“But at what cost to yourself, Commander?” she yelled, nearly rising from her seat.
“The cost to me is irrelevant to the responsibilities I hold,” he shouted back.
“There are other people in this world who are concerned about you. Captain Martin for instance, and your father. You’re letting them down by not taking time to slay your demons.” Breathing in short gasps, Holly worked to control her anger. “You can’t protect the world if you let your state of mind falter by the wayside. I’m here to help you. But I can’t if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”
“I thought that was your job!”
“No, it’s your job,” she barked.
“Well, I think that’s obvious, Lieutenant,” he muttered, his tone still tight, but lacking its usual antagonism. “I don’t think anything is wrong.”
Holly exhaled noisily, resisting the urge to touch him, to reassure him somehow. “You’re avoiding my questions. How do you feel about your last mission?”
He turned away, looking defeated. “You know I can’t talk about that.”
“I’m not asking you to breach security. I am only asking you to tell me how the events made you feel.”
“That’s splitting hairs.”
“Commander,” she reiterated. “I don’t care about the details. I’m concerned with how you’re coping, now.”
He sighed, leaning back in his chair. “I don’t understand what you mean.”
“Do you still think about your last assignment?” she questioned softly.
A moment of hushed silence spread across the room before he finally responded, “Yes.”
A breakthough. “In what way?”
“Dreams.”
“Tell me about them,” she urged, leaning forward.
“Sometimes I can see her face. It’s almost l-like she’s haunting me,” he choked.
“Whose face do you see?”
“A young woman.”
“Why does she haunt you?”
“Because I couldn’t save her.”
“And you tried?”
“Yes.” The fierce expression on his face shattered until all she could see was remembered horror. “I can still see her. She looks so alive, but she’s dead. She always dies.”
Holly’s heart clenched with pain. She longed to comfort him physically—let him know he wasn’t alone. “That must cause you incredible anguish. To have to live that over and over again.”
“War is death, Lieutenant,’ he muttered. “You can’t save everyone.”
“I know. So what is it about this woman?”
“She didn’t deserve to die. Her son didn’t deserve to have to live life without his mother!”
Like she had slammed into a brick wall, everything about the Commander’s abrupt attitude, his antagonism, made sense. Peering at him, she paused, thinking of the most non-intrusive way to phrase her question. “Can you relate to that son?”
“Are you trying to allude to something about my mother, Lieutenant?”
“No,” she nodded at him, “but I think you are.”
“This is complete and utter bullshit! I will not sit here and let you malign my mother with this cockamamie crap.”
Holly raised her hand, hoping to calm him. “Commander, it’s obvious that I’ve said something to upset you.”
“Damn right,” he muttered. “Who do you think you are?”
“Someone who’s concerned. Can we both just calm down and finish talking about this?”
He stood rapidly, grabbing the garrison cap tucked into the small of his back with an angry jerk. His jaw was set so tight, she imagined she could almost hear his teeth gnashing together.
“No! No! This—this shit is over.”
“Commander? Please sit back down so we can finish.” Holly had no intention of racing after him, no intention of touching him. Yet, something indefinable moved through her. “Don’t go,” she murmured, placing her hand on his arm, as he reached for the door handle.
Electricity sizzled through the air, arching and crackling between them. Her body began to tingle as the erotic visions she had tried to suppress rushed her with the force of a two hundred-fifty pound linebacker.
She wasn’t sure who leaned forward first, but when their lips touched, it was as though a blazing fire surrounded them. Some part of her knew she should stop this, but when his tongue eased inside her mouth, ethics and principles didn’t matter anymore. Syrupy rich desire spread though her veins and she leaned closer into his embrace, reveling in the masculine feel of his body. An extremely large bulge pressed into the soft tissue of her abdomen, tempting her with a greater promise of pleasure.
She wanted to feel his hard cock inside her. Reflexively her pussy clenched at the thought. Wetness gathered in her panties, dampening the material with thick fluid so it rubbed and caressed her clit. Moaning softly, she opened her mouth wider to deepen their kiss.
The absolute last bastion of sanity fell when his large palm cupped her breast. Vibrating tingles streaked through her body and Holly leaned forward needing more, wanting it all.
Chapter Six
Scott couldn’t stop himself. Voices of reason called out in his mind.
This is the wrong place, wrong time.
Yet the simple touch of the good doctor’s lips silenced any objections he might have had. She kissed just like he’d imagined, passionately and unafraid. Her tongue curled around his, while the tip teased and tantalized the roof of his mouth. The taste of her nutmeg coffee added a flavor he couldn’t get enough of.
The woman was like a brand of fire that seared his flesh to a fevered pitch. Growling softly, he pushed her back against the door, needing to feel more of her heat, more of anything she was willing to offer.
His cock hardened like a steel pipe, tingling blood rushed through his veins. God! He wanted to fuck her hard and fast then again slow and leisurely. He wanted—no—needed to feel the slick heat of her pussy gripping his flesh.
The erotic vision of his cock sliding in and out of her wet, gripping cunt blinded him with lust. He would have her. God! He would have her—here and now.
Anchoring her against the door, he used the strength in his arms to grasp her ass with both hands so he could lift her off the ground, forcing her to wrap her legs around his hips. In the background he heard her shoes fall with a muffled thump to the carpet. The sound made him think of removing all her clothes.
Their polyester khaki uniforms rubbed together, creating friction. The row of cloth-covered ribbons on their chests, hers just above the slope of her breasts, his at the apex of his pectoral muscle, pressed against each other, smacking together as their bodies intrinsically moved for closer contact. The small hands in his hair pulled at the roots, urging him forward. His body strained with unrepentant need, driving him with relentless anticipation and all rational thought vanished under a torrent of desire.
Keeping one hand plastered to her buttocks, he used his other to keep her body secured against him, lifting her higher in his grasp. He wanted to feel every inch of her, needed to touch the soft flesh between her thighs. His entire being ached with desire, ached with the hunger to push his cock into her pussy.
Scott breathed hotly into her mouth, chuckling when she nipped him, then smiling as he trailed his lips over her chin and ran his tongue down the smooth column of her throat. The flesh where her neck and shoulder met, teased him. There was just enough skin revealed to tempt him with the promise of more. Taking full advantage, he reveled in the slight tremble of her body and gloried in the lilting moans echoing from her lips as he marked her with a tiny love bite.
Though the words were stuck somewhere inside him, in the most primitive way possible he wanted the world to know this woman belonged to him, that all of her passion was his and his alone.
Somewhere along the line, in just a short week, he’d tumbled headfirst into an abyss that sucked him in like a vortex, twirling out of control. He should have known he’d be powerless to stop the tidal w
ave of feelings. Yet, now that he was fully and deeply caught inside, there was no way he’d let go. No way would he allow himself to return to the bleak, meaningless existence before Holly had entered his life. She was like a ray of light shining through the darkness.
Securing her with both of his large hands, he backed away from the door toward the closer of the two chairs. He didn’t lift his head from the hollow of her throat, relying instead on his impeccable sense of direction to guide him to the destination.
When the cushion touched the back of his calves, Scott sat down slowly, making sure to keep the woman in his arms close. Her knees framed his powerful thighs as her skirt rode nearly up to the curve of her ass, and she groaned loudly when the full breadth of his hardness came into contact with the heat between her thighs.
Her hips rocked forward gently, and even through the thick material of his uniform he could feel her wetness. The musky smell of contained sex wafted around him, mixing with the floral aroma of her perfume. The fragrance incited him to greater degrees of yearning.
With both hands now free, he weaved a slow, deliberate pattern with his lips down the smooth column of her neck. His fingers loosened the buttons of her uniform. The Lieutenant didn’t wear an undershirt like he did and he was glad. The way his emotions were churning inside, Scott felt sure he would have ripped it to shreds. Only an extreme amount of self control, added to the fact that the good doctor had a way of making her uniform look good, kept him from tearing it away from her body.
Even then, the thought was tempting.
The lacy bra pushed her cleavage upwards like alluring morsels. His eyes narrowed with lust because through the gauzy covering he could see her rouged nipples extending. His mouth salivated to taste them, hungered to lick and suck.
Fingering the straps, he lowered one down over her shoulder revealing more skin, more flesh to his appreciative gaze.
Scott unbuttoned more of her shirt, so it fell loosely around her shoulders, pinning her arms to her sides. He could have his way with her, feast on her if he so wished, and he did wish it. He hungered for it more than his lungs needed oxygen to breathe.
With one last gentle tug, her breast popped free into his waiting hands, spilling over. Shards of desire speared him mercilessly and Scott grunted with need. He didn’t even remember leaning against her, arching her backwards. He couldn’t recall when his mouth latched onto the cherry ripened nipple. All he could think about was the feel of her flesh in his mouth, the taste of her honeyed skin.
He sucked on her breast, pulling at the tip with helpless abandon.
Scott was so crazed with desire, he didn’t register the slight tugs on his hair until she pulled back from him suddenly, grasping her breast in one hand.
“No. Lick it,” she murmured. “Lick it real slow.” The velvet command in her voice held him enthralled and he complied without question, wanting to give her everything she desired.
His tongued curled around the nub, flicking and teasing until she moaned and rocked her hips against him with a frenzied back and forth motion. Gently he pulled her other breast free, so he could lavish it with the same attention, before pushing both tender tips together so he could lick them simultaneously.
“Holly,” he moaned, fanning her skin with hot breath. “I’ve never wanted another woman the way I want you.”
She stilled rapidly, like a boulder crashing to the ground, and blinked as if she had water in her eyes. “Ohmygawd. I-I can’t believe I…” she paused, gasping for air as she tried unsuccessfully to scramble from his lap. “Commander, please let me up.”
Though it went against everything in his nature, Scott dropped his arms, allowing her to rise. His vision was still clouded with lust as he watched her clutch the edges of her shirt. For a moment she swayed unsteadily, and her hand moved to her head as she massaged her left temple. Turning away from him, she walked toward the one lone window in her office. The sunlight gleamed through the partially opened blinds, casting a lustrous sheen to her flame-colored hair.
“I-I need to a-apologize for my behavior today. What I did was unethical and unprofessional. You’d be completely in your rights to report me,” she stammered, her voice barely above a whisper.
“It takes two to tango. You weren’t alone in this room,” he disagreed, standing.
“I think you should go, Commander. Under these circumstances, I think it best to transfer your case to Doctor Carson. Next week…”
“We can’t just leave things like this, Holly.”
She shivered, rubbing her arms. “What’s happening with you is called transference. It’s common to form some emotional attachment to your therapist.”
“Emotional attachment,” he repeated, stunned at her words and still struggling to contain the raging erection in his pants. “I’m not a child.”
“I know you’re not, Commander.”
“Scott.”
She continued as though he hadn’t spoken. “That’s why I feel it would be best if I didn’t continue your therapy. What h-happened between us is a byproduct of the sessions we’ve had. You’ve shared things, opened yourself, and that outpouring has led you to feel things that aren’t necessarily genuine.”
He bit back the sharp retort bubbling inside, exhaling to stop the slow boil of anger. Moving quickly, he closed the distance between them. Enfolding her in his arms, he pulled her against him so she could feel how real things were between them.
“Is this genuine, sweetheart?” he asked as he pressed his encased cock against her ass, rotating his hips so she could feel every inch. “’Cause I don’t think I could fake this.”
The quick intake of air whistled through her teeth, and she quivered against him.
He wondered if she shuddered from resistance or desire.
“You’re a very sexual man, Commander. It’s natural…”
“I’ll tell you what’s natural, Lieutenant. This…” he pushed against her backside again, “this is what’s natural. I’m sure there are a few textbooks you can quote that explain…” he thrust again, “this, but it still won’t tell you why it’s there. I can though,” he breathed. “The needs of the body and the mind have a funny way of coinciding, and I need you.”
“You don’t know what you need,” she stated.
Her simple declaration lanced through him like a hot knife, cutting him right to the core. He’d always been a man of action. He’d survived the jungles of Southeast Asia and the deserts of the Middle East because he recognized the value of proportional response. He had never trekked through life recklessly. His men and his country relied on him to make the right decisions. It galled him no end to think this woman dared to assume what he wanted, or needed.
“Perhaps you’re the one who doesn’t know, Lieutenant,” he growled.
Marching toward the door, Scott took some pleasure in slamming it shut behind him. Disgusted at the way his knees shook; he longed for a punching bag, or a face.
He thanked the good Lord above that the hallway was clear of people. The last thing he needed was for anyone to see him trembling. Breathing deeply, he reminded himself of the tenets he’d lived by.
Strength of person and of spirit.
If he abandoned all that maintained his sanity, then he’d be no better than the burnt out soldiers of the past who’d returned without a scrap of humanity.
Scott would never allow that to happen.
Never.
Even though Holly Burton challenged every value he held dear like a scythe in a forest of reeds, he would not lose himself.
He couldn’t afford to.
Straightening his spine, he stood rigid, immovable, and waited for the weakness to pass from him like it always did. Strangely though, the vitality of strength never came to renew his soul. Inside he felt hollow and empty.
Glancing over his shoulder to the door behind him, every portion of his being longed to go back inside, even if it meant revealing things that were much better off buried and dead.
Ch
apter Seven
Clutching the large red medical folder, Holly took a moment to gather her faltering courage before knocking on Captain Hapley’s office door. A part of her hoped he wasn’t there, even though she knew in the middle of a weekday afternoon, that wasn’t likely.
Just in case she had any lingering doubts, a deep rich voice echoed loudly. “Yes. Come in.”
Sighing in exasperation, Holly opened the door, slowly peeking around the wood paneling. “I’m sorry to disturb you, sir. Are you busy?”
“Never too busy for you,” he laughed, removing his reading glasses and gesturing for her to come inside. “And how many times do I have to tell you that in this office you’re to call me Rommel?”
“I’m sorry, sir…” Holly stopped, swallowing nervously. “Rommel,” she corrected quickly. “I’m still just a Navy brat at heart, so forgive me when I forget.”
“Everyone’s entitled to forgiveness,” he retorted, smiling like an elderly father. “So, Holly, you were supposed to drop by last week, but you canceled. Is there anything you want to tell me?”
Thrown off as usual by the Captain’s quick approach, Holly blinked, nearly tripping as she walked toward the chair near his desk.
Doctor Hapley was her mentor and a leading physician in the field of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She’d studied under him for nearly ten years, but would never perfect his aggressive approach to psychiatrics, or his uncanny ability to challenge while at the same time stripping all defenses.
Did he know already?
Holly knew “secrets” in the military traveled fast. Nothing was sacred in a society that promoted togetherness through uniformity. But the Captain would have needed to have his ear glued to the pavement to have heard something that occurred just four days ago.
“I-I had some personal—family business to attend to,” she hedged, although as she thought about it, Holly realized she wasn’t really being untruthful. She had been having issues over both sisters’ recent nuptials. That much was definitely fact.
“Anything you’d like to share?”
“Well, I just found out that my sister, Daisy, got married.”
Operation Love Page 18