Feeling her eyes on him, Kevin looked up from his work and turned his head, their eyes meeting from across the room.
“Lilian?”
Her eyes widened and her cheeks turned a pale shade of pink when she realized that he’d caught her staring. She looked away, turning her head in an attempt to pretend she hadn’t been watching him work. Her heart felt like a pantheon of gods were partying in her chest.
What… what is wrong with me?
Lilian clutched at her chest, which was pounding harder than it ever had before. She glanced at Kevin, whose mouth had opened to say something. He didn’t get the chance, however, as the microwave chose that moment to beep.
“I’ll get that!” Lilian announced before Kevin could speak. She hurried over to the microwave, pulling out the chicken to begin prepping it as she tried to calm her racing heart.
What is wrong with you, Lilian? Why are you getting so flustered? This isn’t like you at all. You need to calm down.
When she managed to bring both her heart rate and the heat in her cheeks down to manageable levels, she turned to Kevin.
“Could you bring me those ingredients, please?”
Kevin frowned, but did as he was asked “Yeah, sure,” he grabbed the ingredients and measured out the amount Lilian had requested.
It happened while he was handling the dried oregano. He had finished measuring the spice at the same time Lilian reached out to grab it. A jolt like an electric current traveled through them as their hands made contact. The feeling of electricity traversed their arms and shoulders, then made a path down their spine, sending shivers in its wake.
Lilian almost lost control of her transformation and let her ears and tails out―which would have been bad, since Kevin’s mother was sitting in the living room with Kotohime. Her body shuddered from the crown of her head down to her toes.
“Kevin…”
The sound of Lilian’s breathless voice made his spine stiffen and forced him to look at her. She was staring right at him with those big, beautiful emerald eyes. A moment later he noticed their hands were still touching.
“Ack! S-sorry!”
Kevin tried to jerk his hand away, but Lilian was too quick. She snatched it out of the air before he could fully retract it.
“There’s nothing to apologize for.” Lilian pulled his hand to her face, bringing it to rest on her right cheek. “I don’t mind if you touch me. I like it when you touch me.”
Kevin’s mind, which should have been screaming at him to pull his hand away, had fallen strangely silent. He knew that he should remove his hand, but for whatever reason, he couldn’t do it, almost as if he didn’t want to remove it.
Once again, Kevin had to marvel at just how soft Lilian’s skin felt. The finest silk, imported from whatever country had the best quality silk, simply couldn’t compete with the unblemished and impossibly smooth perfection of Lilian’s skin. From a purely physical standpoint, this girl had absolutely no faults. She was so beautiful it frightened him.
“L-Lilian?”
Lilian’s eyes, which she’d closed to further enjoy Kevin’s touch, fluttered open, locking him in place, freezing him like a statue made of ice. His mind went on the fritz. A strange buzzing like the sparks of an overloading circuit board filled his mind. He couldn’t think, he could scarcely breathe, all he could do was focus on the vision of loveliness before him.
“Yes?”
“My hand…”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s presumptuous of me to be so physical with you, especially after you told me that you only like me as a friend.”
“Ah… n-no, that’s not…”
“But I can’t deny my desire to be with you.” Her eyes bored into his, hypnotizing him with their undeniably enchanting mien. “You don’t have to be with me if you don’t want to. I would never try to force you to love me.” She paused, considering something. “At least, I would never try forcing you to love me the way that I love you. Seducing you is an entirely different matter.”
Kevin twitched, momentarily forgetting that his hand was resting against her cheek. “How is that any different?”
“It just is,” Lilian insisted. Kevin would have shouted at her or something, but became mute as the feel of her impeccably soft lips brushing against his rough palm rendered him speechless. “But please, regardless of how you feel about me, will you please just let me be close to you? I want to stay by your side, even if it’s just like this.”
Confused and guilt-ridden, Kevin found his defenses crumbling. Despite how much experience he had when it came to dealing with Lilian, hearing that voice filled with earnest longing, seeing that open and honest expression looking at him with a love so intense it terrified him… it made resisting her impossible.
“Lilian… I…”
Lilian’s eyes, half-lidded and filled with an fervent desire for intimacy, gazed at him with unfathomable depths. He could easily get lost within those orbs that seemed to reflect a never ending sea of viridian. Yet even as he stared into her vibrant irises, his gaze was invariably drawn to her soft pink lips, parted and glistening and oh so kissable. All he would have to do was…
“Yes?” Lilian’s voice, nothing but a breathy whisper, caused the hairs on the back of his neck to rise. Maybe it was his imagination, but it seemed like her face was drawing closer.
His mind lost within a haze of desire, Kevin didn’t even chance realize that it wasn’t Lilian moving toward him, but the other way around.
Kevin tilted his head.
“Lilian…”
Lilian tilted her head up to meet his, standing on her tiptoes to help close the distance between them.
“Yes?”
“I just… wanted to…”
They were so close, close enough that Kevin could pick out the individual features of Lilian’s beautiful face. Even from this distance, mere centimeters apart, her face looked perfect.
“What is it, Kevin?” Lilian’s breath, warm and carrying the scent of cinnamon, caressed his lips and sent goosebumps racing across his skin.
“I think that I… that I want…”
“Go on…”
Kevin didn’t say anything. He was beyond the ability of being able to form words. His body, mind and heart, it seemed, were unable to resist the hormonal compulsions controlling them. He closed his eyes and leaned even closer.
Lilian’s actions mirrored Kevin’s. She shut her eyes and tilted her head further. They were so close now that she could practically taste his lips and it was driving her insane. She’d always wanted Kevin, yet her desire for him had never been stronger than it was now. She didn’t want him. She needed him.
Their lips were barely a centimeter from making contact. Just a little bit farther and—
“Ara, ara, you two are taking an awfully long time in here. Would you like me to help you prepare dinner?”
Like a man who’d been smacked in the face with a scorching hot frying pan, Kevin jerked away from Lilian. With his eyes wide and his cheeks looking similar to burning coals, he busied himself with measuring ingredients.
Lilian shot Kotohime the most vicious glare she could muster, but the older kitsune was unfazed. The maid-slash-bodyguard simply tilted her head and smiled innocently.
“No,” Lilian ground out, practically spitting venom. “We’re fine. Thank you for your concern, though.”
Kotohime’s knowing smile really pissed Lilian off.
“Don’t mention it, Lilian-sama.” The smile widened, further angering the twin-tailed beauty. “This humble Kotohime will always be there to help Lilian-sama make the best choices possible.”
“Hmph!” Without giving the other woman another glance, Lilian set about helping Kevin finish dinner.
She and Kotohime were going to be having words, and soon. Her bodyguard was definitely overdue for a long, harsh conversation.
***
Kevin’s mind was in turmoil as he got ready for bed that night.
Dressed in a pair of
long pajama bottoms and a baggy t-shirt, he stood in front of the bathroom mirror flossing his teeth.
Kevin wasn’t really sure what had happened back there in the kitchen, nor did he understand what had possessed him when he’d been making dinner. He’d almost kissed Lilian! Kissed her! What had he been thinking? Yeah, he liked the girl, but enough to actually kiss her? No… well, maybe. He honestly didn’t know anymore, and that was the problem.
Even though all of Lilian’s flags had been raised—and before he’d even realized it to boot—he had yet to instigate any romance between them because he didn’t want to give her false hope. He still didn’t know if these feelings, these desires, he had for her were because he actually loved her, or because of her body. He’d never felt this way before, not even about Lindsay. His body craved Lilian with an intensity that honestly scared him.
Another factor he needed to consider was whether he even deserved to be with Lilian. While he had never treated her poorly, he had spent a good deal of time pushing the girl away.
There was also his confession to Lindsay to consider. Sure, she had turned him down, but the fact remained that he had confessed to her, and it didn’t change that his confession had hurt Lilian. Someone like him, who could confess to a girl when another girl so obviously loved him, didn’t deserve a person like Lilian, did they?
He was actually grateful that Kotohime had interrupted them before he and Lilian could do something he might regret later on.
Speaking of their resident maid-slash-bodyguard, he was very impressed with her poise--terrified beyond all belief, but also impressed. Lilian had been seemingly trying to bore a hole through Kotohime’s skull throughout dinner, but the kimono-clad femme had completely ignored it. That woman was colder than ice.
After dinner Kotohime had offered to clean the dishes, and Lilian had decided to help. It was obvious, even to him, that her reasons for helping Kotohime had less to do with helping, and more to do with speaking to the woman. Kevin didn’t know what they were talking about, but if the hard stare Lilian had been giving the maid meant anything, he was probably better off not knowing.
Kevin looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps. By now, he’d grown so used to the way she walked that he knew it was her before the door even opened.
“Lilian,” he greeted, trying not to let the heat threatening to overflow from his cheeks get past the first few layers of skin. He probably didn’t succeed, but whatever.
The drop-dead gorgeous kitsune had donned a simple light blue spaghetti strap shirt and flannel pajama bottoms of the same color. The shirt outlined her figure well; he could make out hints of her bust and the small dip showed trace amounts of cleavage. And while those pants were incredibly modest―especially for Lilian―somehow, he couldn’t help but think they looked adorable on her.
How can someone so beautiful also be so dang cute?
“Kevin.” Lilian stopped when she saw him staring. “Do you like my outfit?”
“Um, yeah, it… it looks really good on you.” This time, Kevin knew he had failed to conceal his blush. His face felt hotter than a furnace. “Really good.”
Lilian’s smile caused his heart to skip a beat. “You really think so?”
“Yes, it’s, well, it looks really cute on you. And the clothing contrasts nicely with your hair. I…” Kevin coughed into his hand. “I really like it.”
“I’m glad. You know, your mother said the same thing.”
“Really?”
“Uh huh. You almost quoted her verbatim―except for the stuttering you did at the end there,” she added with amusement. Kevin tried not to feel embarrassed.
“Ah, well, consequences of having a mom in the fashion industry, I guess.”
His eyes followed Lilian as she stopped beside him and grabbed a toothbrush.
“Are you and Kotohime good now?” he asked tentatively.
“I believe so.” She squeezed some toothpaste onto her toothbrush, turned on the faucet, and held the brush underneath it. “Why do you ask?”
“No reason.” Feeling more than a little uncomfortable in Lilian’s presence, Kevin quickly finished his nightly ritual and hurried to leave. “I’ll see you in my room.”
“Okay.”
The last thing Kevin saw of Lilian was the fox-girl brushing her teeth. Then he closed the door behind him and leaned against the frame, his hands clenching into fists.
Why was being in Lilian’s presence so difficult? He wanted to be with her, to bask in her presence, but at the same time, he also wanted to run away. He didn’t understand it. It was maddening!
Why is everything so difficult?
Kevin pressed a hand to his face. He took a deep breath, held it for several seconds, then released it. After that, Kevin began making his way down the hall―
“Kevin-san.”
―When a voice spoke up behind him and a hand fell on his shoulder, scaring the crap out of him.
“Holy flying butt monkeys!”
Spinning around, Kevin’s wide eyes stared at Kotohime. He placed a hand to his chest, feeling his heart beating against his ribcage like the Yggdrasil Drive of a Knightmare.
“Holy crap, Kotohime! Don’t do that!”
“Ara?” Kotohime tilted her head. “Don’t do what?”
“That! Don’t sneak up on me like that!” Kevin closed his eyes as he released a slow, shuddering breath, feeling his heart rate slowly drop back to normal levels. He opened his eyes again and focused on the katana-wielding kitsune. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
“No. But, now that you mention it, I must confess, that does not sound like a bad idea. Maybe if you died of a heart attack, Lilian-sama would be willing to go back home.”
“Geh!”
Not a bad idea? How could she say something like that, and with such a straight face? Did she really wish he was dead?
“But I digress,” Kotohime continued as if she hadn’t just told Kevin that she hoped he would drop dead. “I was actually hoping to speak with you before you retire for the night.”
“Eh?” Her words startled Kevin. Why would she want to speak with him when it was clear she didn’t like him? Or, maybe it was because she didn’t like him that she wanted to speak with him.
He looked at the restroom door. It would be several more minutes before Lilian finished.
He turned his back to Kotohime. “I guess we could talk.”
“Excellent.” Kotohime clasped her hands together. “Now, if you would just follow me.”
Kevin trailed after Kotohime as she led him through the small hallway, into the living room, and out the front door.
She wants this conversation to be private…
That thought worried him, especially since she still had that katana in her hand. Still, he gamely followed the woman down the stairs. She wouldn’t kill him in such a public area…
… Right?
“What do you think of Lilian-sama?”
The question was so sudden that Kevin almost tripped and face-planted on the asphalt. “H-huh?”
“Do not make me repeat myself.” Kotohime’s hard stare reminded Kevin of a jungle predator ready to pounce. “Just answer the question.”
Kevin was so frightened of Kotohime that he answered her before his mind even caught up with his mouth. “Uh… well, I really like Lilian. I mean, hanging out with her is really fun… and stuff.” Even he winced at his own answer. It was certainly not the most eloquent answer he could have given. To be fair, the question had caught him by complete surprise.
Kotohime apparently didn’t find his answer satisfactory, either.
“I see.” Kotohime’s stare was reminiscent of sharpened razors. Kevin felt like she could slice him in twine with nothing but a look. “Lilian-sama loves you. I know this, so I know that you know this as well. And yet, despite knowing about her feelings, all you can say is that you like spending time with her? Is that really the best answer you can come up with?”
“What else
do you want me to say?” Kevin asked with a feeling of helpless insecurity.
“I want you to tell me how you really feel about Lilian-sama. My ward is in love with you. She loves you so much that she is willing to disown herself for your sake. Do you have any idea what that means? A kitsune who has been disowned by their clan is considered a disgrace among kitsune. It’s a sign of weakness. It also means that she would no longer have the protection of her clan, which, for a kitsune like Lilian-sama, is imperative to have. However, she is willing to do this for you. She is willing to go that far because she loves you, and yet you refuse to reciprocate her feelings. Can’t you see how much your indecision is hurting her?”
“I didn’t know…”
Kotohime scoffed. “Of course you didn’t know. I bet you didn’t even think about how this would affect Lilian-sama. You’re so busy caught up in your own feelings that you won’t even spare a second to consider hers.”
“That’s not…”
“And for what? Because you’re too scared to tell her how you really feel? What kind of man are you? A real man would never leave a young woman waiting for an answer after she has confessed. You’re a disgrace to men everywhere!”
Oh, that did it.
“You think I don’t know that?!” Kevin shouted, glaring at the four-tails. “Do you really think I don’t understand what this means for Lilian? That I haven’t considered her feelings? I know how Lilian feels! And I know that I’m hurting her! You think I like that I can’t make up my mind? That I enjoy causing her pain? I don’t! But this isn’t something I can help! I don’t even know how I feel about her!”
He and Kotohime glared at each other. Kotohime kept silent, surprisingly, allowing him to take a deep, shuddering breath.
“I’ll admit, I like Lilian. I like her a lot. She’s an amazing person, she’s fun to hang out with, and I’ve never met a girl who shares the same likes and passions as me. Every day I spend with her brings something new and exciting. But to go from liking someone to loving them?” Now it was Kevin’s turn to scoff. “Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t even know what love is.”
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