The Everafter War

by Michael Buckley

  “That was my doing,” Uncle Jake said with a wink. He reached into one of his jacket pockets and took out a small wooden box. Inside was a green dust that spun around in a tiny tornado.

  Daphne’s eyes lit up with wonder. “What’s that?”

  “One of the few magical items I have left after Baba Yaga stole my other coat. It’s stretching powder. I got it from the little old lady who lives in a shoe. With seventy rug rats in one old boot, she had to get creative.”

  “How does it work?” Daphne asked.

  “You can make something as big or as small as you want for a limited amount of time with just a sprinkle. I blew a handful into the car, and now it’s big enough for a whole forest of bears.”

  “So gravy!” Daphne said, eyeing the green particles.

  “Gravy?” Sabrina asked. The little girl was always coming up with silly new phrases or words.

  Daphne ignored her sister and kept her attention on Uncle Jake. “Can I try?”

  Henry snatched the box, snapped it shut, and stuffed it into one of Jake’s pockets. “Keep your magic away from the girls,” he growled. “It’s dangerous, and I don’t want them anywhere near it.”

  “Dad, don’t worry,” Daphne said. “We use magic all the time.”

  Henry glared at his mother. It was obvious he didn’t approve.

  “I’m getting pretty good, too,” Daphne continued, completely oblivious to her father’s rising temper. “In fact, I have a few wands and an enchanted ring of my own, just like a real witch.”

  “A five-year-old shouldn’t be within a hundred miles of magic!” Henry cried. “Hand everything over to me as soon as we get to the house. None of that nonsense is going back to New York City.”

  “Dad, I’m not five years old. I’ll be eight in two weeks,” Daphne said.

  Henry froze and gaped at his daughter as if she were speaking ancient Greek.

  “Maybe we should go,” Goldilocks said with a forced smile. She opened one of the rusty car doors and helped the bears lumber into the backseat.

  Sabrina and Daphne followed and couldn’t help but marvel at what they found. Uncle Jake’s stretching powder did the trick: The car’s interior was enormous, even bigger than Granny Relda’s living room.

  Veronica took a seat between her daughters and wrapped an arm around each of them. “So, what have we missed?”

  “Granny’s been teaching us to be detectives,” Daphne said, excitedly.

  Granny shifted uncomfortably.

  “You knew I didn’t want them involved in the family business,” Henry interrupted.

  “We’ve been careful. They’ve both been perfectly safe,” Granny said.

  Sabrina laughed, and the entire family turned to face her.

  “You disagree?” Henry asked her.

  Sabrina felt Granny’s betrayed eyes on her. “No,” she mumbled.

  “Sabrina, if you have something to say, I’d like to hear it,” Henry demanded.

  “It was nothing, really. Just a giant attack, and then Rumpelstiltskin was eating my emotions, and then we killed the Jabberwocky, and—”

  “It’s dead?” Henry asked, bewildered.

  Granny Relda nodded.

  “What else, Sabrina?” her father pressed.

  “I was turned into a frog and almost eaten by Baba Yaga, we were attacked by a giant robot, nearly killed by Titania, sucked into a time vortex—”

  “Time vortex?” cried Veronica.

  “It was so cool, Mom,” Daphne said. “We met our future selves. Sabrina was married!”

  “Daphne!” Sabrina screeched. No one knew the complete truth about what the girls had seen in the future. Her marriage and, most importantly, the identity of her husband, were supposed to be kept secret. If Puck ever found out . . .

  “Married?” Puck laughed. “Who would marry you? He must be blind.”

  Sabrina clenched her fists. She had no idea what her older self saw in the smelly, annoying fairy. She had to admit that Puck’s grown-up version was very cute, but how had she gotten over all the insults, pranks, and mean-spirited jokes? Maybe there weren’t any other men in the future? That could be the only explanation.

  “Anything else?” Henry demanded.

  “Yeah, we were barbecued by dragons, Sabrina was taken over by the rabid spirit of the Big Bad Wolf, and . . . I think that covers it,” Daphne finished.

  “We had a yard sale, too,” Uncle Jake said from his place in the driver’s seat.

  “Go ahead, Jake. Make a joke out of it like you always do,” Henry said.

  “Relax, Hank. Mom protected them every step of the way. I’ve been here for most of it, too,” Jake said.

  Elvis let out a low growl.

  “The dog wants to remind everyone of his contributions,” Goldilocks said.

  Daphne hugged the big dog. “We all know you’re the real hero, Elvis.”

  Elvis barked.

  “He says heroes deserve sausages,” Goldilocks translated.

  “And what about me?” Puck said. “I’ve been pulling this family from the jaws of death on a daily basis and haven’t seen a dime for my troubles.”

  Henry scowled. “If you don’t mind, we’re having a family discussion. Who are you, anyway? Peter Pan?”

  “Henry!” Granny cried. “No! He’s very sensitive about—”

  “I AM NOT PETER PAN!” Puck bellowed as smoke blasted out of his nose and mouth. In his outburst, he blew the top of the family car into the air, turning the old jalopy into a very crude convertible.

  No one was hurt, but the family launched into a massive, many-sided argument. Granny argued with Veronica. Henry shouted at Puck. The three bears roared and snapped at one another. All Sabrina could do was watch quietly and hope no one turned on her.

  When a little hand slipped into hers and gave it a quick squeeze, Sabrina was elated that Daphne had finally turned to her. But, when she looked down, she found Red Riding Hood. The little girl trembled in fright, unnerved by all the shouting.

  Sabrina couldn’t bring herself to comfort Red. She yanked her hand away as if it had slipped into the mouth of an alligator. Red seemed hurt but didn’t say a word.

  Finally, Granny Relda put her fingers in her mouth and blasted a high-pitched, ear-rattling whistle. Everyone fell silent, and she turned her attention to Uncle Jake.

  “Jacob, why in heaven’s name are you driving so fast?”

  Sabrina eyed the speedometer. The red needle was pushing one hundred and ten.

  “Because we have a major problem!” Jake cried.

  “What are you talking about?” Henry asked.

  “Well, big brother, when you insulted Puck, he blew the roof off the car, and now the integrity of the interior is compromised,” he shouted over the wind.

  “In English, please,” Veronica said.

  “I enchanted the inside of the car to fit all of you in it. Now, the inside is also the outside,” Jake explained.

  “So?” Granny asked.

  “So, now the magic has two choices. It can make the whole world bigger, which would be very, very bad. I’m talking earthquakes, tsunamis, all kinds of insane weather. Real. Bad. Stuff.”

  “And what’s the other choice?” Goldilocks asked.

  “The interior of the car is going to shrink back to its normal size,” Jake explained. “Which means it’s going to get very cramped back there very fast.”

  Sabrina looked to the three bears. Each probably weighed around eight hundred pounds. “How fast?”

  She heard a popping sound, followed by a loud hiss. As the car rapidly shrunk, she was pushed roughly to the center of the back-seat until she was nearly on her mother’s lap.

  “Drive faster!” Henry shouted over the wind that beat against his face.

  “Don’t tell me what to do,” Uncle Jake said.

  “Then don’t drive like an old woman!” Henry snapped.

  “They sound like you two,” Puck said to Sabrina and Daphne. Both girls glared at him.
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  The faster Jake drove, the quicker the car seemed to shrink. Sabrina soon found Puck’s nose within an inch of her own. If the backseat got much tighter, they would be pushed even closer together. Accidents could happen! Accidents with lips!

  “I hope you brushed this morning,” Puck said, closing his eyes and puckering up for a kiss.

  “Uncle Jake, drive faster!” Sabrina begged.

  “Fine! I don’t want to kiss you, anyway. I’m out of here,” Puck snarled. His wings unfurled, and he leaped into the air, flying high above the car. Sabrina was relieved, but not for long. When the car shrank again, her face was forced into Poppa Bear’s hairy armpit.

  When they finally arrived at the house, Uncle Jake pulled into the front yard, barreling through shrubbery and bringing the car to a halt just inches from the porch. Everyone spilled out of the car and onto the lawn. Baby Bear toppled over Goldilocks. Elvis jumped out and scurried under a bush. When Uncle Jake opened his door, he fell out along with Veronica and Granny Relda. Sabrina hit the ground with a thud, then looked for her sister. Daphne was nowhere to be seen.

  “Daphne!” she cried. “Did she fall out?”

  Momma Bear grunted and got up from her seat. There, beneath her, was Daphne—a little mushed, but safe.

  “I have never needed a bath so much in my entire life,” the little girl groaned.

  “Do you see now, Jake? This is exactly what I’m talking about. We all could have been hurt by that magic,” Henry said. “Veronica, take the girls inside and help them pack. Don’t let them bring anything that can cast a spell.”

  “Henry, really—” Granny Relda started.

  He cut her off. “Mom, I need to use your phone. I’m going to call everyone we know in New York City. Someone will take us in, at least for a few nights.” He turned to Sabrina and Daphne. “Go on, girls. Go with your mother.”

  Granny unlocked the front door, and the girls climbed the stairs with their mother. In their bedroom, Veronica slumped down on the bed, clearly drained. Tears began to stream down her face.

  “Don’t cry,” Sabrina said, wrapping her mother in a hug. “We’re all together now.”

  “I can’t believe how long we’ve been apart. You must have been so frightened.” Veronica cupped Sabrina’s face in her hands. “You did a good job looking after your sister.”

  Sabrina’s belly filled up with a million happy butterflies. Her mother’s approval was like a lifetime of birthday presents rolled into one.

  “And you’ve both gotten so pretty,” Veronica continued. “My little girls—where did they go?”

  “We’re still here,” Daphne said. “We’re just bigger versions.”

  Veronica laughed.

  “Mom, you have to talk to Dad. We can’t go back to the city now,” Daphne said, her tone suddenly serious. “We’re needed here in Ferryport Landing.”

  “‘Needed’ ?” Veronica replied.

  “Absolutely! There’s a lot of crazy shenanigans going on in this town, and Granny needs help keeping the peace,” the little girl explained. “There’s a bunch of bad guys called the Scarlet Hand running around tormenting everyone, and it seems like every time we turn around, someone is on the verge of destroying the world. We can’t leave.”

  “Daphne, you need to understand your father’s point of view. This place holds a lot of bad memories for him. His father died here. I don’t love the idea of going back to the city unprepared either, but we can’t stay here. I think we should start packing.”

  Sabrina dutifully pulled two tiny suitcases out from under the bed. They were the same ones she and her sister had brought when they arrived in Ferryport Landing.

  “Happy?” Daphne asked.

  “Daphne, I—”

  “You’ve hated being here since the first day. Well, you finally got what you wanted.”

  “That’s not fair,” Sabrina said.

  “Girls, please don’t fight,” Veronica begged.

  “I don’t want to go,” Daphne said. “Granny Relda has been training us to be detectives. That’s what I want to do. She needs our help. And I can’t just abandon Elvis and Puck, either.”

  “Daphne, your father has very strong feelings about this town. I’m not any happier about this than you are. I’ll try to talk to him, but I can’t promise he’ll change his mind. If you’re passionate about being a fairy-tale detective, there’s plenty of work to do back home in the city.”

  “Mom, we already know all about the stuff you do behind Dad’s back. We’ve been to the fairy kingdom. Oz tried to kill us, and Sabrina was possessed by a ghost at Scrooge’s accounting office. We even fought pirates on the Staten Island Ferry.”

  Veronica cringed. “That was supposed to be a secret.”

  Henry appeared in the doorway. “What’s supposed to be a secret?” His eyes darted from Veronica to Daphne and finally to Sabrina. He raised his eyebrows at her as if he was sure she’d spill the beans. It made her feel ashamed.

  “It’s nothing,” Veronica said. “Henry, the girls have a lot of things. Packing them might take a while.”

  “There’s a train in half an hour, and I want to be on it. Pack what you can. We can send for the rest later.”

  “Are you really thinking this through?” she asked.

  Henry scowled. “Don’t fight with me, Veronica. Not about this.”

  Sabrina was surprised by her father’s tone. He had always been so easygoing and carefree. Now, he was furious, his face so red and hot, she was sure she could fry an egg on it. A moment later, he stormed out of the room, shouting for his mother as he stomped down the stairs.

  “You heard him,” Veronica whispered.

  The girls packed what they could in the space of a few minutes and brought their suitcases out into the hallway.

  “I’d like to say good-bye to Mirror,” Sabrina said.

  “C’mon!” her father raged from downstairs.

  “There’s no time,” Veronica said. “Mirror will understand.”

  Granny Relda and Uncle Jake waited by the door. Henry was pacing the foyer. Puck was lounging on the couch using his belly as a conga drum. Red Riding Hood sat in a dark corner. The three bears huddled around the dining room table, munching on a huge watermelon. Goldilocks was rearranging the rest of the bookshelves, and Elvis was lying on the floor, moaning sadly.

  “Where are you going to go?” Granny Relda asked.

  “Don’t worry, Mom. We’ll be fine,” Henry said. “Jake, can you give us a ride to the train station, or should I call a taxi?”

  “Henry, be reasonable. You can stay here until you get on your feet,” Uncle Jake pleaded.

  Henry shook his head. “We’re going, Jake.”

  Granny extended her arms to the girls for a hug. They hugged her with all their might. “Lieblings, my heart will be empty until I see you again. Look after yourselves, and try not to bicker. You make a great team when you put your heads together.”

  Daphne sobbed as she leaned down and kissed Elvis on the snout. He barked.

  “He says he doesn’t want you to go,” Goldilocks translated.

  “I don’t want to go,” Daphne said.

  Puck stopped his drumming. “What’s going on?”

  “We’re moving back to Manhattan,” Sabrina explained.

  Puck sat up and stared at her. She expected a dismissive joke or some mean-spirited insult, but instead he looked confused, even troubled. “Really?”

  Henry took his daughters’ suitcases and marched outside. The girls reluctantly followed, but they were stopped in their tracks by a mob of people surrounding the house. The crowd was made up of Everafters of all stripes: cyclopes, ogres, stone golems, witches, warlocks, toy soldiers, trolls, and more.

  At the front of the crowd was Mayor Heart, also known as the Queen of Hearts from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. She wore a gaudy red dress and brandished an electronic megaphone. Standing next to her was the Sheriff of Nottingham, dressed from head to toe in leather, complete with b
oots, gloves, and a cape. A crossbow was flung across his back, and a dagger hung at his waist. A grotesque purple scar ran from the tip of his eye to the corner of his mouth. On his chest was a familiar, frightening symbol: a bloodred hand-print. Each member of the crowd sported the same mark.

  “Well, as I live and breathe, Henry Grimm is here. How was your nap?” the mayor cackled.

  “Mrs. Heart, I’m taking my girls and leaving town. We aren’t looking for any trouble,” Henry said.

  The mayor spoke into her megaphone. “Well, Henry, it appears trouble came looking for you.”

  Granny stepped forward. “Now, you listen to me—”

  “NO!” the mayor bellowed. The megaphone emitted an ear-shattering feedback whine. “You listen to me! No one is going anywhere until you tell me what the Master wants to know.”

  “What are you talking about?” Uncle Jake asked.

  “Where are Charming and the Wolf? We know they have fled into the forest, along with Robin Hood and his gang. Where are they hiding?”

  “Like we’d tell you!” Daphne snarled.

  Nottingham slid a silver arrow into his crossbow and aimed it at the little girl. “Tell us where their camp is, and I’ll let you live through the day. As for tomorrow—no promises.”

  Uncle Jake stepped in front of Daphne. “Sheriff, every time your stupid little group threatens us, we make you look like fools. Why don’t you save yourself the humiliation and get off our lawn before I—”

  A whizzing sound filled the air, and then Uncle Jake let out a sharp cry. He fell, an arrow lodged deeply in his right shoulder. Blood leaked through his shirt and onto the porch.

  “Perhaps you didn’t hear the mayor,” Nottingham snarled as he loaded his weapon with a fresh arrow. “Tell us where they are now!”

  “Girls, get into the house!” Henry commanded. He caught Sabrina and Daphne by their shoulders and pushed them through the doorway.

  Veronica and Granny Relda followed the girls, and Henry dragged his brother to safety. Once everyone was inside, he slammed the door just in time to block another of Nottingham’s arrows.

  “House, time to lock up!” Granny shouted with a sharp knock on the door. “OK, everyone, stay calm. We’ll be safe in here,” Granny reassured her family as she bent to tend to her wounded son. “Daphne, run upstairs and grab a bottle of iodine out of the medicine cabinet. It’s a red bottle. Sabrina and Puck, go to the laundry room and get some sheets out of the dryer. Rip them into bandages. Goldilocks and Red, can you boil a pot of water?”