Something Found

by Carrie Crafton

  “Dad went out to get refreshments and pick up a movie for the kids. Robert’s giving his friend a hand with some moving and will be over later. And I think Kevin and Laura were stopping by her parents first for a bit. They’ll be over before too long.”

  “So you mean they’ll all arrive when the food’s ready?”

  “I always said you were perceptive.” Joni placed her hand affectionately on Collin’s shoulder.

  Emily noticed how easy they were with each other. It was obvious they were the closest of the siblings. Just their body language spoke volumes.

  “How can we help?” Emily asked. Already she felt out of her depth. As she’d said she’d eaten a lot of sandwiches in her bedroom as a child. In Chicago she worked in a bar that also served food and she ate there on a regular basis. The kitchen had become a mysterious place she wasn’t exactly comfortable in.

  Collin quickly assessed what needed to be done and gave her a task before Joni could. “Why don’t you peel the carrots?”

  Emily gave him a relieved smile. “No problem.”

  “So what’s on the menu?” Collin asked.

  “Roast beef, as you already noticed.”

  Emily had learned since her first visit that this meant roast beef, mushy peas, carrots, mashed potatoes and roast potatoes, gravy, fresh bread with real butter spread generously on it, and quite possibly an apple tart with ice cream for dessert.

  Collin was almost as adept as his sister in the kitchen. He’d been the only brother willing to help when they were younger and he’d learned everything from her. He tried to never make Emily feel he was disappointed in her own abilities although he did offer her pointers.

  “It smells delicious.” Emily took a deep breath of the mouth-watering aromas. Smells like that had rarely drifted through her childhood homes. She was used to dried-out flavorless chicken with even less appealing frozen vegetables often heated to a barely warm or overcooked state.

  Joni was too busy eyeing her surroundings, assessing things, to really take in the compliment. “Thanks.” She turned to Collin. “Do you think I should do Yorkshire pudding or just stick with bread. Or both?”

  Emily settled into an out of the way place to peel the carrots. She remembered Collin telling her what a wonderful cook his mom had been. He’d said she used to pull a chair up next to her for Joni to stand on. Before she died the men were never allowed in the kitchen. It was a special place just for Joni and her mom to create things. It made Emily wish the kitchen could have been that kind of magical place in her own house. Instead she remembered coming in to ask what was for dinner at age eight and seeing her mom crying in front of the oven, staring down at a lump of burnt meat. Before that memory had always made her angry. She didn’t want to be an eight-year-old with a mother who couldn’t get anything right. For the first time Emily felt guilty about that anger. She knew it was unfair.

  She glanced over at Collin. She had felt so let down by him when he told her to cop on, but he had a point. Her mother was just a person who’d gone through more than her fair share of shit. She’d tried to make amends for it in recent years, but Emily wouldn’t let her.

  Emily shook off the memory as her lips began to move. It wasn’t the time or the place to invoke Jeremy’s presence. She looked up to ground herself and smiled at the sight of Collin trying to sneak a taste of something while Joni affectionately slapped his hand away.

  It amazed Emily how in such a short amount of time a meal could be prepared to feed eight people. At home she noticed that Collin still had a tendency to make big portions. He always cut more bread than was necessary and he put more food on her plate than she could possibly eat. Emily thought it was wasteful, but she wasn’t used to a family where nine times out of ten someone would come along to eat it; where it would have been rude not to have something extra ready just in case.

  “It has such a warm feeling here. Like you could curl up and take a nap in all the hustle and bustle and feel perfectly content.” The words were out of her mouth before Emily realized she was speaking.

  Both Joni and Collin stopped what they were doing to turn and look at her.

  Emily felt foolish and overly American again. “It’s nice,” she added and snapped her mouth shut.

  “The kitchen has always been the main room in this house,” Collin explained, trying to smooth over the uncomfortable moment. “It’s funny how so many years later I would still consider this my mam’s room.”

  Joni nodded agreement.

  “My mom and my aunt ate silent dinners watching the news. Sometimes Jeremy and I would set up the table and try to have a formal dinner just the two of us. But it never felt quite right.” Emily wasn’t trying to be depressing. She was just relating her own situation.

  “I wouldn’t call what we have formal dinners. It’s more like get it while it’s hot and before somebody else does,” Joni said with a wink in Collin’s direction.

  Emily smiled and tried to let in the warmth of the moment instead of feeling separate from it.

  The door swung open and Emily’s father-in-law entered carrying two bags of shopping and a dvd. “I bought desert,” he announced.

  “Hey dad,” Collin greeted him, taking the bags out of his hands.

  Collin’s dad gave him a quick hug. “Glad you’re home.” Then he moved across the room to give Emily a bigger one. He smiled down at her fondly. “I still can’t believe how small you are.” He said it with such warmth that Emily couldn’t be insulted. “So how was the honeymoon? What did you think of your tour of Ireland?” Even as he asked, he crossed the room to put his arms around Joni and give her a quick peck on the cheek. Then his attention was back on Emily.

  Emily’s doubts about how she fit in faded. Joseph had that kind of presence. He loved his family completely and he made guests feel like family. He sat down and listened as Emily told him about their trip. Without asking Joni served him a cup of tea. It was a simple gesture but it showed how much his family loved him too.

  “That’s grand Emily. I’m glad you had such a good time. I was impressed when Collin said you’d rather see more of Ireland than go somewhere else for your honeymoon.” And in the same breath he was up. “Now where are those two little scamps of mine,” his hand moved into his pocket.

  “Dad, no sweets until after dinner,” Joni said before he could make a move out the door.

  “Wha-? Of course not,” he said with a wink.

  “I mean it Dad,” she yelled after him. But there was a smile on her face.

  “Now where’re Kevin and Laura?”

  The carrots had been whisked away from Emily and Collin pointed her in the direction of the plates and cutlery. Aware of her self-consciousness he gave her silent cues as to how to help.

  “We’re here,” Laura announced, coming in on top of them all minutes later. “Kevin’s just grabbing the wine from the car.” She took off her coat and seemed instantly at home. “Great to see you, Emily. How are you?”

  Before Emily could get an answer out Laura was over to Collin. “Go sit by your new bride there handsome and I’ll help Joni finish up. Sorry we’re late Joni, my mother never wants to let us leave. It was all we could do to keep her from feeding us before we came.”

  “No problem girl. It’s all just about ready. Can you just give the peas a quick stir there? The potatoes won’t be long.”

  And suddenly the room was full of people and conversation and soon the food was arriving on the table. Glasses were filled with wine as everyone talked over each other. The children were fixed small plates first and settled in, Owen sitting happily on his grandfather’s lap, and Leah insisting on sitting in between Collin and Emily.

  “Where’s Robert?” Laura asked, before anyone could actually begin to eat.

  “He’ll be along. There’s no need to hold the meal,” Joni insisted.

  “But daddy,” Leah protested.

  “Your father knew what time we were eating. It’s his own fault he’s late. There’ll be plenty
left for him when he gets here.” The explanation was more for everyone else in the room than Leah. Joni started dishing things up leaving no room for discussion and seeing the look on her face everybody followed suit.

  “Any word from Paul?” Kevin asked, before shoving in a mouthful of bread.

  “He’s not sure when he’ll be back to visit,” Joseph said with the closest thing to a troubled look Emily had ever seen on his face.

  “I think he’s got a girl,” Joni added. “He doesn’t seem ready to spend a weekend away from her yet.”

  “Good for him,” Laura’s soft smile and dimples appeared. “This is delicious Joni.”

  “Yes it is,” Emily agreed heartily, but her voice was drowned out by Kevin.

  “As long as he doesn’t forget to study,” Kevin said. “Pass some more potatoes please.”

  “And how’s business going?” Joseph asked.

  “Same as always,” Collin said casually. “Why doesn’t my gravy ever turn out as nice as yours?” He winked at Joni.

  Kevin directed a look of disapproval at his brother. “What do you mean?” Then he turned back to Joseph. “We’re looking into ordering some new items dad. More trendy. People are more willing to try new things these days.”

  “Ah, well. It’s probably for the best that I got out of the business when I did. I wouldn’t know what trendy is.”

  “And how’s Uncle Pat? You’ve been away visiting him a lot lately,” Joni moved to take Owen into her arms so her father could eat his meal.

  “Good. Good,” Joseph said without any elaboration.

  It was all Emily could do to keep up with it all. The food was still in motion being passed around the table and she felt like she was watching a game of tennis as her head swung back and forth trying to keep up with the conversation.

  Before long plates were being cleared and desert was being brought out and Emily still hadn’t gotten a word in herself, except when asked a direct question.

  “I bought an apple tart and ice cream,” Joseph said pointing towards the refrigerator.

  “Sit down Joni. I’ll get it.” Laura was out of her seat.

  Emily cursed herself silently for not thinking to jump up and do it herself. She decided she’d make a point of doing the dishes instead.

  Laura and Kevin left shortly after desert, they’d promised to baby-sit two of Laura’s nieces, and Joseph went in with the kids to watch the movie.

  “It’s meant to put the kids to sleep but I have a feeling he’ll be the first one out.”

  Emily was quick on piling up the dishes and positioning herself at the sink.

  “I’ll get those Emily,” Joni said after lighting up a cigarette. She didn’t smoke as much as Collin, and she never smoked in front of the kids, but she felt she was entitled after all the work of the meal.

  “It’s no problem. Sit down and relax.”

  Collin lit up a cigarette as well, motioning for Joni to stay put. The room fell into a comfortable silence and Emily allowed herself a content smile. It had gone well.

  “So do you think it’ll be long before Kevin pops the question?” Collin asked.

  Joni tapped her cigarette against the ashtray rhythmically. “I’d say he’ll have to come up with something really romantic. Laura wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  “He adores her.”

  “The third one to fall,” Joni said.

  Collin gave her a disapproving look.

  “I know,” she conceded. “She’s a sweetheart. They’re perfect together. And I’d lose out on a babysitter if they ever broke up.”

  “That’s my sister. Always looking out for the benefit of others,” Collin joked.

  Even when the room fell silent it seemed to Emily it radiated warmth.

  “Have you noticed anything weird about Dad lately?” Joni asked after a while. Her shoulders had stooped over and the ash of her second cigarette was growing longer and longer without her taking any notice of it.

  “Wha’d’ya mean?” Collin asked refilling their wine glasses.

  “I mean he really is visiting Uncle Pat a lot lately. But whenever I ask him about it he goes quiet.”

  “Maybe Uncle Pat isn’t doing so well and Dad doesn’t want to tell us.”

  “No. He’d tell us. He knows better than to keep quiet about things like that.”

  “Maybe there’s nothing to tell.”

  Joni grunted in disgust. “Men.”

  “What?” Collin was amused.

  “You don’t think it’s odd that all of a sudden Dad’s spending four days at a time with a brother he used to see once every six months?”

  “Joni he’s retired. Maybe he doesn’t like spending all his time hanging around an empty house. I’m sure it just makes him miss mam that much more.”

  Joni nodded. “Well at least that’s a reasonable response.”

  Collin chuckled. “I’ve spent too much time under your wing Joni. You want me to be able to sit down and have a nice long girl talk. Do you know what kind of reputation I’d get if I did that? Besides, men just don’t see things the same way. I mean does it really matter why he’s spending so much time with Uncle Pat as long as he’s happy.”

  “That’s right, try and look macho in front of the wife. I know you worry about him as much as I do.”

  Emily used a soapy hand to lift her glass of wine to her mouth. “He always seems happy to me.”

  Joni and Collin shook their heads simultaneously with the same look on their faces. “He was just so much in love with our mam. He only held it together because of us when she died. Growing old without her in this house . . . .” Collin let it trail off.

  The door opened then and Robert walked in. “Sorry I’m late. It took longer than we thought.” He smiled around the room until his eyes met Joni’s. Then the smile dropped.

  “Sit down. I’ll fix you a plate. Although Emily just finished washing all the ware,” Joni’s body language spoke volumes.

  “That’s okay.” Emily dried one and handed it over.

  “It would’ve been nice if you’d been here to eat with the family.”

  “Joni I didn’t know it would take that long.”

  The mood in the room changed and Collin quickly came up with an excuse to leave.

  “So do you think I’ll be part of all of that one day?” Emily asked. They had taken a cab up, but since it wasn’t too far and the weather was mild they decided to walk home.

  “You’re part of it now,” Collin said insistently.

  Emily smirked up at him. “I didn’t mean it like that Collin, calm down. I’m not trying to start another argument. I meant do you think I’ll be joining in the conversation like that. I felt like part of it, but it all moves so fast. It’s hard to get a word in. And when things really get going and everyone’s drinking I still have trouble understanding the accent sometimes.”

  “Oh.” Collin’s shoulder’s relaxed. It wasn’t going to be another big conversation about his culture verses hers. “Of course you will. Laura wasn’t like that in the beginning. It’s just about spending time with them.”

  Emily laughed. “It’s almost like a game. You have to get into the pattern of it if you’re going to get a word in.”

  Collin looked down at Emily his eyes narrowing in fascination. “You’re funny, ya know. The way you notice everything. The way you see things . . . . I like it.”

  Emily swung her arms loosely, enjoying a moment of carefree happiness. “Good.”

  Chapter 5

  Emily pulled herself from sleep as Collin passed in and out of the room in various stages of dress. She watched his transformation from her groggy husband in boxers to an almost alert businessman standing fully clothed and shaved before her. And all the while the room stayed dark and cold.

  “I’ll have coffee with you.” She threw the covers off knowing if she didn’t get up in one quick motion it wouldn’t happen at all.

  “You don’t have to, y’know. You can sleep in,” his voice was fla
t and tired.

  The chill hit and her resolve faltered. But she knew if she fell back to sleep she’d never want to get up. It was better to leave the bed while she had a reason. “No. No. The bed’s lonely without you. I’ll get up,” she mumbled the words.

  “I’ll get the coffee ready.”

  The October sky was grey and uninviting. The bright light of the kitchen seemed an odd contrast to the world outside the window. Emily sat in her pajamas and slippers while Collin sat in his suit at the kitchen table.

  “What’re you going to do today?” Collin asked.

  The question rose up to face her and Emily stared blankly back at him. She knew he was just making conversation, but the fact that she had no answer was unnerving. There was absolutely nothing she had to do. No schedule to follow, no work to go to. She could do whatever she wanted. She found that freedom exhilarating and intimidating in equal measure.

  Collin sensed her grow uncomfortable and tried a laugh to help her relax. “Sure, you’re barely awake. I s’pose you haven’t decided yet.”

  Emily stared back, her eyes fuzzy and unfocused. “Yeah.”

  Collin lit up a cigarette, his first of the day. He stared down at his coffee, his mouth a grim straight line, his movements slow and heavy. He could get up at the same time without a bother on the weekend, but whenever Monday came around it was a different story.

  In his head he tried to continue the conversation, to reassure Emily that everything would be fine, that she would find her place and eventually feel she fit in. But his brain wasn’t up to full functioning capacity and he couldn’t find the right words and he didn’t want to attempt a conversation that might upset her more.

  They sat in silence drinking their coffee until Collin stood to go.

  “I better be off.”

  “Okay. Have a good day.”

  He leaned over to kiss her, his breath smelling of coffee and cigarettes. Then he headed out the door.

  Emily stayed where she was with her back to him. She heard the thud that signified he was gone. She pictured him lighting up another cigarette as soon as he was in the car. And then she felt the silence in the room. If she listened closely she could hear the wind outside and the hint of drizzle in the air. But she didn’t want to listen that closely.