I pushed the kitchen door open and went back to the sofa, setting my water on the coffee table. In the kitchen, I could hear Mike getting a glass of water too. He came out a few minutes later, but he remained standing in front of me with his arms crossed.
“Grace, I need to tell you something,” he said. “I, um, I actually do know everything.”
“What do you mean?”
“Henry told me. A long time ago. Back before we went to Manila.” He glanced at the stairs and lowered his voice. “I know who you really are. I know you were convicted of murder, and that everyone thinks you’re dead. I know your real name is Ruby.”
“I see.” I took another sip of my water, waiting for him to explain more. I was surprised. Not by his admission, but by the fact that it hadn’t terrified me. Every time I’d faced someone else learning of my past, I’d been terrified. But not tonight.
“I guess I should’ve told you before, back when we were in Australia,” he said. “I just wasn’t sure I should. I mean, even Henry didn’t remember that he’d told me.”
“What do you mean he didn’t remember?”
“He was drunk when it happened.”
A laugh burst out of me. “Wait a minute. Henry told you I was a convicted murderer, and you just took it in stride and never brought it up again?”
He had a chuckle as well and relaxed his arms. “I don’t know. By then I knew you two pretty well. He told me you didn’t really do it, that you were defending yourself. He made you sound like an angel.” He gazed down at me, his smile fading. “And then I saw it for myself. You really are an angel. I knew there was no way you could ever kill someone.”
I finished off the water in my glass, unable to bear the emotions in his expression. I didn’t want to hurt him. I owed him so much, and I loved him about as much as anyone could love a true friend. But I loved Matthew infinitely more.
Setting my glass down, I steeled myself. “Mike, I love Matthew with all my heart. I won’t divorce him. And I’m not an option for you. I never was. You must know that. As much time as you spent with me, comforting me, keeping me from losing my mind, providing a home for my daughter. You had to know.”
He walked around the coffee table and fell into the leather chair. Resting his elbows on his knees, he stared at the floor between his feet for several moments before making eye contact again. “Yeah. I know. I’ve always known. I guess I just…hoped. Sheesh. I make it sound like I wished Matthew was dead. I never wanted that.”
“I know you didn’t.”
He leaned back and stared at the ceiling. I waited for something to come to my mind, some words of comfort I could offer him. I wanted him to know that we would be all right, that he didn’t have to worry about our future. But I was at a loss.
After an uncomfortable silence, Mike raised his head and looked at me. “So now what are you going to do?”
“I’m going back to Alabama to turn myself in.”
He dropped his head back, shaking it in disbelief. Then he chuckled to himself. “Of course you are.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Matthew
August 17, 1945
Houston, Texas
I awakened just as the sun peeked up over the trees outside the hospital window. I felt more rested than I had in years, and strangely, I couldn’t remember dreaming about anything. My roommate, an older gentleman whom I’d met only briefly before my treatments began, snored softly in the other bed.
A nurse came into the room a few minutes later, bringing two trays of food. She smiled as she set mine on the bed table. “How are you feeling this morning, Major Doyle?”
“Good,” I said. “Refreshed.”
“That’s good to hear.” She went to the other side and placed my roommate’s tray on his bed table. “Mr. Gardner, your breakfast is here.” He snorted, still half asleep. She turned her attention back to me, taking a pillow from the chair next to my bed. “Sit up a bit, and I’ll get you situated.”
I followed orders, and soon she had me propped against the pillows so I could sit up and eat. Breakfast consisted of eggs, a bit of sausage, two biscuits, and some gravy. I devoured the food and the large glass of orange juice like I was back in the jungle, finishing before she’d gotten Mr. Gardner fully awake and propped up.
She stopped by my bed, her blue eyes widening. “My, my. Someone’s hungry this morning.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The nurse swung the bed table away from me and offered her arm. “You need help getting to the bathroom?”
“I think I can manage.”
“All right, then. I’ll be back in a little while to check on y’all. Be sure to eat all your breakfast, Mr. Gardner.” He grunted and took a bite of eggs, a few pieces falling onto his chest.
My bladder was about ready to explode, so I swung my legs over the side of the bed. My head swam, but it leveled out quickly. I tried to remember how long I’d been asleep. I vaguely recalled awakening previously to eat and go to the bathroom, but I had no idea how many times. How many days had I missed?
I pushed myself up from the bed and stretched my arms over my head. Bending over, I touched my toes, rocking my torso back and forth. I wasn’t especially stiff. Couldn’t have been asleep for too long.
After using the bathroom, I decided to take a short walk down the hall to see what was what. As I passed a waiting room, I saw several people with newspapers opened, and I moved closer to read the large headline.
JAPS END TWO-DAY PEACE STALL
Peace? Could it be possible I’d missed the end of the war? I picked up a paper that had been left in an empty chair, scanning the front-page headlines. Sure enough, Japan had surrendered while I was sleeping. The war was over.
I took the paper with me back to my room and sat in the chair beside my bed. I read the article in detail, soaking up the humbling of the once mighty empire with a deep satisfaction. Maybe now the world could somehow find its way back to normal. Maybe I could, as well.
I’d finished reading the paper, had a check-up from another nurse, and returned to lounging in my bed, when Ruby came into the room. Her face brightened, and my heart sped up. But then I saw the small row of stitches on her forehead, and I remembered what I’d done. Shame heated my face as she came over and kissed me.
I pulled her back a bit by the shoulders and examined her forehead more closely. “Is your head all right? You should have the doctor take a look at it while you’re here.”
She waved a hand in dismissal. “Forget about it. It’s fine. I’ll get them to take the stitches out soon, and I’ll be good as new. Stop fretting over it.”
Easier said than done. “How’s Hope? Did she come with you?”
“She’s just fine. Mrs. Sawyer is taking her to the library this morning. I’ll bring her by later this afternoon. I wanted to see how you’re feeling and make sure you’re awake.”
“I feel good, actually. More rested than I’ve felt in a long time.”
She studied me, I suppose a habit from years of taking care of sick people, including me. Still, it always made me uneasy. “Has Dr. Keagan come by to speak with you yet?” she asked.
I started to say no, but the doctor stepped into the room as if he’d heard his name. “Good morning, Major Doyle,” he said. “Grace, how are you?”
“Good,” she said, stepping away from the bed.
“I see you’re awake and already moving around,” he said to me.
“Yep. As right as rain.”
He flipped through the papers on his clipboard. “Your vitals look good. You seem to have handled the therapy well. It may take some time to know if it’s had a positive effect on your mental state and quality of sleep. I’d like to keep you here another couple of days to observe your sleep without medication.”
“Two more days in the hospital?” I said, glancing at Ruby. “Doc, that alone might drive me crazy. I’m fine, I tell ya. I just need to sleep in my own bed. Grace can keep an eye on me.”
He tu
rned his attention to my wife. “I’d feel better keeping him at least one more night.”
Ruby dropped her chin and looked at me like I was a misbehaving child. “You promised you’d do everything Dr. Keagan said.”
I’d already been stuck in the hospital for nearly a week. Most likely, Father had left town by now. But I didn’t want to take that risk. I needed to get out of the hospital and get my family out of town. But Ruby was right. I’d given my word, and the last thing I wanted was for Dr. Keagan to change his mind and send me back to Brooke.
“All right,” I said. “Keep me as long as you need to. Just not a second longer, okay?”
Dr. Keagan grinned. “I knew she’d get through to you. I promise we’ll have you out of here lickety-split.”
As he headed out the door, Ruby pulled the curtain across the room that separated us from Mr. Gardner. She came over and sat next to me on the bed, pulling her purse onto her lap. “We need to talk over a few things,” she said.
“That sounds serious.”
“It is.” She inhaled and set her expression to that look that meant there was no compromising. “First of all, you can’t drink anymore. I don’t mean to make that sound like an order, but I reckon by all accounts, it is an order. I’ve done some reading, and I’ve seen it myself: drinking makes it harder for you to sleep, not better. Besides, I think you’re getting to the point of using the drink to try to reduce your stress. But all it’s doing is making things worse.”
I’d been thinking the same thing myself, so it was easy to agree with her on that point. “All right. I won’t drink anymore.”
Her mouth dropped open slightly. “You mean it?”
“I swear.”
“Well, all right then. That was easy.”
“What’s the second of all?”
I could tell right away the “second of all” was not going to be nearly as easy to face. Ruby set her purse on the chair beside my bed. “I don’t want to do anything to upset you. I just want to talk. I have something for you to think about, that’s all.”
My chest tightened, so I took a slow, deep breath. “All right. I’m listening.”
“If you feel like you’re going to get upset, just say so. I’ll stop, and we can talk more later.”
“Just get on with what you need to say.”
She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and looked directly into mine. “I’ve been thinking and praying on things for a long time now. And ever since Henry and I ran away from Alabama, I’ve been afraid. I’ve run nearly halfway around the world and back trying to live between truth and lies. And so have you. You’ve been fighting and running for your life for years, and even though the war’s over, you’re ready to keep on running.” She paused, twisting her hands together.
I knew what she was summoning the courage to say. She’d already told me once. “So you want to go back, right? Is that what you’re trying to say?”
She nodded. “Don’t you see? It’s all this lying and running and hiding that’s weighing on your mind, not to mention all the trauma you’ve already been through. Medicine and sleep can only do so much for you. At some point, we have to face what we did.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. Why are you so determined to be punished for something you didn’t do?”
“Believe me, I don’t want to be punished. But it’s all this lying. It’s just not right. I feel it in my soul. I know it in my heart. I have to go back and face my accusers. I have to go back and deal with the consequences of my actions with honesty and courage.”
“So you’re going to tell the truth? You’re going to tell them you didn’t kill Chester? That Samuel did it?”
Her face grew pale, and she shook her head. “I don’t…I don’t know. I was so sure I was doing the right thing by protecting him. I couldn’t let him die when he was just protecting himself. And I wouldn’t go back and do anything different. No, I don’t think I can tell them the whole truth.”
I dropped my head back against my pillows, staring at the white ceiling. “Ruby, I can’t just stand by and watch you walk to your death. That would be like…like…” I brought my head up and looked into her eyes. “Like surrendering to the Japs. They’d do their best to sweet-talk you into it. And some days, I’d be so miserable, I’d consider it. Especially after losing Henry. At least then, it would be over. But that was the lie. That was the trick of it all. Surrendering wasn’t giving up the fight so you could rest and wait to be rescued. Surrendering was worse than fighting to the death. Surrendering meant unimaginable torture. Don’t you see? If you go back to Alabama and turn yourself in, and I have to stand by again and watch as one person after another lies about you, or twists the truth to make you into a monster…If I have to watch you go to the electric chair…If I have to explain to our daughter why Mommy’s not there…” My voice cracked.
Ruby took my hands in hers. “Matthew—”
“No, listen to me. That would be worse than anything the Japs could’ve done to me. I’d rather die than surrender to that torture. I can’t do it. I can’t go down that path with you.” I met her gaze, unable to bear the tears that spilled down her cheeks.
“What are you saying?” she asked, her voice shaking as well.
“If you go back to Alabama, and you turn yourself in, I can’t go with you. I’ll take Hope, and she and I’ll go somewhere else. I’ll raise her myself. I won’t let her suffer through a trial. I won’t let her watch her mother die.”
Ruby’s tears came in earnest now, dripping onto our hands. She bent over them, kissing my hands and laying her head on my legs. My eyes pricked, and I felt my own tears slide as well. I put my hand on her head, stroking her hair. How could I face the rest of my life without Ruby? How could she even think about leaving Hope behind?
I pulled gently on Ruby’s arms until she came up beside me. Wrapping my arms around her, I held her close, and she laid her head on my chest. I thought of how hard I’d tried to save her that day in Cold Spring, how I’d fought the freezing water until I nearly drowned myself. I thought of our time together in the Bataan jungle, when I’d fought untiringly to get her to safety. I’d killed those animals in her tent as they’d tried to rape her. I’d charged into a patrol of Japanese soldiers on Mindanao so the plane could take off. And I’d do it again and again to save her if I had to.
But I couldn’t save her from herself.
***
Ruby
I came home from the hospital in a state. As sure as I was of God’s leading me back to Alabama, my heart hurt so badly I could barely stand. I must have looked a fright to everyone on the bus. When I got back to the Sawyers’ house, I went straight to my room and collapsed on the bed.
I muffled my cries into my pillow, letting the fear and heartache flow out of me. Once I began to calm down, I asked God to give me peace and clarity. Maybe I was wrong about what He wanted me to do. How could I know for sure? Could I really risk losing Matthew and Hope without a sure sign from God that it was the right path? How could He want me to do something that would break up our family?
“Lord,” I cried. “Your word says ‘What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.’ So how can Your plan be to tear us apart?”
I pulled my knees to my chest, hugging them as my body shook. I pictured Hope and Matthew living on without me, and I thought my very soul would split in two. Was I really to choose between my family and God?
In my worst days of missing Matthew, of wondering if I’d ever truly be whole again without him, I’d often found comfort in the very book of the Bible that bore his name. It spoke to me so clearly. And now, as I sought desperately to understand what I was to do, I turned to Matthew once again. I took Daddy’s Bible from the bedside table and scanned the worn pages, my eyes running over stories and lessons I’d practically memorized. At last I came to Chapter Ten, where Jesus sent out the disciples to preach and heal among the Israelites. My gaze fell on his instructions, about how to handle the rejection the
y would face, the accusations of evil intentions. I couldn’t help but think of my own trial nearly nine years before, of the accusation laid against me. Was I to face that again? Would the Lord allow me to be put to death for a murder I hadn’t committed?
Slowly, I soaked in the verses:
Fear them not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known. What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops. And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows. Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
I closed the Bible and held it against my heart. It wasn’t the answer I’d hoped for, but even Jesus had prayed for his Father to find some other way for His will to be accomplished. In the end, Jesus had accepted the Father’s will over his own. And I would also.
I just couldn’t understand why God wouldn’t reveal the same path to Matthew that he’d revealed to me. Didn’t the same Bible command me to submit to my husband? How could I reconcile those verses? How could I submit to my husband, when my husband wasn’t seeking God?
Abiding Hope: A Novel: Healing Ruby Book 4 Page 24