I had to see.
The glow from the flashlight fluttered closer. Who could it be? Someone who wanted to help me? It wasn’t very likely that anyone had seen me go off the road.
The other possibility made me stiffen with fear. Whoever had been driving the Range Rover and forced me off the road was now looking for me. Because I hadn’t been able to identify the license plate, I couldn’t be sure the car had been my uncle’s. God only knew how many black Range Rovers there were in Düsseldorf.
But after all the ominous messages and my alleged slip down the cellar stairs, I had to face the terrifying possibility that one of my relatives hated my guts so much that they had made an attempt on my life. Though I refused to believe it, there was, in fact, no other possibility. But who was it?
I didn’t dare get out of the car. Even though I was only mildly injured, I was in no shape to fight. And with my trembling knees, I knew I would be able to make a run for it.
The cone-shaped beam from the flashlight had almost reached the car. I could hear the rustling of steps coming closer. But I couldn’t make out who it was in the dark.
I came to a stop. I would soon know who it was who sat in the car.
With renewed determination, I shone the light in the passenger-side window.
Like a deer caught in headlights, I didn’t move. I wasn’t capable of it. The only thing I felt was my thunderous heartbeat.
I held my breath, the flashlight’s glaring light blinding me. I blinked, trying to identify the person behind the light. But to no avail.
The next moment seemed to last an eternity. Then the person took off again with rapid steps.
It couldn’t be true! I ran faster, trying to get away.
What had I seen? Could my senses have been so deceived? What should I do now?
I ran as though hounded by the Furies, scrambled up the embankment, slipping, and digging my hands into the wet earth. Sobbing, I pulled myself together and kept going. Trying to get as far as possible from the horrible catastrophe that I had caused.
A rare moment of clarity almost reached me.
I saw Elisa’s face in front of me, how she had blinked into the light from my flashlight, her eyes dilated with fear. Blood was running down her forehead.
How could I have mistaken her for Hannah?
I sat motionless in the car, shaken to the core. What had just happened? Why had that person blinded me with a flashlight and then disappeared? Not that I wasn’t relieved, but I just didn’t understand it.
I waited another moment before trying to push the car door open. I managed to push the branches of the bush aside and slip out. Because my knee still trembled, I held tightly onto the open door. I took a deep breath and looked around.
The light from the single working headlight lit up the accident scene and the trees up ahead. I was struck once again by my insane good luck. A few extra feet in either direction and the car would have collided with a tree trunk. This realization made my legs shake more violently, and it was a moment before I could breathe normally again. I turned around and tried to follow the path the car had taken with my eyes. But the tracks were lost in the darkness.
Should I go back up to the road? Or take the short cut through the woods? I looked around and cursed my phone, which was once again dead at the most inconvenient moment.
But complaining wasn’t going to help me now. I couldn’t stay where I was. I mustered all my courage and began to walk.
With trembling hands, I stuck the key in the ignition and started the SUV. What should I do now? There was only one possibility. A possibility that turned my stomach. But I had no choice, because I had already defied luck for too long. I had run from the truth for far too long and lost myself in the process.
The rain shower had lightened to a drizzle by the time I reached the house. But I was nonetheless soaked to the bone. My teeth chattered from the cold and my head was pounding. I was at the end of my strength, and my nerves were frayed.
Wouldn’t this damn day ever come to an end?
I didn’t know what awaited me inside. I was terrified of finding out which of my relatives was behind all this. Never had I so feared crossing this threshold.
As I reached the circular rose bed, my heart stopped. Next to the stairs—concealed in the semidarkness—was the Range Rover. The driver’s side door stood wide open. It looked as if someone had been in a hurry to get out. There was no satisfaction in realizing that my worst fears had just proved true. A profound sadness assailed me as I walked up the steps.
As I slowly raised my hand to ring the bell, I paused. Did I really want to know? Or did I prefer to indulge the illusion that everything was okay in order not to lose a family member? I was most dismayed at the thought that it could have been David.
I summoned my courage and pressed the doorbell. It rang shrilly through the foyer, then faded, seemingly unheard. After a minute, I rang it again. After a short time, I heard footsteps. I held my breath and waited.
The door was abruptly ripped open and I found myself looking into Kristina’s pale face. She had never seen me in such a state. Her eyes were red from crying and she stared at me bewildered.
With a suppressed cry, she took a step forward and hugged me, squeezing so tight that I could hardly breathe. Desperate sobs wracked her body and I teared up as well.
“Thank God nothing happened to you!” she said in a ragged voice. She repeated the words over and over again like a mantra.
I gently stroked her hair and tried to console her. Was she the one who’d followed me? Did she regret what she’d done? I didn’t know what to believe anymore, or how to behave. Right now, it seemed best to wait.
She finally released me and rubbed her eyes. Her hands trembled and I could tell that she was at the end of her rope. I didn’t dare ask why she was so shaken. She seemed to be even more distraught than I was. That wasn’t a good sign.
Lukas stormed into the hall, interrupting the thoughts that swirled through my head. As he pulled me into a desperate hug, I noticed that he, too, was holding back tears.
I grew gradually more scared. What was going on? I patted Lukas’s tense back and then took a step back and looked at both of them. But they averted their gaze. Suddenly, hurried footsteps sounded on the staircase and I looked up. I was relieved to see Dr. Beck coming toward us with his well-worn bag. He quickly greeted the twins and walked up to me, looking relieved.
“It seems you have a damn good guardian angel, my dear,” he said as he moved aside a few wet strands of my hair and examined my forehead.
“Does it look really bad?” I asked, cringing in pain.
“No. The wound has almost closed again and won’t need stitches,” the doctor assured me. Then he looked at Lukas. “Where is she waiting for me?” My cousin pointed toward the living room.
“Please, get your cousin a blanket,” he said, pointing to Kristina. “And something to treat her head wound.”
Kristina nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. If my relatives hadn’t called Dr. Beck on my account, then why was he here? What was going on? And why hadn’t anyone asked what happened to me? They already seemed to know about my car accident. But that didn’t seem to be the only thing Kristina and Lukas were so shaken up about.
I followed Lukas and Dr. Beck toward the living room. I stopped at the door. I would never forget the image before me: Aunt Helen sat in front of the fireplace. Like me, she was completely soaked and smeared all over with soil and dirt. Because she was always dressed to the nines, the sight rocked me to the core.
She stared blankly into the flames, seemingly oblivious to everything around her. The dogs whimpered at her legs, seeming to sense that something was amiss.
It was her! The realization hit me like lightening.
Aunt Helen had followed me, run me off the road, and crept over to the car in the woods!
I did
n’t know to feel. It was all too much. I sunk down into one of the chairs, my thoughts in a tailspin. A single question rose above all the others: Why? Why did she want so desperately to drive me away?
As Kristina set a blanket around my shoulders, I looked at her. She gently washed my forehead with a towel. But the wound hardly hurt.
I didn’t feel anything, and I didn’t want to. All I wanted was to lie down in my bed and sleep. Sleep, so that I could forget this insanity. Sleep, in the hope that it had all been a bad dream.
But Dr. Beck, who was speaking with Uncle Matthias, and Uncle Justus, who was trying to get Aunt Helen to drink some hot tea, were too real to be a dream.
I tried to concentrate, but I wasn’t able to follow their conversation. The realization that Aunt Helen hated me so much that she would run me off the road and leave me injured and alone in the woods was just heartbreaking. I’d return to the question of why later. I had a bad premonition that all the answers I imagined I’d find would be obscured.
But there was another question I couldn’t shake: Where was David? I turned to Kristina, who was perched on the arm of my chair.
“Where’s David?” I whispered to her.
She gave me a sad smile.
“I called him from the kitchen. He’ll be here soon.”
“Where was he?”
“Out looking for you, what do you think?” Kristina picked up the blanket that had slid off and put it back on my shoulders. “He got worried when you didn’t come back from the cemetery.”
Reassured, I leaned back and closed my drooping eyes.
I was awoken by a gentle shake on the shoulder. I opened my eyes and looked around, confused. I was lying comfortably curled up on a couch in the living room, and David was bending over me. The fire had gone out, and only the little lamp by the couch was lit. The dim light illuminated his worried face, casting shadows over it that made him look distinctly older.
And with a bang, the memories came flooding back.
Goose bumps rose over my body, and I opened my mouth to speak. But the thousand questions that plagued me didn’t come to my lips. I dreaded the answers. Once I’d learned why Aunt Helen had tried to drive me out, there could be no going back. I could no longer enjoy the naive illusion that everything would be okay after that.
David squatted down in front of me so that his face was eye level with mine.
“Elisa,” he said in a raspy voice, stroking my cheek. “Are you okay?”
The fear in his voice brought tears to my eyes. I shook my head. I may not have been badly injured, but I was doing terribly. On the one hand, I was almost dizzy with anger; on the other, I was tormented by so many questions.
“Come here.” David pulled me off the couch, and I sank into his embrace. An embrace that simultaneously stirred and calmed me. I nestled my face into his neck and breathed in his scent, which had swirled in my thoughts ever since the night before.
David mumbled something in my ear, but I couldn’t quite understand him.
“Elisa,” he said more loudly. I lifted my head. He was studying me closely. “My dad and Uncle Justus are waiting for us in his office. They want to talk to you.”
I nodded.
“What’s wrong with Aunt Helen?” I asked. “Where is she?”
“Don’t worry.” David paused. “Dr. Beck gave her an injection to calm her down. She’s sleeping.”
Now that David was with me, I no longer feared her. Besides, she had seemed so placid in front of the fireplace that it was hard to believe she ever could have been a danger to me.
“David.” I forced him to look at me. I wanted to understand. “What does she have against me? Why . . . ?”
He just shook his head sadly. “That’s what my dad is going to explain.”
The corridor leading down to my uncle’s office had never seemed so long. David had put his arm around my shoulder and adapted his pace to my hesitant steps, seeming to sense that I needed time to prepare for the conversation ahead.
The door opened. Uncle Justus stood in the doorway with a neutral expression on his face, his hand resting on the handle.
“There you are, just the person I wanted to see.”
We shoved past him without responding. David directed me to the chair in front of the desk and pulled up another for himself. I looked around, confused. Where was Uncle Matthias?
As Uncle Justus shut the door with a firm click, I cringed. He went to the open balcony door and stuck his head out into the cool night. I heard Uncle Matthias’s deep voice out there; he seemed to be on the phone. I looked at David, who shrugged. I couldn’t read the expression in his eyes. Distress? Or concern? Uncle Matthias came into the room with his cell phone in his hand and sat down at his desk. “Will it bother you if I keep the balcony door open? I could use a little fresh air.”
I shook my head and pulled the blanket closer around me.
Uncle Justus walked around the desk and looked at his brother-in-law. “Are you sure you’re okay? All of this isn’t too much for you?” I’d never heard Uncle Justus use such a sympathetic tone before, and it made me uncomfortable. What was going on here? Sensing my unease, David took my hand in his.
“No, no. Let’s get started.”
My gaze wandered to the black night beyond the balcony doors. The rain had stopped; only a few drops fell from the gutters onto the wet tiles. The storm had brought with it a fresh breeze that traveled gently through the bergamot bushes. Their fresh scent wafted in and prickled my nose.
A chill suddenly ran down my spine. That smell! Why did it really click in my mind, when I smelled it?
My uncle cleared his throat, pulling me out of my thoughts. He seemed to still be searching for the right words. I had never known him to be so self-conscious.
“Could you just tell me, please, what’s wrong with Aunt Helen?” I couldn’t stand the uncertainty any longer.
Uncle Justus shrugged. His voice sounded oddly insecure. “Elisa, we can only make educated guesses about what happened in the past.”
“Your aunt had to deal with several life-changing events,” Uncle Matthias tried to explain.
I looked at him indignantly. Who hasn’t?
David squeezed my hand.
“We don’t want to make excuses for your aunt but help you to better understand,” said Uncle Justus.
I tore my hand away and buried it deep in the warm blanket.
Uncle Justus’s voice was like a cooling balm over my angry thoughts. “Ever since she was a child, my sister has suffered greatly from separation anxiety. Our father took his own life when we were still just children. And then, when David’s father died shortly after they got married, she just about completely fell apart.”
“Lukas has already suggested as much,” I broke in. Everyone looked at me in amazement, but I just shrugged.
“I was in Paris at the time and helped her take care of the baby,” Uncle Justus said, pointing at his nephew, who sat next to me, motionless. “But when Helen met Matthias, I hoped that everything would be okay. She got remarried and the twins came into the world. Her luck seemed to have changed.”
I knew everything up to this point. But what did any of it have to do with Aunt Helen’s hatred for me?
Uncle Matthias grasped for the right words. “Before I met Helen, things here had been pretty chaotic.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Our father was battling cancer, and our mother had her own problems with alcohol. Arndt and I inherited the law firm, which was in a terrible state, and worked around the clock to keep it going.”
“I thought the firm had always been successful,” I broke in.
My uncle shook his head. “It was nearly bankrupt at the time and had an extremely bad reputation.”
I was surprised, but I still didn’t understand what he was getting at.
“At that point, A
rndt and Hannah had been together for two years—they had just moved into a new apartment in the historic district—but they were headed toward a crisis.”
I furrowed my brow. I had never heard that before. “Hannah had it all figured out: engagement, wedding, children. But Arndt and I were putting all our energy into the office. He had no time for her.” Uncle Matthias sighed. “And then Arndt forgot their anniversary due to an important trial. Hannah put a proverbial gun to his head: either he had to make more time for her or she would pack her bags.”
“What did he do?”
“What do you think? You knew your father.”
I had indeed. He was not the type of person you presented with an ultimatum.
“Hannah came here that same night, utterly hysterical. Your father had thrown her out.”
I flinched. “And then what happened?”
Uncle Matthias looked up at his brother-in-law, who still stood beside him. Uncle Justus gave him a grim nod. “She stayed here and I consoled her.”
That didn’t come as a surprise. My mother and my uncle had always gotten along. But why was Uncle Matthias avoiding my gaze? Why had he put so much emphasis on that particular sentence? And why were Uncle Justus and David looking at me so strangely? My brain groaned with questions. But I didn’t dare ask them aloud.
No one said a word. The only sound was the rustling of the bushes on the balcony. Uncle Matthias finally looked up from his desk and met my gaze.
“Just now,” he said, pointing to the balcony behind him, “I telephoned your mother. She agrees with me that it’s time you knew the truth.”
“What truth?” My voice rang shrilly in my ears.
“That I’m your father.”
I must have misheard. That couldn’t be right! It just couldn’t be!
“You’re lying!” I jumped up, bewildered, and stood trembling before the massive desk. But Matthias’s pale face confirmed it. He said nothing, just looked at me uneasily.
“Tell me it’s not true!” I said, turning to Uncle Justus, who slowly shook his head in reply.
I couldn’t breathe. My heart was beating so fast I felt dizzy. I had to get out of there. I couldn’t stay in that room a second longer. I spun around and stormed toward the door.
Shuttered Life Page 14