Stepping back, they looked at me, afraid, terrified of igniting a disaster.
Turning, I stormed to the councilors’ office. He confirmed what I already knew. I had enough credits to graduate early. Thanks to Mattie no less. Her constant pushing had forced me to take more classes. In fact, the cutoff point was in two weeks.
The longest two weeks of my life. As soon as I could confirm I would pass the classes regardless, I stopped coming to school.
Two days after the end of the semester, I was on a plane bound for Parris Island and boot camp.
Now, sitting here on the ferry, my stomach churned with doubt and pain. Over four years and it was as if it all happened yesterday.
“Madison James,” I mumbled to myself. “You are going to break my heart again and I can’t think of any way around it.”
.o0o.
Mattie
I was helping my sister-in-law Katie slice tomatoes for the party before I got the courage to tell her about Kevin. I knew she would be okay with him coming. I just didn’t want the thousand questions and the knowing looks.
“Listen, Katie,” I began hesitantly. “I ran into Kevin Hays the other day and invited him to the party.”
Katie stopped, mid-slice and stared at me as if I’d just grown another head.
“What?”
Taking a deep breath, I began again, “I ran into…”
“I know what you said. When? Where? How is he?”
“Who is Kevin Hays?” my friend Casey asked as she opened the refrigerator to grab a beer.
“Mattie’s ex-boyfriend,” Katie said, still staring at me as if trying to figure out who I was and what I was doing in her kitchen.
“Ooooh. And you invited him to the party,” my other friend and former roommate Hailey said as she sat down on a stool at the kitchen counter.
Katie held up a hand to stop the girls peppering me with a dozen questions. Instead, she raised an eyebrow silently demanding I divulge everything immediately.
Taking a deep breath, I told her everything. About running into Kevin on the campus. Our catching up. Kevin’s obvious injuries. Everything. Better to get it all out now.
She looked at me, her brow creasing as she tried to work out the truth. I kept quiet, no reason to fill her in on how I had reacted inside. There was no need for her to know how I’d spent the last two days thinking constantly about him.
“Don’t tell Ryan I said this,” Hailey said, looking over her shoulder at her tall boyfriend standing next to Scott and Casey’s boyfriend, Austin, at the grill. “But there is something about a man in uniform. Right?”
“Especially a Marine’s uniform,” Casey said with a smile.
“Why didn’t he tell us?” Katie asked, obviously hurt to find out he was in town and hadn’t contacted them.
I shrugged my shoulders. I’d let Kevin answer that one himself. Knowing Katie, she would give him a hard time about it.
“Hey,” Casey said, “is this the guy you told us was your boyfriend in Freshman year? The Marine?”
“I said, ex-boyfriend. You guys didn’t hear the ex-part.”
Both Hailey and Casey rolled their eyes. It was one of those stories that had gotten all mixed up and somehow it took me six months to correct their misunderstanding.
“And, yes, this is the same guy,” I added.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Katie asked with a concerned look. She knew our history. She knew about the pain I had gone through. I could tell she was worried about opening old wounds.
“Yes,” I said with more confidence than I felt.
She stared at me, her eyes filled with doubt. But, kindly, she chose not to push the issue. My friends, on the other hand, were not so nice.
“So, tell us about him,” Hailey asked as she took a grape from the platter.
Katie laughed. “It’s simple. Kevin Hays is the only boy who ever made Mattie nervous.”
“Mattie nervous, over a boy?” Casey said. “I don’t believe it. She’s never thought boys were important enough to get nervous about.”
Katie laughed and shook her head as she started slicing again. “I’ll never forget the first time he kissed her. Right there in front of me and Scott. She was shocked to her very soul. But the secret smile behind her eyes told us just how much she enjoyed it.”
“Eww, getting kissed in front of your brother,” Hailey said with a shudder. “Your first kiss. Ewww”
My stomach fluttered with the memory.
“Wasn’t he afraid of Scott? Casey asked. I mean, the man is half-giant.”
“Kevin was never afraid of Scott,” I said with a little pride. “The only boy in our school who wasn’t.”
Katie smiled and said, “He was terrified of Scott. He just thought you were worth the risk.”
Kevin and Katie had always had a special bond, I remembered. The two non-James members of our group. Both of them outsiders in their own way. What had they talked about when Scott or I weren’t around?
“So, a hot guy walks back into your life …” Hailey began.
“In uniform,” Casey added.
“And you’re just now telling us about it?” Hailey finished.
This was what I had been afraid of, I thought as my stomach clenched up. My friends jumping to the wrong conclusion. “It’s not like that,” I said. “Kevin is an old friend. Just as much Scott’s and Katie’s friend. I knew they would want to see him.”
The two young women looked at me, neither of them believing a word I said.
Thankfully I was saved by my nephew, Brian who rushed into the room as only an excited three-year-old could do and said, “Mattie, up, up,” as he raised his arms, demanded to be lifted.
I scooped him up and gave him my famous aunt hug, the one that made him giggle and filled me with pure joy as he wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me back.
“You excited about getting presents?” I asked, determined to shift the subject away from Kevin Hays.
Brian smiled at me, his eyes three times bigger than normal, “and cake.”
Katie laughed. “He is his father’s son. Food first, then everything else.”
“I heard that,” Scott said as he gently pushed Casey out of the way so he could get beers for him and the other two guys.
Katie smiled and said, “Your sister has just informed me that she’s invited Kevin Hays to the party.”
Scott quickly glanced at me, his forehead all crinkled, a look of concern in his eyes. He studied me for a moment as I desperately tried to hide the nervousness I was feeling. Scott continued to study me, then nodded.
“Good,” he said as he closed the refrigerator door and returned to deliver the beers.
Katie hung her head and chuckled. “The man has the emotional awareness of a toadstool.”
I laughed, that was my brother. Emotional issues were ignored as long as possible.
“So…” Casey began, obviously getting ready to dive back into the subject of Kevin.
The chime of the front doorbell interrupted her, sending my heart into overdrive. He was here. Why was I so nervous? This was just Kevin.
But, deep down, I think I was secretly hoping it would become much more.
Chapter Three
Mattie
“I’ll get it,” I said, handing Brian to Hailey as I forced myself to move.
Katie frowned as she put her knife down and followed me. Then she reached back and pushed the knife into the rack. Little fingers were ever curious.
Taking a deep breath, I quickly wiped my hands on my jeans and opened the door. Kevin shot me a smile that made me happy inside. A hint of nervousness hid in his eyes. But I could tell he was happy to see me also. A fact that sent my soul soaring.
One hand was resting on his cane, the other held a brightly wrapped present. I smiled to myself. He was dressed in civilian clothes today. But that didn’t take away from the pure hotness that was Kevin Hays. A blue and white flannel shirt, unbuttoned, over a green T-shirt with the words Semper F
i in gold. Jeans, boots, and hair cut so short you could barely tell it was red.
High and tight, they called it. And yes, I had spent the last two days googling everything about the Marines I could find.
The two of us stood there, looking at each other, neither of us moving. Those darn ex-boyfriend rules confusing me.
“Kevin,” Katie said as she pushed past me and pulled him into a hug.
He smiled widely as he sank into her embrace.
“Katie,” he said with a touch of tenderness that surprised me. He needed this, I thought.
She pulled back to examine him from head to toe, a tear in the corner of her eye. She lingered on the cane for just a moment. Then she smiled at him and pulled him back into another motherly hug.
“You and I will discuss you not letting me know you were in town later, for now, come in. There is someone I want you to meet.”
She pulled him into the house, ignoring me as if I wasn’t even there. Kevin shot me a quick smile and shrugged his shoulders. I smiled back. When Katie took charge, people just naturally did what she wanted. It had to be that way if she was ever to control my big lug of a brother.
“Brian,” she called out. “There is someone I want you to meet.”
The young boy raced into the hall, sliding to a halt when he saw the strange man there. His eyes automatically going to the wrapped present he held.
“This is Mr. Hays,” she said to her son. “He is Mommy’s and Daddy’s very good friend.”
“Happy Birthday,” Kevin said as he bent over to give Brian the gift. I noticed his knuckles turn white on the cane while he fought to maintain his balance.
“Take it and put it with the others,” Katie told her son. “You can open them later.”
“You got lucky,” Kevin said to her, “he looks like you and not Scott.”
She laughed.
“You always were a mouthy punk,” Scott said as he stepped into the hall. My giant of a brother and my ex-boyfriend stared each other in the eye for a long second while my heart refused to work.
The corners of Kevin’s lips curled up slightly, then the two of them crashed together in a tight man hug. A lot of back-slapping and grumbles while they both tried to hide what they were feeling.
“It’s good to have you back,” Scott said. I gulped and noticed that just like me, Katie had to wipe away a tear.
Kevin nodded and I swear he swallowed hard to hold back a tear himself.
“The Seahawks,” he said as he punched Scott in the shoulder. “You couldn’t play for the Chiefs?”
Scott laughed. “Hey, I’m just lucky they let me play at all.”
“Come on,” Scott added as he draped an arm over Kevin’s shoulders. “Let me introduce you.”
I smiled to myself. It was like the two of them had seen each other yesterday.
Both Hailey and Casey shot me quick looks of approval after they had met Kevin. I tried not to roll my eyes. Neither of them would ever understand that Kevin was a friend. Nothing more. Yes, we had a history. But no more.
When Scott took Kevin out to the grill to meet Ryan and Austin, Katie pulled me aside and whispered, “How bad was he hurt? Under that tan, he looks pale, if that makes any sense.”
I grimaced and shook my head. “I don’t know. I don’t think he wants to talk about it.”
She nodded, but I could tell her mind was working a mile a minute trying to figure out a way to get the information she needed. Secretly, I wished her luck. I too was burning up with curiosity.
I glanced out the back door at the four men standing around the grill. Kevin, nodding, as he listened to my brother tell stories. This feels right, I thought. For some reason, my world made sense.
“Why do we always end up in the kitchen and the guys around the grill?” Casey asked as she poured herself another glass of wine.
Katie laughed. “If you think I’m letting Scott James in my kitchen you are crazy. Half the food would be gone before it made it to the table.”
We all laughed. My brother trained year-round, which meant he was constantly packing away the calories for fuel.
Once the burgers were done, everyone made plates and congregated out on the patio. The spring sun sort of demanded it. We had several months of gray skies to make up for. Brian sat on his father’s knee, stealing food off his plate. Shooting curious looks at Kevin from under his brow.
Brian continued to study him then asked, “Why do you walk funny?”
“Brian,” Katie gasped, her cheeks turning bright red at her son’s rudeness.
“No that’s okay,” Kevin said with a smile that reminded me why I had always liked him. He didn’t get upset at other people.
“I got hurt at work,” Kevin said.
Brian nodded. “Daddy got hurt at his work, he plays football.”
Kevin nodded. “Yes, he does,” Kevin said as he handed Brian his cane to play with.
“Hey, I could hook you up with the team's doctors,” Scott said.
“Scott,” Katie exclaimed as she rolled her eyes.
“What?” Scott asked. “They’re pretty good. They did a great job with Jordan’s ACL.”
Kevin laughed and shook his head as he tapped his knee. “There isn’t an ACL or MCL left. In fact, most of it is metal and rubber bands.”
My heart turned over imagining what must have happened to cause such a traumatic injury.
“The guys at Maddegan are pretty good too,” he continued. “They’ve had a lot of practice.”
A silence fell over the table as each of us thought about what that meant. Of course, the military doctors had a lot of experience working on men like Kevin. Too much experience.
Katie, feeling the awkward moment growing. Stood up and announced it was time for presents.
“And cake,” both Scott and Brian said at the same time. Everyone laughed and the somber moment was broken.
It became a small child’s birthday party. All about Brian. He blew out his candles. Opened his presents and beamed at all of the attention. I could only shake my head. The boy was already on overload. The coming sugar high was going to put him into overdrive.
He opened each present, thanking us, then opened Kevin’s and smiled from ear to ear. Kevin had bought a simple Dump Truck. The perfect gift for a three-year-old boy. Within minutes, Kevin was crawling around in Katie’s flower bed, building a fortress.
The afternoon sun sank slowly, giving the air a quick chill.
“Maybe we should move inside,” Katie said as she started gathering plates.
“Oh, Mommy,” Brian complained. “Ten minutes.”
She laughed and nodded, “Ten minutes, then inside. You can play with your new toys in your room.”
Brian frowned but nodded. He well knew it was the best deal he was going to get.
“I think I should probably get going,” Kevin said. “I’ve got to catch a ferry and need to call an Uber.”
My heart fell. We hadn’t had a chance to talk. Not really talk. No alone time. Once again, it was as if Kevin couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
Scott frowned. “Why don’t you crash here, I’ll take you down to the ferry tomorrow. We’ve got a couple of guest rooms. Mattie stays with us all the time.”
Kevin hesitated, I could see him trying to figure out if it was a good idea or not. I held my breath, afraid if I said the wrong thing he might leave.
“Come on man,” Scott said putting his arm around him. “You and I need to get drunk and howl at the moon.”
Katie scoffed, “Actually Scott, you need to do the dishes while I get Brian ready for bed. And of course, Kevin is staying the night.”
Smiling at Kevin, Katie slipped her arm into his and took him off to show him where he would be staying. My insides relaxed. It wasn’t over yet.
After we cleaned up, we all settled into the living room. Scott lit the fireplace and Katie settled Brian down next to her, shooting me a look that let me know he’d be asleep in minutes.
S
hortly, everyone was wrapped up in each other’s life. As usual the talk revolved around football, computers, cars, or Hailey’s nursing school. Casey’s business courses and my accounting stuff didn’t qualify as interesting enough to talk about.
Sitting back, I watched my friends. Every so often, I’d glance at Kevin across the room on the couch. A beer in his hand and a strange look in his eyes. What was wrong? I wondered as I watched him follow the conversation.
I continued to study him. This man that I had known so well. Before, I could practically read his mind with just a look. But no longer. That special skill had disappeared along with any hope of us.
Something was bothering him. Something deep in his gut that he might not even be aware of. Then it hit me. We were talking about our recent past and near future. Talking about what we were learning. What we had done. Young people passionate about what they did. But, what of Kevin? What could he talk about that we could even relate to? How could he talk about killing and the constant fear of being killed, to people like us?
He is an outsider, I realized. He would always be different. See the world differently than the rest of us.
Kevin glanced up and caught me studying him. I grinned and tried to let him know I understood. He smiled slightly as he stared at me. Our eyes communicating just like they used too. And for a moment, I saw that he knew that I understood what he was feeling.
He smiled, then he sent a chill through me as he scratched above his left eye. Our signal. The silent request to get away and be just the two of us.
My heart raced as I tried to understand if I had actually seen what I thought I saw. Kevin smiled and did it again.
I gulped and looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Seeing that everyone was oblivious, I nodded just slightly. Kevin fought to hide his grin as he worked to get up out of the deep couch.
“If it is alright,” Kevin said as he leaned on his cane, “I need to take a walk, get some fresh air. My knee stiffens up if I sit too long.”
Katie frowned, obviously upset, probably worrying about whether she was being a good hostess. “Do you want …”
“I’ll go with you,” I said before anyone could offer to tag along.
Scott shot me a quick frown as he tried to understand what was going on.
Too Many Rules Page 44