heart.

  She picks up on the second ring. “You’d better be lying dead in a ditch.”

  “Hey…”

  “Anything else you wanna say?”

  “Would you mind coming to get me? I think you, Tanner, and I need to have a little talk.”

  I could ten seconds of silence on her end before she sighs. “I’ll be there in ten.”

  “I’m sorry,” I start, looking at Jackie and Tanner as they sit on his bed. “You don’t know how many times I wanted to tell you guys. It’s just…complicated.”

  I gauge their reactions. Tanner’s vacant eyes and blank expression point towards shock, while Jackie’s curled lips and furrowed brow make her the human embodiment of an angry hornet’s nest.

  “Did you think we wouldn’t be okay with it?” she asks.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys before.” I have to keep talking or I’ll puke. “But I really wasn’t even planning on telling anyone. Chris found my sketchbook that one day. It just spiraled out of control. Then Rosemary saw us kissing in the driveway. I thought my parents would find out. So, I covered my tracks ever more. Then we—”

  “Dude!” Tanner interrupts. “Just hold on a second.” He pulls his frames off, pinching the bridge his nose.

  “Sorry,” I say, wringing my hands together. “I know this is kinda out of the blue, but I— Ow!”

  Jackie recoils her fist. “That was for being an idiot.” She rears back and slugs my shoulder a second time. “And that was for keeping us in the fucking dark.” A third punch, and I can feel a bruise forming.

  “Ow! What was that one for?”

  “That one was because I’m fucking pissed at you.”

  “Fair enough….” I rub out the sting.

  Jackie sinks beside Tanner, anger fading. She brushes a strand of dark hair from her face, bottom lip quivering. “God, I feel like such an idiot.”

  Holy shit. I haven’t seen her crack like this since her dog died when we were ten.

  “What are you talking about?” I ask.

  She swipes the back of her hand across her cheeks. “I should have known, Michael. I mean, not that you’re like super obvious or anything, it’s just… Jesus, Mike. And then that night with Chris, you let me punch you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Because it was easier to get punched in the face than come out to you. I don’t say that, just shrug.

  “Not good enough,” Jackie chides. “What, did you think I wouldn’t support you?”

  “That’s not it.” My fists are clenched, fingers turning white. “I was scared, I guess. Of anyone knowing, not just you two.”

  “So, what about school?” Tanner replaces his glasses. “What did Double-P say?”

  “We kind of bailed before we met with him,” I admit, “but I’ll most likely be transferring to another school.”

  Jackie and Tanner share a look.

  “When?” Jackie asks.

  “ASAP.”

  “That’s such bullshit,” Jackie snaps. “They overlook all the fucking and drug abuse and go for the gays. It’s such a double standard! You know they can’t actually kick you out, right?”

  “No, but they can encourage you to leave of your volition,” Tanner answers her,

  “And I’m pretty sure that’s going to be worse. Remember Kat Kelly a couple years back? She was a senior, two months away from graduation when they found out she was a carpet muncher. Two days later, she left and was never heard from again.”

  “What do you mean, ‘never heard from again?’” Jackie sneers. “She plays lacrosse for Georgia Tech now. Didn’t you see her face plastered all over their billboards when they won the championship?”

  “Oh.” Tanner chuckles. “My bad. I get caught up the drama of it all.”

  Jackie cracks a smile and I can’t help but join. Even through the anxiety of telling them, it feels nice that they know. They know and they’re not condemning me. Both of my families know now. It’s a pretty fucking awesome feeling.

  “Oh shit.” Jackie ends her laughter abruptly. “How’s Chris?”

  “I don’t know,” I tell her. “I haven’t heard from him yet.”

  “Good God, I can just imagine what Myers is doing to him.” Jackie frowns. “I mean the man is practically gay Hitler.”

  “That reference is highly offensive,” Tanner interjects, “and ignorant because he persecuted the gays too, so you could have just left it at regular Hitler.”

  Tanner is not only the best source for gossip, but history as well. You don’t want to get him started on Hamilton. He’ll go for days.

  “Let me know as soon as you hear anything,” Jackie says, “I’m worried about him.”

  “Me too,” I agree.

  “Well,” Tanner says as he heaves himself off the bed, “I guess it’s time for the movie then?”

  “That sounds perfect.” I move out of his way, desperate for something to distract me.

  “And I got just the movie.” Tanner smiles, grabbing the remote.

  “We’re not watching The Matrix.” Jackie groans.

  “Actually,” Tanner says and throws a curt smile over his shoulder, “I was thinking Brokeback Mountain.”

  “Not funny,” Jackie hisses, smacking his shoulder.

  “Ow!” Tanner jumps away from her. “I was just kidding!”

  Laughter swells in my chest, bubbling over until I can’t contain it anymore. I’m laughing so hard, there are more tears. I’m laughing because my friends are still my friends. I’m laughing because I don’t want to think about tomorrow. I’m laughing because for the first time in and a very long time, I don’t feel like I’m living a lie.

  Jackie’s got Tanner pinned under her, pummeling him with playful punches.

  My cheeks are starting to hurt as I slide onto the floor beside the bed, hugging my knees to my chest.

  Jackie finally crawls off Tanner, slumping next to me, huffing and puffing. “So,” she says trying to cat
ch her breath, “what movie do you want to watch?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I mutter, leaning my head against her shoulder. And for once, she doesn’t shy away from my touch. She simply rests her own head against mine. If feels nice to be so close to her, even though I can smell the stale cigarette smoke in her hair.

  “Let’s just check out Netflix,” Tanner suggests, scrolling through options. “Ooo! How about Bill Nye?”

  “Sounds perfect,” I tell him.

  “Awesome,” he says and selects the show. “It’s buffering, I’m gonna go grab some popcorn and soda.”

  “Diet please,” Jackie chimes.

  “Gross.” Tanner leaves the room, and Jackie and I watch silently as the grey bar fills along the bottom of the TV.

  “I really am sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” I tell her.

  “I know you are,” she says patting my knee. “And I’m sorry this was the way you told us. Wish it had been under better circumstances.”

  “Me too.”

  Jackie wraps her hand around mine, interlacing our fingers. The awkward feeling between us dissipates.

  It feels so nice.

  Jackie and I argue all the way home over boys. Apparently, we have very different tastes, but that’s perfectly fine by me. My parents are still talking to each other in hushed tones when I open the door, but they smile and wish me goodnight. Once I’m nestled in bed, I flip through my sketchbook, fingers tracing the lines as I go. Reaching the sketch of Chris, I carefully remove it from the binding. Balancing carefully, I tack it up on the wall next to my other portraits. No need to hide it anymore. I’d pin up some of the others, but this is the only one that won’t give my mother a heart attack.

  I check my phone again, hoping I have a text from Chris. Still nothing, but then again, I did tell him not to worry about me.

  A creative itch spreads down my arm, making my fingers twitch. I’m way too wired to try and sleep, so it’s a good a time as any to draw.

  Grabbing a pencil from my bag, I flip to a fresh page in the book and set to work on an outline. I know exactly what this sketch will become, and I work feverishly to bring it to life.

  Hours pass, and I set aside the pencil to give my hand a rest. He looks up at me from the page, those dark eyes smudged just right to mimic light reflecting in them. The line of freckles is the hardest part to get right. I have to keep erasing them until I matched their perfect imperfection.

  The doorbell rings from downstairs, pulling me away from my work. I glance at the clock and see it’s past midnight. Who would be at the door? I grab my phone, but the screen is blank. It must have died while I was working.

  I hear my dad descend the stairs, then pause before he answers the door.

  “Jackie? What are you doing here?”

  “Is Mike here?” a frantic tone clings to her voice.

  I leave my room, jogging down the stairs to meet her. “What’s going on, Jackie?”

  “You didn’t pick up your phone.” She huffs. “But you need to come with me.”

  “What’s going on?” Dad asks.

  “Don’t freak out,” she says in a tone that makes me really want to freak out. “But Chris has been in an accident.”

  “What? Where?”

  “He and his Dad were in the car,” Jackie continues. “That’s all I know. His mom just called my mom. Apparently, they’re on their way to the hospital now.”

  “Holy shit.” I’m pacing the floor. “Is he okay? Please, tell me he’s okay.”

  “I don’t know, Mike. Listen, Mom’s already there with Vanessa. She’s in shock and couldn’t drive. You and I can head over there.”

  “Okay, okay, that sounds good. Jesus, just when I thought this day was over.” I stop at the foot of the stairs. “Dad, are you okay with me going?”

  “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about missing school in the morning.” He chuckles.

  I don’t laugh.

  So, he just adds, “Of course.”

  I bolt up the stairs to my bedroom, grabbing the pair of sneaker from under my bed.

  The sketch of Chris stares at me from the bed. Suddenly, it feels like a memorial. Turning it over, I shove my sneakers under my arm and sprint out of the room.

  The emergency room is in chaos when we arrive. Gurneys and nurses move in tandem, transporting patients and filling out notes on clipboards. With the beeping and alerts going, it’s almost as if they’re dancing to the rhythm.

  Jackie’s mom, Melissa, waves us over to the row of chairs where Vanessa is seated. She looks horrible, puffy faced and pale. Never mind frail. She looks fractured.

  “Hey Mike.” Melissa gives me a hug. She smells like lavender, which normally I would find calming. Not today. “Crazy day, huh? How you holding up?”

  “I’m fine.” I brush her off. “Where’s Chris?”

  “They’re both stable,” she tells me. “It looks like Chris took the brunt of it. He’s pretty banged up, but not nearly as bad as it could have been.”

  I allow myself to exhale. Chris is alive. He’s okay.

  You’re really putting me through the ringer today, aren’t You Big Guy?

  “What happened?” Jackie asks.

  “That’s what we’re waiting to find out,” Melissa replies in a hushed tone. She looks back at Vanessa. “It’s not a good situation.”

  “Michael?” Vanessa looks up from her daze, spotting me. “Would you come over here?”

  Shit. What am I supposed to say to her? I’m the reason her son is getting kicked out of school. And the reason her family is falling apart. And, now, I’m supposed to go talk to her? That’s a lot to ask of a sixteen-year-old.

  “Hey, Ms. Myers,” I say, shuffling awkwardly over to her. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” she half whispers, “just a little overwhelmed at the moment.”

  “Can’t imagine why,” I joke.

  She cracks a slight smile. It’s just like Chris’s, which only makes my heart hurt.

  “I’m sorry, Michael.” Pain overwhelms her expression. “I know this must be so hard on you, with everything that’s happened.”

  Oh. That’s not what I was expecting.

  “Don’t worry about me,” I tell her. “I’m just glad Chris is all right.”

  “Me too.” Her voice cracks and I really want to walk away. But I stay because I know it would mean a lot to Chris.

  “What happened?” I ask.

  “Roger wanted to speak with Chris when he got home,” she whispers, eyes distant. “He seemed so calm, like maybe he’d accepted the fact Chris...” She stops herself, taking a deep breath before continuing. “Chris didn’t want to hear it, but Roger convinced him to take a ride, like they used to do when he was little. Then I got a call from the ambulance….”

  She trails off, sniffling.

  I’ve got no clue what else to say, so I just stay put. Jackie and her mom are whispering to each other and I wonder how much Jackie’s filled her in.

  But I don’t have the chance to ask them before a nurse steps up to us.

  “Ms. Myers?”

  “Me.” Vanessa raises her hand.

  “Can you come with me for just a moment, ma’am?”

  “Of course.” She moves towards the woman in scrubs. “Is everything okay?”

  “It’s better if we speak in private, ma’am.”

  The two women walk behind a swinging door and the rest of us are left behind.

  “I’m going to go grab a cup of coffee,” Melissa announces. “You two need anything?”

  “No, thank you,” I reply.

  Jackie rubs her stomach. “I’m good. Dinner’s not really sitting well already.”

  “That’s what you get for eating nothing but Mac & Cheese,” Melissa teases.

  “Not the time, Mom.”

  Melissa is still laughing as she leaves.

  “You okay?” I ask her.

  “Yeah, just haven’t been feeling too hot all day. I think you gave me an u
lcer from all this drama.”

  “You?” I laugh. “Think about me? I wouldn’t be surprised if this whole ordeal causes my hair to start graying. I’ll be the only silver-haired senior in the whole school!” I have to laugh or else I’m going to cry.

  “Oh yeah.” Jackie doesn’t join in my merriment. “Have you decided what you’re going to do about school?”

  “Not yet.” I fold my arms. “So, I guess I’m stuck there until they decide to kick me out. Maybe Chris and I should just start making out in the hallways. That’ll speed up the process, I’m sure.”

  “Maybe they’ll let you stay.” She wraps an arm through my elbow. “It would be nice to have my best friend close by.”

  I give her arm a squeeze. “I wouldn’t count on it, Jackie.”

  There are so many uncertainties now.

  Jackie makes a pitiful noise beside me, clutching her stomach. “Blegh… I’ll be right back.” She hurries off in the direction of the bathroom.

  And I’m alone, watching the coming and going of healthcare workers and patients. I pull out my phone, but it’s still dead and only offers a comforting weight in my palm. Chris is okay. I repeat that over and over again, but it doesn’t help my nerves.

  Shouting from down the hall shakes me from the duldrums. I can’t understand what they’re saying, but whoever it is, they are making quite a ruckus.

  A couple security officers move toward the commotion, and I fight the urge to go investigate the source. It’s probably some druggy strung out on enough meth to fund my college education.

  “—if you ever come near him again! I mean it, Roger!”

  The name snaps me into focus. I rise from the chair, peering around the corner of the hall.

  “Vanessa, calm down. You’re making a scene.” Pastor Myers has a long cut along his forehead and some blood on his shirt. “This is all just a—”

  “Keep him away from my son,” Vanessa tells the security officer. “He’s insane! Roger, if I see you in this hallway, I’m calling the police!”

  “Ma’am,” one officer says, “I need you to calm down. They’re going to want you to answer some questions.”