***
Next morning at about ten o’clock, the door buzzer went off. Holly lifted Lilly out of the high chair and went to see who was there.
“Holly Kirwan?” asked a young flower delivery boy almost hidden behind a huge arrangement of red roses.
“Yes.”
“These are for you.”
“Oh thank you.” She took them and buried her face in the sweet smelling blooms. “They’re gorgeous.”
She put the roses on the kitchen bench. They were in their own container so she didn’t even have to find a vase for them. She took off the small card attached to the side of the box.
Just so you’ll know I am thinking of you, Justin. No words of love, but going to this trouble must mean he did felt something special for her.
***
A week passed. There was no further word from Justin except a message from his PA saying he was too tied up with important negotiations to call. Holly wanted to hate him for the stress he caused. She didn’t sleep well. How she missed his warm, strong body next to hers in bed, the fiery passion they shared every night, most mornings and during the day when Lilly went down for an afternoon nap on the weekends.
One night she felt so lonely, so desperate to hear his voice, she rang him on his mobile. “Justin Devereux speaking.”
Hearing his deep sexy voice gave her goose bumps. “It’s me.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I got the message from your secretary, but I wanted to hear your voice. Lilly and I have missed you.” She brushed the tears away, willing herself not to blubber in his ear.
“I can’t talk now. I’m sorry.”
“It’s eight o’clock at night.” She could hear noises in the background but couldn’t distinguish exactly what they were. “I thought you’d be finished work by now.”
“I’m not,” he sounded tired. “I’m working fourteen-hour days. I’m not on holiday.”
“I didn’t mean to bother you,” she said, feeling contrite. “I got lonely. I just wanted to know how you were getting on and I thought I saw...”
“Look, I’m inundated with problems. Things are an absolute mess. I’ll be here another couple of weeks at least.”
“And you weren’t going to tell me?” she shot back.
“Calm down. I would have given you a ring in a day or so once I knew what was happening. Lilly all right?”
“Yes, but when I was at the market I thought I saw the English PI man following me.”
“Imagination. You’ve got nothing to worry about. John in security says there hasn’t been anyone suspicious lurking around or asking questions about you. I’m certain you won’t have any more problems with the Kirwans now my lawyer has given them an ultimatum.”
“Are you sure? I get scared every time I think about them.”
“Of course I am. I wouldn’t leave you and Lilly in danger.”
“Thank you. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about them any more. I miss you.”
“Same here. Take care, Holly.” The line went dead.
What was wrong with her? Seesawing emotions, crying at the drop of a hat, thinking people were following her. She had nervous butterflies in her stomach most of the time now. Maybe she should see a doctor and have a thorough checkup. Her hormones were probably rampaging out of control. She still hadn’t got a period, even though Lilly only had intermittent feeds now.
Chapter Fourteen
Two weeks after her phone call to Justin, he rang up. It was ten o’clock at night as she lay in bed trying to read a book. “Oh, Justin how are you?” Her heart started racing like it always did on hearing his voice.
“I’m exhausted. Sorry I didn’t ring you before, but it’s been frantic up here. I’ve been trying to get everything fixed up so I could get back to you. I’ll be home tomorrow about seven.”
“That’s wonderful. I’ll cook you a special dinner. What would you like?”
“Surprise me, but I’ll be wanting an early night.” His low, deep growl did funny things to her insides. Liquid fire skidded along her veins forcing a sudden surge of moist heat between her thighs.
“You won’t be disappointed,” she promised in a deliberately husky, sensual voice.”
“I’m sure I won’t be. How’s Lilly?”
“She’s good, misses you like I do.” In his wildest dreams he couldn’t know how much they missed him, how the days dragged and the nights felt cold and empty.
“I have to go now. See you tomorrow.” The line went dead. One thing about Justin he certainly didn’t waste words or linger over saying goodbye.
Something special. Traditional roast beef with all the trimmings and sticky date pudding for dessert. With a surge of excitement, she recalled the special treat she had prepared for him at their rooftop barbeque. The autumn evenings were too chilly for that now. No, she would have to come up with some special indoor activity.
***
After breakfast next morning, they took the elevator down to the ground floor. She stopped to have a chat with John at the security desk.
“How are you, Holly? You’re looking cheerful? Won the lottery?”
“No, better.” She gave an excited little skip. “Justin’s coming home tonight.”
He grinned. “No wonder you’re happy.”
There wasn’t time to go out for the supplies she wanted. Everything had to be prepared for their meal and the apartment cleaned from top to bottom to meet Justin’s exacting standards. For Justin, she could tolerate the patronizing attitudes of the older staff in the department store and ignore the jealous hostility of a couple of little hotties who had designs on him.
This would be the welcome home to end all welcome homes. She wanted to show him how good family life could be. He would never offer marriage; she’d resigned herself to that. A permanent commitment would be the best she could expect, but she would happily accept it.
He was capable of caring, if he would only tear down the barricades he had erected around his heart. He didn’t want commitment because he feared getting hurt, like she did. Where they differed was that she was prepared to take a risk to find happiness again, and he wasn’t.
I’ll change that, she vowed fiercely. Once you come back and see what Lilly and I have to offer, you’ll realize we all need each other.
Fired with the knowledge she would make this homecoming unforgettable, she let her heart rule her head. She bought several colorful-helium filled balloons with the words ‘Welcome Home’ painted on them along with a decadent, cream-filled, chocolate cake decorated with fudge icing and whole strawberries. She also picked up a bottle of imported French champagne to go with their special treat after Lilly went to bed.
The cozy little alcove leading on to the balcony would be perfect for her plans. They could take the quilt and pillows off the spare bed for their little love nest. Her skin tingled. The butterflies in her stomach turned cartwheels. In about eight hours Justin would be home.
She filled the stroller up with her purchases and Lilly toddled along beside it. Her baby legs were growing stronger every day. She had gained a couple of inches in height since they moved in with Justin. Her hair, still snowy white, had grown thicker and started to curl now.
Holly went through the apartment like a tornado, cleaning everything. When Lilly went down for a nap she prepared their love nest. She had bought a small coffee table at a secondhand shop a couple of days after Justin left for Sydney. Covering it with a white cloth, she laid out red serviettes and silver dessertspoons. She let the balloons loose, and they drifted to the ceiling, hanging there like kites with long trailing multi-colored ribbons.
Making sure she fastened the door, she started on the dinner preparations. Her excitement escalated. She was behaving like a child awaiting a long-promised treat but couldn’t help it. Justin would be here soon.
She suddenly thought of the young soldier lying in his cold English grave, and goose bumps broke out on her arms.
“I have to go
on living, Robbie,” she whispered in anguish. “Justin is fond of Lilly. He can make both of us happy. I promise. I swear on the love we shared, your baby will never forget you. She’ll grow up knowing what a gallant soldier you were and how much you loved both of us.
Tears filled her eyes and she blinked them back. “Apart from you, Justin is the only man I could ever love,” she whispered. “This is my one chance to find happiness again. I know you haven’t been dead long. I should wait what your mother would call a decent interval, but if I don’t grasp this chance now, it will slip through my fingers, and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.”
She was wracked with guilt and self-doubt, punishing herself for something beyond her control. A sudden shaft of sunlight fell on to her face through the kitchen window, bringing warmth back into her cold cheeks.
By eight o’clock, Justin still hadn’t arrived. She rang the airport to check for any flight delays. There were none. Nine o’clock and still no word. The lovingly, prepared meal was ruined.
She scraped the food into the rubbish disposal unit and cleaned up the kitchen, her worry soon giving way to anger. Grabbing the phone, she dialed his mobile. It rang and rang something unusual in itself. He always answered straight away.
“Devereux,” he barked into his phone.
“Where are you?” She could hear music in the background.
“I’m still in Sydney. I’ve been delayed.”
“Really? And you couldn’t let me know?” Icy fury froze her previous anxiety into a block of ice. She sank to her knees and knelt on the floor. Her hand wobbled so much she clutched the phone tightly to keep hold of it.
“Sorry, I haven’t had a minute to spare. I didn’t realize it was so late.” He didn’t have any true regrets, she realized with a bitter shaft of pain. He didn’t care enough to be sorry.
She knew for certain now they had no future together. He only wanted her for sex, and by his code, she had been well compensated. He owed her nothing. Not even respect.
She went to bed simply because there was nothing else to do. Her emotions were frozen solid with grief and pain.
***
Holly decided the next morning on the spur of the moment to see Dr. Grogan the lady doctor who had treated her so well when she was pregnant with Lilly. She had been feeling depressed and sickly on and off over the last few weeks but ignored it. With Justin’s continued absence, her symptoms seemed to be getting worse. She probably needed a course of Vitamin pills. The doctor could check up on Lilly’s immunization program at the same time. They caught the train to the doctor’s surgery in Flemington, not far from old Mrs. Harris’ house.
“Good morning, Holly,” Dr Grogan greeted her with a smile. “Nice to see you again, Mrs. Harris told me you were back from England. Sorry to hear about your husband.”
“Thank you.”
“Ah, so this is Lilly. She’s grown since I last saw her.”
“I came about Lilly’s immunization, I think she’s due for another injection.” She handed over the immunization card from England.
Dr Grogan perused the records. “No, she’s not due for another six weeks. What about you, dear, you’re looking rather drawn and washed out?”
“I have been feeling out of sorts lately. I’m still breastfeeding Lilly a couple of times a day. I thought I might have got a period by now, but I haven’t.”
“Hop up on the examination couch. I’ll have a feel around to see what’s what. Have you heard from Mrs. Harris since she moved?”
“Yes, I wrote to her when I shifted to give her my new address. She sent me back a postcard. She loves it in Queensland, said she should have shifted up there years ago.”
“Good, I’m glad everything has worked out well for her. She nursed her husband for many years before he died. She had quite a hard time of it.”
Dr. Grogan took Holly’s blood pressure then felt her stomach. “Your blood pressure is normal. No chance you could be pregnant?”
“Pregnant?” Holly’s blood ran cold. “I have been in, um a relationship, but I got an IUD fitted in England.” Oh, God, please not this, not after everything else.
“They have been known to fall out.”
Holly lay on her back and drew up her knees, ready for the internal examination. She heard the snap of the doctor’s surgical gloves above the frantic pounding of her own heart.
“Well, my dear, I’d say you are at least four months pregnant,” she said after a thorough examination.
A roaring sound almost fractured Holly’s eardrums. She hadn’t heard right. Of course she hadn’t. She took several rasping breaths and grabbed the edge of the examination couch. Dr. Grogan had made a terrible mistake.
“I’ll send you for an ultrasound to check your due date.”
“Y...You couldn’t be wrong?” Holly stuttered. “I mean, it couldn’t be anything else?”
“No, given the clinical picture and my examination, I’m 99.9% sure you’re pregnant.”
“No! No!” Holly shoved a hand across her mouth to smother the screams.
“What about the father?”
“Justin will be furious…” A baby wasn’t part of their deal. Four months pregnant. She must have conceived almost immediately.
“I’m afraid he’ll have to grin and bear it. Responsible men accept these things after the initial shock wears off, make doting fathers most of them.”
Not Justin, Holly thought with despair. He would believe she did it on purpose to trap him into something permanent or to bleed money out of him.
How could she speak without going into hysterics? “Will you deliver the baby for me?”
“Sorry, I’m not doing obstetrics any more. The litigation risk is too high for GPs like me. I’ll refer you to a good maternity hospital.”
“Thanks.” Holly forced herself to speak calmly. In reality she wanted to throw herself down on the floor to scream and kick like some tantrum throwing two-year old, but she didn’t have the luxury. Would never have a luxury of any kind now with two babies to bring up on her own.
She trembled with the effort to keep her emotions under control until she left the surgery and struggled out into the street. Even then, she could only slump against the stroller and take in deep shuddering breaths. If there had been something suitable nearby, she would have kicked it. Kicked it until she had no strength left, or the bones in her foot snapped.
She ran on automatic pilot now. Get back to the apartment. Have a lie down. Gather your wits. Put one foot after the other. It’s easy, like soldiers on a route march. Left, right, left.
By some miracle, she managed to get back to the apartment without falling apart. She all but staggered into the elevator, and it whizzed up to the fiftieth floor with such speed, her stomach remained in the foyer.
The moment she entered the apartment and the door clicked shut, she sprinted to the bathroom and vomited in the toilet bowl. She dragged a trembling hand across her forehead. No surprise. It was drenched with perspiration.
She lifted Lilly out of the stroller, changed her nappy, crawled into bed and gave the baby her breast. “Go to sleep darling, please, I need time to think about what’s best for us.”
Holly lay staring at the ceiling. Except for Robbie’s death, this would have to be her darkest hour. The instinct for survival kicked in, her brain started functioning, taking control of her shattered emotions.
Tomorrow, if they could find accommodation, they would leave this apartment never to return. Justin wouldn’t help her voluntarily. If she took him to court and sued for child maintenance, she could risk losing Lilly if he turned nasty and joined forces with the Kirwans. He would be a ruthless enemy. No use deluding herself on that point. He hadn’t got to be a multi-millionaire by playing Mr. Nice Guy.
Her finances weren’t in such a perilous state any more. She hadn’t withdrawn any money out of the bank since moving in with Justin, so the pension money would have built up over the past few months.
A place to live w
ould be their main priority. Could they possibly return to the bungalow? No point ringing the real estate people now. She couldn’t speak without crying, and she didn’t want to sound like some desperate neurotic. One more day wouldn’t make much difference.
Having made a positive decision, something she wouldn’t have been capable of doing a few weeks ago, she felt composed. Liar. Numb, dead, and emotionally frozen were more accurate descriptions.
Common sense should have warned her about hoping for a future with Justin. Millionaires didn’t take up with poor young widows with a dependant child. Oh, Holly Kirwan was good enough for a few months of free sex, well not exactly free, but the costs were minimal for a man as wealthy as him. A mercenary woman would have bled him for gold or diamonds. Pointless to delude herself, if Justin found out about this baby, she would be given her marching orders quick smart. Better to leave now and avoid a nasty confrontation.
Chapter Fifteen
Holly woke up next morning feeling like death, but she somehow managed to bathe, dress and feed herself and Lilly. The human spirit must be a wondrous thing. She drummed her fingers on the kitchen table while she waited for nine o’clock to arrive.
“Please God, let the bungalow still be available.” She sent up a desperate prayer. “You’ve taken everything else of value away from me except Lilly.”
Keep calm, she told herself as she dialed the number with trembling fingers. After she got through to the real estate people, she almost fainted with relief. The bungalow was still vacant.
“My wife and I bought the place,” the real estate man explained. “We’d be happy to rent you the place for a few months on the same conditions as before. We’re thinking of demolishing the house and building a new one. It’s a heritage listed street so we’ve been caught up in a mountain of paperwork. You can move back straight away if you like.”
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