Dark Solace

by Tara Fox Hall

  “I’m not going to tell anyone,” Dev said knowingly. “Not even Danial. But I’d think Theo might want a say—”

  “He doesn’t get a say,” I replied sharply, making Devlin move back. “I was the one who put it on him. He never asked to be bound to me or to dream with me.”

  “He never asked to be unbound, either,” Devlin said quietly. “And I’m guessing if he knew—”

  “Can you be satisfied with only taking my blood?” I said flatly, looking over at him in challenge. “Because Theo’s okay sharing me with Danial, but he’ll never really get used to sharing me with you, or not be jealous about it. He’ll only be truly happy if I give you up as my lover, Dev. Can you let me go?”

  “I am never letting you go,” Devlin said lovingly, pulling me into his arms. “The more I’m with you, the more I want to be with you, and the more resolved I am that we were meant to be together, as Anna and I were. I will not lose you the way I lost her.” He kissed me possessively. “Nothing is coming between us, Sar. Nothing and no one. Not even death.”

  I gave him a lopsided smile. “A tad creepy, but I do so love your romantic soul.”

  He smiled, baring his fangs. “Romantic, but also practical. Was the one enough for you, Love? You usually enjoy at least two.” Devlin paused. “I can use other parts of my body to love you, if you want me to.”

  I gave him a coy smile. “Now why would I turn that down?”

  Devlin grinned, again showing the tips of his fangs. “You have never asked me for anything else,” he said simply. “If you liked oral sex better, as some women do, you would have asked me for it long before now. So naturally, I assumed it was not an act you welcomed or preferred.” He ran his hand down, inserting it gently inside me, his deft fingers stroking. “But perhaps it’s a night for widening your horizons?”

  Knowing Dev, I was unsure of how wide he was proposing my horizons would grow, or if they involved exotics for which I wasn’t ready. “I’m up for a little experimenting, sure. But are you done for the night?” I whispered, blushing. “Or will this be one-sided?”

  “I don’t know,” Devlin said hesitantly. “I thought I was finished after the first time with you, but your touch awakened me again. We will have to wait and see. In the meantime, I’d like to show you some other skills of mine. There is more than one way to bring a woman pleasure, Love, and I would have you feel as much joy as your body could possibly withstand.”

  Like any sane woman could hear that offer and refuse. “Anything you’d like to do to bring me pleasure, go ahead and do,” I answered, flashing a wicked smile. “Just watch the teeth, Love.”

  Devlin laughed. “It’s true my fangs make it harder for me,” he said, kissing my neck, then pricking gently with one fang. “They don’t hook backward, as Lash’s do. But I’ve had centuries to practice, Sar. And I guarantee that my skill there has not diminished. Lay back.”

  I did as he asked, my heart racing in anticipation. Devlin began kissing his way down my body, his cool lips teasing my flesh. Soon I was crying out for him, the gentle stroking of his hands and lips on my flesh a concert that drowned all my senses in sweet, captivating music.

  * * * *

  I awoke sometime in the late, late morning. Devlin was spooning me, snoring. I stretched contentedly, then beamed happily. Getting laid was extra nice when it had been a few weeks. Devlin had been fantastic, as expected. While the action had been one-sided after all, seeing my eyes glaze over with desire had done more to help our situation than any amount of orgasms could have. When I was spent, he’d been so at ease that he had sung to me.

  I hadn’t recognized the song. The inflection and rhythm made me think it was old, maybe an ancient poem that had been first written in a language other than English. The gist was two lovers meeting at night in a glade, the shadows and light of the moon spilling across their skin as they made love. It was sung from the man’s point of view, much of it his longing for his lover to come back to him as he watched her walk away in the moonlight. There was also deep contentment in the song, as the man was confident that his lover would return, and that she loved him, too. When he had finished, the last clear note fading in the darkness, I’d turned to him expectantly, waiting for him to tell me the author as he usually did after singing a song or quoting a poem that he knew I wasn’t familiar with.

  “I wrote it,” Devlin confessed, contented. “Many years ago.”

  “For Anna,” I added with dawning understanding.

  “Yes,” Devlin replied. “After that first night she gave herself to me, and I knew I loved her, I composed it. Did you like it?”

  For the first time, there wasn’t pain in Devlin’s voice when he talked of his lost love. While that made me happy for him, I was jealous, too, wondering why he was singing me her song. “It was beautiful,” I said finally. “I’m sure she loved it very much.”

  Devlin hugged me gently, and began to sing again.

  “You are the sun, the warmth and the light,

  I am the moon in the dark of the night,

  Will you warm me, my love, will you give me your kiss?

  Do you desire me, want me, or is it just this,

  That you feel me watching and waiting for you,

  And as I longed for your touch, so you longed for me, too.

  Come to me, live with me; say you’ll be mine,

  Leave your others behind you for they shall be fine

  I need you with me; I would give you forever,

  Make my world yours; promise always to never

  Stop wanting my hands in your flax golden hair,

  Or my body beside yours, together and bare.

  For you are my loved one, my only you are,

  Your eyes are my emeralds and you are my Sar.”

  I was shaking a little by the time he finished. Devlin gently kissed the tears away from my face. I didn’t speak, not trusting my voice.

  “I wrote it for you when I was in Rio. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, no matter what I did. I finished it just before I came back in January, but I couldn’t bring myself to sing it to you then, when I wasn’t sure you wanted a life with me.”

  I hugged him, my eyes leaking again.

  “It was easy for me to tell you I loved you after the first time I said the words,” Devlin said hesitantly. “It was much harder to bare my soul and sing you my creation.” It was in his tone that he desperately hoped I liked it.

  “It was beautiful,” I said, my inflection wavering with emotion. “I loved it, Dev.”

  “I’m glad,” he whispered in relief. “I liked writing it for you.”

  I looked into his molten golden eyes, thinking again how surprised I was that someone so gorgeous could love me, much less have gone to the lengths he had to take me for his own.

  “I do love you,” I said softly, touching his cheek gently. “I’m glad we have Venus. She’s so beautiful, Dev—”

  “She is,” he said proudly, embracing me. “She has the best of both of us. V will break some hearts for sure when she’s older, before she finds someone worthy of her love.”

  “Just like you,” I teased.

  Devlin pulled back to look me in the eyes. “I am done breaking hearts,” he said seriously. “I’m in love with you. I’m not going to break your heart again, Sar.”

  I wanted to believe him, wanted him to be the man I knew he could be. But I wasn’t sure if things would be different with him this time, especially now he was off the meds. So I had taken his heartfelt words with a sobering grain of salt.

  “I know you won’t. Go to sleep, Dev.”

  Chapter Twelve

  The rest of the week passed quickly as October’s last days drew near. Halloween was only a few weeks away, which meant soon I’d need to discuss preparations for Danial’s annual Hallow’s party for Elle and myself. Elle had mentioned that Tatiana was making her a new dress to wear. So far, she was annoyed that the cleavage was not lower. After seeing the dress on her, I thought the cleavage was
already far too much for a girl of her age. But as Danial had still not mentioned the party to me at all, I had put off talking to him about it, worried he might tell me I was not invited this year. While the party was something I endured rather than looked forward to annually, the possibility of being told he didn’t want me there wasn’t something I wanted to face until I had no other choice.

  Danial had been avoiding me since our discussion in his office, and I continued to avoid him as well, working mornings on Solutions, Inc., and making sure I was outside in the afternoons I stayed at his estate to visit with Elle, Devon, and Theoron. It was easy enough; I threw myself into yard work and had the kids help me.

  Devon and Elle kept me company as I cut bushes, raked, mulched, and pulled the last weeds of summer at Danial’s home. Theoron was a lot like Danial, in that he didn’t really like the outdoors much, except for occasional walks. But Elle and Devon liked to be outside, and most of the time they lent a hand where I needed one. Not that I really needed more help. Danial was still attentive to what went on around him and he was still courteous; the harder jobs, like clearing trees, digging large holes, or cleaning up the garden for winter were always somehow already finished by the time they made it to the top of my list.

  At home, I was also busy with work. While Theo and I had plenty of wood for winter at home—thanks to the trees I’d cut up at Hayden with Lash and the bears back in the late summer—there were the usual leaves to mulch, branches to burn, and machinery to put away. Devon alone kept me company there, playing in the leaves, and pouncing on the occasional mouse he found. He was far bigger than my cats Cavity and Jessica, but they were used to him now and they no longer feared him.

  By the end of the week, I finally finished up most of the before-winter chores. That following Sunday, Theo helped me run the chain saws dry and turn off the water to the barn. Devon was being watched by Janice and Cia that afternoon, because as much as Theo assured me that Devon wouldn’t come near the running chain saws, I was much too afraid to risk him being around when we were both cutting wood. He was too inquisitive, always getting into things, from unpacked grocery bags to the lower drawers of the kitchen to my sewing needles. One day last week, he had even eaten some of my vitamins. Although they hadn’t hurt him, I’d been so worried about him getting sick that I’d just sat and watched him for signs of illness for hours, the cordless phone in my hand. He was my baby, and I admitted secretly—if not to anyone else—that I loved him best of all my children. He’d been the only one I could feed, touch, and hug from the moment he took his first breath.

  After we locked the barn up for winter, Theo and I celebrated with a meal out at the local diner, the Country Kitchen. The food was very good, and we were worn out, our conversation easy and unstilted. It had been a good day, and we hadn’t argued as we sometimes did when we worked together. Theo was used to giving orders, not following them, and he often thought his ideas were the best—if not the only possible way—to do things. I suspected that was a burden most wives suffered through with their husbands.

  “Do you want to maybe see a movie later tonight?” Theo said suddenly, pointedly looking out the window.

  I whipped my head around, my French fry in my hand forgotten. He hadn’t asked me to spend time with him since I’d saved Lash. Most nights he just watched TV and I read in the other room, or in bed. When he crawled into bed beside me at night, we didn’t talk or even touch. I’d been hesitant to approach him at all since our episode in the truck.

  “What did you have in mind?” I said carefully.

  “Just some popcorn, and an action or horror movie,” Theo said, looking now at the table. “I don’t know what’s on TV, but we can rent one on Pay-Per-View, if you want—”

  “That would be nice,” I said quickly.

  Theo looked up at me and smiled, relief in his eyes.

  Had he actually been thinking I would refuse him? He had. Why?I pondered that as we had some dessert, but couldn’t come up with anything that made sense.

  After I paid the bill, Theo drove us home. Theo reached over and grabbed my hand in his as he drove. I was surprised but pleased, and squeezed his hand in mine, though neither of us said anything to the other.

  By the time Theo had walked the dogs, and I had done a little housecleaning, it was dark. We had just decided on a newer Russell Crowe movie and placed the order when the phone rang.

  Theo got up to answer it. “It’s likely Danial.”

  But this time, it wasn’t Danial.

  “Your loverboy for you, Sar,” Theo growled.

  I knew who it had to be. What I couldn’t fathom was why he was calling. “What—?”

  Theo handed me the phone and stalked off, slamming the front door behind him.

  So much for our plans. “Hi, Lash.”

  “You asked me about coming to therapy with you,” Lash hissed angrily. “You didn’t say which day, but I deduced from what you did say, it would be tomorrow or the next day—?”

  He’d heard Theo’s sniping. “Tuesday, October twenty-fifth, the day after tomorrow, at twelve o’clock. Carol had to change the time, she just called today. I was going to call you tomorrow, as I hadn’t heard from you—”

  “That’s fine,” Lash hissed, all business. “I’ll meet you there, if you’ll tell me directions.”

  I gave him the directions. “See you there.”

  “Goodnight.”

  I put the phone back in its cradle, sat back down on the couch, and tried to watch the movie, but my heart wasn’t in it. Setting the TiVo to record it, I began making dinner. Pasta was easy enough. Popcorn would have to wait for another night, too.

  I put in some time on the treadmill, and was just getting off when Theo came in, still angry.

  “What did he want?” he growled. “Was he arranging a hot date for you both?”

  Could he be more of an asshole? “He wanted to get directions for meeting me for therapy tomorrow,” I said coolly.

  “That’s all?” Theo replied, disbelief heavy in his tone.

  “That’s all,” I said flatly. “Are you hungry?”

  “Yes,” Theo said, remorseful. “Thanks for making some for me.”

  I handed him a dish and didn’t reply, angry that he’d immediately suspected me of something. I hadn’t done anything wrong, not this time, anyway.

  We ate in silence, until Theo spoke.

  “Why’d you ask him to go with you first? I mentioned to Danial about how Carol wanted Devlin, Lash, and him to come, and he said you hadn’t mentioned anything to him about it yet.”

  Make it sound like I’m using any excuse to see him, Theo. “I haven’t mentioned anything to Dev yet, either. He’s still dealing with his injuries, and Danial isn’t really speaking to me. The Hallows party is coming up quickly, and Danial’s occupied exclusively with that. Besides, Lash will probably only go to the one session with me, where Dev and Danial will need to go to more than one. I don’t know why Carol even wants him to come.”

  “I don’t envy you,” Theo said, looking out of the corner of his eye at me. “I wouldn’t have wanted to go with Aspen.”

  I rolled my eyes at that comparison. “Maybe it will be a catastrophe. I’ll keep you posted.”

  * * * *

  Therapy with Lash was pretty much a complete disaster. Carol was afraid of him from the moment he walked into her office and looked at her with his reptilian eyes. When he took off his long coat before sitting down, putting his weapons in plain sight, her eyes got even bigger. I was thankful he wasn’t wearing a visible gun, too. Likely, he’d left that in his truck.

  Carol welcomed him in hesitantly. Lash and I sat down on the couch, and Carol sat down in her chair.

  “Lash, do you know why I asked Sar to bring you with her today?” Carol began pleasantly.

  “I haven’t a fucking clue,” Lash hissed sharply.

  Carol recoiled, visibly at a loss for words.

  “Lash, it’s okay,” I reassured.

  Las
h shot me a look that said he didn’t understand. “You said I could swear, Sar. Or can I just not say fuck—?”

  “I meant if you were angry,” I explained. “Try not to swear unless you have to.”

  Lash rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

  “Sar has feelings for you,” Carol said. “Do you have feelings for her?”

  “She already knows I do,” Lash hissed menacingly. “Get to the point, Carol.”

  I wanted to scream, this was so awkward and uncomfortable. How was this helping anything?

  “Do you love her, Lash?” Carol said pointedly.

  “Carol, either ask a pertinent question to Theo and Sar’s relationship, or I’m leaving,” Lash hissed angrily. “What I feel for her is irrelevant to her relationship with Theo.”

  Carol tried again. “Lash, do you wish that she would leave Theo for you?”

  Lash glared at her, baring his fangs, and she recoiled in her chair just from his look. “Sar loves Theo, not me,” he hissed. “What I want is for her to be happy, Carol. She isn’t now. Some of it’s that prick Theo’s fault. He wants too much from her.”

  Carol nodded. “What do you want from Sar, Lash?”

  Lash looked over at me, his eyes flat and hungry. “Whatever she wants to give me, Carol. She has enough men pushing her for sex, love, and her time. I’m not going to be another one.”

  Carol considered this.

  “Carol, why did you ask me to bring Lash today?” I said. “I’ve told you all the facts. I don’t see how going over what happened again will solve anything.”

  “Lash, Sar and Theo are trying to make their marriage work,” Carol said gently, ignoring me. “They have several issues to work through. One of them is you. They need to resolve what you were to Sar, Theo’s jealousy over it, how she feels about you, and how you feel about her, so as a couple they can move beyond the affair she had with you. That’s why I asked you here.”

  Lash considered that, flicking his forked tongue at Carol. “That’s simple enough,” he hissed. “We are friends, good friends. We were lovers, but we aren’t anymore, though that’s not by choice—”