A Cowboy to Marry

by Cathy Gillen Thacker

  “I never thought less of you.” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close. “My heart went out to you that night,” he murmured against the top of her head. “You’d just lost Percy a couple of months before, and when you thought you were having his baby, you had such joy.” His warm breath touched her ear.

  In an effort to shield her eyes from his probing gaze, she let her head rest against his chest. “And guilt, and a million other things,” she whispered as a flood of tears pressed hotly behind her eyes.

  He brought her closer yet, one hand moving down her back in long, soothing strokes. “Why guilt?”

  Maybe it was time she began to unburden herself. And who better to tell than Holden, who had his own regrets?

  Fighting the overwhelming sadness she felt whenever she thought of all that preceded and followed Percy’s tragic death, she looked him in the eye and took another halting breath. Finally, she asked what she had never dared voice before. “You don’t know the real reason Percy insisted on taking that trip to South America, do you?”

  “He said it was to cheer me up after my divorce was final,” Holden replied in a low, gravelly voice.

  Libby dabbed at the moisture beneath her eyes. “Well, that was part of it,” she said finally, drawing back.

  He brought her back into the curve of his strong arms. His touch was more brotherly than anything else, despite their earlier flirtation with passion. “And the other…?” he murmured.

  Libby struggled to get her emotions under control. “Percy and I had been arguing about starting a family. I really wanted a baby.”

  Holden nodded, his grip tightening protectively.

  “But Percy didn’t.” The tears she had been doing everything to block flowed anyway.

  Holden frowned.

  Libby pressed on the bridge of her nose to keep more tears from falling. “He already felt tied down.” She gulped and forced herself to go on, get it all out. “He felt he had gotten a raw deal. Inheriting the responsibility for the family business years before he was ready to assume it. Having the woman he married turn out not to be so adventurous and wild at heart, after all. The last thing Percy wanted was the responsibility of a child. Not then, he said, maybe not ever.” She shook her head, remembering that last awful fight. “I was devastated.”

  Holden exhaled. “And angry, I’m guessing.”

  She forced a watery smile, then she dabbed at her eyes again. “Very. The presumption that we would have children, if for no other reason than to carry on the Lowell name and bloodlines, had always been there.”

  She looked up at Holden, wanting him to understand. “Suddenly…with the death of his parents—and the absence of that familial pressure to produce grandkids—there was no reason in Percy’s mind to go forward with a family at all. So he scheduled the trip with you to Colombia, and that was that. There was not going to be any more discussion about it when he came back.

  “I was so angry and disappointed I didn’t even kiss him goodbye before he left.”

  And then he had died….

  Leaving her with even more to grapple with.

  Holden shook his head. Swore softly. “Libby. I had no idea—”

  She held up a hand. “I know—no one did.” Feeling calmer now, she pulled away. “Anyway, that’s why I had such a crazy mix of emotions when I suspected I might be pregnant after Percy died. I was happy about the baby, but knew he wouldn’t have been. It felt like a miracle and a lifelong burden of guilt, all in one.”

  “Stress can do funny things to a person’s body.”

  Libby nodded, appreciating Holden’s attentiveness, even as she warned herself not to get too used to it.

  Still, she needed to talk to him tonight. Needed the brand of comfort only he could give. “The doctors said my devastation over Percy’s death and the acrimonious way we parted, combined with my longing for a child, made my hormones a mess. I was barely eating or sleeping. I was dizzy and nauseated, more often than not. And I went three months without a period before I realized it.”

  Holden reached over and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “It’s only natural you concluded what you did.”

  Silence fell between them as she looked deep into his eyes, noticing yet again what a ruggedly handsome man he was. It was more than just the symmetry of his features or the strong line of his jaw. It was his kindness and compassion. His easygoing attitude and humor. The way he could always make a person feel better with an offhand comment or smile.

  “You really think that?”

  “Yes. I do.” He hugged her briefly.

  She drew back again, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off her heart. “I’m glad we talked about this.”

  “So am I.” He looked as if he, too, had felt a wall come tumbling down.

  “But now we really have to call it a night.” Before I start making this into something more romantic and meaningful than it really is.

  His expression radiated a distinct male satisfaction as he prodded, “So, our first official rebound date…?”

  “…will have to wait until we help Miss Rosa and Miss Mim temporarily relocate the Laramie Public Library,” Libby finished firmly.

  He squinted as if doing some mental calculations, then said, “Just so I know you’re not backing out on our agreement.”

  “I’m not,” she promised.

  She just needed to make sure that when it did happen, she was composed enough to acknowledge the date for what it was.

  Otherwise, it could mean trouble for both of them.

  THE IMPROMPTU MEETING at Libby’s home the evening before had involved mostly women. The gathering Sunday afternoon at the library was mostly of men. And for good reason, Libby thought, as she searched the sea of helpers for the person she most wanted to say hello to, since the task involved moving literally thousands of books to their temporary new homes.

  “Looking for someone?” Paige teased, coming up to stand beside her.

  Libby continued scanning the crowd. “Holden.”

  Her friend handed her a roll of tape, a marker and two collapsed cardboard boxes. “Not here yet. He should be soon, though.” She guided Libby to the toddler section, where work was already under way. “What’s going on with the two of you, anyway?”

  Libby ducked her head and focused on putting the box together. “What do you mean?”

  Paige pulled up a kid’s chair and sank into it. “Why was he at your house last night, looking like he was ready to go out? And why were you so dressed up?”

  Libby flushed. Leave it to her best friend…

  “And speak of the devil,” Paige murmured with a cheeky grin.

  Libby turned to see Holden coming to join them. He had on an old UT sweatshirt and a pair of threadbare jeans, and he hadn’t shaved. His dark hair had that rumpled, just-out-of-bed, can’t-be-bothered-with-a-comb look, and he was carrying a tool belt in one hand, a pair of leather work gloves in the other. Her pulse raced at the sight of him. “Hi,” she said, unable to help recalling the kiss they had shared.

  He looked as if he was doing the same. Even though she had panicked and kicked him out early.

  “Hi,” he said, in a softer, sexier tone than usual.

  Paige scoffed. “You can’t tell me something isn’t going on!”

  Holden announced, deadpan, “We’re going to date. We just haven’t decided when.”

  “What?” She turned back to Libby. “Is he pulling my leg?”

  Holden looked at Libby, daring her to deny it.

  It was now or never, she thought. Time to jump in all the way.

  Or let this chance to start moving on pass her by. She inhaled deeply, stepped closer to Holden and dived in. “We’re talking about being each other’s rebound date.”

  “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard!” Paige declared as her husband joined them.

  “Crazy like a fox, maybe,” Kurt declared in amusement.

  Holden put on his tool belt. “All we�
�re looking for is a short-term thing to get us over the hump.”

  Genuinely worried, Paige said, “Hearts get broken this way.”

  “Ours won’t,” Libby retorted, as Holden wrapped a companionable arm around her shoulders and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

  NEVERTHELESS, an interesting question had been raised. And it stuck with Libby the rest of the afternoon.

  “Do you think Paige was right?” she asked Holden much later, when they were working at her home.

  Volunteers had moved the living-room furniture to the garage for safekeeping. The large space was now filled with the partially disassembled child-size tables and chairs, and the waist-high bookshelves that comprised the newborn to age three section of the library.

  Holden opened a box labeled A-C and set it next to the appropriate shelf for her, then returned to his task of putting legs back on tables. “Paige wants us both to be happy. She’s just not sure this is the way.” He paused to drive in a screw with a battery-powered tool. Finished, he set the table right side up and turned to Libby with a smile. “I, on the other hand, think we’ve come up with a great plan to get ourselves back in the saddle.”

  His confidence was catching.

  “You’re right,” she said, bolstering her courage. She knew Holden would never hurt her. She was foolish to worry.

  AN HOUR LATER, the work was done and Libby and Holden stood back, admiring the newly assembled toddler section. It was just as it had been, Holden noted with satisfaction, right down to the wooden train table and the colorful charts and posters on display.

  Looking flushed and disheveled, Libby turned to him. Her high ponytail bounced from side to side and she had dirt smudged across her casual cotton sweater and jeans. She had never looked prettier. “Did you eat anything at the library?

  Holden shook his head. “I was too busy.”

  Admiring you…

  “Then you must be starving. Because I am!”

  Holden saw the opening and took it. He removed his tool belt and set it aside. “Want to go out?”

  Libby looked down at herself and then him. He was just as grubby as she was. “Would you mind eating here?”

  Was she kidding? She was a fantastic cook.

  “Not at all.” In fact, he was happy to see her feeling comfortable enough with him to invite him to stay. It reminded him of all the dinners he’d had there with her and Percy, before the accident. Some with Heidi, some without. It hadn’t mattered. He’d always had a good time in Libby’s kitchen. Maybe because she was like the women in his family, able to put people at ease….

  She led the way back to the kitchen, where she turned on the oven and put a pan on the stove. Then waggled her eyebrows at him facetiously. “Have your culinary skills improved any?”

  Was it Holden’s imagination or was it already getting hot in here? He lounged against the counter, trying to stay out of her path. “I can boil water,” he joked.

  “Want to try and help me, anyway?”

  This was something, Holden knew, that Percy had never been willing to do. “Sure,” he said. If this was a test regarding his dating ability—as it suddenly seemed to be—he was determined to pass it.

  “Okay, then.” Libby got an armful of ingredients out of the fridge, another from the pantry. She paused to pull her V-neck sweater over her head and set it aside, then pushed the sleeves of her white long-sleeved T-shirt to her elbows. “I make soup every Sunday evening.”

  Holden tried not to notice how the cotton fabric clung to the curves of her breasts. “When did this start?”

  “After Percy died. I couldn’t seem to manage anything that required even a moderate amount of concentration. But soup was foolproof.”

  Holden chuckled. “Then it sounds like the perfect dish for me.”

  “Not to worry. I know it doesn’t sound very filling, but I’ll whip up some quesadillas for you, too. In the meantime—” she got out a bag of chips and a jar of salsa and arranged them on a serving dish “—you can munch on these, since our main course is going to take about an hour to prepare.”

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem.” Looking increasingly at ease, she handed him a cutting board and knife. Then a green pepper, a red pepper, several ripe tomatoes and an onion. “Think you can chop these up into little pieces?”

  It was his turn to smile. “Oh ye of little faith…”

  Libby mugged comically as she started mixing chili powder, cumin and garlic powder, and the aroma of Southwestern spices filled the kitchen.

  Enjoying the camaraderie that had sprung up between them, Holden cut the seeds and stem out of the peppers. He was more awkward than she was, but could still get the job done. “I’m guessing we’re making tortilla soup?” he asked eventually.

  Purposefully, Libby lined up boneless chicken breasts on a rimmed baking sheet, drizzled on olive oil, sprinkled on spice and put that into the oven to bake. “You guessed right.”

  “Now what?” he said when he’d finished dicing.

  She poured a little more olive oil in the bottom of the stockpot. The heat of the stove had her sculpted cheeks glowing pink. “Pour the veggies in here and then stir them around.”

  He tried not to think how much he had enjoying kissing her, or how sweet and feminine her body had felt pressed against his. Even now, he fought the urge to hold her in his arms again.

  “You mean sauté them?”

  Merriment danced in her green eyes. “You really aren’t as unschooled as you look.”

  Holden laughed and started stirring as directed.

  Shaking her head in amusement, Emily opened containers of chicken broth, tomatoes with jalapeño peppers and black beans. All were added to the sizzling veggies. The quarters were close, and Holden’s shoulder nudged hers as they worked. “It’s starting to look like soup.” He could smell the chicken roasting, too.

  “As soon as we put the meat in…” Libby paused.

  His brow furrowed, Holden fixed his attention on the window above the kitchen sink.

  She came closer, in a drift of soap and shampoo, and studied his face. “What are you looking at?”

  Clearly, she didn’t think there was much to notice in the backyard. Especially at dusk on a cold winter’s day. Holden frowned. “Was there snow in the forecast?”

  Libby’s shoulders brushed his. “There was a ten-percent chance of rain, but—”

  He pointed toward the glass. “Does that look like rain to you?”

  She stood on tiptoe to get a better view. “I don’t know…it’s so gloomy. How can you tell?”

  “One way to find out.” He headed for the back door.

  As he had hoped, Libby was right behind him.

  Laramie was far enough north that it snowed at least once a year, usually only a couple inches at a time. And it melted the next day. So this wouldn’t be unprecedented.

  Holden stepped off the porch and into the yard. He held his palms out, as did she. Sure enough, he realized with a smile, it was snow! Tiny white flakes that swirled in the wind and dotted their faces and hands.

  Libby laughed in delight, her voice soft and musical, and maybe the best thing he’d heard in a long time. “Wow,” she exclaimed, even as she shivered in the cold winter air. “It never snows this early in December.”

  Holden wished he had a jacket to put over her. The best he could do was wrap his arm around her shoulder and draw her in close. “It’s doing it now,” he said, laughing in turn.

  She leaned against him as they stared up in wonder, watching it snow.

  “It’s not going to stick, but…” Libby turned toward him, as captivated by the magic of the moment as he was. “I still can’t believe it,” she murmured, looking deep into his eyes.

  Holden brushed snowflakes from her hair. “Believe it,” he said. And then he did what he’d wanted to do all day. He pulled her against him and kissed her again.

  Her lips softened, yet were not quite pliant. She wreathed her arms about his neck and press
ed close, as if savoring his warmth and his strength, but not sure if she should let it go any further, or open up the floodgates.

  Even so, it was all the encouragement he needed. He cupped her face in his hands and deepened the kiss, wondering all the while what it would take to make her feel as giddy with longing and crazy with desire as he felt at this instant. Wondering what it would take to make her surrender…

  LIBBY HAD THOUGHT if she kept it casual, kept them busy, this wouldn’t happen. He wouldn’t look at her in that certain way that made her feel all-woman. He wouldn’t pursue her.

  They wouldn’t end up falling victim to the sizzling physical attraction between them.

  But they had.

  And now?

  All she knew for certain was that when she was with Holden like this, her problems seemed a lot more manageable, her life more exciting.

  He made her want to relax and move forward and play. But she wasn’t a carefree girl anymore, Libby scolded herself, as the feel of his muscular frame pressed against hers sent sensations flooding through her body.

  She might be feeling a little love-struck at the moment—probably because she had been alone so long—but it didn’t make a reckless liaison any less dangerous to her heart.

  She could still be hurt. Terribly.

  So could he.

  And that, as much as anything, was why they had to stop.

  Before they did something they would both regret.

  Breathlessly, she tore her mouth from his and pushed him away. “Holden. We can’t.”

  “Sure we can.” His lips closed on hers again before she could murmur another word. He kissed her long and hard, until she finally relented and kissed him back just as passionately. Again and again, until the future beckoned and her icy-cold heart began to thaw. And Libby knew this rebound romance of theirs was going to be trouble.

  Big trouble.