Among the Stars

by Matthew Ellis

  Sylvia said, “Fortunately, I’m a very patient woman.”

  Rachel said, “If there’s anything else I can do for you, let me know.”

  Sylvia asked, “Can I sit quietly in your big room and reflect?”

  Rachel said, “It’s called a sanctuary, and you’re more than welcome to reflect, pray, or do whatever else you feel necessary to find the answers you seek.”

  Sylvia said, “Thank you.”

  Rachel returned to her duties. Sylvia went into the sanctuary and sat in a pew near the altar. She grabbed a Bible, but she didn’t feel like reading. So she thought about all the things in her life that didn’t make sense. Then she started to pray.

  She prayed, “Dear God, please help me. I’m not sure you exist, but if you do, I need some help. My life doesn’t make sense. I’m not sure why I’m still here and not dead. I don’t understand why I remember things differently than everyone else. I don’t get why people seem to change from one day to the next when something happens to me. I don’t get any of it.”

  She was crying as she prayed. Tears flowed down her face and her nose filled with mucous. She blew her nose. She sat quietly in the pew for a moment and then continued.

  She prayed, “Please send me answers to life. I don’t get it. I feel like I must be pretty important to have survived death so many times, but I don’t get what I’m supposed to be doing. Why am I still here if there isn’t some grand plan for my life?”

  She was rocking in her pew as she prayed. Her hands started trembling as she spoke and she was sweating. Pastor Rachel heard her prayer and came into the sanctuary.

  Rachel asked, “Do you mind if I pray with you?”

  Sylvia said, “You’re probably better at it than I am.”

  Rachel said, “You’re doing fine. Praying isn’t memorizing some formal set of rules or scripts. It’s honestly seeking the face of God when you need understanding because you realize you don’t have any.”

  Sylvia said, “I don’t know if I’m seeking the face of God. I’m not even sure I believe God exists.”

  Rachel said, “Sometimes, it’s just being completely honest and seeking answers from wherever they come from.”

  Rachel and Sylvia prayed together for a while. They took turns speaking. Sylvia cried out for answers in her own words, and Rachel echoed her prayers with scriptures promising the answers that Sylvia sought.

  After two hours, Sylvia was too tired to go on with the prayers. Rachel hugged her and gave her some church literature. She also invited her to attend a regular church service. Sylvia took the literature and went home to contemplate the events of the past few weeks.

  Sylvia called Brian the next day and said, “Babe, I need to get some answers about my life. I’m going to Chicago for a couple days.”

  Brian replied, “Do you want me to come with you?”

  Sylvia said, “No, I need to do this alone. I’m only telling you, my best friend, Jenni, my boss and my mom.”

  Brian said, “I’ll miss you; are you sure you don’t want me to come along?”

  Sylvia thought about it for a moment. She would really like to spend the few days with Brian, but she needed to find answers to her life. Having Brian with her would be counterproductive.

  She said, “Not this time. We’ll take a road trip later on, though.”

  Brian said, “Okay babe. Have a nice trip. Call me when you get back.”

  Sylvia said, “I’ll do that.”

  Sylvia called her boss and asked if she could use her vacation time.

  Her boss said, “It’s short notice, but the store’s been slow lately. It probably won’t hurt anything.”

  Sylvia said, “Thank you. I’ll call you when I get back.”

  Chapter Nine

  Fellow Traveler

  Sylvia boarded a train bound for Chicago. She needed to clear her head. Recent events had, once again, made her doubt her place in the world. She took a seat next to an older woman carrying what looked like a purse.

  Sylvia asked, “Do you mind if I sit here?”

  The woman replied, “Of course not. Fate has placed you next to me.”

  Sylvia fought the temptation to find another seat. The woman’s comment made her uneasy, but not afraid.

  Sylvia said, “I’m Sylvia, what’s your name?”

  The woman responded, “I’m Kimberly, but you can call me Kim.”

  Sylvia asked, “Where are you headed?”

  Kim replied, “That’s not important right now. We have something important to discuss.”

  Sylvia felt more uneasy, but also felt compelled to stay where she was. Something drew her to Kim, and she had to find out what it was.

  Kim said, “Before you leave your seat and get away from me, let me explain a few things to you.”

  Sylvia was sure this woman was crazy, but she couldn’t leave. It was like all the muscles in her body turned to gelatin. She felt limp, but didn’t know why.

  Kim said, “You’re probably feeling limpness in your muscles. That happens to every traveler the first time they meet a fellow traveler.”

  Sylvia got scared. She started to hyperventilate.

  She asked, “What have you done to me?”

  Kim replied, “I haven’t done a thing. I thought the same thing when I had my realization. The universe holds you still to let you in on its little secret.”

  Sylvia’s eyes dilated, and her heart raced. She felt like something bad was about to happen.

  Kim said, “There’s no need to be scared. Nothing bad is going to happen to either of us. This is your realization. This is the day you get the answers you’ve been looking for all your life.”

  Sylvia asked, “What answers?”

  Kim said, “You know the questions you’ve been asking. You asked the universe for answers to why things don’t add up for you.”

  Sylvia angrily said, “You were spying on me in the church!”

  Kim replied, “No, I didn’t even know you went to a church. Some travelers look for answers in the stars, some in theology, some in science, and some in other people. You finally asked the question that’s been on your mind for years, and the universe sent me to explain it to you.”

  Sylvia stared at Kim with disbelief in her eyes. She was certain this was a hoax of some sort.

  Sylvia asked, “How do you know what questions I’ve had in my heart all my life?”

  Kim answered, “Because I used to have them myself. Then I asked for answers on my 40th birthday.”

  Sylvia said, “Prove it. What is the burning question on my mind?”

  Kim said, “There are three. Why is your memory constantly wrong, why haven’t you died yet, and how the hell do I know any of this.”

  Sylvia was amazed. It was as if Kim reached into her mind and plucked out the exact words she was thinking.

  Sylvia asked, “Who are you?”

  Kim replied, “I’m a fellow traveler. My name is Kim.”

  Sylvia asked, “What the hell is that?”

  Kim said, “You’ve died a few times. However, you didn’t die in your own timeline.”

  Sylvia said, “No, I thought I died, but they were only near death experiences.”

  Kim said, “No, you died; a whole bunch of times. That’s why your memory is muddied.”

  Sylvia asked, “How do you know that?”

  Kim said, “Because I’ve died 120 times. I can give you the list if you’d like.”

  Sylvia said, “It wouldn’t prove it.”

  Kim said, “Let me explain it to you.”

  Sylvia said sarcastically, “Yeah, go ahead and explain it to me.”

  Kim ignored Sylvia’s sarcasm. She took a deep breath and started the explanation.

  Kim said, “Every time someone like us has a death event, we leave the universe we were occupying and go into another one.”

  Sylvia said, “Do you mean like a parallel universe?”

  Kim answered, “It’s all very complicated and involves a great deal of study
in theoretical quantum physics. The important thing to remember is that your soul moves from one body in one universe into another body in another universe.”

  Sylvia said, “So, how does the universe know where to put my soul?”

  Kim said, “It takes your soul from the universe where you died and puts it into the universe that was created when the event split the universe into two parallel universes.”

  Sylvia said, “Aha, I just caught you in a lie.”

  Kim said, “How?”

  Sylvia said, “If that was true, my memories wouldn’t change. Everything in the two universes was identical up until that point.”

  Kim said, “But there are trillions of parallel universes being created every day. Every decision triggers a split, so sometimes the universe doesn’t quite look right because other decisions were changed at the same time.”

  Sylvia asked, “How does that explain why I remember the 1986 World Series differently than everyone else?”

  Kim said, “If you’re talking about the error on the first baseman that you remember as the third baseman, it’s because you died in every scenario where the third baseman made the error. Sometimes you die a string of successive deaths so quickly that the universe can’t let you remember all of them. It would be too stressful.”

  Sylvia asked, “That’s really specific. How did you know that I was thinking of that incident?”

  Kim replied, “Because the universe let me know what to say. Sometimes I control this, and sometimes the universe is in control.”

  Sylvia said, “The World Series has absolutely nothing to do with my life, though. I wasn’t playing in the game.”

  Kim said, “You’re not understanding a fundamental property of the universe. Everything in the universe, whether it is directly tangible to you or not, is connected. Nothing that happens in the universe occurs in a vacuum.”

  Sylvia said, “That seems to make sense, but my memory is fucked up a lot. Sometimes I think I have memory issues.”

  Kim said, “It’s not just major differences in memory, minor differences are caused by death as well. When you have a death that you don’t see coming, like a sniper killing you, your memory will be affected. People around you will remember things differently because they weren’t part of the universe where a sniper killed you.”

  Sylvia asked, “How does that affect my memories of things that have nothing to do with a sniper?”

  Kim said, “Again, it goes back to every universe where a sniper didn’t kill you had different choices.”

  Sylvia started to understand her life. Her memories had always felt wrong. She remembered things differently than the rest of the world and didn’t know why. Things were starting to make sense.

  Sylvia said, “That still doesn’t explain how you knew what I was before I sat next to you.”

  Kim said, “There are a set of senses you’re going to have once this conversation is over. You can’t control them, and you wouldn’t want to if you could.”

  Sylvia asked, “Like a superhero?”

  Kim said, “No, more like an obligation to inform fellow travelers. When I saw you, I knew what was going to happen. I couldn’t stop it even if I didn’t want to help you. I’m obligated to guide fellow travelers through their realization. You will be obligated too once this conversation ends.”

  Sylvia asked, “Do you have some sort of intuition about these things?”

  Kim replied, “No, I can physically see the universe all around you. The moment you got on the train I knew you were in search of your realization.”

  Sylvia asked, “So I’m going to be able to see other people like me and recognize them?”

  Kim said, “We’re called Travelers. You’ll be able to recognize fellow travelers who are looking for realization, and be obligated to help them. You’ll also be able to see travelers who have had their realization by their stars.”

  Sylvia asked, “So does this mean I’m immortal?”

  Kim replied, “No, it does not. Travelers live a predetermined length of time. The universe decides how long you’ll live, and it cannot be changed. The average traveler lives about 100 years. Some live longer, but some don’t live that long.”

  Sylvia asked, “You’re saying that every time I make a choice, I’m really another version of myself. Are all of them travelers, or is it just this version of me?”

  Kim answered, “No. The only way to become a traveler is to die at birth.”

  Sylvia realized that she died when she was born. She always knew that she barely made it through her birth, but she never thought she’d died that day.

  Sylvia asked, “So, only one version of me is a traveler?”

  Kim said, “Well, that’s a mystery. Since the version of you that was created by the stillbirth event creates new versions of you, there is some debate among travelers about what happens to them.”

  Sylvia asked, “You don’t have all the answers?”

  Kim said, “I’m not a god; just a fellow traveler. I only know what the universe tells me.”

  Sylvia said, “So there’s some secrets that I’m not going to know?”

  Kim said, “Being a traveler isn’t like being a deity. We’re not omniscient or omnipotent. We just have this gift, and we’re obligated to share what we know with fellow travelers.”

  Sylvia said, “So I’m the same as everyone else, but I have this gift and an obligation to share it with other people like me. Can I tell people who aren’t travelers?”

  Kim said, “You’re free to tell anyone you like, but don’t expect a great response to your confession. I was put in a funny farm for six months for telling the wrong people about my gift. You should probably avoid telling psychiatrists about your gift.”

  Sylvia asked, “How is this a gift? It feels more like a curse.”

  Kim said, “The responsibility is there, but there is also a great freedom.”

  Sylvia asked, “What freedom?”

  Kim said, “You don’t have to be careful how you live your life. If you die, you’ll just come back somewhere else.”

  Sylvia said, “But if I get injured or paralyzed, I stay right where I was. Then I have to deal with the consequences of my poor choices.”

  Kim said, “That’s true, but you could kill yourself and start over in a different universe.”

  Sylvia said, “I’ve always thought that people who commit suicide are cowards. They’re looking for a way out of their own bad decisions.”

  Kim said, “While I agree with you that people who aren’t travelers who kill themselves are cowards, the travelers who do it are just looking for a better path.”

  Sylvia asked, “But we can’t choose…”

  The universe wouldn’t allow her to finish her question. Kim didn’t hear it. The train’s lights flashed and Sylvia forgot what she was saying.

  Kim said, “If you choose to opt out of a universe, you might find a great place in the next one.”

  Sylvia said, “Or I could just end up in the same paralytic’s bed.”

  Kim said, “Yeah, there is that chance.”

  Sylvia asked, “So, how often will I meet fellow travelers in search of a realization?”

  Kim replied, “It’s totally random. Some travelers do two or three realizations in a lifetime, and some do two a day.”

  Sylvia asked, “What is it based on?”

  Kim said, “The universe picks the nearest traveler to the searcher and pairs them up.”

  Sylvia asked, “How many of these have you done?”

  Kim said, “You’re my 42nd realization. That’s why I sound so natural.”

  Sylvia asked, “What do you mean?”

  Kim answered, “The first few times you do a realization, the universe takes control and puts the words in your mind.”

  Sylvia asked, “So how long does it take before a newly realized person is obligated to perform one?”

  Kim replied, “It’s random. It could be next year, tomorrow, or before you get off this train. You�
�ll know when it happens.”

  Sylvia was satisfied with the answers Kim gave her, but something told her to keep her there. If she walked away, she might never get a full answer to her questions.

  Sylvia asked, “So the only danger about being a traveler is telling non-travelers about my gift?”

  Kim said, “Be especially careful not to tell psychiatrists.”

  Sylvia asked, “Are you just pissed that you got locked up for telling a shrink?”

  Kim said, “No, that’s only part of it. I’ve had other people tell me about their experiences with psychiatrists during realizations in the past. Some of them have horror stories.”

  Sylvia said, “Okay, I’ll be careful not see a shrink in the future.”

  Kim asked, “Have you seen one in the past?”

  Sylvia said, “A while ago, and I’m pretty sure it was in a different universe.”

  Kim said, “That doesn’t matter. Remember that half of all universes have you choosing to see a shrink. Once they have your information, they can use it against you in the future.”

  Sylvia said, “So I won’t see a psychiatrist. It’s pretty easy to not do something. Even if I do, it’s even easier to not tell them about my gift.”

  Kim said, “They already have your records. They know about the memory changes. They’ll put a label on you if you ever see one again.”

  Sylvia nodded her head and agreed. She didn’t understand why Kim was so fearful of psychiatrists. They’re doctors who are sworn to help people.

  Sylvia said, “Thank you, Kim. Will I ever see you again?”

  Kim said, “I’ve never seen any of the people I help with realizations again, so I doubt it.”

  Sylvia said, “I feel weird again.”

  Kim said, “That’s the realization ending.”

  Sylvia felt the blood rushing to her muscles as the realization ended. She regained control of her body as the train pulled into a station.

  Kim said, “This is my stop. The universe always seems to know how long these realizations are going to take.”

  Kim got her luggage and left the train. Sylvia could see her stars as she walked off the train and onto the platform.

  Sylvia thought, “I wonder if I can see my own stars?”