Finding Mikayla

by Samantha Christy

  Claire introduces Jeff to Holly and Austin so I assume they hadn’t met earlier which probably means Jeff had literally just arrived at camp when they found me. Then, after a minute of excruciatingly uncomfortable silence, Claire tells us, “I have explained to Jeff the circumstances behind Mitch’s actions at the community center.” She turns to Mitch and says, “He knows about your amnesia and that you weren’t aware of who Kay was until a week ago.” She puts a loving hand on my arm. “I told Jeff how hard this year has been for you and that you waited so long and were so patient and loyal to him, but that nobody could be expected to hold out hope forever.”

  Claire looks at Jeff, then at Mitch, then at me. “You all have some talking to do and I hope you can work this out as responsible adults. I love each one of you. I’m not taking sides. I’m here for all of you, whenever you need to talk. Does anyone have anything to say?”

  I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that forty people showed up today. I have so many questions, but the one I have to ask Jeff is, “Who came back with you? You had Amanda’s husband with you. How did you find him? What about Austin’s wife, or Holly and Pam’s husbands. What do you know about them?”

  I can’t be sure, but I think Jeff is shocked at my question. Perhaps he thought I would throw myself at him and beg him to take me back after I’d betrayed him with Mitch. Maybe he thought I would want to know what he went through to get to me. He shakes his head, almost imperceptibly, and says, “People with similar interests found each other over there. We stayed with those who were trying to make their way back to certain geographical areas. We got to know each other over the past year, just as you all have.” I don’t miss that he sends a quick look of disgust to Mitch. “However, some groups of people left early on, thinking they would be better off leaving quickly, so we didn’t get to know everyone you are looking for. I can tell you that Pam’s husband died, along with several other spouses of people I’ve been told are living here.” He turns to speak to Holly and Austin. “As you know by now, your spouses didn’t arrive with us and I’m sorry to say that I just don’t have any information on them. They could be with another group. But, don’t give up hope. There are still a lot of folks over there that are working to get across the pond.”

  “Pam’s husband is dead,” I repeat to myself. All I can think of is that I have to get to her. I stand up, but Holly intercepts me before I can leave.

  “Pam is dealing with it, Kay,” she says, pulling me back. “Craig is with her and she seems to be handling it. She’s sad, but she had moved on. We will find her later. Right now you need to deal with this.” She points back to the living room.

  “There is nothing to deal with, Hol,” I whisper to her. “I’m with Mitch and Jeff is going to have to accept that.”

  She leans in close to me. “Then why didn’t you sit down next to Mitch?”

  She has a good point. Why didn’t I?

  “I guess I didn’t want to rub it in Jeff’s face,” I say. “But make no mistake, I still love Mitch.”

  “You might want to tell Mitch that, Kay,” she says. “The way he looks right now, it’s like he’s sure you are going back to Jeff.”

  When she pulls me back into the room, I’m surprised to see Mitch talking to Jeff.

  “I’m sorry,” he frowns. “You have to know that if I had any idea who she was, I would not have laid a hand on her.” His eyes flash momentarily to me. “I would never intentionally screw you over. You have to believe me, Jeff.”

  Jeff nods his head over and over, and chews on the inside of his cheek, thinking before he acknowledges Mitch. “I know. My mom explained everything. It’s just so unbelievable how it all happened.” He rubs his hands together. “Still, you have to give me a minute to take it in, man. It doesn’t make it any less shocking thinking about you with her.”

  They are talking about me as if I’m not here so I butt in. “I’m standing right here, gentlemen. You don’t have to talk about me like I’m not.”

  “Sorry, babe,” Jeff says, like our relationship never missed a beat.

  Holly, Austin and I all snap our heads over to Mitch and see his eyes close at the endearment Jeff used. Mitch lets out a deep sigh and stands. “Right,” he says. “It’ll take some adjustment on all our parts. It’s been a long day and I think I’m going to head home.”

  Mitch walks out of the apartment without so much as a glance my way. I’m torn. I need to go after him, but I don’t want to make Jeff feel badly. He called me ‘babe.’ Does he think I’m simply going to dump Mitch and get back with him?

  I pull Claire aside. “Claire, what exactly did you tell Jeff about me and Mitch? Does he know we’re in love?”

  She shakes her head. “He knows that you are dating and that you have feelings for each other, but I didn’t think it was my place to tell him just how deep those feelings go.” She puts her arm around my shoulders. “You are in quite a position, Kay. You are between two amazing men who both obviously want you. But, you have to go with your heart. I have a feeling that means not being with my son and I’m okay with that. Jeff is a strong man. He’ll bounce back. You can’t be with him out of guilt or obligation, you know that, right?”

  I nod at her. “I’m sorry, Claire,” I say.

  “No need to be sorry,” she says, smiling back at me. “I have my son back. It’s a glorious day. Everything will work out as it’s meant to.”

  I wish I had her optimism.

  “I have to go after him,” I say, walking towards the door. “Please tell Jeff I’ll find him tomorrow and then we can talk.” I give her one last hug. “I’m so happy for you that he is back. I really am. Don’t ever think I didn’t want this to happen.”

  “I know, dear. Now go find your happily-ever-after,” she says, waving me out the door.

  Before I can go after him, however, Colonel Andrews catches me in the hallway and asks me to recount exactly what happened with John. He takes me for a walk around the courtyard while I tell him every detail of the horrible experience. Then he tells me that John is being detained based on the testimony of some of the people that walked in to see him holding me against my will. He said he may ask John to leave the base but would like to talk to Mitch and a few others first.

  “Don’t worry, Kay,” he says. It’s not lost on me that this is the first time he’s ever called me by my first name. Perhaps he does think of me as a daughter now. “He won’t lay a finger on you again. I promise.”

  There is that word again.

  Promise.

  And suddenly, I have to go after Mitch. Now. I can’t wait another minute.

  I don’t even bother looking in his apartment. He won’t be there. He’s hurting. He’s confused. He might even be angry. Like me, there are only two places he would be right now, and it’s far too dark to take out the horses. I go out front, to where I know he will be. I find him lying on the grass, staring up at the sky and I quietly lie down next to him. I silently wonder if we are both looking at Orion and The Seven Sisters.

  We lie here for minutes before either of us speaks.

  “It’s okay, Mikayla,” he says. “You don’t have to feel guilty. I get it. You and I have been together for five minutes. You were with him for five years. It makes sense. I won’t try to fight him for you. You both mean too much to me to do that. He’s still my friend even if he doesn’t see it that way.”

  My jaw drops shockingly at his words. I sit up and look down at him. “Mitch, is that what you think I came out here for—to dump you?”

  “Well . . . yes,” he says. “Didn’t you?”

  “I love you, Mitch. That hasn’t changed just because he came back. He never even said he wants me back. It’s been a long time. His feelings may have changed as well.”

  He gives me a look that screams ‘duh,’ and says, “He called you ‘babe,’ Mikayla. Believe me, he wants you.”

  I shake my head. “That’s merely a habit,” I say. “We have both changed so much. I can see that eve
n though we haven’t really talked yet.”

  “You haven’t talked?” he asks. “Then what have you been doing for the last hour?”

  “Talking to the colonel. He came looking for both of us but you had left. I told him exactly what happened tonight with John.”

  He sits up quickly as if he suddenly remembered what happened earlier. He finally looks me in the eye. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to you sooner. If he had touched you. If he had hurt you. I would have killed him.”

  “You almost did, Mitch. If you recall, Austin had to pull you off him. It was a good thing he showed up.” I can see his split jaw in the moonlight and I reach up to touch it gently, but he flinches and pulls away from me. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get to tend to you myself.”

  “It’s no big deal. I deserved it,” he says.

  I gasp. “What? Why would you say that?”

  “Because I took his girl. I deserved every punch he was going to lay on me.”

  I grab his hand and tighten mine around it, not allowing him to pull away this time. “You deserved nothing. Is that why you didn’t protect yourself? Because you thought you did something wrong?” I release his hand and reach out to turn his face towards mine. “Loving me is not wrong, Mitch.”

  I see his grimace. “Mikayla, I have to go. I need some time.”

  “Time for what? Time to figure out if I’m worth it?” I stand up angrily and start walking away. I turn around and say, “Because I am, Mitch Matheson. I’m worth it. And if you don’t think so, you’re a jackass.”

  I walk away but still hear him mumble, “That I am.”

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Most people are rejoicing at the return of their loved ones. And I am, too. I am truly glad that Jeff has come back. But the tension it has created around here could be cut with a knife—or maybe a damn chain saw.

  What’s worse is that now Jeff is at the clinic every day. Every. Day. And Mitch is conspicuously not. He got permission from the colonel to help Craig and the other farmers out in the fields on the condition that if needed here, he would come right away.

  So, for almost a week now, Jeff and I have been working side-by-side and Mitch has kept his distance. When I try to talk to Mitch, he gives me the same story about both of us needing time to figure things out. I was okay with that for a few days, but now I’m just pissed off. Figure out what exactly?

  I love him. He loves me. End of story, right?

  I get that he thinks he’s like Dale. He thinks he’s taking me away from Jeff if he allows our relationship to continue. I have to make him understand that’s not the case. I also have to make Jeff understand that despite his repeated attempts to get close to me, my heart doesn’t lie with him anymore. I’ll always love Jeff. I just don’t love him that way. And whether he does it consciously or not, he always ends up touching me, grabbing my hand, or making some comment that alludes to us being a couple. I try hard not to hurt his feelings, but it’s starting to weigh on me.

  “Did Mr. Stephens come in this morning, babe?” he asks, staring at a patient file.

  “Jeff,” I address him, closing my eyes briefly and sighing, “you have to stop calling me that. We’re not together anymore.”

  “Right.” He smiles over at me and winks. “But that won’t stop me from trying.”

  “We’ve gone over this. I’m with Mitch now. You are wonderful and I’ll always cherish what we had. But, please stop with the name calling and the flirting and the touching.”

  “Kay, we were together for years and I’ve just now been informed that we’re not a couple any longer. Can you give me a little time to get used to it before you bite my head off?”

  “Fine,” I pout. “I know it’s hard for you. Maybe if you and Mitch could try to be friends, it wouldn’t be so bad. You guys shared something that bonds you for life. Can we please rise above this and try to all get along?”

  He looks sad as he nods his head. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try,” he says. “For you, I’ll try.”

  “What are your plans, Kay?” he asks, changing direction. “Do you think you’ll head up to Jacksonville with us?”

  “Us?” I ask, raising an eyebrow quizzically.

  “Yeah. Holly, Jamie and I were talking yesterday about when would be a good time to go. I don’t want to leave the camp without a doctor so we all agreed to stay on until the numbers dwindle down, but we really need to start thinking about the next step.”

  Since when does Holly confide in Jeff before me?

  It all seems so real now. People are talking about leaving. Some already have, taking parcels of land that the government has been doling out for sharecropping. Some have left to go in search of loved ones now that it’s becoming safer outside the gates. Some, like me, are unsure of their place in the world, and now with Mitch and I ‘taking time to think,’ I don’t even know if we are still going west as we had planned. But one thing is for sure, whether Mitch is in my future or not, Jacksonville is not where I want to be.

  “I don’t think I want to go to Jacksonville, Jeff,” I say. “I think I’d like to work in a small town.”

  He gives me a disapproving look. “How will you ever improve your skills doing that? And what about your residency?”

  “It’s not all about skills or being the best for me anymore. I’ve learned to enjoy my life outside of medicine and I want to keep it that way. And, my residency? I’m not sure there even are residency programs anymore. The bottom line is, I’m willing to take my chances. I like it here. I’ll find somewhere to fit in.”

  “Well, don’t be surprised if we all try to change your mind over the next few months,” he says. “I see how tight you and Holly are and I know she wants you to go. Jamie, now that’s something else altogether.” We both laugh at her dislike of me that is so blatant that Jeff is already aware of it.

  ~ ~ ~

  After work, I find Holly, Pam and Amanda and we head to The Oasis. I know it’s a Wednesday and this isn’t my usual routine, but I also know that Mitch won’t be waiting for me at the pool hall. He won’t be waiting for me anywhere.

  Well, I’m tired of waiting for him to figure things out. So, I’m bringing my A game with me tonight. Craig has promised to get Mitch to the bonfire and I plan to take full advantage of the situation.

  It’s awkward at first with me and the girls sitting at one table and Mitch and the guys at another. And thank goodness Jeff doesn’t show up. I don’t need the unbridled tension that surrounds the three of us whenever we are in the same place at the same time.

  The more we drink, the less awkward it gets and the more I catch Mitch glancing over at me. The first part of Operation Seduction goes well, so I’m ready to set the wheels of the rest of my plan in motion.

  I drag Holly out to the dance floor that is directly in front of the band, across the deck from where we were sitting, but close enough for Mitch to watch me. Then Holly and I start to dance. And by dance, I mean dance. I move my body in ways that I didn’t even know I could. I run my hands up and down my sides provocatively. I wiggle my hips, put my arms in the air and close my eyes, getting lost in the music.

  “Shit, Kay,” Holly says, “keep it up and Mitch will take you right here on the dance floor. He hasn’t stopped staring at you since we walked up here.” She laughs and continues, “His eyes are practically popping out of his head like he’s a carnivore and you’re the only steak at a vegetarian buffet.”

  We giggle and then I not only keep it up, but ramp it up even more. I have needs. Needs that have gone unsatisfied for a week now. I have to feel his hands on me. I’m sure if I can get him alone he will break and finally realize he is being unreasonable.

  My bladder screams at me after all the alcohol I’ve consumed. I tell Holly, “I’m heading to the latrine. Be back in a few.” She nods and motions for someone else to come dance with her.

  It’s dark by the latrines, but I’m not scared anymore. Not since John left. He didn’t put up much of a fight
once word got around and he realized what a leper he had become in our little community.

  Still, when I emerge from the toilet, I about jump out of my shoes when I run smack into someone. Then my body relaxes instantly when I smell him. Even before I see him clearly, I smell him. I’m glad it’s dark because I can hardly contain my victorious smile, knowing he must have followed me here.

  “Mitch!” I feign surprise, keeping my hand on his chest where it landed a moment ago.

  “Mikayla . . .”

  I can tell by his breathing that he’s turned on. I am so in tune to his body it’s like we are one person.

  “What are you trying to do to me?” he asks.

  I lean up to his ear and let my breath flow out over it a few times before I say in a low, sultry voice, “Is it working?” Then I place a kiss on his neck in the very spot that I know drives him wild. His body stiffens. I can tell he’s having some kind of existential struggle. I try to make it easy for him when I put my lips on his and whisper “I want you . . . and only you.”

  “Fuck,” he says, letting out an angry sigh into my mouth right before shoving his tongue between my lips, claiming my mouth with that familiar barbaric possessiveness that I’ve come to love about him.

  He pushes me back against the wall of the latrine and holds his body tight against mine as our mouths hungrily explore each other. Our hands search for places to grab, seeking out any and every body part that we’ve both craved so much but have been denied.

  My body is humming in a heightened state of arousal. I don’t even care that we could be caught when I boldly reach for his jeans and slip my hand beneath his waistband.

  I hear a noise behind us and then someone says, “Oh, sorry!” The intruder hurries away, scared off by our lewd public behavior.