A Fox's Maid

by Brandon Varnell

  Perhaps the reason I can appreciate humanity’s worth is because of him…

  Kotohime’s quick head-shake dispelled that particular line of thinking. It was best not to travel down that road. She’d already been there one too many times since arriving in Arizona.

  That is just another reason to disapprove of Kevin-san.

  Kotohime eventually arrived at her destination, one of several cookie-cutter apartments in a nice, well-maintained complex. Several people eyed her as she strolled sedately past them, but she ignored their lingering gaze as she traveled along the pavement toward one apartment in particular. She walked up the stairs and knocked on the front door.

  “Discúlpeme! I shall be there in just a second!”

  Footsteps reached her ears, proceeded by the rattling of a chain before the door swung open a moment later.

  “Ah! Hello there, my lovely señorita. How may I be of assistance today?”

  “You can be of assistance by dropping the act first,” Kotohime stated flatly, “and stop using that internet translated Spanish. It’s terrible. You can also drop the illusion.”

  “Ma bella flor, I do not know what you are―”

  “I said drop. The. Illusion.”

  Juan looked at Kotohime for several seconds, then at the katana gripped tightly in her hand.

  “Very well,” he sighed theatrically, allowing his body to shift. His olive-colored skin turned a much darker chocolate brown, and his eyes went from light brown to pure onyx. Even his large, yellow-blond pompadour haircut disappeared, replaced by short black hair. Finally, one dark black fox-tail with a white tip sprouted from his tailbone and a pair of droopy fox ears appeared on his head..

  “I hope you’re satisfied. I rather like that disguise, and do not particularly enjoy being in this form,” no longer speaking in his fake Spanish accent, Juan’s voice had become much deeper.

  “Of course you do. Only someone like you could possibly enjoy disguising yourself as an idiot.” Juan pouted. Kotohime ignored it. “Now then, are you going to let me in, or should I let myself in?”

  “Ah, of course. Come inside and make yourself at home.” Juan smiled as he held the door open. “You know that my humble abode is always welcome to one as beautiful as yourself.”

  Kotohime shook her head, but didn’t say anything as she entered the apartment. Juan closed the door behind her.

  Surveying her new surroundings with the sharp eyes of a warrior, Kotohime found that Juan’s room was just as eccentric as the young man himself. The floor was… pink. Bright, hot pink. It almost looked neon. His walls were a splash of psychedelic colors; an amalgam of reds, blues, yellows and greens that swirled

  together in disturbing designs. She felt dizzy just looking at them. Even his furniture looked like something a pot-smoking hippy would own.

  Juan walked further into the room, but Kotohime remained where she was. He turned to face her, arms spread wide, eyes twinkling and with a grin to match.

  “Do you like my abode? I got this furniture for a bargain price. I must admit, I didn’t know if I would like this seventies theme, but after watching ‘That 70s Show,’ well, I knew that I just had to decorate my home like this.”

  “Yes, well, you are about forty years behind the times,” Kotohime stated in carefully concealed disgust.

  “That just makes it vintage.”

  Kotohime resisted the urge to facepalm. She would not let this… this boy know how much he irritated her.

  Juan sat down on his multi-colored rainbow couch, arms resting against the head. Kotohime imagined smacking the superior look he sent her right off his face with her katana. She considered herself to be someone who was firmly in control of their emotions and behavior, but this boy really knew how to push her buttons. They’d only met a few days ago and already he bothered her.

  “But you did not come here to discuss my incredible decor, did you? You wish to know something, right? You want some more intelligence. I’m fairly certain that I have already told you everything you could possibly wish to know.”

  “I have come here for two reasons. Firstly, I want you to stop pestering Lilian-sama.”

  “Oh ho? So you’re here to boss me around, then, are you? I’m sorry to say this…” he paused, then smiled widely. “Actually, I’m not. I don’t listen to the orders of the Thirteen Great Clans. Arizona is neutral territory.” Juan raised a hand and waved it airily through the air in a dismissive gesture. “I have no reason to listen to you or any other kitsune emissary, regardless of which clan they hail from.”

  Dark brown eyes narrowed as Kotohime caressed the hilt of her katana with her left hand.

  “You do realize that if I wished to, I could kill you faster than you could say Monstrang-dono, correct? As a kitsune hybrid, you lack the power, never mind the skill, necessary to even think of contesting me.”

  “It is as you say.” Juan looked surprisingly calm in spite of the threat. “You could indeed kill me if you so wanted, but we both know you won’t. I am too valuable, both to you and to the other yōkai who come seeking the information I possess. Yes, those other yōkai. If they came here and discovered that their most valuable resource for intelligence had been killed, well… let us just say they wouldn’t be thrilled. Now, put away your sword.”

  “Tch!” Kotohime clicked her tongue in annoyance, but did as she was told.

  “Smart move.”

  Juan smiled approvingly, and with a good deal of condescension. Kotohime just looked at him in disgust. This was why she hated dealing with middlemen. They always thought themselves more important than they really were. Unfortunately, she did need him alive―for now.

  “I’m going to tell you right now that I will not stop in my pursuit of your charge. It is much too fun, but for the sake of keeping things amicable between us, I will lessen the amount of time I spend around her.” Juan placed a hand on his cheek, tapping his nose several times with his middle finger.

  Kotohime wasn’t pleased, but knew there wasn’t much she could do to stop him. “I suppose that is the best offer you will give me.”

  “It is.”

  “Fine then,” Kotohime gave the kitsune-hybrid a flat stare. “I want all the information you have on Kevin Swift and the people he associates with, Valsiener… san.”

  “Very well.” The smile on Valsiener’s face disgusted her. “But that information will not come cheap. Oh, and even though this place is secure from prying eyes, I would prefer it if you called me Juan.” The smile widened. “After all, that is the name I have chosen for myself, and I am rather fond of it.”

  ***

  Kevin watched Davin Monstrang count out nearly 100 bucks in cash, which was his pay for the week.

  Until school was back in session, Kevin had decided to return to delivering newspapers full-time. Sure, it meant having to wake up at two a.m. every morning, but at least he made more money.

  “Here you go, brat. Try not to spend it all in one place.”

  Kevin almost rolled his eyes. He would have, too, if this man didn’t petrify him so much. Seriously, the last thing he wanted was for this guy to sumo him or something. He’d be squashed like a pancake!

  “I’ll try not to, sir.” Kevin was just about to leave when a thought occurred to him. He looked back at his humongous boss and asked, “Have you ever had feelings for someone, but didn’t know if what you felt was love or simple affection?”

  “…”

  Monstrang just stared at him. A lot.

  Kevin felt a drop of sweat trickle down his left temple.

  “… Right. Forget I asked.”

  ***

  Lilian cooked by herself that morning.

  Kotohime was busy showering and Kevin was out delivering newspapers, so the task of making breakfast was up to her. She honestly didn’t mind, and even enjoyed cooking―mostly because her—hopefully—future mate loved her cooking, and she loved it when he praised her.

  Her tails elongated to incredible lengths, one str
etching all the way to the pantry and the other heading to the fridge. They began pulling out various ingredients and setting them on the counter: bread, deli meat, cheese, condiments and lettuce. Those items weren’t for breakfast, but to make sandwiches for their get-together that day.

  The other day, Ms. Swift had suggested inviting their friends over for a small gathering. Having not had a get-together in a while, Kevin decided it was a good idea. Lilian, who’d never done anything like that before, also felt intrigued by the suggestion. It sounded like a lot of fun, so she was hopeful that she would enjoy herself.

  A soft beeping let her know that the coffee was finished brewing. One of her tails reached out and put it on the table while the other grabbed some milk, then the sugar, and mixed a healthy dosage of both into the coffee. She retracted them both immediately after. Ms. Swift would be waking up soon, and the last thing she needed was for her—hopefully—future mother-in-law to accidentally learn about her foxy nature.

  True to form, less than five minutes after the coffee was set on the table, Ms. Swift came stumbling in.

  “Coffeeeeeee…” The woman moaned. Lilian almost giggled. Ms. Swift really did remind her of those zombies she and Kevin shot in those arcade games. “Coffeeeee….”

  Her lips twitched. If Kevin had not confirmed that this woman was, indeed, his mother, she would have never believed it. Kevin was hard-working, an early riser and competitive. Thus far, Ms. Swift seemed to be a rather lackadaisical individual, couldn’t wake up in the morning without coffee, and didn’t seem to have any of the competitive streak her son had. Their closeness, however, was undeniable. The play-fighting, the way they teased each other, it was without a doubt the type of bond only a mother and son could have―and the type of bond she wished to have with her own mother.

  Best not think about that, Lilian. Keep your chin up. No depressing thoughts today.

  Ms. Swift plopped bonelessly into her seat. She almost knocked over the coffee when her body slumped forward. Almost. Instead of tipping it over and sending coffee everywhere, the mother of one leaned down and stuck her mouth directly over the cup, slurping it up without even lifting a hand.

  A trickle of sweat rolled down Lilian’s face.

  What an odd way of drinking coffee.

  “Ah… Coffee…”

  While Ms. Swift lapped up her coffee like a dog and Lilian finished preparing breakfast, Kevin Swift entered the apartment. Gingerly taking off his shoes in the entryway, he padded through the living room and stopped just outside the kitchen entryway.

  “Good morning, Kevin,” Lilian greeted with near blinding radiance. She hadn’t been able to say goodbye since he’d left so early this morning. “How was delivering the morning newspapers?”

  “Not bad. Kinda boring though.” Kevin rubbed the back of his neck, which Lilian had learned was a habit of his. “I did see some really cool wildlife, which was nice. There was a family of roadrunners crossing one of the streets. That was pretty cool, but, other than that… well, delivering newspapers is nothing but a routine.”

  “Coffeeeeeeee…”

  Kevin and Lilian sent Ms. Swift an odd look as she suddenly moaned. They promptly sweatdropped when she started licking the inside of her cup, as if trying to eek out every last dredge of the caffeinated beverage lying therein.

  “That’s too bad,” Lilian said before perking up. “Maybe you could take me with you next time? That way you won’t be bored.” Kevin’s chuckle made Lilian cross her arms and pout, complete with childishly puffed-out cheeks. “Muu, don’t laugh. I don’t think my suggestion was that funny.”

  “Sorry,” he apologized, his lips peeling back in a slight grin. “It’s not that your suggestion was funny… well, it was, but not for the reason you’re probably thinking. Anyway, I doubt I could fit you and the morning newspapers on my bike. There’s a lot of newspapers, about a hundred, so they take up almost all the space.”

  “Oh, that’s too bad…”

  “Mm… Coffeeeee…”

  Once again, Ms. Swift got nothing but strange looks from her son and Lilian.

  Kevin shook his head. “Anyway, I’m pretty sweaty, so I’m going to take a shower.”

  “A shower?” Lilian blinked.

  “Yep. I’ll be done in a little while, so save me some food, okay? Don’t let my mom eat it all.”

  “U-um, w-wait! Beloved!” In her surprise, Lilian used Kevin’s pet name. “You don’t want to go in there! Kotohime is―”

  But she was too late. Lilian could only hold her breath in dreaded anticipation. A strange stillness hung in the air, stifling and thick, yet so silent that not even the crickets dared to chirp. Graveyards would’ve been jealous of how still the room had become.

  She hurried over to the kitchen entrance, sticking her head out and peering down the hall, waiting.

  She didn’t have to wait long.

  “A-a-a-ahh!” A startled gasp. Kevin. “Ko-K-K-Koto-Koto… eh… what?”

  “How dare you!”

  A loud bang rang throughout the apartment. A terrified shriek followed soon after, swiftly proceeded by more banging.

  “If I had my katana with me right now, I would gut you like a dog!”

  “Don’t you mean gut me like a fish―EEEK!”

  “I know what I said!”

  Loud squeals rang throughout the house, like the cries of a dying cow.

  “I should have known you were no good! You are completely unworthy of receiving Lilian-sama’s affection, you lecherous fiend!”

  “Hey! Don’t blame me for this! You’re the one who forgot to lock the door―HOLY CRAP!”

  Lilian watched as Kevin ran out of the hall and into the living room. Several obviously thrown objects followed him, including but not limited to soap, shampoo bottles, hair care products, toothpaste, toothbrushes and…

  “Oh, my god! Is that a kitchen sink?!”

  … a kitchen sink.

  “Where the heck did you get that?!”

  “You don’t need to know, you unworthy brat!”

  As Kevin dodged randomly thrown objects ranging from small household appliances to the washing machine, Lilian sighed. This was going to cause problems. She just knew it.

  Back in the kitchen, Ms. Swift finished off her coffee with a satisfied sigh. Only then did she see what was happening in her living room. She blinked. Once.

  “… Is that a kitchen sink?”

  ***

  Kevin’s friends started arriving around noon.

  “Alex, Andrew,” Ms. Swift greeted the twins as they stepped into the apartment and took off their shoes. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you two. Almost a year, if I’m not mistaken. I hope you’ve been well.”

  “We’ve been doing alright, Ms. Swift.”

  “Yeah, never better.”

  “Although we kinda hate your son right now, no offense.”

  “Too true.”

  “Oh, dear.” Ms. Swift put her hands to her cheeks. “And what has my son done to earn such animosity?”

  “Nothing,” Kevin said as he walked up to the pair, “I haven’t done anything. They’re just being jerks.”

  “I think you’re the jerk for keeping so many beautiful women to yourself,” Alex retorted.

  “That’s right,” Andrew nodded in agreement, “first you hide Lilian from us, and then we find out that you’ve got some goth girl pining after you, and don’t even get me started on Kotohime. I don’t understand how you could get a woman like that.”

  “He can’t.” All eyes turned to Kotohime, whose ferocious glare made them back up and caused Kevin to shiver. “I would never lower myself to even think of dating a perverted little cretin like Kevin-san. He is very lucky that Lilian-sama is so infatuated with him, or I would have castrated him by now.”

  Kevin audibly gulped.

  “Stop threatening my ma―I mean, stop threatening Kevin, Kotohime,” Lilian’s voice echoed from the kitchen. Multiple heads turned to see the red-haired vixen sta
nding in the entryway, foot tapping agitatedly on the floor. “And get back in here. I need help preparing the salad. I can’t remember how to make the dressing.”

  Kotohime sighed, but acquiesced to her ward’s command. “Very well, I shall be there in just a second, Lilian-sama.” She tossed one last glare at Kevin, who broke out into a cold sweat, then made for the kitchen.

  “Holy shit, Swift,” Alex muttered in shock. “I thought she was going to slice your head off or something. What the hell did you do to piss that woman off so much?”

  Kevin shook himself out of his fright. “You don’t wanna know.”

  Alex and Andrew took one look at the shivering Kevin, and then both wisely decided that, yes, they were probably better off not knowing.

  ***

  Eric stood in front of the door to his best friend’s apartment. He checked himself over in the window, from which he could just barely make out his reflection. Smoothed back hair? Check. Sparkling teeth? Check. Packet of condoms in the chest pocket of his shirt? Double check. A grin spread across his face.

  Today was the day. Oh, yes. This was his day to shine. Today, he would show his Tit Maiden why he was so much better than Kevin Swift. Today, he would prove to his Goth Hottie that he was the only man for her. Today, he would convince Kotohime to let him motorboat her boobie bombs.

  It was all in the plan. And it was an ingenious plan, if he did say so himself.

  Spraying some breath freshener into his mouth, Eric coughed several times, took a deep breath, and then knocked on the door.

  The door slowly opened.

  Kotohime stood in the doorway.

  Eric damn near shit his pants.

  Her eyes glowered with terrible lethality. They were like blades; sharp enough to cut through even steel. They sliced through Eric’s soul, piercing him in ways he had never imagined being pierced. He could feel something horrible and awful and terrifying as he stared into those eyes. It pushed down on him, made him feel worthless, like dirt―no, like he was lower than dirt. He tried to look away, to turn his head, to do something, but her eyes, powerful and horrifying, held him in place. He felt like a pervert who’d been tossed into a women-only hot spring during the female kenjutsu practitioners bi-monthly anti-pervert meeting.