Mr. November

by Lori Foster

  With shaking hands, Amanda hastily searched the wall for the switch. Bright fluorescent light shone down on Josh’s naked back and shoulders, which he had turned toward her. He stood over the fallen chair, the ax on the floor beside it. His tawny head was down, his large hands curled into fists at his sides.

  Her chest hurt just looking at him—and then she remembered what she wanted to talk to him about.

  Because of her, Josh was no longer being as cautious at work as he should be. He was thinking of her, of being forced into celibacy, when he should have been concentrating on the job. That would never do. His job was dangerous enough without her adding to it.

  She knew what she had to do.

  “If you want,” Amanda said, her voice sounding hollow in the silent enclosed room, “we can have sex tonight.”

  Josh snapped his head around. His green eyes blazed with some emotion she didn’t recognize. “What the hell did you say?”

  Amanda swallowed hard and took a step back. He didn’t look particularly pleased by her offer. After the way he’d just been kissing her, after the way he’d kissed her and touched her all week, she’d thought…

  “I heard what Mick said,” she admitted, hoping he would understand. “I don’t want you to get hurt.” His narrowed gaze searched hers and she added with a whisper, “If you did, it would kill me.”

  He took two long strides toward her, then wrapped his long fingers around her upper arms, lifting her. “Why? Why would you care, Amanda?”

  Her feet left the floor. She grabbed his biceps, holding on in the awkward position. This wasn’t at all what she’d expected. Why couldn’t he ever once do as she anticipated? She’d thought…what? That he’d be happy? Anxious?

  Her thoughts were in a jumble, but she did her best to explain. “I’ve hurt enough people. You’ve been too good, too helpful… Josh, you’re a hero.” Surely he knew that, accepted it. “We need you. Everyone needs you.”

  For the briefest moment, his hands tightened almost to the point of pain. There was such a look of raw emotion in his green eyes, she flinched away.

  Abruptly he set her on her feet and took two steps back. He seemed remote, even angry, when he said, “Why do you want to sleep with me, Amanda? Or should I ask if you do want to sleep with me? You made the offer, but then, that doesn’t tell me much.”

  She licked her dry lips and tried to order her thoughts. It wasn’t easy with him standing there half-naked, looking so sexy while glaring at her. “We’ve been fooling around all week.”

  “Not me.” His jaw hardened. “I was dead serious.”

  “Oh.” Her brain seemed a wasteland, not a clear thought to be found. “I mean, with all the kissing and the touching we’ve been doing, I assumed… In fact, you’ve told me!” Her head cleared and she crossed her arms defiantly. “You said you wanted to have sex with me!”

  “No, I told you I wanted to make love. There’s a difference.” He shrugged one massive, hard muscled shoulder. “But either way, so what?”

  This whole situation got more difficult by the moment. Had he changed his mind about wanting her? Amanda didn’t think so, especially given that hot kiss just a minute before. He’d so taken her by surprise, her knees had nearly buckled.

  So why had she thought to make the suggestion? Oh yeah, his well-being. “You’ve been distracted at work,” she pointed out, “and not thinking clearly, and Mick seemed to think it’s because you’re…”

  “Not getting any?”

  He made it sound so crude. Well, she wouldn’t let him bully her or embarrass her. She met his gaze head-on and raised her chin. “Yes.”

  Josh laughed. He looked at her and then he laughed some more. But it didn’t sound like a happy laugh. Just the opposite. “I guess that answers my question, doesn’t it? You didn’t offer to sleep with me because you want me, not because everything we’ve done has gotten to you as much as it has to me.”

  It had, but he didn’t give her a chance to explain that. Everything he’d done, every moment with Josh, had been wonderful. Sometimes she couldn’t sleep for wanting him. Her need for him increased every day, with every sight of him, every touch, every kiss, until now it was a constant ache. She dreamed of having him inside her, and it was always so good…and then she’d wake up and feel embarrassed and guilty as she remembered that awful night long ago.

  But still she wanted him. Her emotions were so conflicted these days, she didn’t know what to think or feel. She only knew that Josh was important to her and she couldn’t tolerate the thought of anything happening to him.

  He bent for the ax, straightened, and looked at her with an expression of emptiness. “I’m not interested in screwing a martyr.”

  Amanda reeled backward, bumping into the door then had to move quickly when Josh reached for the handle.

  On his way out, he said, “Thanks, but no thanks,” and he left the door standing open behind him. His stomping footsteps were drowned out by the noise of the crowd in the outer room.

  For a minute, Amanda just stood there, her body and mind thankfully numb so that she barely felt the quaking of her legs, the riotous pounding of her heart, the constriction of her lungs. Her eyes burned with hurt and humiliation.

  That “thanks but no thanks” had sounded pretty final. But then what had she expected? That he’d wait around forever for her to change? For her to get over her silly phobias and be a real woman? No other man had; no other man would.

  She was still standing there, unable to assimilate anything except her sense of loss, when Josh reappeared. He stomped in, cursing under his breath, his face tense.

  He took one look at her, groaned and stepped into the room, slamming the door behind him. He propped the ax against the wall and turned the lock.

  Amanda stared stupidly at the doorknob.

  “Come here.” Josh said it gently and reached for her at the same time.

  “But…”

  “God, I’m sorry.” Then he was holding her close to his bare warm chest and rocking her a little and it felt so good, Amanda got angry.

  She pushed back and asked with a good dose of suspicion, “What does this mean? Just what are you doing, Josh?”

  He smiled and opened his big hand on the small of her back, urging her close again until her belly was against his pelvis and her breasts flattened against his hard abdomen. “Hell if I know,” he groaned, and propped his chin on top of her head.

  Amanda could feel the solid thumping of his heartbeat vibrating throughout his big body, and the warmth radiating off his skin. She also heard the smile in his tone.

  “It’s not funny!” Her nose got squashed into his sternum and she inadvertently breathed his scent.

  “No,” he agreed in a gravelly tone, “it’s really not.”

  “Then why do you sound so amused?”

  “Are you kidding?” He kissed the top of her head. “If it was Mick or Zack floundering around like a fish out of water, I’d be laughing my ass off.”

  Furious and cold one minute, teasing and tender the next. And they said women were fickle. Amanda shook her head and strained away to see him. “I don’t understand you.”

  “I know. Most of the time I don’t understand myself.” He made that sound like a grave confession. “But damn it, Amanda, I am not going to give up on you.”

  She frowned. “I didn’t ask you to.” Then she muttered, “Though I probably should. This whole thing—”

  “What thing?”

  “Us. Me. It’s bad enough that you’re having to woo me as if I’m a Victorian maiden, instead of a modern mature woman, but…”

  Once again annoyed, he asked through his teeth, “But what?”

  If he wanted the whole truth, she’d give it to him. “But now, instead of using your…assets to garner more sales for the calendar, I’m warning women away from you.”

  Josh straightened and his brows shot up. “You are?”

  “Yes, I am. Half the women out there are single and, of course, they
just have to ask me about you. As if I’m supposed to help set you up or something! If I’d been thinking straight, if I’d been doing what I should be doing, I’d have encouraged them to buy another calendar and get you to sign it, sort of as a way to break the ice.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and scrutinized her with great curiosity. “So what’d you do instead?”

  Amanda couldn’t quite look at him. “I told them you were taken,” she murmured.

  “Come again?”

  Amanda knew good and well that he’d heard her, he just wanted to make her say it again. Well fine. She glared at him and almost shouted, “I told them you were taken.”

  “Ah.” Josh flexed his jaw, whether because she’d irritated him or because he was trying to hide a smile. She wasn’t sure. “Why Amanda?”

  “Because I didn’t want you to get involved with any of them.”

  “Yet you made me that ridiculous, unemotional offer.”

  Angry, remorseful and now insulting. She’d about had enough of his mood swings. She reached out and smoothed her hand over his broad chest. Her fingers found a soft curl there in the middle of his pectoral muscles where the hair was thickest. She smiled up at him, and yanked hard.

  “Ow, damn it!” Josh lurched, yowled again when she didn’t release him, then caught her wrist and held her hand still. “That hurt!”

  “Did it ever occur to you,” she asked, retaining her hold on his chest hair in a threatening manner, “that I’m not sure how to go about offering? I’ve never had much practice. Every other guy I’ve been close to has been the one pressing me, so I never had to offer!”

  Now Josh frowned. “I haven’t pressed you because I want you to want me. What I don’t want is you making some damn offer like a sacrifice. Like you’d be doing me a favor.”

  Sacrifice. So, that’s what he thought? And it had insulted his macho pride?

  Her eyes narrowed again. “It’d be nice if you explained all this to me instead of being insulting and mean.”

  Josh softened. He worked her fingers loose and carried her hand up to his neck, safely away from his chest. “I was mean?” he asked apologetically.

  “Yes.” Amanda put her other arm around his neck and laced her fingers together at his nape. His dark blond hair felt cool and silky on her knuckles. “I didn’t know what to think. You’re a very confusing, complex man.”

  Josh chuckled, then squeezed her close. “That’s the pot calling the kettle black, sweetheart.” She started to object and he kissed her, a softer, gentler kiss this time. “And here I used to think I knew women.”

  “You do.” Boy, did he ever. Josh knew how to look at her, how to touch her just the right way to make her hot and needy. He also had an uncanny ability to read her mind on occasion. It unnerved her.

  “Not you,” he denied. “You’re a mystery, Amanda, always keeping me guessing. I never know what’s going through that head of yours.”

  “I love kissing you,” she said. “That’s what’s going through my head right now.”

  His eyes darkened, turning a rich forest green. With her gaze snared in his, Josh very slowly brought his hand up over her waist to her ribs, then higher, just below her left breast. Her heart galloped—in anticipation and excitement.

  “You liked me touching you, too, didn’t you?” he asked.

  Breath catching, Amanda murmured, “Yes.”

  He leaned down, his mouth touched hers, and his hot palm slid up and over her until he held her breast securely. His long fingers were gentle, molding over her, weighing her, caressing. Against her mouth, he said, “I’ve always loved breasts.”

  A laugh caught Amanda by surprise, even as she closed her eyes to absorb more of his touch. “As I understand it,” she breathed, “most men do.”

  “Some of us like them more than others.” And he growled, “Damn, you have great breasts.”

  It was the most absurd conversation she ever could have imagined. Josh touched her nipple, rubbing the very sensitive tip, and her voice broke as she said, “Thank you.”

  “It’s not just your incredible rack that turns me on, though.”

  Amanda couldn’t keep up with his verbal nonsense, not while he was deliberately arousing her. She dropped her head onto his chest and groaned.

  “No,” he said, still enticing her. His fingers closed on her nipple in a soft pinch, and even through her blouse and bra, it was enough to make her muscles brace, her breath catch. “Talking to you, hearing you laugh, smelling you, hell even thinking of you gets me hard.”

  Her hold on his neck was now a necessity. Without it, she might have slid to the floor in a puddle.

  “I want to touch you between your legs, okay?”

  Her eyes snapped open and everything inside her clenched and curled against a wave of heat. They were at a reception, hidden away in an empty office with over a hundred people only a few yards away. “Josh…”

  “Shhh. Tell me if you like this.”

  He pressed his hand to her belly, then pushed lower until his fingertips just touched her in a barely there caress. His palm was on her lower belly, his fingers together, not moving. There was only that fleeting press, nothing more. Her wool skirt felt nonexistent. Her body rocked with her heartbeat.

  He didn’t move any further.

  Panting, held in suspense, Amanda rasped, “Josh?”

  His mouth touched her temple. “Everything okay?”

  His voice was low and rough and added to her urgency. She bobbed her head, anxious to reassure him. “Yes. Fine.”

  “Good.” He kissed her ear. “How about this?”

  “Ohmigod.” Amanda squeezed her eyes shut as his big hand pushed lower, dipping down between her thighs, stroking, seeking through the layers of material to find just the right spot. She felt hot on the outside, wet on the inside.

  “Is that good?”

  “Yes.” Better than good. Astounding, really.

  Other than her aborted attempt at sexual satisfaction the night of the fire, she’d never felt so aroused. And even then, it wasn’t the same. She’d been just seventeen, more excited about doing the forbidden and feeling grown-up than about the boy she’d been with.

  Those thoughts were morbid and Amanda did her best to block them from her mind. She wanted to concentrate on Josh, not the past. Yet, the past was there, forever a part of her…

  “Imagine how it would be,” Josh whispered, interrupting her disturbing retrospection, “with nothing between my hand and your body. My fingers are rough from the work I do, but I’d be really careful, Amanda. A woman is so soft here, so tender.”

  Her body jerked in reaction to those words.

  Josh made a sound of pleasure. “I bet you’re silky wet right now, aren’t you? I’d love to feel my fingers inside you. Or my tongue slipping over you. Or my—”

  A fine tension began to build inside her. Her nails sank into his shoulders and she arched against him with a raw groan.

  Josh moved against her protectively. He still toyed with her nipple, continued to put warm damp kisses on her face, her ear, her neck while saying such tantalizing, provoking, stimulating things to her.

  And his hand… Josh’s hand was between her legs making her feel incredible things.

  “Yeah, that’s it,” he encouraged, stroking her, pushing her.

  A loud rapping rattled the door, making them lurch apart. Amanda barely stifled a small yelp. Josh cursed.

  “Josh?” called a familiar, hushed voice. “Are you in there?”

  Josh froze, his body taut and hot, his nostrils flared. “I’ll kill him.”

  “Ohmigod,” Amanda whispered, then covered her mouth with shaking hands. She was in charge of this project, responsible for its success. And instead of supervising things, she was hidden away, being pawed. Just the way she’d been seven years ago…

  She drew up on that awful thought. No, Josh made it all different. He made it all…special, not ugly.

  “I swear,” Josh muttered,
rubbing his hands up and down Amanda’s back as if to soothe her, “I’m going to—”

  “You have my profuse apologies,” Mick said through the door, “but there’s at least a dozen people out here looking for Amanda and they’ll be checking back here in another two minutes.”

  “Damn it.” Josh held her away from him, his gaze searching, concerned. Frustration vibrated through him, shone in his eyes and in the set of his mouth. “Amanda, are you okay?”

  Okay? She felt weak with mortification and shaky with arousal—and on the verge of discovering something truly wonderful. “Yes.”

  “Don’t look like that, Amanda,” he snapped, misinterpreting her expression of wonder. “What we did—”

  “Josh, I can hear you,” Mick called, “every damn word. I’ll leave if you’ll just tell me what to tell everyone else?”

  Without looking away from her, Josh shouted, “Give me a minute!”

  Regretfully, Mick said, “That’s about all you’ve got before the posse is sent out.”

  With a heated curse, Josh told Amanda, “Don’t move,” and turned away to open the door. In a nasty tone that more than gave away his frustration, as well as what they’d been doing, if it hadn’t already been painfully apparent, he barked, “What the hell is it?”

  Mick answered in a rush. “A whole group of secretaries and assistants from the office complex down the street just showed up, but all the calendars Amanda had out are sold. Some women already left because the calendars were gone, but the secretaries are a little tougher. They’re eyeing the ones other women have bought and gotten signed, especially if anyone is holding more than one. You know a bunch of people bought more than one so they could give them away as gifts. Anyway, I’m afraid you’re about to have a riot on your hands if you don’t get more calendars out here and fast.”

  Struggling past an amalgam of rioting sensations, Amanda stepped around Josh and forced herself to face Mick. “I’ll be right there,” she assured him. “If you could let everyone know I’m getting more calendars right now…?”