Love You

by Stacy Finz

  They went down the elevator and found a mostly empty cafeteria with only one person at the cash register and as she’d predicted the kitchen was closed. Darcy grabbed a cup of coffee and perused the cases of prepackaged foods, grabbing a bag of Oreos.

  “You really don’t need that, Darcy.” Geneva took the package of cookies out of her hand.

  Normally passive when it came to Geneva’s demands, Darcy lost it. “I haven’t eaten since breakfast, Mother. And if I want to stuff my face with cookies it’s my damned right.”

  “You don’t have to get testy about it.” Geneva eyed Darcy’s shorts and polo shirt. “I’m only trying to look out for you … for your figure.”

  “I don’t need anyone to look out for my figure, my figure is just fine. Better than fine. Nana could well be dying. The last thing I care about right now is how I look.” She snatched the cookies back, tore open a package of crumb cakes, and shoved one in her mouth just to be spiteful. The only thing Geneva hated more than Darcy eating junk food was people who ate their groceries in the store without paying for them first. She thought it was uncouth.

  Well, Darcy thought Geneva was uncouth.

  “I’m sorry.”

  The apology took Darcy aback. She hadn’t even known the words existed in Geneva’s vocabulary.

  “We’re both under stress,” Darcy said, though Geneva’s criticism was standard operating procedure.

  “Yes. But I shouldn’t tell you how to eat. It’s awful.”

  Another shock for the ages. Her first impulse was to tell Geneva it was fine, that Darcy wasn’t insulted, but she was sick to death of being passive-aggressive. “You’re right, it is. It’s also hurtful and has given me a life-long complex.”

  Geneva looked away but not before Darcy saw tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry for that as well. Apparently, my preoccupation with perfection lost me a family.”

  Darcy wasn’t sure if her mother was playing martyr. “You haven’t lost me, Mother.”

  “I’ve lost your father.”

  Darcy started to say this wasn’t the time for Geneva to whine about her pending divorce. Nana was hanging on by a thread and today wasn’t about Geneva. But Darcy noticed a shadow of desolation pass over her mother’s face that was so poignant it made her stop.

  She wiped an empty table with a handful of napkins and told her mother to sit. “Are you okay?”

  There was a long pause, then Geneva cleared her throat. “I should’ve been better to you … to Max … to Hilde. And now it’s too late.”

  “It’s not too late for me, Mother,” Darcy whispered because she was having trouble finding her voice. “I’m still here … I’m still with you.”

  Geneva teared up. “I was the last person you called when Hilde had to be rushed to the hospital. I’m your mother and yet I was the last person you called.”

  “You were second because Dad’s her son,” Darcy argued. But her mother was right. She’d called Geneva out of obligation, not because she thought her mother would lend her moral support or a shoulder to cry on.

  “That’s not what I mean and you know it. You love me, Darcy, because I’m your mother. But you don’t like me. And I can’t say I blame you. Since Max left I’ve been taking a hard look at myself and there’s not a lot to like.”

  Her mother spoke the truth so Darcy did too. “There could be, you just need to stop being so critical. Do you know what it’s like to never be able to live up to your mother’s expectations? To never be good enough? To never be beautiful enough or smart enough, or successful enough?” Darcy closed her eyes. “It’s crushing. It’s scarring. It’s … heartbreaking.” She turned away so her mother wouldn’t see the stream of tears running down her face.

  Geneva reached across the table and touched her arm. “I just wanted you to reach your full potential. Don’t you see, I only had your best interests in mind?”

  She said it like Darcy had been a slacker. Someone who sat around all day, cramming her face with Doritos, and failing school. But she’d been a good student, a good employee, a good wife, and where had it gotten her? “Maybe I’d already reached it, maybe I was all I was going to be. Why couldn’t that be good enough? Why?”

  “You were good enough, Darcy. You’re a wonderful daughter, more than any mother could hope for. The problem’s with me, not you. In my eyes, I couldn’t be a perfect mother unless I cured you of all my insecurities.”

  “As a result, you made them mine, Mother.”

  “I’m just starting to become aware of that.” Geneva’s voice sounded so sad that Darcy wanted to reach out and touch her. But the past had made that difficult, her mother had always been untouchable. “Do you think we could ever have a relationship? A real relationship.”

  “I don’t know,” Darcy said honestly. She wanted to. She’d always envied mother-daughters who were close, who actually enjoyed shopping or eating at restaurants together. But her resentment for Geneva ran deep. “I’d like to try. But first you have to understand that I’m not always going to be who you want me to be or do what you want me to do. Lewis, for instance. We’re never getting back together, Mother. Never.”

  Geneva started to open her mouth and stopped herself. “I realize that. I suppose it took me long enough but I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s over. That man, the handsome one with the funny name, the one who lied to me, does he mean something to you, Darcy?”

  She wanted to say no, that he was just a friend and a colleague, but she’d never been a good liar. “Yes.” It didn’t matter, though. Win was a great many things. Friend, lover, coworker. But a committed partner he was not.

  Geneva didn’t say anything. Darcy got the impression she didn’t like Win and was pretty sure the feeling was mutual.

  “We should probably get up there and see how Nana is doing,” she said.

  Geneva rose slowly. For the first time, Darcy noticed the crow’s-feet around her mother’s eyes and the wilting flesh around her lower jaw. Geneva Wallace had always been the picture of youth and beauty. Not so much anymore. It suddenly made Darcy sad. They’d lost so much time together. So much precious time.

  “I love you, Mother.”

  Geneva came around the table and hugged her. “I love you, too, Darcy. I have always loved you.”

  *

  Three days later, Nana rallied enough to have the procedure, though it was touch and go. Despite being awake and lucid, Darcy had never seen her grandmother this frail. She seemed to have dropped ten pounds and her color was chalky. Fearing a stroke, her doctors decided to keep her in the hospital a few extra days for observation.

  By the fifth day, Darcy was climbing the walls and decided to return to Glory Junction long enough to sleep in her own bed and retrieve a fresh nightgown and clothes for Nana to come home in. Max and Geneva had both gotten hotel rooms so they could be there round-the-clock and their constant bickering was driving Darcy nuts. A short reprieve was exactly what she needed.

  Although TJ had threatened her with bodily injury if she stepped one foot in GA, she went to the office anyway. Just for an hour or two to catch up and find out what was going on with the FlashTag account, she told herself.

  Win had come to the hospital a couple of times and had sat with her and her parents throughout the entire three-hour procedure. But summers at GA were busy and there were tours on the books that he couldn’t reschedule and not enough experienced guides to pick up the slack. Considering all that—and the fact that he wasn’t really her boyfriend—he’d gone above and beyond.

  She was more appreciative than he would ever know. For the first time in her adult life, someone other than Nana had been there for her when she needed it most. The fact that it was Win was the biggest surprise of all.

  “Hey.” He met her at the door, sweaty and dirty and better looking than any man had a right to be. He went in for a hug and stopped himself. “I just climbed Sawtooth and am pretty ripe. How’s Hilde?”

  “Improving … I think. What’s going on
here?”

  “Same old. No word from Madison. TJ said she’s not returning his calls.”

  Darcy let out a breath. “She’s angry that you two didn’t have an affair for the ages.”

  Win squinted at her. “Very funny. That was never on the table.”

  She believed him. But a woman could dream and there were no shortages of the Madison De Wolks of the world. Beautiful, accomplished women, setting their caps for Win. It would always be like that.

  “What do we do now?”

  “Wait. Let TJ do some world-class sucking up.” He shrugged. “Want to have lunch? I need to shower first but it shouldn’t take long.”

  “All right.” She was hungry and looking forward to something other than hospital cafeteria food. Chicken wings from Old Glory, maybe.

  “You going back to Sacramento tonight?”

  “First thing tomorrow.”

  “Good.” He grinned. “Should we stay at Hilde’s place or mine?”

  Darcy darted a look around the lobby. “Shush. We’re done with that, remember?”

  “Nope. Can’t say I do.” He sauntered toward the men’s locker room, arrogance in every step.

  She went to her desk and sifted through time cards, making sure no one had screwed up her payroll system. TJ used to do it but as soon as he’d figured out that she could accomplish the work in half the time, he’d shunted the duty to her. Even after a promotion, she suspected she’d still be doing it, which was fine because she liked it. Darcy listened to voice mail and jotted down messages. Potential clients calling with questions about GA’s programs and packages. Most of the pertinent information was already on the website but some wanted to talk to a human. She could understand that.

  Twenty minutes later, Win stood by her desk, impatiently tapping his toe. His hair was damp and he had on fresh clothes. He smelled good, like soap and sunshine. “You don’t need to do that.”

  “Five more minutes.” She blew out a breath. Only a few days since she’d been gone and everything was already in disarray.

  She managed to get the mess into some semblance of order, grabbed her purse, and walked with Win over to Old Glory. They were approaching July but it felt more like August, hotter than a furnace. As soon as they got a table, Darcy checked her phone to see if there were any updates on Nana. Her parents promised to call if she took a turn for the worse.

  “Anything?” Win asked.

  “Nope. No news is good news.” She would call after lunch just to make sure. “How’s it been here?”

  “Busy. And I missed the hell out of you.” He leaned across the table and pecked her on the lips.

  “What was that for?”

  “Nothing.” He sat back with a self-satisfying grin. “I’d kiss you for real but we’re in public.”

  She arched a brow. “We talked about this, remember? No more kissing.”

  “Because of Madison? That’s just bullshit and you know it.”

  It wasn’t because of Madison. Win had dropped Madison to rush to Darcy’s side when Nana went to the hospital, probably losing a lucrative account for his family’s business in the process. He’d been the only person in her life besides Nana to ever put her first. If she hadn’t already fallen for him that would’ve clinched it. “I told you from the beginning that you and I were strictly temporary.”

  “Yeah, that was stupid so I overruled it. We’re still doing this.”

  “You don’t get to decide,” she said.

  “But you do?”

  A server came to the table and they ordered. Darcy scanned the restaurant to see if anyone had overheard them. The other diners seemed oblivious to the conversation, immersed in their own or their eyes pinned to the two flat screens in the bar.

  When the waiter left Win persisted. “I like you, you like me, what’s the problem?”

  The problem was she liked him too much. And according to the physics of love, one person always got the short end of the stick and that person was always her. “It takes more than like to sustain a relationship.”

  He held her gaze. “The truth is I’m crazy about you and I think you’re crazy about me.”

  He got the last part of that right. She wasn’t buying the first part. Win was bored and she was his new playmate. “Right.” She folded her arms over her chest, defying him to prove it.

  “You don’t believe me?”

  “It’s not that I don’t believe you. I just don’t think it’ll last, given your revolving door policy. Besides, I’m not your type. Britney is, even though she was Looney Tunes. And she and I don’t exactly truck in the same circle. You’re larger than life, while most of the time no one knows I exist. You dazzle while I fade into the background, which is fine. I don’t need to be the center of attention.” Though she wanted to be recognized for her accomplishments. But that was enough, she didn’t have to be the star of her own reality show. Whereas a spotlight followed Win wherever he went. “Women vie for your attention while I … Let’s put it this way, no one is banging down my door to pose in a cheesecake calendar.”

  Win rolled his eyes. “Emphasis on cheese. Wow, I’m that shallow to you, huh?”

  “Pretty much,” she lied, because he was much deeper than anyone knew. But he was a sportsman who loved a challenge. An impossible mountain to climb, an extreme backcountry slope to ski, a big wave to ride, and an unwilling woman to conquer. But after laying herself bare she wanted to save a little face so she accused him of being superficial.

  Their food came and they ate in stony silence. He picked up the check after a brief tug-of-war over the bill and they shuffled out, still not talking to each other. They got to GA and she was about to go inside when he steered her to his Jeep.

  “What are you doing, kidnapping me?”

  “We’re going somewhere private where I can talk some sense into you.”

  “I’ve got stuff to do, Win. I have to check in with my grandmother.”

  “Go ahead. No one’s stopping you.” He opened the passenger side and hoisted her into the cab as if she weighed nothing, his hands drifting down her backside. The man was all hands. There was no sense fighting him so she decided to hear him out.

  While he took the main road out of town she called the hospital. Nana answered and sounded better than she had in days but a nurse came in and she had to go.

  “Mom and Dad are still there, right?”

  “Yes, dear, and they’re driving me nuts.” But Darcy got the impression it was a good nuts. Hilde was happy to be surrounded by family … and to be alive.

  “I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow, Nana. Anything you want me to bring?”

  “Bring Mr. December. I could use a little eye candy.”

  “I heard that, Mrs. Wallace,” Win shouted into the phone. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

  She chuckled and hung up.

  “Now there’s a woman with taste, unlike her granddaughter.” He pulled into Reggie Brown’s driveway.

  “What are we doing here?”

  “Looking. Reggie’s out of town for two days. He’s giving a tomato talk at UC Davis.”

  Darcy didn’t ask how he knew that, figuring they’d been in touch over the cabin. “Are you getting it?”

  “Not unless the deal with FlashTag goes through, which isn’t looking too good.”

  She let out a breath. “I’m sorry, Win. You should’ve stuck with Madison.” She turned in her seat to face him. “But what you did for me … I think you saved Nana’s life. If it wasn’t for you pushing me to transport her I think she would’ve … Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me, be with me.” His blue eyes held hers like he was staring into her soul. “All that shit you said at Old Glory isn’t who I am, Darcy. Maybe it once was but it isn’t anymore. And all that stuff you said about yourself, it’s crap. You’re the one who’s bigger than life. Anyone who doesn’t see it is blind. I’ve never felt the things I feel for you with any other woman.” He turned away and gazed out over the property. “I
was hoping you’d be a part of this with me, even move in at some point.”

  “You’re asking me to live with you?” Except for saying the L word, he was pulling out all the stops, she’d give him that. But how soon until he found someone or something else to entertain him?

  “Yeah. If it’s not this house I’ll find another. Just say yes, that you’ll give us a chance.”

  She was quiet for a long time. “You’ll get bored and where will that leave me?”

  “That’s the thing Darcy, I won’t. Every day with you is a crazy adventure, whether you’re sneaking into my bed or making me follow one of your strict schedules, or popping off with your smart mouth. God, you make me laugh. And the sex is epic. You light me up, baby.”

  She stared across the cab at him, stunned. Could he really mean it? A dozen thoughts filtered through her head and when she added them all up it came down to one thing. Fear. She was scared out of her mind. Divorcing Lewis had been painful and had made her feel like a fool and a failure. But she’d survived. She wasn’t sure she could with Win. He had the power to destroy her.

  His hand slid across the console and clasped hers. “Take a risk on me. You won’t be sorry.”

  “I can’t move in with you,” she blurted. “Nana needs me now more than ever.”

  He nodded. “Okay. We can work that out in the future.” Future? As long as she’d known Win he’d never looked past tomorrow. “But be with me, be my girlfriend. The rest of it is just details to be figured out later. You’re good at that kind of stuff. Come on, Darce, just say yes.”

  She wanted to, she really did. But it felt like she was back at the zip line, staring 250 feet below.

  “What would this girlfriend thing entail?” She was stalling.

  He smirked like he knew he was about to seal the deal. “Lots of sex for one. Your Nana’s pie and us being a team.”

  “I don’t like sports.” That was the other thing. He better not expect her to suddenly become a hiker or a biker. There was zero chance of her skiing anytime soon and she was allergic to kayaks.

  “I don’t mean that kind of team. Leave the adventure sports to me. I’m talking about an emotional partnership.”