A Million Kisses or More

by A C Warneke

  “I’m not going,” she said slowly, as if making sure he understood. While he heard the words, all he could picture was Ana surrounded by half naked men trying to get into her pants. If there were enough drugs or alcohol, she might forget about him and give in to temptation altogether.

  “Daddy?” Jolie’s voice coming from the doorway broke through his waking nightmare, bringing him crashing back down to earth. Looking up, he saw his little girl standing just inside the door, her eyes wide as she clutched her teddy bear to her chest. “I had a bad dream.”

  “Ana,” he rasped, already standing up. Ignoring the relief he felt at having an excuse to hang up when he didn’t really want to, he said, “I’ve got to go. Jolie’s had a nightmare.”

  “Oh, no, I hope everything is okay,” Ana breathed, genuine concern in her voice. She hesitated and he could sense the reluctance to hang up; it was the same feeling he had. But he had a daughter he had to comfort and demons of his own to deal with. Softly, she asked, “I’ll talk to you later?”

  “Yeah,” he mumbled, trying to pull the phone away from his ear, needing to hang up, wanting to hang up, and unable to do so. Jolie was looking at him with those large, brown eyes of hers and he was utterly torn. And that tore him up inside because Jolie should always be his number one priority, no matter how madly in love he was with Ana.

  “I love you,” she said, the words mocking him because she said them with such conviction he hated himself for doubting her. He hated that he could see the future and the heartbreak that was in store for him.

  “Daddy,” Jolie whimpered and he cringed because his daughter was here and she needed him.

  “Yeah,” he murmured, either to Ana or Jolie, he wasn’t sure, as he clicked the phone off. He cringed again when he realized he hadn’t said the words back. God, he was a bastard. But he couldn’t worry about that now because Jolie was still standing there, a very important reason why he couldn’t just fly out to California and remind Ana what they had together. Of course, he was the one who needed to be reminded. Scooping his daughter up into his arms, he carried her back to her room as he asked, “What was your dream about?”

  “I don’t remember,” she said, snuggling into his arms. “I just know it was scary.”

  “My poor baby,” he murmured, laying her back down. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he brushed the silky strands of her hair away from her face, “Are you going to be okay now?”

  “Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?” she asked.

  “Of course.”

  Jolie pressed her lips together as she studied his face and he wondered what she was thinking. He let her figure out what she needed to say, never taking his hand away from her head. Finally, she asked, “Was that Ana on the phone?”

  “It was,” he answered carefully. Something in Jolie’s voice caused the muscles in his gut to clench and after his own doubts had reared their ugly heads, he wasn’t sure he needed more.

  Jolie’s lips twisted slightly as she looked away from him and said, “I don’t think I like her anymore.”

  Harrison squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, hoping his heart started to beat again after it had instantaneously froze over. Forcing his voice to remain calm, he asked, “Why is that?”

  “Mommy says Ana isn’t going to come back at the end of the year like she promised,” Jolie answered, tears welling in her eyes as she continued to stare at the ceiling. After a moment of silence, she turned her head and pinned him with her brown eyes. “She’s not going to come back, is she?”

  How could he reassure her when he had his own doubts and worries where Ana was concerned? Mustering a smile from somewhere, he said, “She said she’ll be back, honey, and we don’t have any reason to doubt her.”

  “But mommy says….”

  “Your mother is just worried,” he told her, dreading to hear what else Carrie had told their daughter. God, maybe he needed to be more careful in what he told Jolie in case Ana didn’t return. He felt like an ass because Ana had never once wavered. But he had a child to worry about and he didn’t want Jolie to suffer if his promises turned out to be false. He wouldn’t be much of a father if he couldn’t keep his promises. What would happen if Ana never returned with the heart she stole… the heart he had so foolishly given her?

  Maybe he shouldn’t reassure Jolie that Ana would be back, maybe he should let her get used to the idea that Ana might not return. He didn’t know what to do. Softly, he murmured, “Now, get back to sleep, sweetheart. It’ll be better in the morning.”

  She looked at him as if she knew he was lying but thankfully she didn’t say anything. After a few more moments, her eyes drifted shut and she was soon asleep, leaving him with even more doubts than before. The urge to call Ana was fierce but he ignored it. If he talked to her, he’d want to hold her, bury himself in her, and he couldn’t, not from two thousand miles away.

  Feeling a hundred years older, he pushed himself up and heaved a sigh. Standing with his hands on his hips, he gazed down at Jolie as she slept. She looked so peaceful and he loved her so much that it hurt to look at her. Rubbing his aching chest, he walked back to his office and fell back into his chair. Mindlessly, he turned on his computer and opened the Justice novel he was working on. Up until that point, he hadn’t known what Mercy was but now he knew. It was so painfully obvious, it felt as if he had always known but it had taken the fear of losing her to figure it out.

  A dragon, the last of her kind.

  Mercy was changing Justice, slowly but surely bringing the necromancer back to life so he could become something so much more. If only he was brave enough to accept what she was offering. If only he was brave enough to trust her.

  “Take my hand, Justice,” Mercy breathed, her dragon’s eyes begging him to come with her. He turned his head and looked at the world he knew, the world she was asking him to leave. Despite the fact that his black soul burned for her, she was asking too much. If he went with her, she’d destroy him with her expectations. How could he possibly be her mate when he was barely a man?

  Looking back at her, he shook his head even as his slowly beating heart twisted in his chest. “I’m sorry.”

  “Justice!” she cried out, her exquisite face breaking what was left of his heart.

  “This is my world,” he rasped, taking a step away from her and everything she promised. The darkness within him was too strong to resist and he knew that it would always be stronger than him.

  “Take my hand,” she whispered again, stretching her fingers towards him. “Just have faith in me, in us.”

  He no longer had faith in anything. Taking another step away from her, the gifts she offered, taking another step back into the darkness, he whispered, “Go, Mercy. I’m not going with you.”

  Her head snapped up and the slits in her eyes narrowed until they were barely there. A moment later, he heard it, too, the sound of death approaching. He could hear his name whispered on the winds and he knew that this world was the only one he could inhabit. He took another step.

  “They’ll kill you,” she whispered, her hand still outstretched towards him.

  He smiled at that, a wry twist of his lips. “They can’t kill what’s already dead.”

  Her lips pressed together but she couldn’t argue with him. While her blood had started the process of bringing him back to life, he knew that it would take hundreds of years, thousands, to finish. And that was only if he went with her. Taking another step away from her, he opened his mouth to speak but she spoke first, “I’ll be back, Justice Kane. And next time, I’m not letting you go.”

  With one final look behind him, she shimmered and in her place was the gorgeous dragon he had once tried to kill. Even after she had kicked his ass, she had helped him, though he hadn’t known it at the time. No, it wasn’t until after she brought him back to life that he realized that colossal, nearly unforgiveable mistake he had almost made when he went after the dragon’s treasure.

  Harrison would have to go back and
change a few things here and there so when Justice mentioned knowing the dragon it didn’t come from out of nowhere. But for now, he simply wrote, turning the soul killing thought of losing Ana into some of the most painful, intensely personal writing he’d ever written.

  *****

  Ana stared at the phone, her mind whirling with what Harrison had said, or what he hadn’t said. She had known by the change in his voice that he wasn’t happy about learning the identity of her sister but she didn’t know how to reassure him that it was okay, that it was more than okay. That was one of the problems with falling in love with a writer; their brains never stopped. She could imagine exactly where his thoughts went and it would have made her laugh if it wasn’t so depressing.

  Wearing one of Harrison’s shirts and a pair of silky boxers, she wandered out to the living room, her phone still clutched in her hand. Abby was sitting on the sofa, her eyes closed as she listened to music. It had surprised Ana to learn that her hard rocking sister preferred classical music as evidenced by the passionate notes of Beethoven that filled the room. Almost as if she knew Ana was there, Abby curled her lips into a smile and asked, “Done so soon?”

  “His daughter had a bad dream,” Ana answered, sitting down on the sofa next to her sister. God, she’d never get used to saying that. Smiling, she shook her head in wonder of the fact that she had a sister. Her life had definitely become a lot more interesting since she graduated from college. “She just turned nine and she’s the most precious thing. You’re going to love her when you meet her.”

  At that, Abby opened her eyes and gave her a look of such disbelief, Ana laughed. Abby asked, “Are you sure he’s going to allow his impressionable daughter around me?”

  Ana snorted, playfully swatting at her sister’s arm. “Please. You’re not that girl anymore.” Her brows drew together as she said, “In fact, I don’t think you were ever that girl.”

  Abby snorted before she threw her head back and laughed. “Trust me, you’re the only one who believes that. But you’ve also got to understand that not everything they said about me was a lie so don’t get any romantic ideas in that head of yours about who I am… was. Fuck, if Heather had stayed with Maddox then you’d be just as fucked up as I am.”

  Ana shook her head as she said, “We would have had each other….”

  “And we would have had the entire industry wrapped around our little fingers, Ana,” Abby said with a knowing smirk. “We would have had men at our feet and we would have relished in the power. Sex would be nothing more than a game two spoiled princesses excelled at.”

  Ana studied her sister, the girl beneath the mask that the world thought it knew. Narrowing her eyes, she said in a soft voice, “Sex isn’t a game for you.”

  “Because Maddox sheltered me after Heather left,” Abby said matter-of-factly. Shrugging her shoulders, she added, “Which didn’t do me a helluva lotta good. I still made a lot of stupid choices and caused a lot of pain. I’m not proud of everything I’ve done, Ana, and it’s taken me a long time to make peace with my past.”

  Smoothing her tongue over her lower lip, Ana murmured, “I think you’re amazing. I’ve always thought so.”

  “You’re very sweet but still so innocent,” Abby said. With a slight smile, she leaned forward and said, “I loved someone with my whole heart, Ana, and in the end it nearly destroyed me and everything around me. I’m not amazing.”

  “But you survived,” Ana said, leaning back against the couch as Abby nodded once. Grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her chest, she asked, “Do you ever see him?”

  Abby’s lips quirked upwards in a half smile that trembled with the effort it took not to cry. “All of the time but it doesn’t matter. The past is in the past and even if I could go back I wouldn’t. It hurts too much and I don’t think I could survive having my heart ripped out and torn to shreds a second time.”

  “That is just so… tragic.” Ana couldn’t imagine never being a part of Harrison’s life, no matter how awful things got between them. For the millionth time since learning the truth, Ana once again understood her mother’s desire to keep her far away from her father’s lifestyle. Still, had her mom stayed and raised Ana alongside Abby, maybe things would have turned out differently for both of them. Would she have met Harrison in that other life? Well, had she ever gone to visit her aunt and uncle, she most likely would have. Would she have appreciated just how amazing he was if she had been seduced by the dark and glamorous life of a rock princess?

  A shudder worked its way through her body at the thought. Slowly, she lifted her eyes and looked at her sister as she thought about what ifs and what might have been. But the one thing she hadn’t thought about in a very long time, the one thing she hadn’t wanted to think about, was their father. While her mother had called and given very brief updates, Heather hadn’t gone into a lot of detail, and she hadn’t called in nearly two months. The last she heard, Maddox was recovering but it was taking much longer than usual. He said that this time he wanted to stay in treatment until he felt he was strong enough to stand on his own, until he was worthy to stand by Heather’s side, if it was even possible.

  “We’re taking things slow but, god Ana, it’s like falling in love with him all over,” her mother had said, hope and fear blended together in her voice. “Your father is a good man, Ana. The drugs tarnished his soul and turned him into something he’s not. Every day that he has been clean has been terrifying and wonderful and. I hope he conquers his addiction this time because if he succumbs to the deadly temptation again, I swear to God it will kill me.”

  Softly, Ana asked, “What was it like growing up with Maddox Cooper?”

  Abby’s expression became shuttered as she pressed her lips together and looked away. “There were times I wasn’t sure he remembered I existed and there were times when I hoped he forgot. The only times he was fully present were the weeks Heather spent with us. Sometimes I hated you because you got her most of the time and sometimes I hated her for not staying even though it killed her to leave and not take me with. Every year she begged Maddox to let me go with her but he couldn’t bear the thought of it. So I stayed, a little princess in the tower until the prince rescued me and fucked up my life. Of course, he was no prince, but still….”

  “I’m sorry,” Ana whispered, feeling guilty even though it had been her mother’s choice to live as they had.

  Abby laughed as she turned her head and pinned Ana with her green eyes. “Ana, I was a child and your mom was the only mother I knew. It wasn’t your fault.”

  “Still,” she protested, watching her fingers as they twisted together in nerves. She hadn’t even had the option of hating Abby because she hadn’t known about her sister. A part of her wanted to scream at her mother for keeping so much from her while another part wanted to thank the woman for sheltering her.

  Abby’s smile turned teasing as she nodded towards Ana. “Nice shirt, by the way.”

  Recognizing the ploy to change the subject, Ana ran her hand along the front of the shirt and smiled, “It was Harrison’s.”

  “The boyfriend, right?”

  “Yes,” she grinned, her spirit a thousand times lighter at the mention of Harrison. The shadows of the past lingered but Ana understood Abby’s need to let them rest for now. Her love for Harrison washed through her and cleared her head of any questions. Abby would talk when she was ready. “I stole it when he came for a visit last week.”

  Abby arched a perfect eyebrow over sparkling eyes, “Is it serious?”

  Ana held up her hand with the ring on it and grinned even wider, “I’m going to marry him.”

  Taking her hand, Abby studied the simple but elegant ring and murmured, “I noticed this earlier but I didn’t want to say anything in case… well, in case it wasn’t an engagement ring. I mean, you’ve mentioned his daughter but I didn’t want to presume.”

  Ana laughed because she couldn’t contain the joy that surged within her when she thought about Harrison, about the fu
ture they were going to have. “He’s amazing, Abby, and I can’t wait to get back home to him.”

  “I bet there’s someone who could tempt you away from him,” Abby teased.

  “Not even Winter Mitchell could tempt me.”

  “I could arrange a meeting to test that hypothesis,” Abby returned and Ana wasn’t sure if she was serious or teasing again. Pressing her finger against her lips, Abby frowned, “Though he is ridiculously, happily married so he might not make the best test subject. Plus, I actually like his wife and I wouldn’t want to piss her off. You’ve already rejected Nolan Mars…. Hmmm, who else could we tempt you with?”

  Ana’s jaw was on the floor but that didn’t stop the horrified laughter from escaping. “There isn’t anyone who could tempt me, Abby. I fell in love with Harrison before I even met him and when we did meet he saved me from freezing to death.”

  At Abby’s look of disbelief, Ana told her the whole story, including the books that had brought Harrison into her life before he became a part of her world. By the time she was done, Ana was almost certain she had recruited another Justice Kane fan. Of course, Abby once again tried to convince her to go to Europe but Ana wasn’t going to budge. If it involved flying in a plane, it just wasn’t going to happen. Maybe in a few years when she got over her youthful trauma, she’d do it. Maybe.

  Chapter 18

  Ana pressed her hand against her rebelling stomach, still a little stunned by the earlier revelation in the bathroom. Despite the fact that she had been getting her period for the past three months, she was…. God, she couldn’t even think the word because it was so unexpected. She wasn’t sure how she was going to tell Harrison since she had assured him that nothing had come of the torn condom. Ever since she told him who her sister was, he had been slightly more guarded when they talked, at least when it came to Abby, and she wasn’t sure how this news would affect him.