The Swear Jar

by Osorio, Audra

  “In the living room, by the fireplace, not here in the bedroom.” She squirmed away from him.

  “I’ve thought about it there, but it might get a little uncomfortable without blankets and pillows.” He nuzzled her neck.

  She giggled. “Stop it! You’re just nervous. Your Christmas present is in the living room. Now march and keep your hands where I can see them. There it is. Now, unwrap it so we can go see the dragon lady.”

  He sat on the floor in front of the fireplace. He pulled a large box wrapped in red striped paper towards him. Ripping the paper, he found a charcoal grill, smaller than the one at his house.

  “I’m guessing you’d like me to do a lot of cooking.” He grinned evilly, pulling her down to kiss her. “I love it.”

  “The less cooking I have to do, the better. Off we go to meet the wizard. Or in this case, the wicked witch of the west.”

  “She can’t be all that bad.”

  “Think again.”

  They held hands while they walked the short distance to Diana and Ben’s house. She thought he was being chivalrous and romantic in holding her hand. He liked holding her hand, but she was so klutzy at times, it was really to make sure she didn’t slip and fall. They opened the back door. Diana and Ben were bustling around the kitchen.

  “There you are! Where have you been? You said you’d be right back. That was two hours ago! She’s driving me insane. Merry Christmas, Duncan. Next year, we go on vacation to some tropical island without her,” Diana said.

  “Merry Christmas, Duncan,” said Ben. “Save yourself. Run.”

  “Merry Christmas,” said Duncan chuckling. “Any last words of advice?”

  “Like Ben said, run,” said Diana, hugging Duncan. “We like you. Don’t let her chase you away. Meara will kill her.”

  “How would you know if I killed her? She’d just go missing. There wouldn’t be any evidence of her death. I’ve read enough mysteries to figure out how to dispose of the body without anyone finding out,” Meara mused.

  “You sound like you’ve thought of this before,” Duncan said in mock horror. “Ben, remind me not to mess with Meara.”

  “Noted. Work your Duncan magic on her and everything will be fine,” Ben laughed.

  “Where is she?” asked Meara. “I’ve already stuck twenty dollars in the Swear Jar.”

  “Her royal highness is enshrined in the living room. Watch out, she’s cranky. She’s been asking for you. She wanted to know when the boyfriend was getting here,” said Diana.

  Meara rolled her eyes. “Let’s get this over with, Duncan. Remember, I love you and I’m not like my mother. I use my superpowers for good, not evil.”

  Duncan kissed Meara’s forehead. “Why do I feel like a dead man walking?”

  “Stay behind Meara if things start to go sideways. She’ll throw herself in harm’s way to save you,” Ben said. “She did it for me when I met Mom.”

  Meara hissed. “Don’t call her affectionate names. That’s how she lures you in and then, SNAP.”

  Duncan laughed out loud. One of the reasons he loved Meara so much was because she made him smile.

  “Who is that laughing? Why isn’t anyone sitting with me? Why would you leave a poor, old woman all alone on Christmas?” Came a voice from the living room.

  “Poor, old woman? She’s in a mellow mood,” Meara whispered. “Run, Duncan. Run now.”

  “Not a chance. Let’s go. We have a long day ahead of us. This is only the first stop. I love holidays with family,” Duncan grinned.

  “My poor sweet Duncan,” Meara said, stroking his cheek. “You’re touched in the head, aren’t you? Don’t say I didn’t warn you. It’s me, Mother. We’re coming in to see you right now.”

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Meara held Duncan’s hand behind her back and led him into the living room. Her mother, Kay, sat on the couch. Kay’s hair was white with gray and dirty blonde streaks. He thought Meara and Kay had a slight resemblance, but Meara must look more like her father. Kay was a plump woman who needed a cane to walk. She had a smile on her face, but he knew she could be sociable one minute and biting the next. On guard, he was ready to go toe to toe with her over Meara.

  “Mother, this is Duncan. Duncan, this is my mother, Kay,” Meara said quietly.

  Kay extended her hand. “So this is the boyfriend. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Duncan. My daughter has been hiding you from me. I thought she was making you up. It’s nice to see such a handsome fellow interested in my Meara. She’s a plain Jane, but she attracts good looking men.”

  Meara’s jaw dropped. Kay might as well have said Meara was ugly. Duncan wasn’t going to let it slip.

  “Kay, I thank you for the compliment, but you’re wrong. Meara is no plain Jane. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. She’s beautiful inside and out.”

  “You’ve got it bad. You’re sweet. Meara’s husband was a charming man, but he wasn’t sweet. I’m guessing since Meara has refused to tell me anything about you her feelings for you are serious. I hope those feelings are mutual? Will you be making an honest woman of my daughter?”

  “Mom! That’s none of your business,” said Meara, her voice rising.

  “Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? You live with him, don’t you? I hear you and Diana talking. I’m looking out for you. He looks like a reasonable man. You should consider yourself lucky to find someone who wants you after Hank,” Kay said.

  Her eyes tearing up, Meara was silent. Duncan stepped into the battle.

  “Kay, what the future holds for us is up to us. I’m the lucky one to have Meara in my life,” Duncan said, taking Meara’s hand.

  “I’m still hoping for a grandchild out of that one. Any chance of seeing one before I die, Duncan?” Kay asked.

  “Mom, you have a grandchild, remember? Anne?” snapped Meara.

  “Kay, I tell you, I’m trying my hardest to make your dream come true,” Duncan said mischievously.

  Diana and Ben had been listening quietly. Now they both froze. Duncan had gone back against Kay more than once. Now he was putting himself in the line of fire in an effort to calm Meara down. Diana and Ben weren’t sure it was going to work. This might end very badly for Duncan.

  Meara’s head shot around to look at Duncan. He was grinning. She gave him a cold look. The last thing she wanted was for her mother to know about her relationship with Duncan. She couldn’t understand why he had said that.

  “I like you, Duncan!” laughed Kay. “Remember, the clock is ticking and Meara’s not getting any younger. She didn’t mention you were older than her. I’m not surprised. She’s been looking for a father figure ever since Jack died. I guess now she’s found you. If you could get my daughter pregnant, I might not be bothered if you didn’t want to marry her.”

  Meara dropped Duncan’s hand. She stood in front of her mother, flexing her hands into fists. Diana peeked around the corner and could see Meara was about to explode. She pushed Ben into the room and pointed at Duncan. Ben nodded.

  “Duncan? Could you help me please? I need help putting the extra leaf in the dining room table.” Ben grabbed Duncan’s arm, pulling him back into the kitchen.

  Diana, Ben and Duncan listened to Meara and Kay. Meara’s voice rose and shook with anger. Kay was silent.

  “Damn it, Ma, I’m not looking for a father figure. How dare you say such a thing? I would never use Duncan as a replacement for someone else. I love Duncan for himself. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I don’t care if we get married. I’m happy. He’s happy. That’s all that matters. He loves me for me. I’m sure he wouldn’t care if I slept with him or not. My life’s not ruled by being married and having a baby. It’s ruled by being loved and cherished by a man who speaks to my heart. He’s the world to me. If you can’t accept that, then leave me the hell alone. And if I ever catch you speaking disrespectfully to Duncan, I’ll never speak to you again. Stop being such a bitch. Is that understood?”

  Kay huffed.
“If I had known you felt so strongly about him, I wouldn’t have mentioned anything. Fine, I’ll behave. You have such a potty mouth. Despite all the education we got you, you still get your Jersey City accent when you’re mad. Just like your father. You’ve always been just like your father.”

  “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. Yes, I am like Dad. And proud of it.”

  Diana and Ben were still in shock. Duncan was happy to hear Meara stand up for them both. He knew she had paid for most of her education. He also knew the story of her father. She was strong like her father, but vulnerable as well. He wanted to return to her side and hold her. Ben grabbed his shoulder.

  “It’s not safe yet. Consider that round one,” Ben whispered.

  Standing in front of Kay, Meara had a wicked smile on her face. “ANNE! Come down here. Nana Kay wants to see your bug collection. And that knitting project with the big snarl. ANNE!”

  “I’ll be right down!” Anne yelled.

  “That’s playing dirty, Meara,” said Kay quietly.

  “You should spend time with your only grandchild, Ma, before she gets old enough to realize what a pain in the ass you can be,” Meara said, her voice quivering.

  Meara stalked out the front door. She slammed the door so hard behind her, Duncan, Diana and Ben felt it in the kitchen.

  “That concludes today’s festivities,” said Diana.

  “Where did she go?” asked Duncan, worried.

  “Wait,” Ben said.

  The back door opened. It was Meara, looking radiant and angry at the same time. She stomped into the kitchen and slammed the back door. She put her hands on her hips.

  “I’m going back to my house for that bottle of wine I hid a while ago. It’s my emergency stash for mother problems. I’ll be back. Maybe. Duncan? Would you like to come with me?” she asked.

  “It’s a trick question, man. She’ll get you for what you said, but if you don’t go, she’ll get you anyway.” Ben threw his hands up in mock horror as she glared at him. “I’m dead. I’m too young to die.”

  She stalked out the back door. Duncan shrugged his shoulders and followed her out into the snow.

  Diana yelled after him. “Don’t let her bring the bottle back. You know how she gets with a glass of wine in her!”

  He gave Diana the thumbs up sign. Meara rummaged through her kitchen cabinets looking for the bottle of wine. She opened and closed them, occasionally slamming one. Duncan came up behind her, slipping his arms around her waist. He nuzzled her neck.

  “You’re so tense,” he cooed. “Let me take care of that for you.”

  “Duncan, how could you tell my mother you were trying to get me pregnant?” she asked.

  “It was a joke. Not a good one. We’ve talked about it in the past. Do you want a baby?”

  “You’re changing the subject. I don’t want my mother to know my business.”

  “It’s a little late for that. She knows we live together. She knows we’re being intimate. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “No, you’re right. Besides, it must irk her that her plain daughter has such a hot boyfriend who wants to sleep with her,” she giggled.

  “I want to go on record as saying I do care if you sleep with me or not. I have trouble sleeping without you.”

  “You’re so sweet,” she said, kissing him deeply.

  “That’s better,” he said, rubbing her shoulders.

  He pushed her over to the couch. He made her lie down on her stomach and he straddled her. He massaged her shoulders and back. She calmed down, purring with pleasure. He pulled her up.

  “Do you want a baby?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. Do you?”

  “If you decide you want one, I’ll help all I can. I’ll put in extra effort.” He grinned.

  “You’re so funny. Where are you going?”

  Standing up, he headed for their bedroom. “I’m going to throw away your birth control pills.”

  “You’ll do no such thing! Are you out of your mind?”

  “Maybe. If you don’t want me to get rid of the pills, then skip the wine. Deal?”

  “Deal.”

  “I was going to ask you a favor. John loved the story about the Christmas cookies. He wanted to know if his Ems was going to bake with him today.”

  “I wasn’t planning on it. We have plenty of desserts.” She furrowed her brow.

  “He was very interested in baking with you. I know the supermarket is open for a few more hours. Is there any way I could talk you into picking up cookie dough? It would be a good way to keep John, Anne and Sean out of trouble.”

  “You have a point. Let’s go.” She brightened up.

  He silently thanked Sean for coming up with the idea. Appealing to her through John’s affection was a good guilt trip. He drove to the supermarket. He was more nervous now than when he met Kay. The parking lot was almost empty, so they were able to park close to the entrance. They walked hand in hand to the store entrance. He veered towards the shopping carts.

  “Do we need a cart for a few things?” she asked.

  “Yes.” His voice was strained.

  She raised her eyebrows, but went to the first cart. She was fishing in her purse when he tapped her shoulder. She turned and he was holding a small black box.

  “Did you put the quarter in a box? You’re funny, sweetheart.” Looking into his eyes, she realized he had something else in mind.

  Down on one knee, he opened the box to reveal a heart-shaped diamond solitaire ring. “Meara, will you make me the happiest man on earth and marry me?”

  Speechless, her hands flew to her cheeks. She wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with him. Being with him made everything right. She got an annoyed look on her face and pulled him up to stand.

  “Duncan Phillips, get off your knee. Don’t you ever bow down to anyone, even me. Get up and stand next to me. That’s better. Now ask me again.”

  Nodding, he looked down into her eyes. This was the right way. It was like the day they had met. He had known from that very first moment she would be important to him. That was an understatement. She would be everything to him.

  “Will you marry me?”

  “Yes, Duncan. I’ll marry you.” She started to cry. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, Meara. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. I love you.” He placed the ring on her finger.

  “I love you. It’s beautiful,” she said, kissing him.

  He pushed her gently up against the line of carts. They kissed deeply. He smiled.

  He kissed her dimple. “I knew that dimple was going to be trouble.”

  “Do we really have to get cookie dough?” she smirked.

  “No, I fibbed. I had a good reason. John did like the book.”

  “We’re here. Let’s get it anyway. Does your family know you’re doing this? And mine?”

  “Yes, they know. Sean gave me the cookie dough idea. Diana and Ben know I wanted to ask you, but not when. I got Ben’s permission to ask you.”

  “I’m glad he agreed.”

  “I am too. We should hurry. My family should be arriving soon. We can let them know all at the same time.”

  “You planned this, didn’t you? When you asked if the two families could meet today, you were planning this, weren’t you? You sneaky man, you!”

  “Guilty as charged. I’ve had the ring since Thanksgiving.”

  “Thanksgiving? All I did was hide a grill from you. You hid a ring. Well played, Mr. Phillips, well played.”

  “I thought you might appreciate it.”

  “Any other surprises in my future?”

  “Nope, that’s it. I’m all surprised out.”

  “I doubt that. I may have one or two for you. I went to the lingerie shop again. There’s another present waiting for you at home.”

  “Can we fast forward through today and get to tonight?” He asked eagerly.

  “No, sorry, baby. It’ll have t
o be the slow torture route.” She purred.

  They arrived back at Diana and Ben’s house in time to meet Andrew, Lisa, Sean and John on the front porch. John jumped into Meara’s arms.

  “Ems! Santa came to Grandpa’s house. He gave me a bunch of presents! Did he find you?” asked John.

  “Yes, he did, John,” Meara replied, hugging him tightly. “There are a few presents for you here too.”

  John squealed. He hugged Duncan while everyone else exchanged greetings.

  Meara hugged Sean. “I’m glad you’re here. My mother’s in a terrible mood. You got my back?”

  “You betcha,” Sean winked. “Let’s go inside and get the old battle axe.”

  They entered the house. Meara called for everyone to gather in the living room.

  Andrew pulled Duncan aside. “How did it go?”

  “Mission accomplished. We’ll tell everyone right away,” said Duncan.

  “In anticipation of good news, Sean and I picked up a few bottles of champagne to celebrate. There’s a smaller one for a private celebration later,” Andrew said. “Congrats, Dad.”

  “Thank you, Andrew,” Duncan said. “I couldn’t be happier.”

  The living room was the only room that could hold them all at the same time. Meara made the introductions. The families shook hands. Kay behaved herself graciously, like the queen dowager she believed herself to be. Diana rolled her eyes and smiled wickedly at Meara. Duncan stepped forward and Meara turned pink. He pulled her close and kissed her cheek.

  “Meara and I have an announcement,” Duncan said solemnly. “I’ve asked Meara to marry me and she has said yes.”

  The room erupted in cheers and hugs. Diana, Anne and Lisa wanted to see the engagement ring. John looked puzzled while Sean and Andrew clapped Duncan on the back. Kay walked over to Meara.

  Taking Meara’s hand, Kay looked at the ring. “It’s very pretty. Congratulations, Meara.”

  “Thank you, Mom,” Meara said warily.

  Duncan moved to stand next to Meara. He braced himself for Kay’s comments. He noticed Sean hovering close by just in case he was needed.

  “Duncan, I wish you the best. I hope she makes a better wife for you than she did for Hank. Hank was always such a warm, loving man. Meara can be difficult at times, but I’m sure you’ll find out, if you haven’t already. She could never change to make him happy even when he treated her like a princess. Let’s hope she’s learned her lesson before she loses you too,” said Kay.