Unexpected Chance

by Joanne Schwehm

  “It’s fine; actually, that kiss was really fine.”

  I smiled. “Yes, it was, but it was wrong of me to ask it of you.”

  “You’re not over him, are you?”

  Was it that obvious? “No, I guess I’m not.”

  Would I ever be over Alex Logan? Did I want to be? I knew I needed to be. Crap! Get out of my head, Alex Logan!

  He changed the subject. “Guess what I got? Glace au citron.”

  “Lemon ice? Isn’t it melting?”

  “It isn’t here; it is in my apartment. It’s getting late. How about tomorrow night I will cook you dinner and we can have some fabulous frozen citrus treats?”

  It dawned on me that he bought it because he read that citrus helped keep eyes healthy. He was really something. “That sounds wonderful.”

  Chapter 28

  I called Dr. Beaumont, and his receptionist told me that he had a cancellation at ten this morning and that I could come in then. I showered and got dressed, grabbed my tote bag and my necessities, and went find my mom. My dad was out to breakfast with his buddies this morning, so I knew she would be in the kitchen at the breakfast bar. I started seeing shadows after my shower, and I was hoping they would last this time. Using my walking stick, I made my way to the kitchen.

  “Good morning, sweetheart. Would you like some breakfast?”

  “Good morning.” I kissed both her cheeks; I could see her shadow and what looked like a glass of orange juice in front of her.

  “Have any more orange juice? It looks good.”

  “You can see my orange juice? This is the best day ever. I need to call your dad! We need to celebrate. We should go see Dr. Beaumont.”

  “Slow down.” I couldn’t help giggling. “I see shadows, outlines, some light, and some colors. It’s fuzzy and it comes and goes. I already made an appointment to see the doctor; I was hoping you would come with me.”

  “Of course I will! Let me go change, and we’ll have Frank take us into town. Then we’re having a girls’ day, and I’ll make a wonderful dinner tonight.”

  “That sounds so wonderful, but I have dinner plans with my friend; he’s cooking for me.”

  “I didn’t want to say anything or interfere, but you’ve been spending a lot of time with him, and I don’t even know much about him. I really haven’t wanted to bring this up, but what about Alex? Are your feelings for him gone?”

  “We really need to go. Can we talk about this on the way to the doctor’s office?”

  “Yes, but we will finish this.” My heart was racing; I could hear my heartbeat in my ears.

  As promised, the conversation commenced as soon as we pulled away from the house.

  “So tell me, Aubrey. I want to know what you’re feeling right now. When you were here with Alex, Julie, and that other nice young man, what was his name again?”

  “Brett.”

  “Yes, Brett. You and Alex were head over heels for each other and everyone was happy. I know he hurt you, and believe me I am extremely upset with him, but I also saw him in the hospital. The desperation in his eyes when you wouldn’t see him . . . He obviously loves you. A love like that doesn’t go away in a few months. Now there’s this man, Chance. Do you have feelings for him? Does he have them for you? I just want to know what’s happening, baby; I need to make sure you’re safe. You don’t want to hurt Chance the way Alex hurt you.”

  Holy barrage of questions! “Gee, Mom, let’s see, where should I start? Chance and I are just friends, at least for now. I think he’s a wonderful man and I feel close to him. He even saved my life when I went for my MRI appointment.” I knew I sounded irritated.

  “What the hell happened? Saved your life how?”

  “Apparently, a car almost hit us when we walked out of the office building. Chance pulled me back as the car sped by.” Realization dawned on me. “Theoretically, he saved my life before that. He makes me laugh, he describes clouds for me, he listens, he talks, and he cares. So, yes, I like him very much, and as far as Alex goes, I will always love Alex, and I really don’t know what to do about that.”

  “Let me ask you this. If Alex and Chance were standing side by side, who would you go to? Want to talk to? Spend time with?”

  I had no idea. We pulled up at the doctor’s office, and my mom took my hand in hers. “You don’t have to answer that question. Just think about it. Think about how each makes you feel and how you feel about each of them.”

  Doctor Beaumont saw us shortly after we arrived. He looked at my eyes, and I could see the little light that he was using to look in my eyes. “Looking better, Aubrey, and I have your MRI results here. It looks as if the swelling is going down, but there is still some fluid that should be eliminated. It will relieve the pressure around the optic nerve. A diuretic will be administered during the procedure to prevent swelling and increase the absorption of cerebral fluid. Once the fluid is gone, the swelling should as well; you could regain some of your vision, if not all of it.

  “Okay, sign me up. Tell me when and where, and I’ll be there.” I was dead serious. I didn’t care if I had to go to Timbuktu, I wanted this and I wanted it yesterday!

  “Well, my colleague that I generally refer patients to happens to be in the States. He is actually at NYU, teaching a fellowship class. Aren’t you from New York?”

  “Yes, I am. So if I go to New York, how soon could he do this?”

  “I will contact him and get back to you by the end of the week. But if he can get the room, I am sure that he will take you right away.”

  Right away . . . I could be in New York right away? Holy shit! I asked my mom for guidance on what do to do, but she knew that I didn’t need any guidance. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I wasn’t going home.

  “We’ll wait for your call and make the plans then. Thank you so much.” My mom’s voice was beaming as if the doctor had told her that her baby would be back to normal. On the one hand, I wanted to squash that thought so she wouldn’t get her hopes up, but on the other hand, there was that chance that this would work. All I needed was to keep the faith and take this chance. Chance . . . I needed to tell him that I was going to be leaving soon.

  We left the doctor’s office and went to lunch. My mom was literally bouncing as she strode down the cobblestone path. “Honey, take my hand; this walkway is uneven.” I did as she said and she led me into the café.

  “Mom, thank you. I know this has been a difficult few months. First, my relationship with Alex, which I know you didn’t approve of at first, then the accident and my vision loss.” I wasn’t going to cry. There was no reason to. With the exception that my heart broke when I thought of Alex, I had a serene feeling about this entire experience. Should I call Alex and tell him?

  My mom sighed. “The only thing that matters to me is your health and happiness.”

  We had a delightful lunch and we went shopping. My mom wanted to get some traveling clothes for both of us. I was starting to wonder if I should just stay in New York after my surgery, especially if was successful. That was where my life was and my home. Brian said that he would take me back when I was ready, and there were Mark and Julie, not to mention Alex.

  My mind was all over the place. I didn’t want to get ahead of myself, but what would happen if I did go home? How different would things be? Would Chance visit me? I needed him, but sometimes I felt as if I needed Alex more. There was definitely a connection between Chance and me, but the love I had for Alex was fierce.

  I decided to think this out. First, I should have never lied to Alex. Second, he should have talked to me, because he should have known I loved him. Lastly, he should have never kissed that slut or anyone else. I know it didn’t mean anything; it was just the way it happened. Could I get past that? Did I want to?

  “Aubrey, are you listening to me?

  I hadn’t heard a word my mom had said. “I’m so sorry. I was thinking of New York.”

  “I said your father and I are coming to New York with you. We’ll
stay in your spare bedroom until we figure out what comes next, okay?”

  “Sure, okay.”

  We finished lunch, and my mom informed me we were going to shop Paris style. She sounded as happy as I was that my mom finally seemed more like herself. I realized that my injury affected everyone in my life. I tried to be understanding of that and made sure it wasn’t all about me all the time.

  We were walking arm in arm because my vision had returned to complete darkness. “Can you describe where we are? Just tell me what you’re seeing.” That reminded me of what I had asked Chance when we were at lunch, except he’d been looking at me. He’d called me beautiful. The only other man who ever called me that was Alex. My heart swelled and hurt every time I thought of him.

  “Sure, honey, the stores are lined up along both sides of the street; picture New York, but a little cleaner.” My mom laughed. “There are restaurants and cafes mixed in. You won’t find a hot dog stand, but you will be able to purchase fresh foods. Right now, we are about to walk into Givenchy; I am going to spoil my baby today.”

  My mom had me trying on all sorts of things; I wasn’t even sure what I had purchased. I told her that I wanted something pretty to wear to Chance’s tonight. My mom had me try on a dress that felt incredible. I wasn’t sure what the material was, but it felt amazing. It hit my legs just below my knees.

  My mom started to sound like an announcer at a fashion show every time I tried something on; she was helping me with zippers and making sure that I had everything in the right place. Then she would leave the room and ask me to come out. “Aubrey is wearing a V-neck black sheath dress by Givenchy. It is sleeveless showing off her toned arms.” I started laughing. “It fits her body perfectly, as if it were made for her.”

  “Does it look that good?”

  “Oh, it sure does. You’ll see someday soon.”

  “I hope so. What about shoes? I can’t wear running shoes or flip flops. Can we look at a low-heeled pump?” I was accustomed to wearing high heels, but I didn’t want to fall on my ass or break a leg, so I wanted to go with something lower, just not a flat. I needed to feel feminine.

  “Of course, we’ll go look after I pay for these purchases.”

  We left with apparently two shopping bags and a garment bag. I knew that Givenchy was not an inexpensive store, but my mom wouldn’t let me put anything back or help pay for the purchases. We were on our way to find shoes, and my nose stopped me in my tracks. Yes, my nose. My mom was tugged back at my abrupt halt since we were arm in arm.

  “What is that smell? Are we near a florist?”

  “Actually, it’s a flower vendor on the street.” I started rubbing my wrist and my eyes filled up.

  “What is it, Aubrey?” It must have dawned on her. “Where is your bracelet?”

  I inhaled deeply. “I gave my bracelet back to Alex. I actually threw it at him.” I wiped my eyes, which now had tears dripping out of them. I felt a tissue tap my cheeks. We started walking away from the scent, but I felt as if my skin had absorbed it.

  Before we went looking for shoes, we sat down and had coffee. I needed to talk to someone about my feelings. “Mom, can we talk about something?”

  “Of course, honey.”

  “I’m having such conflicting feelings right now. I really like Chance; he is amazing. He is sweet, caring, and right now my best friend. Part of me wants to pursue him, but I feel closed off and taken. I feel as though I still belong to Alex, that his hold on my heart is so strong that I can’t get it back from him, even if I wanted to give it to someone else.”

  “Are you saying that this Chance fellow likes you? Do you like him?”

  “I don’t know, Mom. I do like him. I really do, but I love Alex. I really don’t want to be with anyone else. I don’t want to be a burden and bring him down with me.” I dropped my head in my hands. “I’m so confused.”

  “As much as I would love to answer these questions, they’re only for you to answer. But you need to ask yourself this: if you saw Alex right now, what would you do? Would you hug him? Would you want to kiss him or slap him? All I know is my little girl’s heart is broken, but you need to decide who can fix that. Remember you are never a burden to someone who loves you.

  I thanked my mom. She helped, but in some ways, I was more confused than before. We bought a pair of low-heeled shoes and went back home. I was getting tired, but I needed to get ready for dinner at Chance’s. My mom brought in our purchases and hung them in the closet. She had my closet arranged in the order of tops, bottoms, sweaters, and jackets. She had my braille instructor make tags for the hangers so I knew what I was putting on.

  “I laid the dress on your bed. Call me when you’re ready, and I’ll zip it up for you. Your shoes are on the floor at the foot of the bed.”

  I thanked her, and she left me to get ready.

  Chapter 29

  I needed to call Julie; I was starting to feel my breathing accelerate.

  “Hi, Aubrey!”

  “Hi, Jules, I’m so glad you picked up.”

  “Are you okay? You sound weird.”

  “It has been a weird day. I have good news. I’ve had improvements in my vision. They’re intermittent, but—

  “Oh my God! Are you better? This is so great! What now? Can you come home?”

  “What I was going to say before you ruptured my ear drums . . . You know, Jules, I don’t need to add deafness to my ailments.”

  “I’m sorry. I got excited.”

  “I know. Anyway, I’m coming home to see a specialist, who happens to be there. I don’t know when exactly, but hopefully it will be soon. Can I ask you something?”

  “Of course, anything, you know that.”

  “Okay, but I need an honest answer. Don’t think you need to spare my feelings, okay?”

  “Yeah, geez, you know me better than that. Now spit it out.”

  “How’s Alex?”

  There was silence, and for a minute, I thought I’d lost her. “Julie, are you still there?”

  “Yes, I’m here. I don’t know how he is because I refuse to see him for fear I’ll kick him in the balls.”

  “Oh my God, Jules, wait, you don’t see him? Not even at the club?”

  “Nope, I don’t know when he’s there and when he isn’t. I don’t ask. I felt bad for him in the hospital, but I still want to kick his ass. Anyway, he pretty much has Brett and Tyler running it. Apparently, he makes his presence known when he needs to, but he told Brett that the club . . . well . . . that the club reminds him of you: where you met and where he lost you. He isn’t in a good place, Aubrey. I know if I see him he’ll want to get to you through me, so I refuse to see him. All ass-kicking aside, I know that I’d feel sorry for his ass, and I don’t want to. He doesn’t deserve it.”

  I hung my head. “I talked to him, you know. I started listening to the music on my tablet and realized that all the songs were about Alex and me. Not just the songs we listened to but the meanings behind them. Then I was completely thrown when I heard his voice. He recorded himself right before ‘The Way You Look Tonight’ played.” I sniffed and tried to stifle my cry.

  “I don’t get it, why that song?”

  “We danced to it at the benefit. Anyway, I was on the phone with him when my vision started returning. I didn’t tell him, Julie. I should have. I know I should have, but I called Chance instead.”

  “Want to know why you didn’t tell him?” I didn’t answer. “I’ll tell you why. Because you wanted to hurt him. You know as soon as he finds out that it happened while you were talking to him and you kept your mouth shut about it he will be devastated just as you were when he kissed Leah, who by the way is always hanging on Tyler. I guess they’re an item now.”

  “I should call him, right? I should tell him that I’m coming home?” I felt the octave in my voice changing. “And I should tell him that I was stupid. No, I should tell him my journal was stupid and that I fell in love with him and apparently that was stupid. That’s what I sh
ould say, right?”

  I was the one shouting now and becoming agitated.

  “I thought that he loved me, and because of something I wrote, when I hardly knew him and I couldn’t give a shit about now because I can’t see the paper to write on, he had every right to fuck me over. Yup, that’s what I’ll say.” I was in full blown hysterics. I thought for sure my mom was going to burst in my room and find me having a breakdown and an anxiety attack.

  “Are you done, Aubrey?”

  “Yes, I’m done.” I enunciated the word “done” and started breathing as if I were doing Yoga to try to calm myself.

  “No, that isn’t what you should tell him, but you just told me a lot.”

  “Really! What is it that you think I told you?” I know I was sounding irritated and she didn’t deserve that.

  “First of all, this is me, your best friend, so table the pity party you’re having right now and check your attitude at the Eiffel Tower. You love him, Aubrey. You aren’t over him and he isn’t over you. I may want to kill him for not talking to you before turning all stupid, but he’s a guy; they do stupid shit without thinking.”

  Julie exhaled and paused. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but maybe you need to get past this? I understand that you were hurt, and I don’t want to say I told you so, but I did tell you to tell him about the journal. Yes, he should have come to you, and he should have read the whole godforsaken thing, but he didn’t. And yes, he chose to listen to Leah and not ask you about it.”