Interesting Places (Interesting Times #2)

by Matthew Storm

  “The real question is do we look like cyborgs?” Oliver asked. He turned around once as if he were modeling new clothes. “What do you think?”

  “I’d run away if I saw you coming,” the cat said.

  “That’s good, I suppose.”

  “It would be because I’d be afraid if I didn’t, I’d die laughing.”

  Oliver sighed. “They don’t convert animals, do they?” Tyler asked.

  “Not yet. I hope we’re not next. I wouldn’t like being a cyborg cat very much.”

  “You never know,” Oliver said. “You didn’t like being a talking cat at first, but you got used to it. You could get a little suit of armor. You might like it.”

  “You’re mean,” Jeffrey said. “If your bed was here, I’d pee on it.”

  Artemis was waiting for them downstairs when they were finished, another one of Tyler’s muffins in her hand. She looked them up and down. “You look acceptable,” she said. “I remember chastising Maria for bringing her work home with her, but in hindsight, I am glad she did. The assortment of pieces she collected saves us the trouble of going out to find new ones.”

  “That’s one way of looking at it,” Oliver said.

  “With their weapons, which Maria also favored us with, you should be able to pass as a patrol unit to any casual observers. I would prefer it if we could do something about your eyes, but it cannot be helped. Avoid any close contact with others and you should have no trouble. Remember to walk, and remain emotionless. I don’t want you two cracking each other up while you’re marching down the street.”

  “Yes, mom,” Tyler said. Artemis stared at him until he looked away. “Sorry.”

  Oliver glanced at the door. “How is it we won’t forget about all of this the minute we’re out there? I’m not going to go back to thinking a vampire just busted me out of the hospital?”

  “Given a lengthy enough exposure, you might. Mr. Jacobsen did not remember ever meeting you until he came inside the house for the first time. However, his excursions outside afterward had no effect on his restored memories. Nor did those of Maria. It appears that once you have been placed back in your original timeline, it is difficult to pull you out of it. I would avoid taking any vacations, though. Get a vehicle and return here at once.”

  “Where should we look?” asked Oliver.

  “The cyborgs use modified SUVs and Humvees pretty exclusively,” Tyler said. “It shouldn’t be that hard to find one if we just march around for a while.”

  “Pier 27,” said Jeffrey. Everyone turned to stare at him. “What?” the cat asked. “I was outside, too. There’s a bunch of stuff parked down there.”

  “How do you even know where Pier 27 is?” Oliver asked.

  “You think I can’t read signs? This coming from the guy who made me talk?”

  “Fine.” Oliver tried to imagine a map of San Francisco in his head. It had been a while since he’d driven anywhere without a GPS unit in his car. “That’s right off of Lombard. We should be able to walk straight there.”

  “You sure you don’t want me to just transform and run down there?” Tyler asked Artemis. “It would take me five minutes.”

  “If this house had a garage in which to hide it, perhaps,” Artemis replied. “However, as it does not, I believe that if the cyborgs saw a werewolf steal one of their vehicles, they would likely give chase. And once it was parked outside, they would almost certainly take it back and resume searching this area.”

  “That does make sense,” Tyler admitted.

  “Good luck, both of you,” Artemis said. “We will be waiting.”

  Oliver and Tyler stepped outside, assault rifles carried low as was normal for the cyborgs, and Oliver was shocked to see that time appeared to have stopped. Nothing outside moved and there was no sound, no wind, and nothing to indicate that he wasn’t looking at a painting. “That’s right,” he said to Tyler. “I forgot about this. It takes a minute for the world to catch up to us. Or us to catch up to it.” Oliver didn’t know exactly which thing was true, but he’d had the same experience the first time he’d set foot outside this house six months ago. Everything would seem still at first, and then slowly begin moving again. The last time he’d done this he’d seen pedestrians frozen in mid-step, and he’d plucked a motionless leaf out of the sky as if he’d been pulling it out of tar.

  “We’ve got a few minutes like this,” Tyler said. “I made it halfway to Geary before things started moving again yesterday. Let’s take advantage of it.” They made a left turn and began walking up the hill.

  They’d reached Grant Avenue and made the turn toward Lombard, passing one set of motionless cyborgs, before time slowly started catching up with them. In the distance Oliver could see more cyborgs slowly beginning to walk again, and a Humvee crossed the street ahead of them, seeming to speed up as it did so. By the time they reached Lombard things were back to normal. They turned right and began walking toward the water.

  Oliver scanned the sky above them for any sign of helicopters, or anything else that might spot them. “Try not to look too interested in anything,” Tyler said. “Remember, they just march when they’re out on the streets.”

  “How am I supposed to keep an eye out, then?” Oliver asked.

  “I don’t know. Just look casual.”

  Oliver wasn’t sure what a casual cyborg was supposed to look like, but he did his best not to look at any one thing for very long. As they marched another pair of cyborgs approached their position on the other side of the street.

  “Are we supposed to wave at them or anything?” Oliver asked.

  “I don’t know,” Tyler whispered back. “I never really spent a lot of time watching them. I was always kind of busy.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Running away. Or killing them.”

  “Let’s just ignore them.”

  They looked straight ahead as the other cyborgs passed by. The other two never gave them a second look. “Good,” Tyler said. “Let’s hope things stay that way.”

  “As long as nobody notices our eyes, we should be fine.”

  They walked until Lombard Street abruptly came to an end at the turnoff for Coit Tower. “Oh,” Oliver said. “I guess it doesn’t go all the way to the water.” They could see down to the bay from their location at the top of the hill, but there was no easy way to get there. If they hadn’t been trying to pass for cyborgs Oliver might have been willing to risk trying to pick their way down the hill, but that would look very odd to anyone who spotted them.

  “Goddamn San Francisco,” Tyler said. “Nothing about it makes any sense. Do you want to try Chestnut Street? That might go through.”

  “No, I think that one must end near those buildings,” Oliver pointed into the distance. “We’ll have to go up to Bay.”

  “I swear to god, I tried to get Artemis to move our office to Honolulu. ‘Lots of crazy stuff happens there,’ I said. ‘Just look what happened to me!’ But no…”

  “Hawaii doesn’t sound bad right now. Do you think the cyborgs made it that far?”

  “They haven’t yet. After the airports got shut down the military started shooting down anything that got close. Commander James said they’ve been trying ships but nothing’s made it through the blockade.”

  They turned and began walking back down Lombard. “I can’t believe we wasted that much time,” Tyler said once they reached Bay Street. “Artemis is going to be pissed.”

  “As long as we get back with a car we’ll be fine,” Oliver said. “I’m surprised we haven’t seen more cyborgs.”

  “Most of the ones in the city are working in the nutrient factories,” Tyler said. “And a lot of them have gone to the battlefront. There’s only a token force here, really.”

  “How many is that?”

  “Maybe fifty thousand. But they’re mostly on the other side of the city, near the ocean. There shouldn’t be more than a few thousand around here.”

  “Nothing to worry about, then,” Oliver gr
umbled. Then his eyes caught something strange and he stopped in his tracks. “What the hell is that?” he asked. Ahead of them, Oliver saw a patrol of four armed cyborgs crossing Kearney Street heading toward Fisherman’s Wharf. That by itself didn’t seem odd, but next to them he saw a girl in her late teens with long blonde hair skipping along beside them. She wore a green tank top with a golden ballerina skirt that reached to just below her knees. A pair of black ankle-high Doc Martens completed the outfit. While she clearly hadn’t been converted, she showed no fear of the cyborgs whatsoever. “How do they not see her?”

  Tyler followed his gaze up the street. “See who?”

  Oliver pointed. “Her.”

  Tyler looked again. “I see cyborgs. That’s all.” He gave Oliver a worried look. “You okay, buddy?”

  The girl skipped in a wide circle around the cyborgs, who ignored her entirely. Then she looked back at Oliver, gave him a cheerful wave, and disappeared with the cyborgs up Kearney Street.

  “That was weird,” Oliver said. “I swear I saw a girl with them.”

  “If there was a girl there, the cyborgs would have gotten her.” Tyler frowned. “You may be having some kind of time thing.”

  “Time thing?”

  Tyler shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe she was there at some point in the past and that’s what you’re seeing. The past. Like a side effect from being in two different timelines.”

  “A side effect?”

  “Give me a break. If you’re worried about it, ask Artemis. But let’s get moving. We’re almost there.”

  There was significantly more cyborg activity down at the pier. As Jeffrey had said, plenty of vehicles were parked in the area, much of which had been razed and repaved with weapon turrets spaced along the waterfront at regular intervals. Oliver wasn’t thrilled about the fact that it would remain impossible for them to go unseen, but as long as nobody got a close look they might still be okay. “Let’s get a Humvee and get out of here.”

  The nearest one was parked half a block away, with one cyborg standing just outside the driver-side door. There were unguarded vehicles farther away, but that put them much closer to the rest of the cyborgs than Oliver cared to be. “Let’s get that one,” Tyler said.

  “Do you think he’s not going to notice when we steal his car?” Oliver asked.

  “We’ll improvise. Just act like a cyborg.”

  They marched up to the cyborg in as casual a manner as Oliver could imagine marching would look. The cyborg showed no interest in them as they approached. “What is your designation?” Oliver asked. He’d noticed the cyborgs always seemed fond of that question when they interacted.

  “PT-8556BA. What is your designation?”

  “SCI-3422XB,” Oliver said. It was the only designation he knew off the top of his head. “We require this vehicle at the medical center. Please step aside.”

  The cyborg stepped aside without objection. Oliver could barely believe that had worked. “Carry on,” he said, stepping toward the door.

  “Hey, you used to work at that hamburger place in North Beach,” Tyler said, suddenly perking up. “I knew I recognized you.” Oliver winced. Cyborgs didn’t get nostalgic about their old lives. A moment later Tyler winced, as well.

  “That is irrelevant information,” the cyborg said. “You appear to be malfunctioning.” He took a closer look at Tyler. “No, it is not a malfunction. Your conversion process was unsuccessful. Allow me to assist you.” He held up his arm and an injector unit slid out of a panel in his wrist guard.

  Oliver stepped forward and shot the cyborg at point-blank range, then caught his body as he began to drop. Tyler helped him lay the cyborg down on the pavement. “Well, shit,” Tyler said. “Do you think anyone saw that?”

  “What has happened to PT-8556BA?” a voice asked from behind them. Oliver turned his head just enough to see a pair of cyborg boots.

  “A malfunction,” Oliver said. “We will take him in for maintenance.”

  “Yes, maintenance,” Tyler agreed. “Maintenance is required for this unit.”

  “Clearly,” the cyborg said. “Carry on.”

  Oliver continued pretending to inspect the fallen cyborg as the other one walked away. “Thank god they’re idiots,” Tyler said. “You’d think people being run by computers would catch on a little faster.”

  “They expect logic,” Oliver said. “This is the least logical thing anyone has ever done. Let’s stick him in the back and get out of here.”

  They lifted the cyborg by the arms and dragged him to the rear of the Humvee, then heaved him into the back. “It’s a shame,” Tyler said. “I loved those hamburgers.”

  “When we fix the timeline we’ll go there and give him the biggest tip he’s ever seen,” Oliver said. “Let’s get out of here.”

  The Humvee’s keys were in the ignition. Oliver assumed that cyborgs didn’t worry much about their vehicles being stolen. He switched it on. “Back the way we came? We’re not going to run into any streets that don’t go all the way there?”

  “I think we could try Chestnut,” Tyler said. “Oh, forget it. Better safe than we get stuck doing U-turns. Go up to Bay. It’s farther but we won’t get lost.”

  They managed to reach the house on Filbert Street without any complications. Artemis was waiting for them inside. “You took significantly longer than I expected,” she noted, sipping a cup of tea.

  “We got turned around,” Oliver said.

  “And we had to shoot a cyborg,” Tyler added.

  “I see. You were lucky, then. Anything else?”

  Oliver considered telling her about the girl in the ballerina skirt, but this didn’t seem like the right time for it. Maybe Tyler had been right and it was just some “time thing.” The girl he’d seen had been entirely at ease with the cyborgs, though, and she’d definitely seen him. “It was fine,” Oliver said.

  “Good. I have packed some food.” She nodded at a wicker picnic basket near the door.

  “Where did you get a picnic basket?” Oliver asked.

  “It has been here since the 1920’s,” Artemis said. “I do not know who brought it here originally.”

  “Other people know about this place?” Oliver asked.

  “It would seem so.” Artemis shrugged. “In any case, if they return, I am certain they will not miss it after all this time. If you think you will be needing anything else, you should collect it now.”

  “I think we’re all set,” Tyler said.

  Artemis looked at him. “Are you certain, Mr. Jacobsen, that you might not prefer to bring your standard clothing along with you? You will look like a walking target when we cross over to Sally’s world.”

  “Good point,” Tyler nodded. “I’ll get yours, too, Oliver.” He disappeared upstairs.

  Jeffrey rubbed against the girl’s ankles. “What am I supposed to do? I don’t want to be alone.”

  “I do not think we will require your services. However, I will not stop you from joining us.” Artemis frowned. “I do not recommend it, however.”

  “Why not?” the cat demanded. “You think I’ll just get in the way? I think you’re forgetting who kicked Dracula’s ass. It sure wasn’t these two knuckleheads.”

  “I had no doubt of your bravery. However, if we succeed in our mission, everything will be put right, and reality here will adapt. If we fail, we will likely be dead, and you will either join us in that fate or be trapped in a world even more unpleasant than this one, as hard to believe as that may sound.”

  “Oh,” Jeffrey said.

  “You’re staying,” Oliver said.

  “But…”

  “No,” Oliver interrupted. “I’m putting my foot down here. If we don’t come back and the world stays like this, you can go outside and find your girlfriend and still have as normal a life as anyone could expect.”

  “She’s not really my girlfriend,” Jeffrey said. “We had one dinner and then we went and made fun of dogs down at the park.”

  “You’re
staying here.”

  “Fine,” Jeffrey said. “How long should I wait for you?”

  “From your perspective, the change will be nearly instantaneous,” Artemis said. “You should feel several timequakes…”

  “Which is like an earthquake, but with time,” Oliver said.

  Artemis glanced at him. “Yes, that is one way of putting it. After that, things outside will shift dramatically. If after a few minutes nothing has changed, it never will.”

  “That sounds awfully final,” Jeffrey said.

  “Time travel is not without consequences,” Artemis said. “Which is why it is forbidden.”

  Tyler came downstairs with his and Oliver’s clothes neatly folded in his arms. “I have a couple extra guns, too,” he said. “I don’t know how many shots these things can get off before they need to be recharged, and it’s not like we have anything to recharge them with.”

  “It will not hurt to have extra,” Artemis nodded. “I do not expect a great deal of combat once we reach the other world, however. Their mirror was in Federation City, which should be relatively safe.”

  “Federation City?” Oliver asked.

  “It occupies much the same location as Washington D.C. does here,” Artemis said. “As I said before, in many ways that world will be indistinguishable from our own. In others, it is quite different. The American Federation rather than the United States, for example. They never had a civil war. A surprising number of people speak Esperanto…”

  “Really?” Tyler asked. “I never knew that.”

  “It hardly seemed relevant to what we were doing at the time.” Artemis finished her tea. “We have delayed long enough. Let us depart. We have quite a journey ahead of us.”

  Chapter 17

  Saying goodbye to Jeffrey proved to be more difficult than Oliver had expected. As they prepared to depart the cat acted as if Oliver’s ankles were made of Velcro. “You’ll be okay, won’t you?” he asked.