by Gina Gordon
Even as a kid, there was always a tormented look on his face. And she had watched him sleep before. Years of family camping trips, stuck in a tent with both boys she had the opportunity to look. And she had looked a little too much and for too long. Carrie often wondered if she had spent her time thinking about someone else if her feelings would still be as strong.
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” He was awake, his voice a little rough.
Carrie looked up at him. His eyes were a light green in the morning, not as dark, not as haunted as when the stresses of the day or memories of the past came back into focus.
“How do you know I’m thinking about anything?”
“Please.” He stretched his legs and pulled away from her but only for a second. Aleks rolled back toward her, his warm skin heating up her own. “I know that face. That’s the ‘what am I going to do face’. You really do analyze everything, even first thing in the morning.” He chuckled.
“Well, I have a lot of things on my mind.” That was an understatement. Between the store, her new line, all the new business Aleks had brought her way, the party and now this– Carrie’s brain was fried, her thoughts racing around at an uncontrollable pace. That was why Carrie didn’t really date.
“What’s on your mind, Care Bear?” He wrapped one arm under her shoulders and draped the other across her upper body. He hugged her closer. “Come on, we talk about this stuff all the time. Why not when we’re naked? It is much more relaxing.”
He always had the talent to bring her back into focus. Settle her down, stop her mind from spinning out of control. If he wanted to talk, there was only one question she wanted answered.
“Why do you have sex the way you do?”
He stared down at her, a confused expression on his face.
“You wanted to turn me over. You didn’t want to look at me.”
Aleks let out a rough breath and fell away from her body. “It’s nothing.”
“I don’t think so.” When he still didn’t answer, she asked, “Is it me?”
“No!” Aleks replied quickly. “It’s not you.”
“Then?” She tried to coax him into answering her question.
“We’ve never talked about this kind of stuff before.”
“There’s a first for everything.”
He rubbed his hands over his face and let out a grunt. “It’s too close. The only time I sleep
with a woman face to face is if there’s...” Aleks turned his head, and Carrie looked at him with compassion. She needed him to know she wouldn’t judge him. “If your brother or someone else is there with me.”
“Oh. I wasn’t expecting that answer.”
“There’s a buffer. Usually women who partake in that sort of thing aren’t really looking for a connection, so I don’t have to worry. But alone, face to face is too close.”
“But you did it with me,” she pointed out. He nodded. “Are you upset that you did it with me?” This time his head moved in the opposite direction. “Then why did you do it?”
Aleks looked up at the ceiling again. “Because you asked.”
“Why won’t you look at me?”
“I look at you.”
“No, you don’t. Not really. When you were on top of me that was the first time in a long time that you really looked at me.”
“You can tell a lot about a person just by looking in their eyes.”
Carrie loved the direction of their conversation. She just never expected Aleks to be so sincere. “I know. Your eyes always say so much.”
“That’s exactly why I don’t look at you.” He pushed the comforter off and sat up, resting his upper body against the headboard. “You know what my mom used to say?”
His mom? Aleks hadn’t spoken about his mom in fifteen years. Never. Even if she’d tried to bring it up.
“She used to say that my eyes gave away what I was feeling. That all you had to do was look at me and you could tell exactly what I was thinking.” “It’s true.”
“That’s why I don’t look in your eyes. That’s why I don’t want to look at any woman. Do you think they would like to see the blank look on my face? The disinterest.”
Disinterest. She should have known. Carrie knew it the first time they were together. He’d stared off into space even though his body covered hers. Yet she came back for more.
“So you don’t look at women because they don’t interest you. Yet you sleep with them.”
“I’m interested. Maybe the right word is invested. It’s just sex. There’s no need to have any intimacy. There’s no need for me to see what they’re thinking or what they’re feeling.”
“No strings attached. That’s exactly what we’re doing, right?”
Carrie needed to stick to the plan. She couldn’t let her heart get any more involved. Especially since he’d confirmed that sex for him was just a means to release.
“Yeah, just having a good time.” Aleks let his head fall back against the headboard. She watched him stare up at the ceiling.
The last five minutes had been a huge leap for Aleks in terms of talking about his feelings. Carrie had to wonder why, after all these years of friendship, he picked this moment to lay his feelings on the table.
He continued to surprise her. “Are we going to talk about the pink elephant in the room?” “You mean the fact that we’re lying in this bed?”
“That’s exactly what I mean.”
“I say we quit while we’re ahead.” That was the most logical option. Whether her heart
agreed was a different story. “What do you mean?”
“I think we shouldn’t push the envelope. I don’t want our relationship to suffer.”
“I agree.” Aleks turned his head to face her, but he didn’t make eye contact. “So that’s it?” “That’s it.”
They both sat silent for a moment. Carrie really didn’t know what else to say, so she decided to change the subject. “We’re nowhere near ready for the party.”
“I’ll take off Thursday and Friday from work. I’ll do whatever last minute things need to get done. Be your chauffeur. Your errand boy.”
“Errand boy.” From out of nowhere a tingle of desire ran through her body. “I like the sound of that. There are so many things I could get you to do.”
He seemed to get the same idea and leaned over and kissed her. “Maybe we should start now.” “I thought we were done?” They were supposed to be done. That’s what he wanted.
“Done is so final.” He kissed her again, this time trailing his kisses down her neck toward
her breasts. “This decision is so delicate that I think we need to revisit it.” Aleks pulled away the comforter and sucked in a nipple.
“Mmm...hmm.”
He stuck his head underneath the cover and continued his exploration between her legs. Maybe they needed a goodbye fuck. A final fuck. A one-more-for-the-road fuck.
“I agree. Definitely something to revisit.”
Chapter 12
Tired and confused, Aleks parked his car in the back lot of the bar. He had just left Martina and Carrie after hours of prepping for the party the next day. The Taylors were going to be so surprised and impressed. Not that he could take much of the credit. Carrie and Martina had done all the planning and ordering. Aleks and Rob were the muscle. They set up tables and chairs, moved around furniture, made sure the bar was stocked and the trellis for the ceremony was secured in its place.
He was desperately in need of a drink. After a shower and shave, Aleks headed out to meet up with Rob and a couple friends.
The Harp was an Irish pub, complete with homage to the Celtic nation and the countdown to St. Paddy’s Day ticking away behind the bar. Aleks entered the small space and was greeted by the scent of grease. A pleasure to his tummy after a day of hard labor. He was starving.
When he walked in, his friends were already gathered at the back of the room, Rob included. In the middle of the table, sat two pitchers of beer and a s
tack of plates topped with napkins and wet naps, indicating that chicken wings were already on their way.
“What took you so long?” Rob shouted across the bar as Aleks made his way over to the table.
“Turko’s a woman when it comes to his appearance. You should know that by now.” William “Billy Bob” Bennett liked to give Aleks a hard time.
“Maybe if you took a few extra minutes getting ready Billy Bob you might actually be out with a woman instead of being here with us.” Aleks grabbed hold of Billy’s head and pulled it into his chest mimicking a noogie.
Aleks wasn’t one for primping and prepping, but today it took him a little longer to get himself together. After spending the afternoon with Carrie his mind was in turmoil. He was happy their relationship hadn’t suffered as a result of their roll in the hay, but on the other hand they were back to where they were before. Which was the point, wasn’t it? Just a no-strings fling. It was supposed to be, but somewhere along the way Aleks let himself get sucked into believing that maybe, somehow, a relationship with Carrie could be possible. By the way she’d treated him today, there was no way that was happening.
While shaving, he gave himself a pep talk, then he had no choice but to pull on his cock in the shower after he regrettably glanced at his bed. The image of Carrie spread eagle, touching herself for his pleasure, would be forever burned into his brain. Finally, he jumped in his car and headed to the bar.
Aleks pulled out the wood chair and took his place in front of Rob, making himself comfortable. “If I’m that late, what did I miss?”
“Just Billy Bob going on about a questionable date he had this week.” The fourth member of the group, Marc, filled Aleks in on the scoop.
“She exists, you ass,” Billy Bob spat.
“Are you sure about that? Because the last time you talked about going on a date, Kurt Cobain was still alive.” Three out of the four men laughed. Billy Bob didn’t find it so amusing.
“Ha Ha. I’m glad you can all laugh at my expense. We can’t all be pussy magnets like Turko.”
“Pussy magnet? I like the sound of that.” Although Aleks wasn’t taking advantage of his magnetic prowess lately, he did enjoy the nickname.
“Al, you haven’t been much of a magnet lately.” Rob. Leave it to him to notice Aleks’s lack of female companionship.
“Aleks Turko not a magnet. Please.” Billy Bob snuffed off Rob’s comment.
“Actually, now that you mention it, you haven’t had any outrageous stories in the last little while.” Marc, like Rob, was astute.
“Haven’t had much to talk about. Haven’t been with too many outrageous women lately.” Completely untrue but Aleks couldn’t exactly spill the beans about Carrie. If Aleks had to be completely honest with himself, she was the most outrageous woman he’d ever been with. He just didn’t have bragging rights.
“That’s all you date are outrageous women,” Billy Bob yelled. “The day Aleks Turko settles down is the day those flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz invade Canada.”
“Interesting analogy but I do agree.” Marc put in his two cents. “You’re just not meant for long-term relationships. We all have to live vicariously through you, man.”
Rob interrupted, “Speak for yourself. I have my own living, breathing fantasy. I don’t need Turko’s embellished tales of sex and more sex.”
“Embellished? You break my heart.” Aleks looked at Rob with amusement, but in reality he was one hundred percent jealous of him. “Maybe one day I would want a relationship.”
The three chuckled then Billy Bob chimed in. “You’re good for one thing and one thing only. Fucking. Aleks Turko and a relationship–never going to happen.”
“Don’t ever change, man.” Marc slapped Aleks’s shoulder from across the table. “You have a gift. Losers like us need something to keep us going.”
Aleks took a long gulp of his draft beer. Although he joked around at his own expense, he couldn’t help but take to heart what his friends thought of him. Not meant for long-term relationships. What did that mean for Carrie?
Aleks looked over at Rob who, despite laughing, had a curious look in his eye. Or maybe it was pity. Rob had something special with Martina and probably thought Aleks would never find that kind of happiness. He was right. The only person Aleks could ever imagine growing old with was Carrie. What right did he have to disrupt her life? She wanted something from him that he couldn’t give. But what if he could be that man? She made him want to be that man.
With her it wasn’t about taking, it was about giving. He wanted to give her everything. Carrie wanted him to demand sexual submission, but that didn’t sit well. These feelings, these strange, new feelings were tearing him apart. Making him believe that he deserved a better life than the one he’d planned for himself. A life with Carrie was a figment of his imagination. Aleks needed to put an end to this while he still had the chance. Carrie deserved to be happy, and he obviously wasn’t the man to give her happiness.
The waitress walked over to the table and set down two baskets of wings and a plate of french fries. The smell of hot sauce wafted up from the table, and Aleks’s stomach growled in hunger. All four men dug in without a second thought. The conversation thankfully changed to something other than Aleks’s love life. Or sex life. That would be a better description according to his friends. But the conversation was drowned out by his own thoughts.
Should he even be thinking about a relationship if all he was good for was a fling? Aleks already knew commitment, love and the whole shebang weren’t his style, but something about Carrie made him want to give it a try. Now his friends had reinforced his greatest fear. He wasn’t good enough for her. He would only hurt her, take what he wanted, and then leave her in the dust.
Maybe it was a good thing that Carrie only wanted something casual. She wasn’t invested, therefore unable to get hurt. Maybe he needed to do something to show her it really was casual. That he was just as detached as she was. No sense in dwelling on something he couldn’t even understand, let alone change his life for it. Aleks was going to need a distraction. When presented with a dilemma there was only one thing that would take his mind off his troubles. And this time his troubles were huge.
Chapter 13
The Taylor’s backyard had been transformed into a Hawaiian paradise. Tiki torches were lit along both sides of the fence, the tables were adorned with fresh orchid centerpieces and the guests were greeted upon arrival with leis while they enjoyed a buffet of traditional luau fair.
Guests arrived from all over the city–not to mention a few out-of-towners–to celebrate. Her parents renewed their vows under a white trellis covered with flowers. Carrie and the guests watched eagerly from round tables scattered throughout the yard.
The ceremony went off without a hitch. Her parents were ecstatic. Their friends and family mixed and mingled, having a great time as they enjoyed the Hawaiian themed decorations and food. Carrie watched her parents. They were in the center of a group of people, smiles a mile wide as they laughed and reminisced with friends. Thirty years of marriage. How did they do it? Her entire lifetime her parents had been rock solid. A team to look up to. A team to which she could mold her own ideas about love and relationships. Sort of wasted on her. She didn’t have a prospect in sight. The only face that came to mind when she thought about her future husband–Aleks Turko. Carrie had always dreamed of building a life with the one person who was put on this planet just for her. It was something she desperately wanted. Yes, she was a romantic, a hopeless cheese ball. Maybe one day her children would be hosting a party just like this one for her and whoever happened to steal her heart from Aleks.
And that man needed to make a quick entrance. That man needed to steal her heart and steal
it fast, because to her left Aleks stood with a perky blond bimbo on his arm. How he had the audacity to bring a woman to the party after what they’d shared was incomprehensible. Or was it? No strings attached. They didn’t have any rules about dati
ng. Aleks never said he was invested. That didn’t mean it didn’t sting, made her heart ache more than it ever had before. This bimbo was more than just a bimbo, she represented Carrie’s inadequacy. Her inability to hold the attention and affection of Aleks Turko.
That didn’t seem to be the case when they were in bed, or in the store’s changing room. Chalk it up to him being a red-blooded male and enticed with the opportunity to stick his dick in any available hole. It had been her decision to proposition him. Twice. It had been her mistake. She had to deal with it, but that didn’t mean she had to stand there and watch.
Before Carrie had the chance to take off, a familiar face came into view.
“Hello, dear.”
“Hi, Mr. Turko. Thanks so much for coming.” Carrie lifted herself on her tiptoes and gave
Aleks’s father a hug.
“What have I told you about the Mr. Turko business? It’s John.” “Sorry. Old habits are hard to break. Are you enjoying yourself?”
“Absolutely. You did a great job.” He stole a glance at her parents. “Your parents are very lucky. I’m glad Aleks had some exposure to a normal relationship. I’m afraid I wasn’t the best role model.”
Carrie couldn’t help but notice that Aleks kept glancing in her direction. Even more now that she was standing with his father. Aleks’s relationship with his dad was strained, but that hadn’t stopped her from growing to love him over the years. During all the time she spent at the Turko home, it was Mr. Turko who made sure she had her own room to sleep in, that she was served first, that noticed she needed extra time in the bathroom. Despite not being the best at showing his feelings or recovering from his wife leaving him, he was a good dad. He just might not have shown Aleks the way when it came to women, letting him grow up believing that building a life with a woman could only lead to heartbreak.