Your Bed or Mine?

by Candy Halliday

  “Still wicked pissed?” Tish asked.

  Try wicked kissed!

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” Zada said.

  Jen didn’t try to hide a superior I-told-you-so smile.

  “And don’t you dare look so pleased,” Zada warned Jen.

  Jen laughed. “Surely you realized what you’d be facing when Rick moved back in, Zada.”

  Zada drained the glass again.

  “No,” Tish said, “Zada believed Rick would back out of the bet the second he saw the mess in the living room. Remember?”

  “Zada didn’t believe that for one minute,” said Jen.

  “Okay, okay,” Zada said. “I didn’t stop to think how hard it would be when Rick moved back in. He threw down the gauntlet and I couldn’t ignore it. I should have realized he’d go right back to his old tricks. Always using sex to get the better of me.”

  “Rick propositioned you?” Jen asked.

  “He might as well have,” Zada fumed. “He waylaid me on the staircase and kissed me silly. My first challenge, he called it.”

  Jen shook her head. “Why you two would rather play silly games with each other, than admit you aren’t ready to give up on your marriage, is beyond me.”

  Zada sent her a suspicious look. “How do you know Rick isn’t ready to give up on our marriage? Did he say something to Charlie?”

  “Oh, no you don’t,” Jen said, shaking her finger at Zada. “Charlie and I agreed we are not taking sides. Nor are we carrying messages back and forth between you. If you want to know how Rick feels about your marriage, you’ll have to ask him yourself.”

  “Great idea, Jen,” Zada said. “I’ll just run down to the basement right now and interrupt the poker game to find out how Rick feels about our marriage.”

  “I have a better idea,” Tish said. “Maybe you should call Rick’s bluff. You can make advances toward him, too, you know.”

  Zada shook her head. “No way. I’d advance myself right into bed with him. I’m not willing to take that chance.”

  Tish said, “But I thought you were prepared to meet Rick head on, Zada. So you both could have closure.”

  “That was yesterday,” Zada admitted. “When I was talking big and still feeling confident.”

  “And,” Jen threw in, “when you were positive Rick would take one look at the living room and walk right back out the door.”

  “I thought you and Charlie agreed you were staying out of this,” Zada reminded Jen with a don’t-rub-it-in frown.

  Tish looked at over Jen. “I wouldn’t be so smug about Charlie not taking sides, Jen. Joe wasn’t happy when he learned Zada had help trashing the house. He couldn’t wait to tell me he and Charlie didn’t intend to let us women gang up on Rick. Joe said he and Charlie both gave Rick a few suggestions on how to beat Zada at her own game.”

  Jen frowned. “But I didn’t help you trash the house.”

  Tish said, “No, but you were there. I guess that gave Charlie the excuse he needed to toss out a few suggestions to Rick.”

  Jen’s lips pressed together in a thin line.

  “What kind of suggestions?” Zada wanted to know.

  Tish laughed. “Like Joe would have told me, even if I’d been stupid enough to ask. Jen might be naïve enough to think guys don’t stick together like we women do, but I know better.”

  Jen said, “So Charlie gave Rick a few suggestions, did he?” She reached for the wine bottle and poured herself a glass of wine.

  “Seriously, you two,” Zada said, “the last thing I want to do is cause any problems between you and your husbands.”

  “You aren’t causing any problems,” Jen was quick to say. “But now that I know where Charlie stands on the issue, you can be sure my days of staying neutral are over.”

  “Thatta girl,” Tish said, grinning. She thought for a second. “I think I have an idea,” she said. “An idea that will make Rick back off and put Joe and Charlie in their places. And that will add a little sizzle to the dribble we pass off as conversation every Saturday night.”

  Sizzle?

  Yup.

  “Sizzle” pretty much described Rick’s blistering kiss.

  Zada reached for the wine bottle again.

  “Maybe I lied,” Charlie said. “Maybe it isn’t so good to have you back home.”

  Rick laughed and spread his cards out on the game table. “Read ’em and weep, boys. Read ’em and weep.”

  “That’s the third game you’ve won in a row,” Charlie grumbled.

  Rick happily raked the pennies in his direction.

  “But don’t let it go to your head,” Joe said, taking a few puffs from his poker-night cigar. “Charlie and I haven’t played much poker since you’ve been gone. Give us a chance to warm up, and you’ll be the one who’s weeping.”

  Rick was surprised. “Why haven’t you played since I’ve been gone?”

  “We more or less lost interest,” Charlie said. “It wasn’t much fun beating Joe every game.”

  Joe said, “Tell the truth, Charles. You win only when I feel sorry for you and let you win.”

  “Shut up and deal,” said Charlie.

  Joe shoved the cigar between his teeth, shuffled the cards, then tossed them around the table. He looked up and smiled when Tish came down the stairs with a platter of their favorite nacho cheese appetizers.

  “Thanks, hon,” Joe said when she placed the platter on the table. He frowned when she placed the baby monitor on the table beside the appetizers.

  “Ah, come on, Tish,” Joe protested. “How can I concentrate on the game if I’m glancing at the twins every few minutes?”

  Tish folded her arms across her chest. “The same way I concentrate on everything I have to do around here and keep up with the twins when you’re traveling all week.”

  Rick looked up from his cards. The monitor screen showed the twins’ bedroom. They were sitting on the floor, controls in hand, a video game on their TV screen.

  “I’m getting ready to go up now and tell them lights out,” Tish said. “And I’m depending on you to make sure they stay in bed after I tuck them in.”

  “Okay, okay,” Joe grumbled.

  “And keep the monitor on,” Tish ordered. “No just checking on them every now and then.”

  “Whatever you say, dear,” Joe said.

  Tish disappeared back up the stairs.

  Joe reached over and switched off the monitor.

  “See how well the magic phrase works?” he said, grinning over at Rick. “Agree with your wife. Then do exactly what you want.”

  “But shouldn’t you leave the monitor on?” Rick asked.

  Joe snorted. “Hell, no. The twins are eight years old, not infants. This obsession Tish has of watching them every minute is ridiculous. She’s made me install cameras all over the damn house.”

  “She made us install cameras all over the house,” Charlie corrected. “One in the playroom, after the twins crawled out the upstairs window onto the roof last year. One in their bathroom a few months ago, after they stuffed a pillow in the toilet and flooded the entire upstairs. And the most recent one was last weekend in the kitchen, after the twins decided microwaving the hamster might be a fun thing to do.”

  Joe frowned. “The twins were only trying to cremate the hamster,” Joe corrected, “so they could keep Wuzzy’s ashes in their room. And that’s Tish’s fault for explaining cremation to them in the first place, and for keeping her favorite aunt Ida’s ashes in that urn on the mantel.”

  Rick couldn’t help but laugh.

  So did Charlie.

  “God, I’m glad I have a daughter,” Charlie said.

  Joe grinned. “I’ll remind you of that in a few years when one of the twins shows up to take Sonya out on a date.”

  Rick really laughed that time.

  Charlie didn’t.

  “Enough about the twins,” Joe said. “Are we playing poker? Or are we going to sit around gossiping like the girls are doing upstairs?” />
  Charlie said, “And I guess you already know who they’re gossiping about tonight.”

  Joe looked at Rick.

  Rick looked at Joe.

  They both looked back at Charlie.

  “Alicia,” Charlie said, looking at Joe. “Didn’t Tish tell you?”

  “No, Tish didn’t tell me,” Joe said. “And I wish you’d stop pointing that out. Tish only tells me what Tish wants me to know.”

  “Not Jen,” Charlie boasted. “Jen tells me everything.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m not in touch with my feminine side the way you are,” Joe said. “And just for the record,” he added, “I happen to like it that way. There are some things guys are better off not knowing.”

  Rick said, “You mean like why the girls are gossiping about Alicia tonight?” He brought his beer bottle to his lips.

  Charlie and his feminine side said, “Alicia asked Zada to invite her over tonight to share sexual fantasies with the Housewives’ Fantasy Club.”

  Rick spewed beer all over the table.

  “But Zada refused to invite her,” Charlie said. He frowned at Rick, then grabbed a napkin from a stack sitting by the snack tray Tish had brought them and handed it to him. “I guess Zada was still pissed about her coming over to welcome you back to the neighborhood.”

  Rick took the napkin and started mopping up the beer.

  Joe said, “Too bad. I can’t think of anything sexier than a bunch of women sitting around sharing their sexual fantasies. That’s one conversation I’d sure like to hear.”

  Rick knocked the whole bottle over this time.

  “Geez, Rick,” Charlie grumbled. “What’s your problem?”

  Joe teased, “Yeah, Rick. What’s your problem? Other than no sex for six months. Man, I’d shoot myself. It’s hard enough going without all week while I’m traveling.”

  “Yeah, but you make up for it on the weekend,” Charlie said.

  Joe said, “How do you know?”

  Charlie grinned. “Remember? Jen tells me everything.”

  “Would you drop the sex subject?” Rick said, looking at Charlie. He looked over at Joe. “And aren’t you supposed to be keeping an eye on the twins?”

  “Whatever you say, dear,” Joe joked, and turned the monitor back on.

  Except laughter blared through the speaker this time, and it wasn’t the twins. They all three stared at the monitor screen. It was Jen, Tish, and Zada, sitting around the kitchen table.

  “Sorry, wrong channel,” Joe said and pushed a button.

  The picture changed. They were back to the twins’ room again. Both boys were in bed now, the TV off.

  Joe looked at the monitor for a second, then back at Rick and Charlie. A sinister grin spread across his face.

  “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

  “Oh, yeah. I’m thinking it,” Charlie said.

  Rick’s blank look said he didn’t have a clue.

  Joe said, “You told us earlier how you plan to outplay Zada by turning up the sexual tension, Rick. One push of the button on that monitor and you’ll have the inside information on what she’s planning to do to you.”

  “No way,” Rick said, finally getting it. “There’s no way I want any part of eavesdropping on the girls.”

  “Technically, it wouldn’t be eavesdropping,” Joe argued. “Technically, I’d only be doing what my lovely wife instructed me to do. Being in charge of the monitor tonight. It’s not my fault Tish forgot about the new camera in the kitchen.”

  Rick said, “Wrong. Technically what you’d be doing is called unauthorized surveillance.”

  “Dammit, Rick,” Joe complained, “just once, could you switch off that straight-as-an-arrow side of your brain and be a regular guy like the rest of us?”

  Rick flinched.

  For the second time in two days a good friend had complained about him not being a regular guy.

  First, boot-camp mentality.

  Now, straight as an arrow?

  When Rick didn’t answer, Joe switched the channel.

  “I’m outta here,” Rick threatened.

  “Rick’s right,” Charlie said. “I don’t think we should eavesdrop on the girls.”

  “Then I guess I’ll see you both later,” Joe told them. “I’m not stupid enough to pass up an opportunity like this one.”

  Rick pushed his chair back from the table and stood up.

  Charlie did the same.

  “Do you know how you can tell if a man is ready to have sex?” a voice asked.

  Charlie frowned. “Hey! That’s Jen talking.”

  “Yes,” another voice said. “He’s breathing.”

  The cackles that followed were deafening.

  “And that comment came from Zada,” Rick said dryly.

  “Maybe you two wimps should leave,” Joe said, grinning at them. “We wouldn’t want your iddy-biddy feelings hurt, now would we?”

  Wimps?

  I might have a boot-camp mentality.

  And I might be straight as an arrow.

  But I’m no damn wimp!

  Rick looked at Charlie.

  Charlie looked at Rick.

  They both sat back down.

  “Okay,” Tish said. “Enough of the man-bashing jokes. It’s time the Housewives’ Fantasy Club lived up to its reputation. I officially call this meeting to order.”

  Tish looked at Zada, then back at Jen.

  Her bad-girl grin was more than mischievous.

  “If I remember right, Jen,” she said, “you were the one who said you would match your sexual fantasy against mine any day of the week. Why don’t you go first?”

  Jen rolled her eyes.

  “Isn’t that right, Zada?” Tish looked over at Zada. “Didn’t you hear Jen say those exact words?”

  Zada said, “Yes. Jen said those exact words.”

  Jen retorted, “Why don’t you go first, Tish? Then I’ll see if I really can top your fantasy.”

  “I thought you’d never ask,” Tish said and reached into the pocket of the palazzo pants she was wearing.

  When she pulled out a sticky note, Jen laughed and said, “Only you would sticky note a fantasy.”

  Zada lifted her wineglass. “Let’s hear it for our beloved Queen of Sticky Notes.”

  Tish said, “And the Queen of Sticky Notes wants you to sit back, get comfortable, and close your eyes.”

  Jen said, “Tish wants us to close our eyes so we won’t see her blush.”

  Zada laughed.

  Tish said, “Don’t be silly. I want you to close your eyes so you can visualize the fantasy better.”

  Jen closed her eyes.

  Zada squeezed her eyes shut tight.

  Going in the sexual fantasy direction could backfire, and possibly put her in serious jeopardy. She’d argued that point, but Tish wouldn’t listen.

  Please, Rick, Zada thought.

  Please be asleep when I get home.

  “Your back is pressed against the cold marble column in a darkened section of the museum,” Tish said, her voice dropping low and sultry. “He has your arms pinned above your head with one hand, while he runs his other hand under your skirt and slowly up your thigh.

  “He grins when he finds you aren’t wearing any panties, just as he instructed.

  “You whisper, ‘We can’t. Not here.’

  “He ignores you and slides his hand between your legs.

  “You bite down on your lower lip to keep from crying out as his fingers keep exploring. His hot mouth stays buried against your neck. His fingers grow bolder. Move faster. Probe deeper.

  “You finally give in and lose yourself in the moment, unsure of what excites you more—his willingness to pleasure you in public, or the danger of you being caught.

  “He increases the tempo.

  “You arch your back, pressing harder against his hand.

  “The sensation overcomes you, the pleasure enhanced even more as your eyes stay glued to the full-length mirror you’re facin
g on the opposite side of the room.

  “The mirror that allows you to see the handsome security guard standing just around the corner. The same security guard who could glance over his shoulder at any second and see the reflection of the two of you, there in the shadows, hidden from view.

  “Slowly, the guard turns his head.

  “Your breath catches in your throat.

  “His eyes meet yours in the mirror.

  “You know you should push your lover away, but you don’t. You’re much too selfish to be cheated. Much too close to fulfillment to care.

  “Your breathing becomes faster now.

  “Your heart pounds harder.

  “Still, the guard keeps watching.

  “His lustful look says he knows what you want.

  “The smile on his lips dares you to take it.

  “Yes. Oh, God. Yes!

  “Your head snaps back.

  “Your body stiffens.

  “Spasm after delicious spasm rocks your entire body.

  “Satisfied at last, you look back in the mirror.

  “The security guard is gone.”

  No one said a word for at least a full minute.

  “Wow, Tish,” Jen finally said. “I don’t think there’s any danger of you ever losing your hot-and-spicy reputation. And I take it back. I don’t think I can top your fantasy.”

  Zada said, “I’m still shocked shitless you got all of that on a sticky note.”

  Tish held up the sticky note. “I used the front and back sides, silly.” She turned the note over as proof.

  She looked over at Jen. “Okay, Jen,” Tish said. “Your turn.”

  Jen picked up a napkin and pretended to fan herself. “No way,” Jen said. “After that performance, I think we need a serious break.”

  Zada said, “I was thinking more along the lines of a cold shower.”

  “And a cigarette,” Jen said. “And I’ve never smoked a cigarette in my life.”

  Chapter 8

  Rick could use a cold shower, himself. And the fact that Joe and Charlie suddenly seemed to be extremely interested in the cards they had snatched up from the table the second Tish finished her fantasy, suited Rick just fine.