“Thanks, I will.” I might be down, but I’m out.
She retrieved Lilly’s pink bag from the closet. They should call it Old faithful because it never let them down, not like Justin. It had traveled out from England with them and hit Justin on the head. Pity it hadn’t knocked him unconscious, then she might never have gotten mixed up with him, wouldn’t be in this diabolical situation.
After she stuffed Lilly’s things into the bag, she found a couple of plastic shopping bags and filled them up with the clothes she had brought to the apartment.
He wouldn’t be coming after her. He wanted her out of his life full stop – amen – no ifs or buts. Au-revoir - on your bike lady - good riddance and don’t come back. She got the message loud and clear.
The phone rang and she dived on it. “Holly Kirwan speaking.”
“I’m Renae, Justin Devereux’s personal assistant in Sydney. Mr. Devereux wanted me to let you know he’s been called overseas. He’ll contact you as soon as he can.”
“Thank you for letting me know.” Slowly, with infinite care, Holly hung up.
The quicker she left the apartment and Justin’s influence the better. A quick break was best. No point in prolonging the agony. She wrote a quick note.
Justin, I’ve decided to move out. I’m flying to Queensland to stay with Mrs. Harris. Holly
She rang for a taxi, packed up the stroller and took Lilly by the hand to catch the elevator down to the ground floor. Taking a couple of deep shuddering breaths to steady her nerves, she traipsed over to the security desk. John was a nice man, ex-army, and she didn’t want him to worry about her.
“Goodbye, John. I’m shifting to Queensland to stay with friends. Thanks for being so kind to me and Lilly.”
“There’s no need for you to leave. You’re quite safe now…”
“I’m not leaving because of that.” She cut him off.
“Why don’t you wait until Mr. Devereux gets back?”
“No, it’s easier if I go now.”
She turned and walked away so he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes. The wheels of Lilly’s stroller squeaked loudly, as if screaming in protest, as she left the building.
Less than two hours later, Holly had picked up the key from the real estate office and was sitting down at her old table sipping a cup of tea.
No-one had been in the place. It looked the same as she had left it, down to the long-life milk, tins of baked beans and Lilly’s baby food that she had left behind in their frantic dash for freedom. She wouldn’t need to go shopping for a few days unless she wanted bread, and right now, she wouldn’t care if she never ate again.
***
Justin arrived back at the apartment via his private entrance so he wouldn’t be delayed down in the foyer. He desperately wanted to see his girls. Five weeks, and he couldn’t believe how desperately he had missed Holly’s soft warmth and Lilly’s sweet baby perfume and cute ways. He had rushed straight from the airport after flying in from Turkey. Wearily he ran his hand across his bristly chin. A shower and a shave were a necessity before taking Holly to bed and making wild passionate love to her. His groin tightened in anticipation.
He had bought Lilly several new toys so she could sit in the cot and play with them while he assuaged the sexual hunger built up over weeks of abstinence.
No doubt Holly would be upset because he hadn’t called her from overseas, but he had been visiting isolated places with poor mobile phone reception, and combined with the time lag and his tight schedule, it proved too much of a hassle after his few attempts to call her had failed. You’re a selfish bastard. He could have asked his PA to ring her now and again, but one he got involved in an interesting, challenging project he forgot everything else. Hell, it wasn’t as if he was on holiday. A five-star European-style resort overlooking the Aegean Sea couldn’t fail to be a winner.
A tropical island holiday at a child-friendly resort, like all women, Holly wouldn’t be able to resist such a bribe. Hell, he’d offer to buy the whole island, if that’s what it took to get back in her good books.
He swiped his security card and entered the apartment. A stony silence bore down on him. He shivered. The place felt cold, as if all the warmth had been sucked out of it. Fear clenched his gut.
“Holly.” He dumped his bag on the floor and raced into the bedroom. It was empty, the bed made up, nothing left lying around. His heart dropped to his boots with a thickening thud. She was gone. Instinctively, he knew this even before he rummaged through the wardrobe and noticed Lilly’s pink bag missing.
It didn’t stop him from dashing into the child’s room. The toys were all in the cot, except for a handful, including her Winnie the Pooh bear.
Why the hell had she left? He cursed under his breath. He should have made more of an effort to ring, but he had been petrified of getting in too deep with her. Had wanted a cooling off period to think things through. The joke was on him, though. He was in so deep he couldn’t climb out. Didn’t want to climb out.
In the kitchen, he noticed the floral motifs had been removed from the refrigerator. The colorful leadlight mobiles dangling from the ceiling were gone as well. No flowers. Nothing to show that Holly had ever stayed here.
He snatched up the note lying on the bench. When he read the brief words, he felt like someone had stabbed him through the heart.
Had she found someone else? He staggered over to a chair and slumped in it. Who the hell would she have cottoned on to? When? How?
No wonder Brad had been gutted when his wife had betrayed and bankrupted him. At least Holly didn’t try to bleed him for every cent he had.
He rolled the note up in a ball and hurled it at the kitchen window. Bloody hell.
Justin alighted from the lift and strode towards the security counter.
“John, do you know where Holly went?” What if she had met with an accident? His stomach churned just thinking about it.
“Not really. Said she was going to stay with a friend in Queensland. I watched her get into a taxi, and haven’t seen her since.”
“Thanks, that’s all I wanted to know.”
Thank God they were going somewhere safe. Mrs. Harris was a kindly old lady with a soft spot for Holly and Lilly. She would make sure they came to no harm.
When he walked through the door of his apartment, the coldness assailed him once more. Not a physical coldness, the central heating saw to that. It was a bleak emptiness that seeped into his bones, making him shiver. Loosening his tie, he undid the top two buttons on his shirt. Bloody women, they gave a man nothing but trouble and heartache.
Something drew him towards the alcove leading out to the balcony. Holly always said she liked this place best out of the whole apartment. He couldn’t understand why such a cramped little cubbyhole would appeal to anyone.
He pushed the door open and stopped dead. The breath jammed in his throat. A small table had been set up for two people and several colorful balloons hung from the ceiling with ‘Welcome Home,’ written across them. His heart ached. It was a pain like nothing he had ever endured before. Excruciating, so deep he felt as if it had somehow touched his soul.
When Holly mentioned preparing a special meal, he had brushed off her efforts with some caustic rebuke. He didn’t doubt his ability to track her down if he put his mind and resources to it, but he wasn’t going to. He was a bastard, not worthy of her. She and Lilly deserved more than what he could offer them.
He was overwhelmed with remorse for the way he had acted, deliberately making her feel as if she was prostituting herself. It had been a defense mechanism. His inflated ego had been fed by his rampaging libido he thought bitterly. Why had he been too blind to realize he loved her? How or when it happened, he didn’t have a clue, but he had fallen in love with Holly. Lilly too, for that matter. How had he let something so precious slip out of his grasp?
There would never be another Holly. She was one of a kind. A gutsy little battler who decided to make a life for herself and Lilly wi
thout his help. He loved her too much to interfere with her plans or to put obstacles in her way. He had his chance and blew it. The kindest thing he could do for Holly and Lilly was let them stay with Mrs. Harris and start a new life in Queensland.
He wanted to weep for what he had lost, but he didn’t know how. The years stretched out in front of him now, lonely and bleak.
Chapter Sixteen
Robert Justin Kirwan was six days old now. Fortunately, as a precautionary measure, Holly had stockpiled food, long-life milk and disposable nappies in the weeks before the birth.
Organization that was the key. Thank goodness she had plenty of experience with breastfeeding and Robert suckled well. Lilly was sooky and clinging, demanding Holly’s attention all the time.
“Mummy isn’t going to leave you again, darling,” she reassured wearily as she fed the baby while Lilly tried to push him out of the way.
“Don’t hit bubby’s head. You might hurt him.” If only she could have stayed in the hospital for four days instead of two, her strength would have returned before she came home. As it was now, she felt weaker and sicker with each day that passed.
Her breasts ached, as did her stomach, and she could barely keep her eyes open as she finished feeding Robert and changed his nappy.
“Come on, Lilly Pilly, I’ll change your little stinky bum too, then we’ll have a lie down together.”
The baby fell asleep as soon as she tucked him up in his crib. Even though she took Lilly into bed with her for a cuddle, her daughter wriggled and squirmed to such an extent Holly finally let her go. She couldn’t risk getting a kick in the stomach, so she rested in bed while Lilly set about demolishing the place.
She made sure the baby stayed safe by putting his crib on top of a set of high, old-fashioned drawers, well out of Lilly’s reach. Everything in the kitchen and laundry that might endanger a toddler was locked away in a wardrobe, in case she drifted off to sleep.
It was hard trying to stay awake. Her eyes grew heavier with every passing minute, the pains in her stomach worsened until she felt like she was giving birth again. The print in the book she was trying to read blurred to such an extent the words were indecipherable, but it stopped her falling asleep, kept her aware enough to watch Lilly.
After a couple of hours Lilly climbed into bed with her, and they both slept.
Robert’s crying finally woke her. The sleep hadn’t helped much. She felt worse, if that were possible. Her heart pounded, and she took several steadying breaths trying to fight off a panic attack. She couldn’t cope on her own, was crazy to have thought she could, but she must. Her babies’ welfare depended on it.
Dredging strength from God alone knew where, she staggered out of bed and went over to the set of drawers. It took a lot of energy to reach up and lift the baby out of his crib.
“It’s all right, darling, don’t fret. Mummy’s here.” She patted his soft dark hair. His little face was red and screwed up from screaming. How long had he been crying?
Her eyes filled with tears as she fed him. He suckled hungrily. The bedroom was a mess. Lilly had emptied several drawers, and clothes were strewn all over the floor. It was cold because she had been too frightened to light the gas fire in case she fell asleep and Lilly burned herself on it.
Their position had become diabolical now, but tomorrow would be better. She would feel stronger by then, more able to cope.
Listlessly, she made herself a cup of tea and heated up a can of baked beans. She didn’t want to eat. If she never tasted food again it would be too soon, but she forced herself to swallow. She needed to regain her strength or they wouldn’t survive.
How terrible to be so alone. She almost dialed the emergency number to ask for an ambulance, but she wasn’t sick, just frightened and verging on hysteria because she couldn’t cope on her own.
The welfare people would come and take Lilly and Robert away, palm them off to some foster home. Remember this, Holly Kirwan, when you feel tempted to weaken. Even worse, the Kirwans might try to get Lilly again. They wouldn’t want Robert, the same as they didn’t want her. She couldn’t let it happen, mustn’t let it happen.
Robert woke crying for a morning feed. Such a cute little man, so tiny, innocent and sweet. She loved the feel of him suckling, reveled in his contented little snuffles. After changing his nappy she tucked him back up in the crib and went to take a shower. She wanted to wash her hair. It looked like scraggly rats tails and felt even worse. There wasn’t much time. Once Lilly awoke she would demand breakfast.
Holly felt better after showering. She rugged herself up in a pair of fleecy track pants and windcheater top. It was freezing, the rain hammering against the windows. Cold and miserable. Just the way I feel she thought, trudging over to the gas fire. It wouldn’t light. She tried several times but to no avail. The pilot light had gone out. It was an old fire, ancient like the bungalow and everything in it. Try as she might she couldn’t turn it on. Now what?
The rain grew heavier, pelting against the windows as the wind lifted. She prepared some cereal for breakfast.
The sound of Lilly’s voice calling out interrupted her somber thoughts. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. At least you have a roof over your head, food to eat and warm clothing.
“Hello, Lilly Pilly.” Holly shuffled into the bedroom to find her daughter jumping up and down on the bed. “Hey, you little monkey, don’t wreck the mattress. We have to sleep on it. Your cereal is ready.”
They shared breakfast. Lilly was a messy eater but she wanted to feed herself and Holly didn’t have the energy to argue with her. It was pathetic being so alone and unloved.
Don’t fret about the mess. It will still be there tomorrow or the next day, or whatever day she felt strong enough to clean it up. Caring for Lilly and the baby were her main priorities. Anything else would have to wait. She couldn’t remember feeling so weak or lethargic after Lilly’s birth, but Robbie had been there for support.
Her chest grew tight, her breathing more rapid. “Don’t go to pieces, woman, don’t go to pieces.” She repeated the words a couple of times.
After changing Lilly’s nappy she dressed her warmly in pink stockings, overalls and a jumper with a cardigan on top. A terrible draft gusted in from under the outside door. It froze her legs so she stuffed a couple of towels under the gap. What a bleak day. A glance out the kitchen window confirmed her most pessimistic view. It was going to be an absolute shocker.
For once she was glad the place only had a tiny kitchen, lounge room, bedroom and small bathroom and laundry combined.
She played with Lilly for a while, every now and again checking to see if the pilot light had miraculously turned itself on again. No such luck. The temptation to call the real estate man and ask him to fix the heater was great, but she paid a pittance in rent. If she caused him any hassles he night ask her to leave. She had no lease, nothing in writing. Her head ached, and she trembled with the cold.
Desperation finally had her dialing the real estate agent’s number. She would have to take the risk and throw herself on his mercy. The phone rang and ran, but no one answered. She dialed a second time and still no one answered. Her throat started getting scratchy. Surely she wasn’t getting a cold. That would be the absolute end.
After checking that there was nothing dangerous Lilly could get into, she crawled back into bed and pulled the covers over herself and lay there shivering. That’s how she spent the day, feeding Robert or Lilly, changing them and dozing. Sometimes Lilly lay down with her and slept, most times she didn’t.
She started to get cramping pains in her stomach and her head ached, but she dared not take any painkillers in case it affected the breast milk. Lilly pulled out all the saucepans and started crashing them together. The noise grew louder, intensifying the pain in her head until it became unbearable.
“Stop it!” she yelled.
The racket increased. Something snapped inside her. She couldn’t stand it a moment longer without going mad. Staggerin
g out into the kitchen, she stopped dead in her tracks. Lilly had just about emptied every cupboard. The flour and sugar canisters lay open on the floor, their contents spilling out, while Lilly hammered a packet of biscuits into the floor with the frying pan.
“You naughty girl.” Holly slapped her on the hand and she started screaming. It was hard to know which of them got the biggest shock. She had never hit the toddler before.
“I’m losing it, I’m losing it,” she wailed, bending down to pick up Lilly. “I’m sorry baby. Mummy didn’t mean to hit you.” She stood up and slipped on the flour, landing flat on her back with Lilly on top. She felt a sudden pain at the side of her forehead as it hit the corner of the cupboard.
A million stars exploded in front of her eyes. The room spun and a black veil descended over her. Oh, God, she couldn’t lose consciousness. What would happen to Lilly and the baby?
Visions of her death and them slowly starving because no one was around to care for them, rose up to torture her. Lilly, thinking this was some new kind of game, pulled at her hair, which made her headache worse.
Holly dragged herself up into a sitting position, fighting nausea, pain and a seesawing room. She felt her head. Thank God, no blood. Robert chose this moment to start crying. Too scared to stand upright in case she fell down again, she lifted Lilly to one side and crawled on her hands and knees. Those few yards felt like miles. She was shaking by the time she made it to the bedroom.
Levering herself upwards, she used the wardrobe and wall for support. She had to lift him out of the crib somehow, but her vision blurred. Her trembling hands were clumsy. The crib tipped over, and she grabbed Robert just before he fell out. She didn’t have the strength to right the crib. It took every ounce of willpower she possessed to stagger over to the bed and collapse on it.
She shivered now, not from cold but fear, a stark overwhelming fear that opened up like a black bottomless pit wanting to swallow her. The baby could have been killed or seriously injured had she not been able to catch him. He screamed so hard he became distressed, his little face turning red, his legs and arms moving wildly.
The Millionaire's Redemption Page 16