Refresh

by S. Moose

  “Mase?”

  “Yeah?” I struggle to say.

  She sits up and looks at me. I know that look in her eyes and shit it’s fucking with my head. When she leans in I don’t pull back. Her lips meet mine and she tugs on my shoulders and before I know it she’s straddling me. Holy. Fuck. Is this shit really happening?

  I feel the heat of her pussy grinding against me and it’s taking everything in me to not flip her over and have my way. Pulling her closer to my body, I explore her mouth with my tongue and those moans I love so much are loud and she’s telling me she wants more. My hands roam her back and one finds her breast. Fuck, she feels good. So perfect and plump. I need more. Fuck, I need her pussy.

  But I pull back and stare into her eyes.

  “Mase?”

  “Shit, Care.” I clear my throat and still keep my eyes on her. “I don’t know what’s going on and what this is,” I start to say, “and I’m not going to lie. I’m going to be straight up with you. I want you, Care, but not here and not like this,” I explain and rub her arms. “I need to make sure that you’re sure because once we do this there’s no turning back.”

  “Mase, I want you. More than anything. All I know is I think about you a lot. I think about your lips on me and touching me all over. It feels like I’m cheating on Evan, but I’m not. It sucks. He’s gone and I know he’s not coming back. We’ve known each other for so long and you’re here for me.”

  “That’s the thing. I’m convenient for you and that’s okay. I will give you whatever you need.” I lean in and kiss her again. “If you need a friend I’m here. If you need a boyfriend I’m here. If you need a fuck buddy I am here.” Leaning my forehead against hers I need her to understand my intentions. “This isn’t what I planned for. I need you to know that. I need you to know I came here to protect you and make sure you’re okay. I know you’re not ready and I’m not ready either. Maybe something is happening between us. Maybe we should see where it goes.”

  “I’d like that. Just to let you know you’ll always be more than a friends with benefits. I don’t want to use you.”

  “Use me if you have to.”

  “Let’s take it slow and see where we go. Let me control this because I don’t know what I’m doing. I need to feel like I have some sort of hold on this. Mistakes will happen, but those mistakes will help me learn. It’ll help us learn.”

  “Sounds like a plan. Whatever you need I’ll give to you.” I tell her and I mean it. This isn’t something I won’t take seriously. Caroline doesn’t deserve mediocre. She deserves gold-the best.

  “Thank you, Mase.”

  “Let’s go back to the movie and then we’ll go grocery shopping.”

  “Okay.” She kisses me again and slowly gets off me. When her eyes land on my cock she gives me a look. “Are you going to be okay?”

  “Yeah sure. Don’t worry.” I know damn well my balls are going to hurt like shit.

  After the movie Mason gives me some privacy so I can get ready. In the shower I stand under the water and think. I’m doing the right thing and I’m moving on with my life. We’re going to take things slow and that’s the pace I need.

  I touch my lips and remember the kiss. His hands explored my body and made me come alive. He’s putting a permanent smile on my face and I don’t want him to go anywhere.

  When I get out of the shower I head to the bedroom and instantly see the picture of us on the nightstand. Sitting on the bed with the picture in my hand I stare at Evan and a tear falls.

  “Evan, is this okay?” I hear a box fall and look behind me to see the box from our lawyer’s office. That was weird. Getting up I bend down and see the envelope I’ve been avoiding. Sitting on the bedroom floor I slide my finger across the envelope and take out the letter. It’s a letter from Evan and I take a few deep breaths. Can I read his last words to me? I have to. I have to know.

  Caroline,

  If you’re reading this then you know I’m not here with you. As much as it kills me to write this letter I have so much I want to say. You are my life and make me whole. Everything good in my life is because of you.

  When you danced with me for the first time during our freshman dance I knew right then and there you were going to become Mrs. Caroline Reed. We made it through high school together and UB. We graduated and I promised you the world. You stood by my side through it all and I can’t thank you enough.

  I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more. I’m sorry I’m not with you. Please don’t stop living because I’m not here. As much as I hate to say this . . . I’m a chapter in your life and our chapter is over. It was the best chapter of my life and now I have to let you go.

  Babe, I need you to promise me you’ll move on and find someone who’ll love you and make you smile. I want you to be happy and have someone love you with their whole heart.

  I know you’re going to be sad for a while, but it won’t last forever. You’re going to be okay and you’re going to smile soon. Even though I’m gone, I’m still with you. Caroline promise me you’ll be okay. Promise me you’re going to live your life to the fullest and find love again.

  I may not have been the best husband, but you were the best wife. You’re going to always be with me and I’ll never stop loving you.

  Until we meet again. I love you Caroline.

  Forever.

  All of me,

  Evan

  I read the letter a few more times and a tear streams down my cheek. I hold the letter to my chest and let out a breath. A small smile teases my lips. If that wasn’t a sign, I don’t know what is. “Thank you. I promise, Evan.”

  The week flies by and Mason’s busy working so it gives me time to run errands and do some redecorating. Just as I’m about to put on a movie I hear Tonya barreling in with a bag and a huge smile on her face.

  “Get up, buttercup!”

  “Excuse me? What’s going on?”

  “Nope not doing this right now. Come upstairs now!” I follow Tonya and the next thing I know she’s dumping clothes onto my bedroom floor and pushing me onto the bed.

  “What the hell?”

  “We’re having a girl’s night out, babe.”

  “A what?”

  “You heard me right. Shana’s cousin from Miami is in town and they rented space at ONE nightclub. VIP only! We’re going and we’re going to have fun, dance and drink.”

  “What?”

  “Nope not tonight, girly.” Tonya tosses me a dress and when I look at it my face goes pale.

  “This is way too short and it’s going to be way too tight. What the hell, Tonya?”

  “Go. Change. Now.”

  Standing in the middle of my bathroom with this dress I look at myself in shock. I can’t walk out of the house like this. If I bend over everyone will see my ass.

  “Not coming out!” I shout from the bathroom. Quickly taking off my dress Tonya storms in and has her hands on her hips.

  “Don’t sass me, Caroline. You’re going to wear the dress and have fun tonight.”

  “First, I’m practically naked.” Tonya waves me off and rolls her eyes. “Second, if I bend over you can see my ass.”

  “You have a nice ass!”

  “Not the point, Tonya!”

  “Just take a shower and put on the dress. I’ll do your hair and makeup okay?”

  Finally, I give in and jump in the shower. Making sure I take my time lathering myself up with body wash and shaving my legs, I decide it’s time to get out since my skin is pruning up.

  I put the dress on again and roll my eyes. When I walk out of the bathroom I’m shocked to see the tight little red dress on Tonya. Knowing how Clarke is I’m surprised he’s okay with her wearing something so tight and little. The dress is a halter and hits her mid-thigh. She looks amazing in the dress and her boobs look perky.

  “Okay I’m ready,” I tell her and she turns to look at me with a smile on her face.

  “Good. Now how do I look?”

  “Amazing. I’
m surprised Clarke’s okay with you wearing that.”

  “He actually picked it out!”

  “Well he has great style. I love it on you.”

  Tonya turns around and then hands me a shot. “Don’t ask. Just take it. To a fun and sexy night out.” I take the shot and surprisingly really like it.

  I keep pulling the dress down and then pulling it up so my boobs don’t hang out or my ass doesn’t play peek a boo. The club is crowded and I’m still feeling pretty good from our pregame session. Tonya’s drinking a mixed drink and I finished mine. The line’s too long at the bar and honestly I think I’m done drinking for the night.

  “Smile!” Tonya shouts and we pose for a selfie. “So cute!”

  The bass of the music blasts through and everything’s going well. I’m having fun with my best friend and silently thank her for taking me out. When I stopped being self conscious I actually love the dress on me and from the looks I’m getting from other men in the club they feel the same way. The lace in the back runs down my back and stops right where my ass is and the material is soft and light on my skin. The dress fits me perfectly and even though it’s short and seductive it’s classy. I really should be happy and thankful Tonya cares so much about me she’s out away from Clarke and making sure I have a great time. This is the meaning of having a best friend.

  A familiar song comes on and Tonya grabs my hand and leads us to the dance floor. Raising our arms in the air and swaying our hips to the beats of the song a big smile comes on my face.

  “You look so hot tonight!” Tonya says and I blow her a kiss.

  “You do too! I’m sure Clarke’s excited to get you home later,” I say with a wink.

  “You know it!”

  The song changes to something fast paced with a good beat and when I turn around someone puts their arm around my waist and moves his hips with mine. When I turn to see who it is I don’t mind. He’s tall with blond hair and the club’s too dark to see what color eyes he has, but he has a pretty sexy smile.

  Leaning down he whispers in my ear, “I like the way you move,” and pulls me in closer.

  With the amount of alcohol I have in my system I lose all inhibitions and go with it. He’s cute and we’re in a club dancing. There’s nothing wrong with what’s going on. When sexy guy’s hands rests on my thighs, slowly rising up, and staying steady I get nervous, but toss it out of my head. If he gets closer to my lady business then we’ll have a problem. I may be drunk, but not stupid.

  A few more songs play and Tonya pulls me off the dance floor for more drinks. The guy I was dancing with follows with someone else. I look at Tonya and she gives me a wink. I didn’t realize she was dancing with someone also.

  “Okay, boys, so whatcha getting us?”

  Her dance buddy smiles at us and orders four shots of Patron. I grimace and take a breath. Patron and I don’t get along. We get into bad fights and someone usually ends up crying on the bathroom floor. Since Patron is a nasty bitch with no feelings, that crying person will be me.

  “Cheers, ladies,” my sexy guy says and puts an arm around me bringing me to his side. It’s not the same feeling I get when Mason does it.

  Mason.

  Noticing the time I figure he’ll be home soon to tell me about his night. That’s what we do after work. I’ll have some snacks or maybe a sandwich waiting for him and we’ll talk for a while before crashing.

  Mason.

  I miss him.

  Getting off a few hours early because I’m sick makes me want to punch a wall. I haven’t been sick in years and now I’m hit with the damn stomach flu. When I get back home I notice it’s eerily quiet and I call out for Caroline. There’s no answer so I assume she’s sleeping or doing something else. Making my way upstairs I see clothes all over and shot glasses on her vanity.

  Tonya.

  I message Clarke to see if he knows where they are.

  Clarke: Tonya took her out for girl’s night or some shit. You feeling okay?

  Me: Besides sweating like a bitch and feeling like death yep just peachy. Is Tonya spending the night?

  Clarke: No I’m picking her up. They should be back soon.

  Before I can text him back I hear the door open followed by lots of giggling. Walking back downstairs I see Caroline falling face down ass up on the couch and Tonya laughing on the living room floor.

  “Having fun, ladies?”

  Caroline’s head pops up with a sexy smile on her face. “OhmiGodMase! Youlooksohot. Youshouldacameouttonightitwassofun” She squeals and jumps into my arms wrapping her legs around my waist. She presses her lips against mine and laughs.

  “Drinking tequila?”

  “Mm hm and it’s not bad. Shawn showed me how to get over my sickness.”

  “Shawn?”

  She nods. “Yep the guy I was dancing with. He asked me for my number, but I said no,” she laughs and looks at Tonya. “He seemed so sad.” Sliding off me Caroline grabs Tonya and shows me how she was dancing with Shawn.

  “Ha no wonder he was sad. You totally gave him blue balls. Where’d you learn how to dance like that?”

  “Drunk dancing is my specialty.” She smiles and jumps on me again, wrapping her legs back around me as if it was the most natural thing. She leans back and is staring at me the way she did that night we pleasured ourselves.

  “Why are you getting hard?” she whisper giggles in my ear. “Is it because you’re thinking about me dancing? Or do you want me to give you a private show?”

  Before I can answer Clarke comes in and gives me a curious look and walks to Tonya. We exchange small talk and then say bye to them. I lock the door while holding Caroline still and shut off the lights. Walking her upstairs she rests her head on my shoulder and gently rubs my neck.

  “You’re home early.”

  “Not feeling too good,” I tell her and get to her bedroom. Putting her on the bed I strip out of my uniform and crash head first on the bed. Sleep. I fucking need sleep. Turning my head to look at her she’s sliding out of her dress and my hard on comes back. “You’re sleeping in your panties tonight?”

  “Duh,” she giggles.

  When she’s under the covers, we’re facing each other and neither of us says anything. I like looking at her. There’s something about her eyes that calms me. Her dark brown eyes with a hint of honey gives me what I need to know how she’s feeling. No matter what she says or does when I look into her eyes I can tell if she’s lying or telling me the truth. The eyes are the window to a person’s soul and hers speaks perfectly clear to me. When her small hand rests on my chin I have to close my eyes and steady my breathing. Allowing the touch to soothe me I open my eyes and see her smile. This is another big step in the direction of whatever we’re doing.

  “Go to sleep,” I tell her and watch as her eyes flutter closed. “Sweet dreams,” I whisper before finding sleep.

  The next few days I’m bed ridden with a fever of one hundred and two. Caroline takes care of me, bringing me chicken noodle soup and juice. I hate being sick and I hate being taken care of, but with Caroline I don’t mind.

  She spends her time in bed with me and reads to me or we watch whatever’s on TV. It’s nice. There’s nothing sexual or kinky about how we’re spending time together. It’s us, and I like it.

  I like it too much.

  She’s comfortable with me and hasn’t had a breakdown in a while. I’m glad she’s healing and I’m glad she’s here. When she looks at me the way she does, I savor it. She acts like I’m saving her, but in reality, she’s the one saving me. Every time I go to work I think about her and make sure I stay safe so I can come back to her. Every time I walk through the door to her house I want to scoop her in my arms and tell her we’ll buy another house and make it our own. She has me wrapped around her finger and I’d do anything to keep the smile on her beautiful face. I know she cares for me the way I care for her. I know she wants me the way I want her. But, I don’t know if her heart is ready the way my heart beats for her. />
  By day four I’m ready to get back to work. My fever’s gone and I feel better. Clarke said to take another day off, so while Caroline’s shopping with Tonya I decide to get take-out for dinner tonight. Ordering her favorites, shrimp lo mein and General Tso’s chicken with fried rice, I order a few appetizers and shrimp with vegetables and some extra fried rice.

  I get home before Caroline and set up the dinner table. We usually eat at the island and it’s comfortable. My phone beeps and it’s Caroline.

  Caroline: Did you pick up dinner?

  Me: Yep.

  Caroline: Good. I’m starving! Be home in 2 min.

  Me: Sounds good. Did you have fun?

  Caroline: I did. =)

  I don’t respond and wait for her to walk through the door.

  “Let’s watch The Conjuring tonight. I feel like a scary movie,” Caroline says as she looks at the food on the kitchen table, drooling over everything I got. Her hair is loose down past her shoulders and she’s changed into a baggy shirt with tight black yoga pants. She has no idea how sexy she is and I hold back from touching her.

  “Sounds good. We can do that.” I get a smile from my response and we sit down to eat.

  “What kind of wine do you want?”

  “Any is fine,” I tell her and watch as she gets up to grab a bottle.

  Popping the cork she pours us both a glass and sets the bottle on the table. She tells me about her day with Tonya and I listen as she goes on about their shopping and eating lunch at a new restaurant in College Town.

  “Ew what the hell are you eating?”

  “What?” I eye the squid tentacles on my plate and realize what she’s saying. “It’s good. Have you ever tried it?”

  “No.” She scowls. “It’s so gross. Ew.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Um, I do. Tentacles. Squid. Ew. So gross. I can’t believe you’re eating that.”

  “Believe it, baby.” I smile and eat some more just to gross her out. “You’ll try some soon. Don’t worry.”